Honest opinions needed

Jemmuno

Well if she's getting married in the fall and you in the spring... I don't really think that's too close. Usually there is a wedding then people move on they don't continue to harp on the fact that they went to a wedding for several months after. I don't think your stealing her spotlight at all. Everything right now is about her and her husband and it will be that way up until her wedding day, then people will move on. Then it can be your turn and for a few months everything will be about you and you'll have your big day then 5, 10, 15 years down the road it won't matter anyway because the dates won't even be close together in relation to month or day.

HotDolphinMama

I agree with everyone else. LOL But, just in case you need to hear it one more time, here goes.....You are being VERY considerate to not steal her spotlight in waiting to announce your engagement, and I am sure it is hard as hell to not spill the beans. I do see that a spring wedding after her fall wedding could be a hardship on your family, extended family that has to travel, etc. But, if that isn't an issue, then hopefully she can get on board after the honeymoon. If it was me, I would shoot for a June wedding, those extra few months may help alot with people's travel plans. But that's just me. And, as someone said earlier, make sure you don't copy any of her wedding details or try to 1-up her, etc. I have seen episodes of "yes to the dress" where sisters were literally fighting over bridesmaid dress colors! ROFLMAO Ultimately, she is your sister, and hopefully she will recognize that you deserve your moment also & be happy for you. Good luck.

leejayem

Ah weddings!! You will never please everyone & I agree with all those here who suggest you let your sister get through her wedding (she is probably very stressed!) & then go ahead with your own plans. When I got married my parents were really struggling with money & couldn't help us much but when my sister got married 2 years later they were in a position to pay for alot of the wedding. I was never bothered by this because I know that my parents would have helped us more if they could have at the time. It's easy to let jealousy override reason. I hope your sister can chillax & let go of the limelight when it's your turn!! A wedding is one (very special!) day but a marriage is a lifetime - as I look back on my wedding day I try & keep this perspective.

UncleMac

My sister is getting married next month. My boyfriend and I have talked and are ready for the next step, but we want to be respectful and not "steal her spotlight" and are not planning on becoming engaged until after her wedding, which she appreciates. However, she doesn't seem to like the fact that we still want to move forward with a wedding next spring, she thinks it's to close to when he is getting married. I'm confused and don't see her logic. Should I put my happiness on hold for her when she will have already had her moment? Is there anything wrong with doing it so closely after? Am I being inconsiderate? I know this can go either way depending on the person so I am open to all feedback. Thank you!!!

Tell your sister that you don't want to get engaged, you HAVE to get engaged... and you want to get wed before you start showing too much. On second thought, don't say that... It might push her over the edge... :ohwell:

amandager

I definitely understand the financial concern for family traveling, but it would really only be one family member that would want and try to make it. We have also talked about the possibility of paying for her flight to help. We are also not expecting the same financial support from my family, we understand they will have just gone through my sisters wedding.

Bmoremama

Honestly, some really normal lovely people turn all sorts of crazy just before their wedding. Talk to her about it again after her wedding and I doubt she will care at all when you get married.

She may think that you talking now about getting married is what is stealing her thunder - she is the bride, after all, not you. yet.

You're being a great sister and very considerate.

Kadi82

I am fairly close with some of my extended family yet my cousin and I got married 1.5mths apart. It meant some couldn't come to mine (I chose my date 1st but being her brother is military he couldn't go to both - and I would prefer him to go to his own sister's wedding). She asked me if it could be a month before and I couldn't have cared less. We joke about it comparing who had the best wedding and how. It didn't steal anyone's thunder.

I think what you're doing is lovely and I hope that after her day she will realise that.

shellebelle87

I think your sister is a selfish wench. There is like six months between her wedding and yours, tell her to shush and get over it. You're already going above and beyond by waiting. Hopefully she will relax after her wedding.

desiv2

She might just be annoyed because she's so focused on her wedding, she doesn't want to think about anyone else's right now. After it's all over and done, she might not have an issue. The real question is, is she important enough to you that you would postpone your own wedding to keep her happy? If the strain on your relationship proves to be more than it's worth, then maybe you should push it back. Trust me, you'll probably half wish you did when you only have a few weeks left to plan it all! (If you do decide to do this, I would start planning right away but keep it quiet.)

