Tired of this challenge/battle which never ends...

merzback

I generally do my best with being positive. I am 43 years old and realized that I have been dealing with this battle/challenge or whatever you call it for nearly 30 years. I am tired of being a weight yo yo. I am tired of feeling hungry even though I eat. I love working out so that's not an issue for me but tired of counting points, calories and just TIRED of the whole thing. I am tired of the diet industry lying to us when most of their products are crap. If there were a real magic pill, Oprah would use it, as would Kirsty Alley and everyone else who suffers from this issue.
I am generally sad and overwhelmed by all of this today and am seriously considering lap bad/gastric sleeve. I always felt I can do tihs on my own but I wake up starving (my stomach is growling) no matter how much protein I ate the night before.
I lost over 125lbs in 2006-2008- 1/2 of it is back. Sure, I've had 2 major deaths, 2 car accidents, a hysterectomy, a gall bladder surgery, 1 fall with a broken foot, a new dx of migraines and now a twisted up back and more excuses.....but I can't seem to stay focused and I feel that I am hungry a lot. I have even gone to a place that specializes in eating disorders for binge eating but it was a waste of time because they mostly worked with anorexics and bulemics and I do not feel they were helpful at all for what I needed. They totally catered to those who starved themselves or tossed their food. When I brought up exercise, something that I need to do for me, I was told I was triggering some of the other clients. Yet when they talked about how fat they were at 90lbs, the staff didn't care that it triggered those of us who were way "fatter" than that.
I have recently re located across the country and realize that there is stress involved with that. I also in the past year have a new job though I do love it. I lost my mom at 8 years old and I know that's what started this issue for me- but nearly 35 years later, I still can't seem to get a grib. I know if I did get weight surgery, I'd still have to work hard, but I wouldn't be as hungry and I am always feeling hungry- even after I eat on many days. Being hungry makes me feel cranky, annoyed and impatient.
I miss my fit self. I am tired of my back hurting. I am tired of my clothes not fitting. I am just tired of dealing with this to be honest. I would go back to weight watchers if I liked the new point system just to meet new people in my area and just to have the support. I have thought of OA but have gone about 3-4 times and feel that I don't need to make amends for my eating to anyone but myself and felt that they were judgmental with anone who God forbig still ate sugar. . I used to be an inspiration to people. Not anymore. I miss that part of my life, and like a junkie, can't seem to get back on track .
If anyone can relate or gets what I am saying, please let me know. I feel a lot of people just don't get it. Especially those who have never been morbidly obese and those who never had a binge eating problem. I'm losing faith in this whole journey but my other option is to give up and I won't do that. I don't want to be diabetic again. I don't want to be 300lbs again. I don't want to be in a wheel chair by the time I am 60.
Thanks for listening to my sadness today!

just4nessa

Wow, I hope you feel a little better having gotten all that off your chest. I can relate to the sadness of the constant battle and I won't try to one-up or suggest you ignore your feelings. I will share that I was reduced to tears the other day trying to explain to my b/f why I didn't want to go to the state fair and be subjected to the temptation of fried-everything on a stick. I am tired, I am hungry, and I am disappointed in myself that constant back pain prevents me from working out enough. It's such a struggle and I give you a lot of credit for standing up and saying it out loud! :flowerforyou:

bbf2u

I can understand how its hard to tell someone you don't want to go because of the temptation. I had to tell my husband no yesterday when he asked if I wanted to go get frozen yogurt. When I had told him that I had eaten the calories I needed for the day he just kinda nodded and looked sad...then he said I don't have to put all the bad stuff on it. I still declined and he was sad....

bbf2u

I don't think my husband understands that for me when I go off my diet it's very hard for me to start it back up. I like eating too much.

Enigmatica

I can relate. It's incredibly discouraging when you feel like you aren't making progress no matter what you do. I've known you long enough to know you're a very smart lady so I'm going to recommend a few resources for you that might give you some insights into why you haven't seen the progress you'd expect.

There's more to this than just "calories in/calories out" and my body proved that to me beyond a doubt. Our food choices, toxins in our bodies, latent infections such as HSV, HPV, and other viruses, thyroid problems, and many other factors can affect how our bodies metabolize. If I eat wrong (for MY particular body) I can gain weight even while staying "under" calories according to online calculators.

I couldn't figure it out until I started reading newer, better researched information on nutrition and how our bodies work. The most helpful resources I've found so far:

The Blood Sugar Solution - by Dr. Mark Hyman
Wheat Belly - by Dr. William Davis

It isn't your fault that you've had such a hard time getting where you want to be. There's a lot more going on with our food supply than most people realize. If you're eating foods that are designed by industry to trigger you to eat more, it's an unfair battle from the first bite. I had a horrible time with cravings until I learned about this and changed my food choices. Now I can actually eat more calories, get better nutrition, and lose weight without being hungry and miserable. Give it a shot, k?

merzback

Thanks everyone! I think the issue is that I feel I am out of control and that is what scares me the most. I wake up each day feeling beat up and sad. Lately I have been able to work out a lot- but then due to a bad back- sometimes I am in a lot of pain. I have taken some pain killers the doc gave me but I feel that's just making me more depressed.
I know I can do this- I have no choice. I love feeling in control of this. I know food is fuel and to fuel up in a good way. I want to help others on their journey because in all honestly, I can write a book about the diet industry and their BS. I am a binger who does well for like 1-2 weeks and then falls of the wagon like a drunk and I just hate that! Yes I realize if you're a binger, you could actually DIE if you get the surgery and you are still wanting to eat.
I just feel like I've tried EVERYTHING- from weight watchers, hospital based programs, even went to an out patient eating disorder clinic which I stated was a joke if you were a binger- was an excellent place for anorexic and purger clients. I also believe if you have to work hard, you will both with or without a surgery.
THanks folks for understanding what I am saying. I feel mostly that I am just tired of this journey. I know nothing comes easy and I am not expecting a quick fix- but I think I am more mad at myself than anything. Right now I am in a role with someone where I am taking care of that person's needs and mine are thrown in the back burner.
I will take the first step today and work out because no matter what, that always makes me feel so much better.
I do need accoutability buddies- I am NOT giving up. I am just feeling sad today for multiple reasons- one huge one is my lack of control. Normally, I am good at encourging others. Today I just need to be encouraged.
HUGS to you guys!

bradphil87

You have done it before! You can do it again!!! At least give this site a chance for a few months it has turned my life around a complete 180 degrees from 9 months ago!!! And if it doesn't work? All you lost was nothing its free. Best of luck to you. I hope you can do it! I never like to see someone get elective weight loss surgery....seems a little too invasive for something that can be done on your own. Best of luck!!!