Jealousy is so unnecessary!!!!

JSlattery79

I have friend whom I haven't seen in a while. She came over the other day and I'm sure she noticed I lost weight. Not that I need a cheering committee or anything but she just looked me up and down and said nothing. We began to speak about the gym anyway, because it has become one of my passions recently, and she mentioned she lost a lot of weight also and she hasn't even gone to the gym. So naturally I applauded her and told her that was great and that she should come work out with me and she could lose even more. What you all need to understand is that she's a dear friend and she's always been a little bigger than me. Not by much just a bit... but it is obvious. Anyway, I told her I had gone from a size 11/12 in pants to a size 9/10 and then I asked her what size she was. Honestly? I wasn't trying to compare notes!!!! She asked me what size I was again and I repeated 9-10. She then said she was now a size 8. I'm really sorry, I'm not trying to be mean or sarcastic, but there is no way she is a size 8.. just no way! So I humored her. (I mean what else was I supposed to do?.. lol) and congratulated her! And then I told her why I was asking: "uhm.. I have all these expensive brand new jeans and professional work clothes that no longer fit me, before I donated them I figured I'd ask you.. but I guess I'll just donate them to whoever!"... the look on her face was priceless.. but by then it was too late! LOL.. she couldn't take it back! I just don't get it!!! why not motivate each other?! Jealousy is so ugly!!!

trulycrazed

Can't lie, this made me giggle. I have a really close friend that I'm currently in college with and she does the same thing, just with marks. She'll ask me what my mark are than say hers is between 4 or 5 percent higher. I believed her at first, until I actually saw her grads... GIANT LIES. In reality she's almost always about 5-10 percent below me... if she had let me know the truth, I would have gladly tried to help her boost her marks... jealousy is ugly... and always seems to leave the liar in a worse off position.

This issue between us has just gotten far worse since I started losing weight. She's a large (very tall and heavy) beautiful woman that has struggled with weight since she was very young, and now that I've started losing weight, instead of being supportive (as I have been for her in the last 7 years), she's started seeking new friends... it's sad... and I love her... but sadly this seems to be our breaking point, as she wont talk to me about it or even agree that there is a problem. I hope you and your friend NEVER get this far... jealousy gets ugly FAST and you may not even see the end coming :S

Hope you don't mind my rant... just been on my mind and I needed to share

kmcintyre57

But in truth its always nice when friends mention the weight loss its another motivation factor for me. But unfortunately life always has people that do not know how to be supportive about things that they are jealous about. Just remember she wouldn't have any reason to be jealous if you didn't look good with your new weight loss! So even if you didn't the support you should have gotten from her, you got your motivation! Hold your head high on your next run girl!! Great job on all your weightloss!

Saree1902

As much as this made me smile, I have to confess that I have been that 'jealous' friend! Or in my case, embarassed...

Examples include not mentioning how fast I've run, when a friend has just broken the 10-minute mile barrier, or being vague with my weight-loss when people ask how I'm doing (and I happen to be in a rut) or when a friend's Herculean efforts to get into a UK size 10 (US 6) make me feel a bit crap because I don't have that level of willpower!

As much as I try to always be supportive and compliment other friends on their weight-loss/training regime, I do sometimes get a bit self-critical and berate myself for not managing the same, which if I'm caught on a quiet day, might come across as jealousy.

Obviously, you know your friend better than me but maybe she's feeling a bit guilty/embarassed that her own efforts are not going quite the right way at the moment??

Nina2503

I have never understood why people are so jealous of other peoples success, especially close friends. I suppose it just goes to show sometimes we dont know people as well as we think we do or that the glue that holds us together as friends isnt as strong as we thought and that as life changes soemtimes our friendships change along with that, however sad

I have a large friend, she went through a terrible divorce and I was there for her 24/7. When I first was losing weight prior to my op when I put it back on, I didnt want to do the same social things we had always done which involved mainly eating lunch or dinner out, she wasnt happy at maybe going to the movies or taking a walk or just having a coffee. overtime I saw less and less of her as I got myself involved with other like minded friends and now hardly see her at all.

Do I miss her, i am not sure, but I think sometimes in life friends come and go and its the ones that never judge/are always there no matter what that stand the test of time

One of my friends who is losing weight looks great and I tell her, and if I am honest i am a bit jealous of how damn good she looks (and I tell her!), but it inspires me to keep at it!

JSlattery79

But in truth its always nice when friends mention the weight loss its another motivation factor for me. But unfortunately life always has people that do not know how to be supportive about things that they are jealous about. Just remember she wouldn't have any reason to be jealous if you didn't look good with your new weight loss! So even if you didn't the support you should have gotten from her, you got your motivation! Hold your head high on your next run girl!! Great job on all your weightloss!

thanks mom! love you!

EnchantedEvening

Even though I've lost weight, I still get embarrassed when someone asks me how much I weigh or what size I wear. Perhaps she made up a number because you put her on the spot? That's generally one of those questions you aren't supposed to ask someone, no matter how close you are. I'm not trying to be critical; I'm just giving a reason why she may have dodged the question. I wouldn't just assume she's jealous.

EnchantedEvening

What on earth happened to my ticker? First it displayed the wrong data, and now it's gone...

mscoco10

In this struggle I have to remind myself that everyone will not celebrate in my success.

shelleyspots

I have to admit, I've been the jealous one a few times. I gave up on my weight so many times because diets just don't work. When I saw a friend of mine lose weight from lap band surgery, I was very jealous. I didn't even want to talk to her and I love her! I repented and asked her to forgive me. Since then, I've tried to let others inspire me. When I started changing my eating habits and losing weight I really appreciated people's comments of support, but the best compliment is "you've inspired me!"

