help with dating??

justjenn1977

so I am single... divorced... mom of three teenagers... good person... kinda cute... and nice... I love being active... and I want to start dating again... I never really dated before I met my husband... we were married for almost 11 years...

I don't know how to do it...

I don't know how to meet a guy...

I don't know what to say when I find a guy attractive...

I don't go to bars... I don't go to clubs... most of my free time is taking my kids on hiking and biking trips because I like to be out in the middle of nowhere... basically I work and I go hang out with my kids...

had a friend suggest I write a personal ad... I don't know how to do that...

I am tired of being lonely... but I don't know how to meet new people!

ObtainingBalance

You could always date online to begin with. Webcam/ call. Chat... text. etc.

Ask your friend to help you make the ad

Get out and do more social activities... Church, stuff in the city.

When you see a guy that you find attractive, just talk. You don't even have to flirt... become friends first. A lot of relationships start off as friendships.

Good luck

justjenn1977

You could always date online to begin with. Webcam/ call. Chat... text. etc.

Ask your friend to help you make the ad

Get out and do more social activities... Church, stuff in the city.

When you see a guy that you find attractive, just talk. You don't even have to flirt... become friends first. A lot of relationships start off as friendships.

Good luck

I don't know how/where to do online dating...

I do church... but I am usually hanging out with the teenagers... not so many single adult males in there... I don't know what you mean by "stuff in the city"... what does one do in the city??

I don't know how to talk to a guy that I find attractive... I kinda freeze up... and get tongue tied...

dad106

My suggestion, meetup.com. It's a website that has different groups based on interests and where you are located in the United States.

Since you like to be outdoors, look for groups like that around your area or groups for people around your age that include single folks... and get going.

You can also meet some pretty neat friends that way too!

hydelaa

I know it sounds dumb, but I found my boyfriend of 10 months on plentyoffish.com (plenty of fish)...yes you have to be wiry of perverts and loosers aka those just try to get laid, but I do think there are some great people on there...people who don't have time to go out...That's what I suggest. And it's free

meshashesha2012

i also recommend meetup. find some groups based on your interests and start going to meet ups.

if you like being active then look for adventure groups, hiking groups, and related groups.

justjenn1977

I joined meetup... am looking for groups...

I still need to figure out how to actually talk to a guy that I find attractive... :embarassed:

lmunro5394

Oh goodness Jennfrye I'm in the same boat as you! I was married for 20yrs, met my ex when I was 15, so really have NO experience in the dating world!!!
I get the fear and the becoming tongue tied!
Since I'm in the same boat as you, I'll just say good luck!!!!!

DocCollins_SFA

You could always date online to begin with. Webcam/ call. Chat... text. etc.

Ask your friend to help you make the ad

Get out and do more social activities... Church, stuff in the city.

When you see a guy that you find attractive, just talk. You don't even have to flirt... become friends first. A lot of relationships start off as friendships.

Good luck

I don't know how/where to do online dating...

I do church... but I am usually hanging out with the teenagers... not so many single adult males in there... I don't know what you mean by "stuff in the city"... what does one do in the city??

I don't know how to talk to a guy that I find attractive... I kinda freeze up... and get tongue tied...

Check out Christianmingle.com

MorganLeighRN

Be yourself! That's the easiest way to find someone that is right for you. Ask friends if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Check out match.com or Google dating sites based on your religion.

Tropical_Turtle

I joined meetup... am looking for groups...

I still need to figure out how to actually talk to a guy that I find attractive... :embarassed:

Say Hello and ask how they are doing. Just start with a simple conversation.

justjenn1977

Be yourself! That's the easiest way to find someone that is right for you. Ask friends if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Check out match.com or Google dating sites based on your religion.

I think this may be my biggest issue...

I have trouble maintaining my "self" when I am with a guy I like... I tend to loose myself in trying to make people happy...

DawnEH612

I was never good at dating... I always dumped the "healthy" guys and went for the guys that sucked the life out of me, lol! One of mygoaded when I started my journey in November 2011, was to get it "right" with the next guy, not jump right into a relationship or bail out too soon. But like anything, it takes practice to get good at it. I am, maybe for the first time ever, casually dating someone. It feels good to just hang out with no pressure and get to know him.
Maybe you can meet someone at the gym? Or join meetup.com. There are so many activities... It's really endless. Some are even for single parents and kids are open to come, too. Perhaps join a church or accidentally, on purpose, run into a guys shopping cart at the store or casually ask about a food item he is picking up, like asking if it's good.
I wasn't even interested in the gym I'm dating, I just needed a spot at the gym... It turned into a few months now!
Just be you... Relax... If being you doesn't work, then he's no good for you anyway!

DawnEH612

Be yourself! That's the easiest way to find someone that is right for you. Ask friends if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Check out match.com or Google dating sites based on your religion.

I think this may be my biggest issue...

I have trouble maintaining my "self" when I am with a guy I like... I tend to loose myself in trying to make people happy...

