Honest opinions needed

FlaxMilk

Yep, just don't talk to her about it for now, and make your plans. She is being unreasonable. If she still has an issue with it after her wedding is over, there's nothing you can do about it. That's really silly for her to want to postpone your wedding so far after her wedding is already over. Since this is a first for her, she'll probably realize that after the wedding is over and life goes back to real life. People aren't going to spend the next six months thinking about her wedding.

amandager

Thanks everyone!! So I guess another question would be do I wait to make announcement once it's happened (engagement)? Especially if we want to plan for four months later? I mean we can move forward with planning right now and just not talk about it.

Alemap25

It seems to me that the respect you showed for her is one way only.

nelsoji

I guess i will be the voice of opposition here somewhat. It is certainly not unfair of you to get married a few months after your sister, it is what it is with that, but just think about what its going to do to any family that has to travel to both weddings.

So its not an issue - but don't be upset if some of your extended family is unable to make the wedding. I have been on the other side of this and had to hear complaints about an entire years worth of vacation money was used on two family weddings.

So again - do whatever you want for sure - agree with the others there - but understand that its not just your sister that is affected by a wedding 4 months after hers!!

FlaxMilk

I would announce both the engagement and the wedding about a month or so after her wedding. That way people have time to plan.

I wouldn't worry about extended family being affected. You can't plan around everyone. Whether or not you were getting married, someone else in their lives would be. Sometimes it just happens. A couple of years ago was the Year of Weddings in our lives, and both sides of the family and friends were getting hitched (and then having babies.) It's life. Even if your sister hadn't gotten married, not everyone could afford to come in from out of town.

taylor5877

I think you're on he right track...don't steal any thunder, and move forward with engagement/wedding plans after her wedding.

I wouldn't worry about sore feelings if done that way...you've got to live your life too.

bahacca

I had intentions of getting married, but I didn't control the engagement at all. You holding off on getting engaged AND announcing it so she can have the spotlight to herself---you deserve a medal.
I'd plan it all out now to allow more time, maybe even book the place if it is popular, etc, but wait to announce, etc until a month or so after. Just be prepared if you and your BF have been together a while for everyone and their dog at her wedding to say "So who's next? Are you two gonna get married now?"

beach_please

I think it was it was the respectful thing to do to delay announcing your engagement until after her wedding but I really don't see how you getting married next Spring is too close to her wedding? That's ridiculous. Go ahead with your plans. She's being a control freak.

wbandel

I've known sisters that got married before in the same summer (possibly even month, but I don't remember). I think it's fine to announce it shortly after her wedding (maybe give her a month) then start planning for the Spring.

I got married about 9 months after my older sister. Really I didn't pay any attention to what she was doing, that's just the time that worked best for me and my husband. She advised I wait a bit longer, but that was because she thought no one would want to travel across the country again so soon (which they didn't, but I didn't care). If you're worried about something like that, then put it off, but otherwise I don't think it's a big deal.

laserturkey

Several months in between weddings should be just fine, especially if you take care not to copy any major aspects of her wedding. If you had the same colors or same dress, that would understandably be infuriating to her. Otherwise, she needs to enjoy her moment in the spotlight and then move on and focus on having a good marriage. Can't be the blushing bride forever.

Jemmuno

Well if she's getting married in the fall and you in the spring... I don't really think that's too close. Usually there is a wedding then people move on they don't continue to harp on the fact that they went to a wedding for several months after. I don't think your stealing her spotlight at all. Everything right now is about her and her husband and it will be that way up until her wedding day, then people will move on. Then it can be your turn and for a few months everything will be about you and you'll have your big day then 5, 10, 15 years down the road it won't matter anyway because the dates won't even be close together in relation to month or day.