JSlattery79

Even though I've lost weight, I still get embarrassed when someone asks me how much I weigh or what size I wear. Perhaps she made up a number because you put her on the spot? That's generally one of those questions you aren't supposed to ask someone, no matter how close you are. I'm not trying to be critical; I'm just giving a reason why she may have dodged the question. I wouldn't just assume she's jealous.

no.. we were already talking about it.. she was saying she had dropped a few pant sizes.. I told her I did to.. and then it went from there.. she brought up the sizes.. I'm usually really cautious with things like that.. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't totally comfortable about it..

LCgymnast

It's an awful human emotion. Sometimes even those we are close don't want us to succeed which is awful. She could be going through a rough patch in her life and seeing you get into shape and working on yourself could make her feel a little envious. You did the right thing by just be supportive and asking if she wanted workout together. I wish people weren't jealous of each other, but that's the way the world is. Hope she comes around and stops being envious of you.

californiagirl2012

You will find that the more success you get the more this happens. It makes me sad. The higher you get the more the darts get thrown, but you learn who your true friends. I've found my true friends can be counted on one had and are typically part of my real life and not my online life (not that they can't be both).

I'm sorry you had to experience that.

cherylf145

I don't mean this in a mean sense.. just my opinion and feelings BUT...

I didn't find this funny at all and it certainly didn't make me giggle! I think your friend got the bad experience out of the two of you. Did you ever think that it isn't jealousy but just simply that she is very disapointed in herself? I have been trying for a long time to lose weight and a friend that I work with went from the front desk job to doing therapy and she is doing "way" over what she has to with the patients in the rehab and the results are causing her to shape up fast and in a great way. I am not jealous. I am thrilled for her, but I am very disappointed and sad at myself. I feel a sense of embarressment in myself that I am the biggest one in an office that is based on health and wellness.

Why did you feel you had to ask her her pants size and bait her if you knew she is bigger than you? Even if you had already been talking about it.. as you stated.. Also, the statement about the clothes etc.. seem like you were setting her up and kinda mean. You definately took "joy" in her size and the fact that she couldn't ask you for the clothes. I don't know why you didn't just offer her the clothes. This seems to be one of those situations that was "two sides to every story".

I am very happy you are doing so well on your weight loss! Congrats and I wish you and your friend good health and continued sucess!

Rawr1978

I love people like that. They will lie their butts off, show off ANY results, but when it comes to your accomplishments?

quiksandy

Maybe she wasn't jealous. Maybe she was just embarrassed and disappointed in herself. It's always complicated (particularly with women) to talk about clothes size or weight numbers. I try to avoid that as much as possible.

I have a number of friends that are trying to lose weight while I'm trying to maintain and, while I will tell them my numbers if they truly want to know, I never ask them theirs.

JSlattery79

I don't mean this in a mean sense.. just my opinion and feelings BUT...

I didn't find this funny at all and it certainly didn't make me giggle! I think your friend got the bad experience out of the two of you. Did you ever think that it isn't jealousy but just simply that she is very disapointed in herself? I have been trying for a long time to lose weight and a friend that I work with went from the front desk job to doing therapy and she is doing "way" over what she has to with the patients in the rehab and the results are causing her to shape up fast and in a great way. I am not jealous. I am thrilled for her, but I am very disappointed and sad at myself. I feel a sense of embarressment in myself that I am the biggest one in an office that is based on health and wellness.

Why did you feel you had to ask her her pants size and bait her if you knew she is bigger than you? Even if you had already been talking about it.. as you stated.. Also, the statement about the clothes etc.. seem like you were setting her up and kinda mean. You definately took "joy" in her size and the fact that she couldn't ask you for the clothes. I don't know why you didn't just offer her the clothes. This seems to be one of those situations that was "two sides to every story".

I am very happy you are doing so well on your weight loss! Congrats and I wish you and your friend good health and continued sucess!

I honestly didn't think of it like that.. I'm not trying to say I'm all perfect and super nice.. but I definitely would never be trying to set her up.. like I said before, she's a dear friend of mine.. maybe other people think like that or calculate things like that.. but truthfully? maybe you're right! maybe I shouldn't have asked her that.. and I was just being clueless.. I meant no harm.. as humans we tend to think that everyone thinks like us.. if the situation were the other way around I wouldn't have lied.. but hey that's just me.. like I said.. I don't think of things like that.. I'm just not a jealous person.. like other people are..

thanks! I wish you good health and continued success also!

JSlattery79

Maybe she wasn't jealous. Maybe she was just embarrassed and disappointed in herself. It's always complicated (particularly with women) to talk about clothes size or weight numbers. I try to avoid that as much as possible.

I have a number of friends that are trying to lose weight while I'm trying to maintain and, while I will tell them my numbers if they truly want to know, I never ask them theirs.

I agree! We all have number of friends trying to lose weight.. and I would never feel comfortable asking numbers.. but she's like a sister.. we've lived together and are now neighbors.. I basically got the platinum membership at my gym where I could take someone JUST for her!!!.. not because I want to go tanning!.. lol.. I felt extremely comfortable asking.. and it wasn't the first time we've talked about our sizes.. it was just different this time for some reason.. but I will try to be more careful.. I definitely love her and don't want to cause her any harm..