Skinny gals who complain about being fat!

dujennifer

Does it drive anyone else crazy when their skinny friends complain about how fat they are? I know we all have body image issues, but how do they think it makes the person across from them feel? I have struggled with being overweight (legitimately by medical definitions) for about ten years and have to work everyday to keep it off. Would it be wrong to smack them upside the head....hehe.

ktrichards87

Yes it does bother me to hear people saying it....But I've also had friends that try to gain weight and it bothers them when people make comments of "I wish I was as small as you" because they are struggling with the same issue, but on the opposite end of the line basically. So they may not always mean it...

nolachick

Does it drive anyone else crazy when their skinny friends complain about how fat they are? I know we all have body image issues, but how do they think it makes the person across from them feel? I have struggled with being overweight (legitimately by medical definitions) for about ten years and have to work everyday to keep it off. Would it be wrong to smack them upside the head....hehe.

definately, sometimes I have to keep myself from smacking them haha

there was this one girl who kept saying that til finally i just started to agree saying YEAH U LOOK GINORMOUS! lol
her eyes nearly popped out of her head, she said REALLY?
can u tell she was just fishing for a compliment?

mommy2ans

It bothers me too, but at the same time those people may need help as well. I have been there before and just because she may look skinny to you...doesn't mean she sees herself that way. :ohwell:

bjs06

Sometimes it kind of urks me, but I think all women have issues with their bodies. It doesnt matter what size you are, when your pants get tight, when you have to buy a new size.. it hurts. There is a difference between gaining weight and fishing for a compliment though. The last thing I want to do is reassure a friend who already knows how great she looks about how great she looks while Im struggling to look like that. So i guess I sort of sit on the fence with this one.

dujennifer

So true, I know for most the gals who say it, they truly think it, it just is hurtful to hear.

GraceKelly

mostly they don't see themselves as being skinny. I can honestly tell you people tell me I don't need to lose weight, but when I see myself in the mirror, I see overweight. I don't see anything other then that. So reach inside yourself and realize that "skinny" girl has her own demons. Respect that, like she respects you.

mommy2ans

bjs06...I may steal that quote from you at the bottom of your comment, I really like that.

andyc_law

yeah that is annoying but i also get people telling me to shut up when i complain about how i want to lose weight. i have a thin frame i guess and i'm used to being thinner so when i gain weight it's not as noticeable unless you see me naked. so i might seem average or thin to other people but since i know i've packed on a few or more i feel fat and gross. i'm sure mostly everyone could probably benefit from being a little more in shape, anyway.

MercuryBlue

I think it's a matter of perspective. Like, I feel huge at 162 because I've been 115. In my eyes, everything jiggles. But to someone who's 300 pounds, 160 pounds might be a target weight.

Also, we're generally harder on ourselves than others. My sister is shorter than me and outweighs me by about ten or fifteen pounds... and I think she looks fine. Heavier than she used to be, sure- but still good. So just because they think they're fat doesn't mean they think you are....

BamaRose0107

I think it's a matter of perspective. Like, I feel huge at 162 because I've been 115. In my eyes, everything jiggles. But to someone who's 300 pounds, 160 pounds might be a target weight.

Also, we're generally harder on ourselves than others. My sister is shorter than me and outweighs me by about ten or fifteen pounds... and I think she looks fine. Heavier than she used to be, sure- but still good. So just because they think they're fat doesn't mean they think you are....

I agree with this. I started out close to 300 and look at 160 as tiny its actually samller than I want to be. I am at 175 and only want to lose 5-10 more pounds. But if I were ever 115 it might be different. I try to remember that even though I see someone as skinny they might see themselves differently.

gympamela

I look at pictures of me from before I had my daughter (back then I wasnt skinny, I had about 15 pounds to lose) and I freak out with how GOOD I looked then compared to how awful I look now. Its unreal how much perspective it gave me on what I REALLY looked like back then. I wished I could have been happier in my own skin then, but I was so concerned with how overwieght I was. That is my short term goal weight now LOL.
It does piss me off when truly thin women go on and on about their flaws in front of someone who has a long way to go. I have a friend who does that and I know she only does it to get compliments about how thin she is. Its so rude and frustrating. I always just tell her that if she isnt happy with how she looks then she needs to put down the (insert bad food or alcoholic beverage here) and get to the gym.

