Afraid to start... but taking the plunge.

feefie04

Hi MFP

So here I am, finally tired of how I feel and look... trying to figure out if I really belong to this awesome community of people.

BTW: I just finished writing this, and apparently I have a lot to say. Hear me out, I think it's mostly for my psychological well-being!

I've been a lurker for about a year... maybe more. I know it is going to be slow starting for me, because for some reason I need the PERFECT plan before I even begin. I think it's something horribly innate about rather doing nothing than doing something incorrectly.

But, nonetheless, I am here and I am determined to at least begin to eat healthier. Calories in vs calories out, as they say. As I start to eat healthier I'm sure I will begin to feel like I can be more active, rather than hating myself every time I try to do something that resembles cardio.

My stats:
26, Female
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 175/180 depending on the week (I eat A LOT of sodium and not nearly enough water, problem one)
Goal weight : At least 160, preferably 140. I weighed 125 once (6 years ago, because of stress) and did not like how I looked... I have a wide frame and I looked too skinny for my taste. Plus, if I build muscle I won't need to be 125 to be healthy.



Already a pro at:
No soda or diet soda - stopped drinking it 7 years ago, If anything I have root beer every little bit or so, mostly drink coffee (bad, but better than soda)

Low amounts of alcohol - If I drink, it is liquor maybe once a month. So alcohol calories are not an issue.

Have a malfunctioning sweet tooth - hate most sweet things, even artificial, enjoy bitter things
Don't stress eat or boredom eat - it's a little harder when PMS, but I think if I eat better overall I won't feel the need to feed my craving

Low amounts of fast/fried food - I actually dislike fried food, so I will not miss not having it in my diet. Right now I eat a moderate amount of "fast food", but often keep it to the grilled, fruity/veggie parts of the menus.



Need to improve:
Portion control - I feel like I do not eat a lot, but I have just purchased a food scale (which is in the mail on it's way!) to help me be more consistent with my portions

Activity level - I have an awesome road bike... however cardio and me do not currently get along. I often get headaches and extreme angry mood swings afterwards, which turns me off to doing more. I think eating better and more water will help this. In any case, until I work up the nerve to do more cardio without hating myself, I will attempt to do some strength exercises (still need a good set of at home ones to do with 5-30lb dumbbells).

Consistency - I am intermittent with following my desire to eat better... Some days I use my knowledge to make better choices but others I just let it fall by the wayside. I think learning more about portion control will help me passively eat better.

Making my own food - Even though I choose healthier options on fast food menus, I need to start making the majority of my diet home cooked (especially easier once I receive my food scale). I have simple tastes, so I don't need to make it complex... but I hate cooking. So it's something I need to work on

Hate breakfast - I hate eating in the morning. I feel nauseous if I attempt to eat anything within an hour of waking up (especially water), and if it is sweet, I swear I will gag it up. So this leaves me to be prone to salty sandwiches in the morning, just because it is something that I can get down without feeling sick (because I know I need to eat). I need to start making my own breakfasts, which will probably consist of eggs, Canadian bacon and various concoctions thereof.... oatmeal is good too.

Boredom with monotony - I have been on and off exercising the past few years and I stop mostly because it does not make me feel better (after 2 weeks, which I know is the hardest hump to get over) but also because it is horribly THE SAME. I need to find a way to make myself not want to die of boredom when I am doing my activity.

Eating by cravings - By this I don't mean eating because I crave food, I mean eating something specific for a meal because I am craving it... if I am craving broccoli I eat a whole bowl of it... but the next day I might think it looks gross. Often I crave salty foods, cheese, sometimes it is carbs (bread, spaghetti) sometimes it is for something warm, sometimes cold. I pretty much decide my meals based on how my body is telling me it wants at that moment, so I do not think I will do well with preplanned diet plans.

Well, there is my diatribe about myself... thank you all for having this site, I hope I can find the motivation and see changes. I would love to hear your opinions or comments on anything you feel is worthy!

kbutlerrvt

Hello! Feel free to add me! MFP is fantastic! Good luck!

126siany

It seems as though you have a really good handle on your challenges in weight loss, which is a great start!

