Struggling.....when life gets you down.

victoriadw84

Feeling as if I need to write out some emotions in hopes to get my spirits back up and life back on track.
Its been a hectic end to the week more so I am beating myself up mentally. I am frustrated at the fact that people are quick to judge in a particular situation that they are not involved in when only hearing one side of the story. I am an adult and yet at this age we still battle with immaturity, lying, judgemental ppl. Its digusting and I am tired of it. I am a HONEST, loyal and trustworthy individual and I have no patience left at all for the people who continue to lie, play head games and try to ruin my repuation that I have established for myself. To make matters worse it is being done by someone who I have known for years who you think would have the respect to deal with particular stituations as an adult. Im wrong.
To be given the chance to say what I truly wish: I am not sorry that I did not revolve my life around you, I am not sorry that I finally recognized the games you play, I am not sorry that I am standing my ground for my own well being and personal health. You chose to make those decisions and make those actions, not I. You cant handle the truth of what this has all become so you prefer to hide behind the mask you have created and continue to live your life a lie while trying to drag me down to make yourself feel superior.
I will not fall, I will not crumble, I will not let the words you speak tear apart the person I have become and strive to be.
I will continue to be honest to myself, to be honest to those around me. For those who wish to judge me based on the lies enjoy your life being lied to.
I hurt inside, I hurt more than you know. Its accumulated anger, pain, disappointment and frustration.
Its this that makes it hard to trust someone, my faith is gone, what or who is there really left that we can look to.
Love is a strong word used far to lightly, if we knew and felt the true meaning of love how could you act the way you have and say what you do.
I hate you for hurting me, I hate your for lying to me, I hate you for making me believe you are someone that never really was there. It was a lie all this time and I hate myself for not recognizing it sooner.
But I will thank you. I will thank you for giving me the opportunity to build from this anger, the hurt and pain. When I can find the strength I will build myself up to be an even stronger person, I will be wiser but more importantly you have shown me the type of person I never want to be. I dont want to hurt others, I dont want to betray others, I dont want to be a lie to others.
I am me and I am proud of who I am, I will work at my goals, I will make my dreams come true. One day this will all be a faded memory, a chapter closed in my book of life, I will keep the past in the past and only look forward to what my future holds and make it the best future I could ever look towards.

I am sorry for the ongoing emotional outburst. I have never written my emotions out and with what I have been dealing with I needed to lay my thoughts out. Thank you for those who have read this
*Staying Positive*