ImGoinDown

I hate that! It's like, if you're fat than just call me Shamu!

TNTPete

I have people tell me not to worry about my weight cause I look "good" enough. Why is it you have to be 30+ pounds to be accepted as a person who wants to trim down? Sorry, I know you 're looking for empathy but really -- body image is just that an image and everyone can improve their body and complain about it too. Just because my weight loss is 11lbs doesn't make me less entitled to feel "fat". It also doesn't mean I look at someone who is 190 and say.. wow, now she's/he's fat. It probably has nothing to do with you... try not to take it as a backhanded jab, it probably isn't meant that way. AND if it is meant that way - call her out she'll stop (like that one gal suggested say wow, yeah you could lose a few!!). Life is too short to worry about others' perspectives.. stick to yours.

gympamela

I think the point the OP is trying to make is that if you are not all that fat, dont ***** to your fat friends about it.

TNTPete

I think the point the OP is trying to make is that if you are not all that fat, dont ***** to your fat friends about it.

Nice...

I guess what OP are saying as well as there is no ownership of "fat" and if they are your friends you should be able to say something like -- I really need to go to the gym I feel fat today.

iplayoutside19

If one of my freinds complained about being fat I'd give him a hard time about it complete with explatives. But that's what guys do is rag on each other.

It's definatly a perspective thing. I get annoyed about all the threads titled "OMG I just ate a 700 cal lunch!" 700 calories is a medium sized lunch for me, and sometimes it get's up to 1100...but I'm set to 2350 kcal w/o excersise (and I do a lot of that). If I was set to 1700 like my wife I could see where that might be a problem.

However, some maybe looking for attention. When I run across someone looking for attention, I go out of my way to ignore them.

BamaRose0107

Everyone is entitled to feel anyway they want about their bodies. Just because someone is smaller than me does not mean they can't talk to me about their problems with their body. One persons opinion of "fat" could be different from someone elses. Really it comes down to how confident a person is with themself as to whether or not a person smaller than them talking about her body upsets them. Just cuz I am not 115 does not give me the right to say only I can complain about my body. That is childish.

MariSama44

I hate that! It's like, if you're fat than just call me Shamu!

Totaly feel you! Ugh, I hate that!

kicklikeaGIRL

When a skinny girl tells me she is fat- I can guarantee you it isn't just some random person. It is probably a close friend. Depending on what I know about that individual...depends on what my reaction will be. I know EXACTLY which friends/roommates/associates are just saying they are fat (when they are skinny) to fish for compliments. I also know which have image issues and possible eating disorders and which ones need help and support. Each situation is different. I am obviously not bothered by the friends with the image issues, because lets face it- I feel bad that they can't love and feel confident about who they are as a person. For those with eating disorders or in need of serious help- I am the supportive person who tells them to get the help they need. So, what I say or how I deal with each situation is going to be different. I get very irritated with those who constantly fish for compliments. I typically do not say anything and act like I didn't hear them...because no matter what you say to them they fight and fight until you have to pull up your shirt and show them your rolls :sick: and PROVE that THEY are the skinny one. Haha...ugh.... So, yes for the most part... Skinny gals who KNOW they are skinny and complain about being fat bother me!! If you won't listen to me the first time, don't ask again because the answer you get might not be the one you were fishing for!!! :laugh:

MercuryBlue

Skinny gals who KNOW they are skinny and complain about being fat bother me!! If you won't listen to me the first time, don't ask again because the answer you get might not be the one you were fishing for!!! :laugh:

Oh, for sure. Skinny girls who KNOW they're skinny and talk about how fat they are drive me crazy. I was not put on this planet to follow you around and reinforce the fact that, yes, you're hot.