The only observation I'd make is that you seem as though you might be a perfectionist. That's a very difficult way to go through life, being a human and all. :blushing: I think that's also why you're afraid to take the plunge--if you don't follow your plan 100% every single minute of every day, you'll feel that you failed.

Fortunately, you do not need to do everything perfectly every day to be successful at this. :flowerforyou: You can do it, even with mistakes! :happy:

feefie04

Thanks kbutler!

126siany, I can agree with the observation that I am a perfectionist... I guess I feel like if I put myself through something uncomfortable, only to have it not work, then I will be more upset than if I had not done it at all. Strange personal flaw that is surprisingly hard to overcome for me.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a good home-based strength routine, having access to only 5-30 lb dumbbells?

maritza140

Hello feefie04,

I'm relatively new at this also (only been doing it for two weeks). I totally understand the nerves and aprehension, I feel the same way. Like you, I'm tired of the way I look. But more importantly, I was presented with a very upsetting bloodwork report and my doctor told me if I don't do something drastic now, I'll be in pretty bad shape very soon.

I need to loose about 64 pounds. Need to drop about 160 points of my bad cholesterol. Need to lower my blood sugar level. I have thyroid disease.

I'm 44 years old. Work full-time as a teacher plus I have some administrative duties at my school that take additional time. I have two teenage children in HS (not old enough to drive), they're both athletes (swimmers that swim in and out of school) and have very busy schedules, and a husband and 2 pets. Finding time to work out is not easy. Having to make different meals for me and them during the week is not always easy. Their diet (especially the kids') and mine are very different -cause our needs are so different.

So here I am...working on it, adapting slowly and dealing with my own challenges as well. So if you want to friend-request me I think we can support each other.

Take care...

Cherbear67

Welcome and good luck.. We are all here to help you in any way possible.

feefie04

Thanks cherbear!

Maritza, I don't know what I would do if I had to find time in your life!! I feel bad since I have a relatively large amount of free time but can never seem to set any aside to DO something active (or don't feel good enough to do anything). I know many people have it much harder than I do, but I think we can all relate to each other.

I had a full panel blood test 4 months ago and it was normal/average, but I think that's mostly due to my age. If I can get my *kitten* in gear NOW I may have an easier time in the future!

It will be slow starting but I'll work on it!

MinnieInMaine

You can totally do this! I was the same way for years (I'm also a perfectionist) and had a really hard time giving up the fact that losing weight was an all or nothing concept. It took some real soul searching for me to come to terms with the fact that I had to just start making changes and not be so hard on myself. AND that continuting to give up wasn't hurting anyone but me. My mantra for the first year or two was "the definiton of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - and I don't want to be crazy anymore!"

If you can, make small goals by picking one thing to do every week and keep building on those you've established. Week 1, just make sure you track everything faithfully. Week 2, try sticking to your goal for at least 4 days. Week 3, start doing more exercise. Etc etc. And if you happen to slip up, keep with that same goal the next week until you get it right.

I'd also suggest trying different exercises until you find out you really enjoy. If what you're doing now is boring or seems like torture, please try something else. There are so many other options out there!

Best of luck to you!

ETA: There's nothing wrong with slow progress - it's better than no progress!

DRNESTER

Welcome!!! The support and tools here are AWESOME!!! Feel free to add me!!! I do like to have friends that are pretty active on here so we can keep eachother accountable. Hope you like it as much as I do!

feefie04

Thank you everyone, it is nice to hear that it's not about huge steps, its about a lot of small ones.

Minnie, thank you for sharing your thoughts! The idea about the weekly goals sounds awesome, I am surprised I didn't think of it that way already. It's probably because I felt like if the goal was small it wasn't worth setting... but as I am coming to realize, even those are important.

Drnester, I will add you, although I am not very consistent on profile commenting or socializing.... I tend to be more of an observer

LittleCanary

Hi Feefie, welcome to MFP! I'm a newbie too, and also nervous about taking those first steps. Weekly goals sounds like a good plan - and far less daunting than trying to change everything in one go.

Feel free to add me if you want a little support along the way. Maybe we can help each other out with those baby steps.