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with getting married months after her. My opinion really matters little to nothing though! It's all about your relationship with her. I also agree with an earlier poster, having two weddings so close could put strain on the guests, so I would be sure that your guests can handle two weddings so close together. Especially if you use a few of the same people in your wedding party, being in a wedding party is expensive! (Edit: just saw you already replied to this.)

Wanted to add, that I do think you are being totally respectful, and that she is over-reacting. I just wanted to point out what some of the outcomes could be if she were truly upset. She probably wont be in the end, seeing as it's 6 months apart!

CarleyLovesPets

I personally would WANT to wait, though that is just me.
So my family didn't have to start thinking about my wedding right away again, have more time to make arrangements, etc.
They're stressful and I would want more time to plan.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you having it in the spring though.

embersfallen

Especially if you are waiting until AFTER her wedding to even get engaged, there is no way whatsoever that that would be stealing her spotlight in ANY way shape or form! You could run off and get married the next weekend, and it would not effect her day at all...so I think she is just being a lil' silly. She might be looking at it through the eyes of all her wedding planning stress, but should try to see this through your heart and desire for happiness as well!

Best of luck to you, and hope she comes around and acts kinder towards you about it all!

treimnitz

I'm getting married this week and my cousin is getting married next fall. She is already planning her wedding. She also got engaged about three months after we did! To add to it, my fiance's family had two cousins get married a month and two months ahead of us. (We were actually the first to get engaged and set the date out of all the cousins getting married! They just all planned their weddings first)!
Personally, I think your sister is taking it too personal. Nothing was taken away from us at all during the entire time. Everyone in both of our familys has treated us all equally and loves us just as much.
You are ONLY planning your wedding AND are just as special as she is. Just wait to show off your dress or ideas for your wedding since she is taking it so personal. Wait until the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years) to talk about your wedding details since she seems to be taking it so personal.

binglebandit

She might just be annoyed because she's so focused on her wedding, she doesn't want to think about anyone else's right now. After it's all over and done, she might not have an issue. The real question is, is she important enough to you that you would postpone your own wedding to keep her happy? If the strain on your relationship proves to be more than it's worth, then maybe you should push it back. Trust me, you'll probably half wish you did when you only have a few weeks left to plan it all! (If you do decide to do this, I would start planning right away but keep it quiet.)

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with getting married months after her. My opinion really matters little to nothing though! It's all about your relationship with her. I also agree with an earlier poster, having two weddings so close could put strain on the guests, so I would be sure that your guests can handle two weddings so close together. Especially if you use a few of the same people in your wedding party, being in a wedding party is expensive! (Edit: just saw you already replied to this.)

Wanted to add, that I do think you are being totally respectful, and that she is over-reacting. I just wanted to point out what some of the outcomes could be if she were truly upset. She probably wont be in the end, seeing as it's 6 months apart!

So true! If you can, start planning as soon as possible, even if you can't talk about it. You want as little stress as possible towards the end, specially if your sister may be adding to it.

peter236uk

Have a double wedding we did !!

Dub_D

Just break up.

corn63

Your sister is being a spoiled asshat.


Get married when you want to get married. You're going above and beyond by not getting engaged when you want to.

jcpmoore

Don't worry about it. Right now she is obsessed with her moment. It's hers. Don't worry-she should get over it in time for you to get married in the spring. Just don't go talking details about your wedding while she's having hers. Just remember-if you're planning to include her in your wedding that you don't want your dates overlapping with her honeymoon and such (dates such as when she needs to get a bridesmaids dress, etc.).

