please do not judge, asking for advice

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Josyurtos23
Josyurtos23 Posts: 63 Member
in Motivation and Support
Im married and i developed a crush on my trainer who happens to be a very good friend of my husbands. Since i started his program ive lost 30 pounds and feel great except for my smoking. ive been chain smoking hoping to forget about this crush. Im reluctant to quit the program because as you know ive lost weight.

i love my husband very much and i feel so guilty. Im asking you how can i get over this and forget about him and this obstacle and keep him as my friend (im guessing at arm's length) with out jeopordizing my marriage.
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Replies

  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    Honestly i've not been in the situation but i would get a new trainer. Your marriage is more important.
    Sorry I just reread your post and realise he is a friend of your husbands also which makes it harder to stay away from him I guess. But getting a new trainer is a start at least.
  • rompers16
    rompers16 Posts: 5,404 Member
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    Maybe it's time to find a new trainer.
  • batlott
    batlott Posts: 61 Member
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    agree, run don't walk and get a new trainer.
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
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    Get yourself another trainer ASAP.
  • Josyurtos23
    Josyurtos23 Posts: 63 Member
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    what excuse do i give? help is appreciated
  • mrswattie
    mrswattie Posts: 16
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    Having had a third party almost destroy my marriage all I can say is you need to stay away from this guy. What's more important to you, your marriage or your weight loss? I'm not judging you all, I'm just trying to give you advice because I've been through the hell of a cheating partner. Is there not another trainer you could use doing the same programe? I know he's your husband's friend so you're bound to see him, but I'd limit all contact unless necessary. You need time away from him to get over your crush. Hope something works out for you. Good luck
  • vbmama2012
    vbmama2012 Posts: 60 Member
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    DEFINITELY get a new trainer. This is a train wreck waiting to happen...
    And not judging, btw. We are all human, and maybe you have the "crush" because he's helped you do so well. Thank him and move on (probably a female trainer next time?)
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    what excuse do i give? help is appreciated
    You could say you think you might feel more comfortable with a female trainer? Can't think of anything else right now sorry
  • Josyurtos23
    Josyurtos23 Posts: 63 Member
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    Trust me, cheating would not be an issue, there is no interest on his part.
  • vbmama2012
    vbmama2012 Posts: 60 Member
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    what excuse do i give? help is appreciated

    I greatly appreciate all that you've done to help me, but I feel it's time for me to move in a different direction. I've found another trainer that can do (insert suggestion here). Thank you again for all of your help, it's nothing about your style or program, I just feel right now I have to move in this direction.

    A nice thank you card with a little gift card or something and that should help with the clean break!
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
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    I became totally smitten with my trainer too and it drove me insane. I talked it over with a gym friend and it turns out she felt the same way. She totally burst my bubble and said that he'd not be keen on old farts like us anyway (I'm not even 40 but then he's only 20 something). Anyway, that's just what I needed to hear. I still think he's lovely but I've got it back into perspective and enjoy the friendship without over analysing everything he says to me. If you can't put your feelings into perspective though then it's time for a change.
  • SLE0803
    SLE0803 Posts: 145 Member
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    You need a new trainer asap.

    Excuses- you want to learn something different that (your new trainer) has to offer. The new trainer is cheaper.

    idk, maybe not the best, but it is a start.
  • mrswattie
    mrswattie Posts: 16
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    How about just saying you appreciate all his help but you'd quite like a new trainer just for something fresh to keep you motivated? Good on you for trying to do something about it BTW.
  • bahamiangal
    bahamiangal Posts: 6
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    if you want your marriage RUN RUN RUN...this is disaster waiting to happen and a crush is not worth it.
  • larnsperger
    larnsperger Posts: 161 Member
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    NEW TRAINER!!!
  • Army_Love89
    Army_Love89 Posts: 30
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    Find a new trainer..(FEMALE)
  • jennifermaffei17
    jennifermaffei17 Posts: 158
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    You need a different trainer who isn't a distraction or find a different gym.
    Remain faithful and and communicate with your husband if all else fails on what he would do in that type of hypothetical situation.
  • fairestthings
    fairestthings Posts: 335 Member
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    I echo everyone else -- your marriage is way more important, you need to run to a new (female) trainer ASAP.

    To make it less awkward, perhaps join a different gym so that it's not so obvious when you get a female trainer.

    I wouldn't really approach the topic with your current trainer, other than just say you're joining a different gym and thanks so much for your help. Leave it at that. No gushy thank yous. Be pretty vanilla, but gracious.

    I've been judged on here for limiting my MFP friendships (and on Facebook and any other internet site) to women/girls only, but this is exactly why. I never want to be in this situation, or put any male friends in that situation themselves.

    I honestly wouldn't go to my next session. I know you smoke (I used to), but this is like quitting smoking. Just do it cold turkey immediately.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    what excuse do i give? help is appreciated

    You don't need an excuse. You hired him to perform a job and now that job is over.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    Honestly i've not been in the situation but i would get a new trainer. Your marriage is more important.
    Sorry I just reread your post and realise he is a friend of your husbands also which makes it harder to stay away from him I guess. But getting a new trainer is a start at least.

    absolutely this.

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