Am I too sensitive as Maid of Honor??

ashley2586

I am the Maid of Honor for my best friends wedding coming up in November. I am having a hard time enjoying this experience as she nit picks every idea I have. I am throwing her a Bachelorette party in Austin(three hours from home) for all of us bridesmaids and the bride. I initially thought of the idea and volunteered to pay for the suite(3 huge beds, a living room, kitchen and dining room) and Ms. Bride-to-be says i should have consulted her as to what hotel we stay at. This bachelorette party happens to be at the same time as Austin City Limits music festival and most rooms are already booked, so when i got a GREAT deal on this suite i booked it. She says that one of the other BMs wants to get her own room bc they dont think there is enough bathroom space for us to get ready. We've already planned to keep it casual and comfortable since we will be doing a lot of walking, and im pretty certain most hotel rooms/suites will have more than one mirror/outlet. im so frustrated!!!

Is it normal for brides to be so unappreciative of their bridesmaids? am i just sensitive? I am the one paying for the hotel AND borrowing a vehicle big enough for all of us to ride together, the only thing i have asked of the bridesmaids is to help chip in on gas down there or a cab for when we go out. I just feel so walked all over, like none of my ideas have been appreciated, she keeps asking for more and more things and ive got enough on my plate. (medical issues, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and then accessories for the wedding).

Please be honest if you think i am just being sensitive to this whole ordeal or if i have a reason to be upset. This isnt the whole situation, i just dont have time to list every issue she has thrown up at me, nor do i think everyone cares to hear them.

randomtai

taylor5877

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

Zylahe

gosh sounds pretty harsh
i would have thought she would appreciate that you're doing all the planning for this so she can concentrate on the wedding.
I never had a bridesmade or bachorlarette party so i wouldn't know.
you could always threaten to pull out and see if she realises how good you've been?
OR it maybe thats shes sooo stressed with everything , shes taking it out on you (which isn't good)

best of luck.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
(cos u deserve a dozen flowers for what you're doing)

AnninStPaul

I would have loved that type of outing, a girls weekend in the midst of a music festival? Fun! Is she usually a control freak or just a bridezilla?

ashley2586

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

That actually made me laugh. lol I will say that i have gone with most of what she has asked. I am even buying a SECOND pair of shoes bc mine, in her opinion, are "a shade too dark" (she was WITH ME WHEN I BOUGHT THEM!!!!)

I feel i have tried to go above and beyond to help give her the perfect day...I just want her to be more appreciative, and let me plan this stuff for her, as it is a GIFT to her.

corn63

Unfortunately, it's her day. And her memories too.

BUT. You do not have to be her punching bag. I would have a heart to heart with her about your feelings. If you were chosen to be her MOH, you should have a good enough relationship to have such a conversation. If she doesn't respond to it, I would bow out of the wedding.

ashley2586

I would have loved that type of outing, a girls weekend in the midst of a music festival? Fun! Is she usually a control freak or just a bridezilla?

She has always been the more opinionated one, kinda always wants things her way, but she is usually good about compromise, in this case she is total Bridezilla. in her mind, she is being nice when asking(demanding) what she wants.

Oliviamarie05

Okay, I was the bride this month and I have to say I would NEVER treat my girls like this. I was the opposite. I was afraid to ask too much, I paid for things I didn't have to, and I offered to pitch in for my bachelorette and bridal shower because I felt awful for making my friends pitch in any amount of money for me.

I think if she valued your friendship, especially if you are doing for HER, she shouldn't be treating you like dirt. I would talk to her after the wedding though. I also know that, as a bride, having the bump in the road prior to the wedding just adds to much stress and if she is a bridezilla, she might have a bridal meltdown.

PaleoPath4Lyfe

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

That actually made me laugh. lol I will say that i have gone with most of what she has asked. I am even buying a SECOND pair of shoes bc mine, in her opinion, are "a shade too dark" (she was WITH ME WHEN I BOUGHT THEM!!!!)

I feel i have tried to go above and beyond to help give her the perfect day...I just want her to be more appreciative, and let me plan this stuff for her, as it is a GIFT to her.

The bridal shower and bachelorette party *IS* supposed to be the responsibilty of the Maid / Matron of Honor (in a traditionally planned wedding).

No different than the Best Man planning the bachelor party for the Groom.

SilkyHotspur

Accept the fact that you will not be able to please her every whim. You planned the get away..hotel booked, job done. I would contact the others girls attending, and have them talk to the bride and simply mention how great it was that you were able to find a room, give the other events going on in the city. In other words, you may be planning, but you need your advocates, if not, the control freak could be a total ***** come party time.

taylor5877

No different than the Best Man planning the bachelor party for the Groom

I planned my own bachelor party...but I'm pretty low key. We played golf the morning before our wedding for mine.

ashley2586

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

That actually made me laugh. lol I will say that i have gone with most of what she has asked. I am even buying a SECOND pair of shoes bc mine, in her opinion, are "a shade too dark" (she was WITH ME WHEN I BOUGHT THEM!!!!)

I feel i have tried to go above and beyond to help give her the perfect day...I just want her to be more appreciative, and let me plan this stuff for her, as it is a GIFT to her.

The bridal shower and bachelorette party *IS* supposed to be the responsibilty of the Maid / Matron of Honor (in a traditionally planned wedding).

No different than the Best Man planning the bachelor party for the Groom.