RBXChas

You are absolutely not doing anything wrong by wanting to get married next spring. Six months is more than enough time to have passed after her wedding. She's had the spotlight all up until her wedding, and then she will have it for her wedding. If you're not even engaged, no one is going to be talking about your upcoming wedding, and what she doesn't realize is that once the wedding is over, it's over with, at least to the rest of the world.

I think that it is kind of you to think of putting off your engagement at all. In my opinion, so long as you don't get engaged at her wedding or anything like that, you are free to get engaged whenever.

My sister and I are two years apart but were only a year apart in school, so we grew up close with lots of the same friends, etc. She and her husband got engaged in March and planned an August wedding. My husband and I got engaged in May (right smack dab in the middle of my sister's wedding planning), which (imagine that!) had nothing to do with her engagement. It was just the right time for us. I remember calling my sister before I even called my parents to give her the news. I wanted her to be the first to know so I could head off any issues at the pass, so to speak. I figured she would not be upset, but I wanted to let her know that I was not trying to steal the spotlight or anything. She was totally cool with it and, since she was planning a destination wedding, she offered for us to get married on the same trip (not on the same day). It was very gracious of her to offer, but I declined because I wanted her to do her thing and for us to do ours. Our weddings ended up about a year apart. There was no jealousy whatsoever; I was her maid of honor, and vice versa.

RBXChas

My sister is getting married next month. My boyfriend and I have talked and are ready for the next step, but we want to be respectful and not "steal her spotlight" and are not planning on becoming engaged until after her wedding, which she appreciates. However, she doesn't seem to like the fact that we still want to move forward with a wedding next spring, she thinks it's to close to when he is getting married. I'm confused and don't see her logic. Should I put my happiness on hold for her when she will have already had her moment? Is there anything wrong with doing it so closely after? Am I being inconsiderate? I know this can go either way depending on the person so I am open to all feedback. Thank you!!!

Tell your sister that you don't want to get engaged, you HAVE to get engaged... and you want to get wed before you start showing too much. On second thought, don't say that... It might push her over the edge... :ohwell:

Ah, don't get me started on the brides who get pissed off because a member of their wedding party had the audacity to get pregnant and "steal the spotlight!" I have spent many hours reading etiquettehell.com, and this is a common theme.

laurenkoszola

I wouldn't worry to much about it. Like everyone has said once her wedding is over, everything will calm down.

My sister got engaged about a month before my wedding and it did not steal the spotlight from me at all. She just had a nice little addition to her speech as my maid of honor asking me to be hers when they decide on their big day!

And her wedding ended up being a year later and conpletely different. She did a destination wedding, while I had mine here in Chicago.

Everything will work out in the end!

weighlossforbaby

You should get married whenever you want. Next spring is a lot of time after her wedding. I think you should go for it and ignore her on the matter cause I think she is just being a bridezilla right now and will be fine after the wedding.

amandager

Thanks again everyone. I am hoping after wedding she will calm down a bit and feel better about things. The only reason I even brought it up to her at this point is because I want her to be apart of it and involved. That kinda means maybe dress shopping now as there can be big lead times on dresses and waiting until after her wedding may be cutting it a bit too close for comfort. Only one thing I would want from her before her day. Maybe I just go with the other sister...

geogie54

She's getting married in Oct and you want to get married next year in the spring. You should not feel bad about it at all, I think she probably needs to give her head a shake.

Jonesingmucho

Pfft!

Plan for your wedding!

Be ready to get married the same weekend as your sister just in case...oh I don't know...maybe someone shaves her head while she is asleep. No one will want to waste all the cash and hotel rooms, so step in and get married that weekend.

Be the bigger person and tell your sister it would be fine if she got married in the Spring on your date.

LOL

Good luck and best wishes!

hacker1234

I feel opposite. Let your sister have her big day and celebrate this time in her life and what is waiting a month going to do to you for planning a wedding a year from now. Relax and wait your turn. You would likely want to grab all the attention when your big day is approaching.