Whenever someone smaller than me says they want to lose weight, regardless of if they're fishing for compliments or being genuine, I give them the same response. "Well, if you'd like, you can be my weight-loss buddy! We can exercise and count calories together. " If the person was just fishing for compliments, it's usually a disappointing answer, lol. If they really DO want to lose weight/get healthier/whatever, then I wind up with another person to be accountable to.

AnneElise

I know what people are saying but it can be frustrating for people who are trying to watch their weight and arn't too heavy. I am at 140 lbs. I don't ever go around telling people that I am fat BUT i do get comments when I turn down desserts or food and I say No sorry i am trying to watch my weight. All the time people say things like, thats stupid you don't need to or look at me I should be watching my weight. I just want to say YES YOU SHOULD. They try to make me feel bad for not eating it or for saying that I think I need to loose weight. I wasn't fishing for a compliment when turning down food, just explaining why I am not eating it.

Also, I have had a close friend who was very thin who ended up having an eating disorder. So if you have friends saying things like I am so fat, start paying attention to what they are eating and all of their habits to make sure they are healthy. It may be annoying but what are friends for!

AnneElise

Skinny gals who KNOW they are skinny and complain about being fat bother me!! If you won't listen to me the first time, don't ask again because the answer you get might not be the one you were fishing for!!! :laugh:

Oh, for sure. Skinny girls who KNOW they're skinny and talk about how fat they are drive me crazy. I was not put on this planet to follow you around and reinforce the fact that, yes, you're hot.

Whenever someone smaller than me says they want to lose weight, regardless of if they're fishing for compliments or being genuine, I give them the same response. "Well, if you'd like, you can be my weight-loss buddy! We can exercise and count calories together. " If the person was just fishing for compliments, it's usually a disappointing answer, lol. If they really DO want to lose weight/get healthier/whatever, then I wind up with another person to be accountable to.

I like your response. That way if they are serious about exercising and being healthier they will be... if not they don't get the attention they were seeking!

kicklikeaGIRL

Skinny gals who KNOW they are skinny and complain about being fat bother me!! If you won't listen to me the first time, don't ask again because the answer you get might not be the one you were fishing for!!! :laugh:

Oh, for sure. Skinny girls who KNOW they're skinny and talk about how fat they are drive me crazy. I was not put on this planet to follow you around and reinforce the fact that, yes, you're hot.

Whenever someone smaller than me says they want to lose weight, regardless of if they're fishing for compliments or being genuine, I give them the same response. "Well, if you'd like, you can be my weight-loss buddy! We can exercise and count calories together. " If the person was just fishing for compliments, it's usually a disappointing answer, lol. If they really DO want to lose weight/get healthier/whatever, then I wind up with another person to be accountable to.

Haha! Love that! I think I'm going to use that line instead of my pretend-i-didnt-hear-you response. I'm sure they won't want to be coming with me running or counting calories. haha! love it!

thedreamhazer

It is really frustrating, and sometimes it's just downright scary. I have a friend who lost 30 lbs. after high school, falling into the underweight category. She constantly talks about wanting to "lose 5 lbs." and "tone up", etc. It all just sounds frustrating, until you realize that her skinny tushy actually believes that she needs to lose that weight.

It's hard to tell apart when it's just fishing for compliments and when it might actually be a serious issue.

pannellkat

Everyone is entitled to feel anyway they want about their bodies. Just because someone is smaller than me does not mean they can't talk to me about their problems with their body. One persons opinion of "fat" could be different from someone elses. Really it comes down to how confident a person is with themself as to whether or not a person smaller than them talking about her body upsets them. Just cuz I am not 115 does not give me the right to say only I can complain about my body. That is childish.

I love this comment. Well said.

kicklikeaGIRL

Everyone is entitled to feel anyway they want about their bodies. Just because someone is smaller than me does not mean they can't talk to me about their problems with their body. One persons opinion of "fat" could be different from someone elses. Really it comes down to how confident a person is with themself as to whether or not a person smaller than them talking about her body upsets them. Just cuz I am not 115 does not give me the right to say only I can complain about my body. That is childish.