I am HAPPY to be planning these for her, I've looked forward to it since they first got engaged...that is not the problem. The problem is she is complaining about it or making remarks that my plans for it arent good enough. (the bridal shower is at a local winery and were doing a wine tasting for 30+ people and the suite for the bachelorette party is kick *kitten*, it just isnt as close to down town as she wanted. (im sorry but for me, if someone were throwing me a party i wouldnt be complaining about where the damn hotel is, when all im going to do in it is get dressed and then come back wasted and sleep until check out time)

tradaboie

I think you've gone above and beyond. I was Maid of Honor once and all my bride said was that she wanted penis' everywhere otherwise it was totally up to me lol....I bought every piece of tacky penis I could find haha. And I was in another bridal party where 7 of us were in 2 rooms in Vegas and we had plenty of room....and then we all split the cost of the room....if someone paid for me I would keep my mouth shut. That's just my opinion.

ashley2586

Accept the fact that you will not be able to please her every whim. You planned the get away..hotel booked, job done. I would contact the others girls attending, and have them talk to the bride and simply mention how great it was that you were able to find a room, give the other events going on in the city. In other words, you may be planning, but you need your advocates, if not, the control freak could be a total ***** come party time.

I've tried including the four other girls, only one has stepped up to contribute in anyways, for that i am so thankful. Bride to be has already consulted with that particular BM about whats happening in the city(would have been awesome had she consulted me at the same time, as i lived in austin a few years ago.) But, they have some ideas for an agenda...we will see where that takes us.

rml_16

You're paying for everything??? I say dump her and come be MY friend. If it's free, I will take it.

And if it's a hotel suite, it probably has at least two bathrooms, maybe three.

Briko3

The only response is, "Would you like me to cancel the room?"

rml_16

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

That actually made me laugh. lol I will say that i have gone with most of what she has asked. I am even buying a SECOND pair of shoes bc mine, in her opinion, are "a shade too dark" (she was WITH ME WHEN I BOUGHT THEM!!!!)

I feel i have tried to go above and beyond to help give her the perfect day...I just want her to be more appreciative, and let me plan this stuff for her, as it is a GIFT to her.

The bridal shower and bachelorette party *IS* supposed to be the responsibilty of the Maid / Matron of Honor (in a traditionally planned wedding).

No different than the Best Man planning the bachelor party for the Groom.

But the MOH is NOT responsible for paying for everything. When I've done bachelorette parties, if it's away and there i lodging involved, the bridesmaids all paid their share and pitched in for the bride's share. Several people helped with showers. If the OP is paying for everything, she's gone WAY above and beyond and the bride and bridesmaids should be nothing by grateful.

MSeel1984

I am the Maid of Honor for my best friends wedding coming up in November. I am having a hard time enjoying this experience as she nit picks every idea I have. I am throwing her a Bachelorette party in Austin(three hours from home) for all of us bridesmaids and the bride. I initially thought of the idea and volunteered to pay for the suite(3 huge beds, a living room, kitchen and dining room) and Ms. Bride-to-be says i should have consulted her as to what hotel we stay at. This bachelorette party happens to be at the same time as Austin City Limits music festival and most rooms are already booked, so when i got a GREAT deal on this suite i booked it. She says that one of the other BMs wants to get her own room bc they dont think there is enough bathroom space for us to get ready. We've already planned to keep it casual and comfortable since we will be doing a lot of walking, and im pretty certain most hotel rooms/suites will have more than one mirror/outlet. im so frustrated!!!

Is it normal for brides to be so unappreciative of their bridesmaids? am i just sensitive? I am the one paying for the hotel AND borrowing a vehicle big enough for all of us to ride together, the only thing i have asked of the bridesmaids is to help chip in on gas down there or a cab for when we go out. I just feel so walked all over, like none of my ideas have been appreciated, she keeps asking for more and more things and ive got enough on my plate. (medical issues, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and then accessories for the wedding).

Please be honest if you think i am just being sensitive to this whole ordeal or if i have a reason to be upset. This isnt the whole situation, i just dont have time to list every issue she has thrown up at me, nor do i think everyone cares to hear them.

Sounds like she's not very grateful.

Having just been through my own wedding last month, I can tell you it's extremely stressful...on the other hand she should not take it out on you.

My sisters almost seemed annoyed because I personally had no opinion on how things went except the ceremony...They put together a beautiful shower for me and since we're all married, for the "bachelorette party", we just went out to a very nice bar downtown with our SO's.

Then again...this is probably not very helpful. Long story short, the bride is not being grateful-you have every right to have your feelings hurt....but I would not say anything to her about it. She likely will not take it well and you may as well borrow a shovel.

ashley2586

The only response is, "Would you like me to cancel the room?"

That may be the next step...save that money and spend it on a room for myself the day after the wedding...i could get a room, bottle of wine, massage and roses for what i would be saving. lol

sarahharmintx

I wish you had been my maid of honor. Id have been a lot nicer too. She sounds... well, horrible.

ashley2586

And if it's a hotel suite, it probably has at least two bathrooms, maybe three.

Sure enough, I called and we have two restrooms. I told the bride and she said "oh bad *kitten*! I guess (other BM) wont want/need to rent another room now" I said "come on, have a little faith in this badass MOH" her reply was "yeah but you didnt know either" to which i replied, "no, but i figured there would be plenty of enough room, renting anther room for for bathroom/mirror space is just silly"....no reply yet. lol i feel like i just stuck it to the (wo)man!

_Mimi_

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

She's the bridesmaid, not the groom! :bigsmile:

ashley2586

Your job is to shut up or be a blind supporter.

You are not allowed to have an opinion unless asked...and if asked it must agree with what the bride wants.

She's the bridesmaid, not the groom! :bigsmile:

LOL made my day!