HUMILIATED!!!!!!

1246

Replies

  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
    Men aren't "dumb", and men aren't "idiots". I imagine, however, that they are baffled by women's sizing, as anyone should be. They are rather inconsistent, and with vanity sizing, not a true indication of one's measurements.

    I'm so sorry you felt humiliated. I imagine it was a thoughtlessly thrown comment, and if he felt bad for it, not meant with any malice or intent to be hurtful.

    Be proud of the fact that those numbers are going down. You're headed in the right direction. And I'm sure in future, he'll be more sensitive about what he says, and where he says it.

    *hug*
  • SelfSabotage
    SelfSabotage Posts: 11 Member
    Don't feel humiliated, try and learn to laugh about that. I am sure he really did not even think about it. to a man who truly loves you and respects you for who you are. They don't see size.... Try to find the positive you worked your butt off so at least he didn't yell 22. Were women and we get to hung up on size's not what we have overcome. YOU GO GIRL
  • KeriW626
    KeriW626 Posts: 430
    Stupid words fall out of the most loving and intelligent people. Just ignore it and go on. Realize he sure has been enjoying you at any and all sizes you've visited. That is what is important. You are a wonderful WOMAN. Welcome to the teens!!!.
  • rt79w
    rt79w Posts: 1
    Men have no idea how women's sizes work and frankly they are kind of stupid. Why not just make them like mens, you know the actual inches around? I am sure it has something to do with appearing to be a smaller size than you really are, bullocks. If you have a S/O and they havent left because your fat, be happy because he probably likes your "big *kitten*."
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far

    This. People don't often think before they talk. I would have cried and he would have some explainin' to dooooo.
  • MSimm62385
    MSimm62385 Posts: 227
    I can't even begin to comprehend how women's sizes work. Men's measurements always seemed much more straightforward. Waist x Length...

    That said, I doubt that he meant to hurt your feelings about this, and I hope he's doing everything he can to make you feel better after putting his foot in his mouth.
  • shinjite
    shinjite Posts: 51
    Don't feel embarrassed. He definitely did not mean anything personal nor insulting based on what you said. I remember asking my brother to borrow a dress shirt and telling him I wore an 8 ( this was a while back lol) and him telling me he would have to take me to the kiddies aisle at a store because a size 8 was for children. That was when I found out men dress shirts went my the size around the neck. Who knew?
    Please don't let the comment get to you. You have worked hard and he obviously has no clue what size you wore now nor in the past. That means he did not see you as a 20. In his eyes you are much smaller. Accept that he has a very positive concept of your appearance. Take it that way and be positive.
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He just exclaimed his surprise, thought he should have kept it to himself.

    Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and use that moment as a motivational tool. You'll be okay. Just don't let such a wound cause you to give up. <<<huggs>>>
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far
    I second it.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    The implication he made by remarking on size 20 jeans is actually the exact opposite of how you took it. You see, in men's jean sizes, a 20 is considerably smaller than a women's size 0 (size 0 women can wear anywhere from 22-26 in men's jeans). I would be shocked to see a size 20 as well if I were a man and thought women had the same sizing. You'd have to be a kid to fit into them!

    This is a good point.

    I'm going to bet that your dude had no idea he hurt your feelings and would probably be mortified to know that he made you cry because of some probably-meaningless comment. I'm voting "unintentional."
  • SInder2
    SInder2 Posts: 24 Member
    Just look at it this way- he had no clue that 20 was you size, so he thinks you are smaller than that!
  • JLD81
    JLD81 Posts: 133 Member
    It's funny how well we guys can speak with our feet in our mouth. I'm surprised anyone can understand a word we say...

    ROFL! That is awesome! Kudos to you!
  • AudreyinNC
    AudreyinNC Posts: 59
    So, something very similar. My very loving, compassionate, caring, sensitive blah blah blah better half was on a rant about his nephew, idiot mother, and some girl that came up to stay and ate all the food his nephew couldn't afford, long long story. Anyway, he said "You should see her, she weighs every bit of 200 lbs, ask Larry." Larry is his brother. I had just weighed that day and weighed 202, first time I ever saw the scale top 200.
    I didn't say a word. I joined MFP that week. And he's still clueless.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    Ha, men are clueless.
    I remember when my bf bought me some coats that were a uk size 20, and the absurdity is, I am a size 8.
    Then he said they fit fine when I tried them on, even though I was swimming in them... not a good thing to say to someone with an ED history either.
    He sort of kept bringing up that I never took the coats back with me and left them at his place, and recently he mentioned it to my mother and she simply told him 'maybe because they are too large for her'.
    I mean, it doesn't take THAT much intelligence to see that a size 20 coat is going to be too big on a size 8 person.
  • annemama
    annemama Posts: 245 Member
    First, I agree with everyone who says that your BF simply does not see you as that size. In his eyes you could not be anywhere near that... so even though it hurt, he wasn't trying to hurt you. He just wasn't very discerning about what one should shout out in public!