HotDolphinMama

I agree with everyone else. LOL But, just in case you need to hear it one more time, here goes.....You are being VERY considerate to not steal her spotlight in waiting to announce your engagement, and I am sure it is hard as hell to not spill the beans. I do see that a spring wedding after her fall wedding could be a hardship on your family, extended family that has to travel, etc. But, if that isn't an issue, then hopefully she can get on board after the honeymoon. If it was me, I would shoot for a June wedding, those extra few months may help alot with people's travel plans. But that's just me. And, as someone said earlier, make sure you don't copy any of her wedding details or try to 1-up her, etc. I have seen episodes of "yes to the dress" where sisters were literally fighting over bridesmaid dress colors! ROFLMAO Ultimately, she is your sister, and hopefully she will recognize that you deserve your moment also & be happy for you. Good luck.

leejayem

Ah weddings!! You will never please everyone & I agree with all those here who suggest you let your sister get through her wedding (she is probably very stressed!) & then go ahead with your own plans. When I got married my parents were really struggling with money & couldn't help us much but when my sister got married 2 years later they were in a position to pay for alot of the wedding. I was never bothered by this because I know that my parents would have helped us more if they could have at the time. It's easy to let jealousy override reason. I hope your sister can chillax & let go of the limelight when it's your turn!! A wedding is one (very special!) day but a marriage is a lifetime - as I look back on my wedding day I try & keep this perspective.

UncleMac

My sister is getting married next month. My boyfriend and I have talked and are ready for the next step, but we want to be respectful and not "steal her spotlight" and are not planning on becoming engaged until after her wedding, which she appreciates. However, she doesn't seem to like the fact that we still want to move forward with a wedding next spring, she thinks it's to close to when he is getting married. I'm confused and don't see her logic. Should I put my happiness on hold for her when she will have already had her moment? Is there anything wrong with doing it so closely after? Am I being inconsiderate? I know this can go either way depending on the person so I am open to all feedback. Thank you!!!

Tell your sister that you don't want to get engaged, you HAVE to get engaged... and you want to get wed before you start showing too much. On second thought, don't say that... It might push her over the edge... :ohwell:

amandager

I definitely understand the financial concern for family traveling, but it would really only be one family member that would want and try to make it. We have also talked about the possibility of paying for her flight to help. We are also not expecting the same financial support from my family, we understand they will have just gone through my sisters wedding.

Bmoremama

Honestly, some really normal lovely people turn all sorts of crazy just before their wedding. Talk to her about it again after her wedding and I doubt she will care at all when you get married.

She may think that you talking now about getting married is what is stealing her thunder - she is the bride, after all, not you. yet.

You're being a great sister and very considerate.

Kadi82

I am fairly close with some of my extended family yet my cousin and I got married 1.5mths apart. It meant some couldn't come to mine (I chose my date 1st but being her brother is military he couldn't go to both - and I would prefer him to go to his own sister's wedding). She asked me if it could be a month before and I couldn't have cared less. We joke about it comparing who had the best wedding and how. It didn't steal anyone's thunder.

I think what you're doing is lovely and I hope that after her day she will realise that.

shellebelle87

I think your sister is a selfish wench. There is like six months between her wedding and yours, tell her to shush and get over it. You're already going above and beyond by waiting. Hopefully she will relax after her wedding.

desiv2

She might just be annoyed because she's so focused on her wedding, she doesn't want to think about anyone else's right now. After it's all over and done, she might not have an issue. The real question is, is she important enough to you that you would postpone your own wedding to keep her happy? If the strain on your relationship proves to be more than it's worth, then maybe you should push it back. Trust me, you'll probably half wish you did when you only have a few weeks left to plan it all! (If you do decide to do this, I would start planning right away but keep it quiet.)

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with getting married months after her. My opinion really matters little to nothing though! It's all about your relationship with her. I also agree with an earlier poster, having two weddings so close could put strain on the guests, so I would be sure that your guests can handle two weddings so close together. Especially if you use a few of the same people in your wedding party, being in a wedding party is expensive! (Edit: just saw you already replied to this.)

Wanted to add, that I do think you are being totally respectful, and that she is over-reacting. I just wanted to point out what some of the outcomes could be if she were truly upset. She probably wont be in the end, seeing as it's 6 months apart!

CarleyLovesPets

I personally would WANT to wait, though that is just me.
So my family didn't have to start thinking about my wedding right away again, have more time to make arrangements, etc.
They're stressful and I would want more time to plan.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you having it in the spring though.