Motivating my Girlfriend?

adubyou

I want to preface with a disclaimer. I'm happy with my girlfriend the way she is. I think she's beautiful regardless, bur I realize she has some weight to lose and that's fine with me. I'm dating her because I like HER, not how she looks or could look. Having said that, she has strongly expressed the desire to lose weight and would like to get back to a healthy weight and has asked me for help.

But she doesn't do a damn thing to get there. She won't listen to my advice either, even though she's asked me for it. She'll go to work just like I do and then claim she's too tired to workout afterwards. Yes, her job is more physical than mine, but I still push myself to get there and workout regardless. At dinner time she'll have two, three, four glasses of chocolate milk... and I don't mean servings... I mean GLASSES of chocolate milk.

I try to explain to her that this can't continue if she truly wants to lose weight and tone up, but she just thinks I'm being a jerk. I try telling her that she needs to push herself to get to the gym, even if she is tired after work like I do... but again, I'm just nagging.

Does anyone here, especially some ladies, have any advice on how I can better help her without coming across like I'm trying to change her or sound like a jerk?

LyssaJ1

Um...well, first...atta YOU for trying to help her when she asked for it...but obviously she didn't really mean it. Or she just doesn't want to hear it from *you*.

I applaud your efforts, but for your own sanity, just drop it. If she continues to lament about her weight, suggest she speak to a nutritionist/dietician, because there's nothing you can say or do, that she'd take in a good way.

I wish you the best of luck, truly!

Be good to you!

_stephanie0

yah, being a girl, you are in a tough position haha. what i found is fun is when my fiance and i follow a diet plan. since diet is 80% of the battle, say to her "hey, lets make a diet plan that we both follow" then you can go out for a cheat meal as date night once a week. If she isnt into exercising, maybe you two can start just going for walks together?

runrockclimb

Sounds to me like you will be damned if you do damned if you don't.
First step is to realize its her life, her body, and not your job to make it work for her. She needs to do that for herself. Sounds to me like maybe she wants it but isn't ready for the commitment required to follow through.
Maybe encourage her to get her own MFP account, then the focus is on her., not you.
I would also say sit her down and talk to her. Let her know how you are feeling, and how frustrating it is for you to be asked for help and then treated like a jerk for offering it. Ask her if there is a way you can offer help/advice that won't make her feel threatened or need to retaliate. It could all be in the way you say it.
My first guess, based on my own reaction to things is to say that comparing yourself and your effort to hers is putting her on guard. Try offering advice/help without using yourself as an example. Find articles that talk about calorie intake, and sugar, or exercise. Offer up stories of friends on MFP, instead of saying "I got to the gym after work even though I was tired." You could relate a story of a friend on MFP that you were impressed with because he/she made it to the gym three days this week even with sick kids, or a hard job or whatever. Mention how great they felt about themselves.
Also let her know if she continues reacting the way she does that you are going to stop offering advice and help until shes ready to take it seriously and make sure to let her know you love her for her and that you only want to help support her goals.

Queen_Adrock

Well, if she's like me, she thinks the gym is boring. But maybe an outdoor walk, bike ride, something else is something more doable. It's hard to go from no activity to gym rat, and sometimes if you do things that feel more productive than just working out on a stationary machine, it will be easier to convince the person to do. With that being said, I started off with the walks and bike rides and worked my way up to going to the gym, which I now semi-like (enough to go, anyways!).

Also, get some healthy eating cook books. Brett and I got a few "cooking for two" books that made healthy eating fun. The cleaning, chopping, mixing, and cooking helps burn calories and the results were tasty (and good for you). Involving her in the process may help.

Also...chocolate milk may be hard to give up, but maybe see if she can cut down or do skim chocolate? It was hard for me to give up sugary drinks, but swapping one out for a Crystal Light was better, and now I pretty much just drink water. Everything in small steps, right?

cramernh

Yup! Leave her alone. She has to find the OOMPH that pushes her to the very hard rock-bottom that everyone else gets to when they are fed up and are ready to begin.

Leave her alone and let her 'fall'. Introduce her to MFP when she is ready.

Your advice although, probably heart-felt, is definitely not going to be construed as that because the advice is coming from someone she is in a relationship with... it will be construed as judgemental, rude, youre not happy with her with the way she looks, etc etc etc... she is going to have 'off' days, like we all do.... Let her set up her own account on MFP when she is ready and have her come around - there are many genuine people on MFP (thankfully) that would be more than happy to help where we bear no relationship-attatchment with her other than a common goal.

bob99

She's not ready, she says she needs to lose weight do you'll say 'no you're beautiful the way you are' because she's insecure. Wait until she begins her weight loss to help.