If that's the case, maybe go to a few groups such as Codependence Anonymous (CoDA). Figure out who you really are first. I had this problem, too.. It's ugly. It really sucked the life out of my and kept the pounds on my body. Something happende to me this time around and I GOT IT! I mean I really got it. Of you don't know who you are or what you want, how can ou ever meet the needs of a relationship and how can that relationship ever be satisfying? It can't.. You will try and try and try until you truly have nothing else to give.. Then you will be angry and resentful... become depressed, isolate and use food to cope... Trust me, ive lived it for 20 years!
I say DATE YOU for a while.. Get to truly know who you are... Check out one of those meetings and check out this link..

http://www.coda.org/tools4recovery/patterns-new.htm

ChelsoBee

Have you ever tried howaboutwe.com? Its a cute site. I did online dating for a while, but had no luck with it. I finally told myself that I was ok with not having someone, and then a few days later I met my now boyfriend where I least expected it. I was at the dog park in our town and my dog ended up jumping on his lap and we talked for a few hours. It definitely happens when you least expect it.

justjenn1977

If that's the case, maybe go to a few groups such as Codependence Anonymous (CoDA). Figure out who you really are first. I had this problem, too.. It's ugly.

I think it isn't as bad as a codependence issue...

but I do tend to not be very assertive about my desires...

slkehl

I know it sounds dumb, but I found my boyfriend of 10 months on plentyoffish.com (plenty of fish)...yes you have to be wiry of perverts and loosers aka those just try to get laid, but I do think there are some great people on there...people who don't have time to go out...That's what I suggest. And it's free

I'm glad you found someone on there! I was on that site for a little while and all I got were one sentence messages like "hey you " or "wanna be fwb?" Yeesh.

slkehl

Why not find some hobbies of your own without the kids? My top suggestion-volunteering. I met all the guys I've really clicked with while volunteering in some way. I think because its a sacrifice of your time and perhaps money for the good of people who can't pay you back. You might meet some quality guys that way. I sure have.

In church, you said most of your time is spent with the youth. It might help you grow spiritually to be with more mature Christians in a Bible study...not to mention you could meet someone there.

Also, when out and about, give guys the chance to approach you. I used to be the kind of girl that would always have a couple of girlfriends with me because I felt awkward being alone. That's intimidating to guys! For example, if you're at church, stand on the patio and just wait to be approached. At the park, sit down on a bench by yourself for a while, and before you know it, someone might ask to sit next to you.

sbernardy

I know it sounds dumb, but I found my boyfriend of 10 months on plentyoffish.com (plenty of fish)...yes you have to be wiry of perverts and loosers aka those just try to get laid, but I do think there are some great people on there...people who don't have time to go out...That's what I suggest. And it's free

This is also what I did... we met in winter of 2010.. and we were married 05-14-12... I agree you have to weed some of the losers out.. but I finally found my soulmate... If you have any questions please feel free to PM me (Trust me I was super shy)

Koldnomore

I think it isn't as bad as a codependence issue...

but I do tend to not be very assertive about my desires...

Getting to know who you are and what you want will help. E-harmony has a really good method to get you to really think about what's important to you. You don't need to sign up but maybe check the enrollment form for all the questions you should think about.

Also, best to just have some normal conversations first. Get a feeling for someone. If they tend to talk to you more or seek you out for conversations then you can throw in something about getting together for coffee or like that. Best not to even get in your head that you want a 'relationship' that will just sabotage you. Don't settle. If you meet someone and they don't fit your 'wants' move on.

janlee_001

My suggestion is to know who you are and exactly what you want. Try to get involved in groups, activities that truly interest you. I find it easier to mingle in social gatherings and slowly get to know someone before the dating thing - I hate dating.

For me when I was still single and older - I went to single church groups because that is who I am. There is a social group (which the name is escaping me now) that has a lot of local groups you can take part in depending on your interests.

Good luck to you and be safe.

janlee_001

I just remembered the name it's Meetup

I also just read this thread and honey - you have got to know you and you be the picky one you decide if someone is right for you not if you are good enough for them.

Iceman1800

First step, don't take advice from other women. Ask a guy like me via pm. I'm married so I'm not going to hit on you but I'll give you cold hard truths about what women do to make men run the other way. Your opening sentence had a glaring red flag.

dinosnopro

I was raised by a single divorced mother. All I can say is raise your kids first, then worry about finding a man. This means you may have to sacrifice / delay your happiness for a short time, but your children need your attention 100%.

SVCat

Find some volunteer organizations, running club, health membership, community college classes...anything that will be a place where you are enjoying what you do and so will he...this ensures you guys actually have something in common.

Secondly, make sure you google "body language" and understand the type of message that you are relaying when out in public.

Lastly...if all else fails, a white t-shirt and no bra is always a compelling argument.

sizzle92

Yahoo personals. Easiest way to date when you have kids IMO.

SVCat

Yahoo personals. Easiest way to date when you have kids IMO.

Easy says the lady with the awesome...ummm, dinner plates.

Iceman1800

I was raised by a single divorced mother. All I can say is raise your kids first, then worry about finding a man. This means you may have to sacrifice / delay your happiness for a short time, but your children need your attention 100%.

worst advice ever.

sizzle92

Yahoo personals. Easiest way to date when you have kids IMO.

Easy says the lady with the awesome...ummm, dinner plates.

:laugh: Hey in my defense I didn't have them back then! The man I found on Yahoo bought them for me! :laugh:

sizzle92

I was raised by a single divorced mother. All I can say is raise your kids first, then worry about finding a man. This means you may have to sacrifice / delay your happiness for a short time, but your children need your attention 100%.

worst advice ever.

Agreed. I hate that Dr Laura advice.

ohmykai

I am going through a divorce and joined a site.... just guard your , and be very cautious, weary, and always ALWAYS meet in a public place... I cannot stress this enough....