Sure, everyone is entitled to feel how they want, but they don't HAVE to nor are they entitled to tell me! And frankly, if they are fishing for compliments or sympathy...I don't care whether the person is fat or skinny... I don't like when people manipulate others to get a reaction THEY want. And then they are unhappy or offended when they didn't get the reaction they wanted. They can tell me their concerns/opinions on their weight, but that isn't going to promise that the answers or suggestions or advice I give them will be what they WANTED to hear. (Granted this is separate from those with eating disorders, etc). We can tell these people over and over what they want to hear....but they won't listen to us..it has to come from within themselves. And frankly, I don't want to hear it if they don't want to listen or want the advice!!

Examples for clarification:

1) Skinny girl, naturally thin (no disorder), 5'5", 110 pounds, my friend. She proceeds to tell me how fat she is and how she doesn't even want to go out tonight because no guy is going to even look at her because she is fat. Okay, my reaction is "Girl, you are not even fat, you are so hott! That shirt looks amazing! We're going to go out tonight and you are going to have fun." Her response "How can I have fun when I am SO FAT and ugly?? ughhhh". My next response, "I really don't know why you think that, you look great. Well, maybe we should just go to the gym tonight to make you feel better?" Then, she is pissed "oh so you DO think I am fat?!?!?!" Me- "No you are definitely not fat, but if you aren't going to have fun, then we should do something thats going to make you feel better." "Okay fine, lets go out" (Verdict- she was a FISHER for compliments. She wanted me to go on and on about how hott she is and how guys drool over her. Which I could have said! But, I don't see a need to keep fishing tons of compliments when the person DOESN'T want to listen.)

2) Slightly overweight, always been athletic, 5'5", 170 pounds, cute girl, my sister. She proceeds to tell me how fat she is and how she can never lose weight and how she's never going to get married because she is so fat. My initial reaction "I'm sorry. I think you are so beautiful and I hate to see you upset! Have you went to see a doctor? Maybe you're not losing weight for some medical reason that a doctor could help with?" Her response "No, I haven't seen a doctor but its not like he can help me anyways, I'm always just going to be fat. And I'll never get married." My reaction "You just need to do whatever makes you feel happy. I hope you do see a doctor if you think that there could be reasons as to why you aren't able to lose weight. " Her response- "I don't know what a doctor is going to help with, I'm just fat." (Verdict- she was a FISHER for sympathy, and I wasn't going to agree with her that the doctor couldn't help her. She thinks she is ultimately hopeless, and until she realizes that she CAN take action and feel better about herself....she's never going to TRY. I can give her advice all day long- and trust me, I have, but its up to her).


Bottom line.... they may be entitled to feel how they want. But, it is not my responsibility to agree with how they feel. I'll be sensitive and tell them how I feel and express concerns. But, I shouldn't have to listen to their image problems all day long-- FAT OR SKINNY when they won't listen to me anyways.

FYI- I am not offended, angry, etc with the quoted statement...I appreciate all views! ....I just had this situation happen with my sister TODAY and needed to share my opinon & clarify

BamaRose0107

Everyone is entitled to feel anyway they want about their bodies. Just because someone is smaller than me does not mean they can't talk to me about their problems with their body. One persons opinion of "fat" could be different from someone elses. Really it comes down to how confident a person is with themself as to whether or not a person smaller than them talking about her body upsets them. Just cuz I am not 115 does not give me the right to say only I can complain about my body. That is childish.

Sure, everyone is entitled to feel how they want, but they don't HAVE to nor are they entitled to tell me! And frankly, if they are fishing for compliments or sympathy...I don't care whether the person is fat or skinny... I don't like when people manipulate others to get a reaction THEY want. And then they are unhappy or offended when they didn't get the reaction they wanted. They can tell me their concerns/opinions on their weight, but that isn't going to promise that the answers or suggestions or advice I give them will be what they WANTED to hear. (Granted this is separate from those with eating disorders, etc). We can tell these people over and over what they want to hear....but they won't listen to us..it has to come from within themselves. And frankly, I don't want to hear it if they don't want to listen or want the advice!!