    But I wanted to be sure and tell you that you are fantastically beautiful! ... So who really cares what the tag inside your jeans says? Or even what your BF says for that matter! Your picture looks like Molly Ringwald. I'm sure you are too young to know who she is, but she was a very famous actress in the 80's.... look her up, you totally look like her! Point is, you are Beautiful...keep taking good care of yourself!
  • sa11yjane
    sa11yjane Posts: 491 Member
    DO NOT LET THIS GET YOU DOWN!!!!! It was just an ignorant throwaway comment that you must pull out of your mind and throw away. Consider it a compliment that he didn't realise that you were that size. Let him know how hurt you were by his comment if it is going to fester inside you and maybe open up a discussion about sizes/weight etc if you feel comfortable. But DON'T spend time stressing over this. Keep focusing on positive things, such as how well you have done so far. Keep on that road of healthy eating .....You're doing GREAT and should feel very proud of yourself ! Lots of love x
  • tiffanympm
    tiffanympm Posts: 62
    If he had a problem with your size he wouldn't be with you! I agree with everyone else.... I think hes just not aware of how womens sizes work. Keep going! You're doing awesome!
  • katescurios
    katescurios Posts: 224 Member
    Every item of clothing my husband has ever bought me has been at least 2 sizes too small. I take it as a compliment that he sees me as smaller than i really am!
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
    I'm wondering what happened to the "Yes I AM fat" 'don't sugar coat it' attitude.
  • musiche
    musiche Posts: 214 Member
    It's just a number. It's not like he doesn't know what you look like. Your pants aren't some magical shield that protects him from your true appearance. You look the same to him as always and he's with you for a reason, and that sure as hell ain't your pants size, lol.

    It sucks that he stuck his foot in his mouth, but tell him to shove it and make sure he knows he's not perfect either so he shouldn't judge. Put him in his damn place!!! Lol

    :) 25 pounds is a great difference, you should be proud, so dammit, be proud!! You need positivity, not crap like this. Keep doing what you're doing and work on the confidence more than anything! :)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    One thing you have to realize is that men outside of the fashion industry have absolutely no idea what women's clothing sizes mean. None at all.

    I'm sorry you felt bad, though. That would be tough.

    Once, I stepped on the scale and the boyfriend happened to sneak a peak. When I stepped off he said, "Wow! I can't believe you weigh less than I do!"

    Coulda kicked him in a very tender spot at that moment.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far

    Yup. That's how I'd take it. Like when my best guy friend told me the story about the fat girl he slept with.. "she was over 200."

    I was all "Uhhhhhhh, assh*le.... I'm 237..."

    He didn't believe me. Made me feel pretty damn good.
  • chicky26
    chicky26 Posts: 127 Member
    I used to be that size too, one day shopping with my mother and sister in law, my sister in law started making rude comments about people who wear that size!! She is a little young probably 15 at the time and was just at that showing off faze. I dont think she realised I wore that size but still I was mortified, whole heartedly.

    Just think, your undertaking a journey, you have already lost so much, you have got this and can loose so much more. Dont let this comment de-rail you. Take this comment and let it give you motivation.

    I have now lost 92lb and 6 dress sizes and feel great in my clothes.
  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
    Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.
  • dunlunicor
    dunlunicor Posts: 189 Member
    Maybe he doesn't understand that it's only even numbers, so there's no 19 in a brand that carried 20's? He might have been expecting it to be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and that's it, when it's really 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
    I completely understand the shock and dismay you must have felt. But, if something like this happens again, rock n' roll with it if you can by saying something like 'And don't I make 18 or 20 look fabulous!'
  • HispanicSlammer
    HispanicSlammer Posts: 1
    Something tells me he wont be your boyfriend for long if he keeps saying things like that!
  • skcrutcher
    skcrutcher Posts: 1
    remember he would of never said it if he thought you were a size 20, now 18, so he thought you were much smaller than a 20 take it as a back-handed compliment, not one that is discouraging. MEANING HE THINKS YOUR BEAUTIFUL and Loved you as a size 20!!!!:wink:
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
    My boyfriend is the same way. It's just because he doesn't know women's sizes. All you hear on TV is 4, 6, 8, and some guys have no idea how small or big you have to be to wear those sizes. When I told him I'm a 24, he got this look on his face like a puppy that doesn't understand a command. You know, that head tilt? :)

    He had the same reaction when he said I could borrow his shirts once I'm at my goal weight. He wears a Large in t-shirts. I told him there's no way I could wear those because I always wore XL t-shirts when I weighed 156 pounds. He gave me the puppy "huh?" look again, and I explained that Large men's shirts don't fit over my chest and hips. I'd have to have a Large in women's. Again with the confusion. He didn't realize they were cut differently.

    I'm the same way with men's sizes. I have no idea what size waist he wears or his inseam. If I bought jeans for him, they'd probably be too big, too long, whatever. Same with dress shirts with the neck and chest measurements. I'd probably get something that would be too big in the chest or cutting off his breathing.

    Now, when we want to buy something for each other, we ask, "What size sweatshirt do you wear?" I do the same thing for friends and family around Christmas because I honestly have NO idea. I guess the wrong size 99% of the time.

    To be fair, when I was a size 10/12 and walked into a Lane Bryant for the first time, my eyes kind of bugged out when I saw the size 28 tags. I had no idea the sizes went that high either because I had only ever shopped at stores where the women's sizes stopped at 16. I had no idea how large someone would have to be to wear a size 28. I thought it was, like, 600 pounds or something. I simply didn't know. Now that I've been a 28, I know. ;)
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
    Somewhat non-related rant about Lane Bryant. Their jeans have become vanity sizes. BIG TIME. I used their size chart to buy jeans, and they fell off of me. The jeans that do fit are three sizes below what the size chart says.

    I wear a size 22 in their Right Fit Jeans (circle/blue boot cut). There's absolutely no way I wear a size 22. Back in the day, I couldn't wear their size 22 jeans (same cut) once I got over 275 pounds. At this rate, I'll be a size 14 at 250 pounds. ;)

Categories