Examples for clarification:

1) Skinny girl, naturally thin (no disorder), 5'5", 110 pounds, my friend. She proceeds to tell me how fat she is and how she doesn't even want to go out tonight because no guy is going to even look at her because she is fat. Okay, my reaction is "Girl, you are not even fat, you are so hott! That shirt looks amazing! We're going to go out tonight and you are going to have fun." Her response "How can I have fun when I am SO FAT and ugly?? ughhhh". My next response, "I really don't know why you think that, you look great. Well, maybe we should just go to the gym tonight to make you feel better?" Then, she is pissed "oh so you DO think I am fat?!?!?!" Me- "No you are definitely not fat, but if you aren't going to have fun, then we should do something thats going to make you feel better." "Okay fine, lets go out" (Verdict- she was a FISHER for compliments. She wanted me to go on and on about how hott she is and how guys drool over her. Which I could have said! But, I don't see a need to keep fishing tons of compliments when the person DOESN'T want to listen.)

2) Slightly overweight, always been athletic, 5'5", 170 pounds, cute girl, my sister. She proceeds to tell me how fat she is and how she can never lose weight and how she's never going to get married because she is so fat. My initial reaction "I'm sorry. I think you are so beautiful and I hate to see you upset! Have you went to see a doctor? Maybe you're not losing weight for some medical reason that a doctor could help with?" Her response "No, I haven't seen a doctor but its not like he can help me anyways, I'm always just going to be fat. And I'll never get married." My reaction "You just need to do whatever makes you feel happy. I hope you do see a doctor if you think that there could be reasons as to why you aren't able to lose weight. " Her response- "I don't know what a doctor is going to help with, I'm just fat." (Verdict- she was a FISHER for sympathy, and I wasn't going to agree with her that the doctor couldn't help her. She thinks she is ultimately hopeless, and until she realizes that she CAN take action and feel better about herself....she's never going to TRY. I can give her advice all day long- and trust me, I have, but its up to her).


Bottom line.... they may be entitled to feel how they want. But, it is not my responsibility to agree with how they feel. I'll be sensitive and tell them how I feel and express concerns. But, I shouldn't have to listen to their image problems all day long-- FAT OR SKINNY when they won't listen to me anyways.

FYI- I am not offended, angry, etc with the quoted statement...I appreciate all views! ....I just had this situation happen with my sister TODAY and needed to share my opinon & clarify

I did not say anything about you having to listen to it all day. If you don't want to listen to it that is your problem they still have a right to say what they want about their bodies. And your examples are the way YOU look at weight not the way everyone else might. I am not going to get irritated by anyone talking about their body images it is not worth it. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt I have no right to assume they are fishing for commpliments and if they are maybe they will better if I do. Bottom line is we as humans are not mind readers. And if they are fishing for compliments so what everybody does at some point in their lives.

kicklikeaGIRL

As I said a few times in my post...this is eating orders aside. I honestly feel so bad for people with eating disorders, because I know how messed up your mind is, trust me...been there before. But, like I said, this whole skinny gals complaining they are fat are eating disorders aside. And those eating disorders should really be taken seriously, and some sort of intervention or serious talk needs to take place.

Also, I agree with what you said that everyone fishes for compliments at some point in their lives...heck I did it to my husband last week and it bothered him too! He flat out told me that he wasn't going to listen to me babble on when he loved my body, etc.

I know that having skinny-fat people who complain about their weight constantly can bother me. I obviously don't let it bother me to the point that I'm angry...but its definitely annoying. But, I can be bothered by skinny or fat people complaining about their weight JUST as much as you can be bothered that we are talking about it.

BamaRose0107

Sorry if I offended anyone, Everyone has a right to be bothered by complaining just as much as everyone has a right to complain that all I was saying.

dujennifer

I have learned a couple great things from this post:

1. For my friend that is fishing for compliments, I need to tell her it is hurtful to me as I struggle on my journey.

2. While my weight loss struggle may be a bigger project than others, it does not make theirs less significant.

3. And while my struggle may be significant to me, others may have a longer road to go and they may not be as sympathetic to my plight.

I think it is just important for us all to be respectful to our audience, whether it is is some smaller, bigger, has an eating disorder, etc.