I need advices :(

maaalva

Hello MFP

Before I say anything, I want to apologize for any english mistakes I might make. And I'm sorry if somewhere in the middle I sound rude or anything... haha I know its big, but please read it!

I've been on MFP for almost 2 years, and in that time, I would lose some weight and then gain it back again and some more. I wasn't always overweight. In fact, about 4 years ago, I used to weight 110lb, with the same height that I'm now with about 190lb. I noticed I was gaining a lot of weight after a few months. I mean, who wouldn't? It's freaking EIGHTY POUNDS. Back in 2009, when I was with my first boyfriend, I started to gain weight a bit faster. He didn't care. He's not involved with any of this. But I had depression. I used to think about killing myself. Not because I was gaining weight, I actually didnt give a rats *kitten* about it back then, because it was only about 10-15lb. I had a lot going on in my life. We broke up, around the time I started taking meds.

Then I REALLY started gaining weight. I still blame it on the meds, even though I know it was MY fault, not anyone else's. I know in the beggining of 2010, my body was adjusting to a lot of things, and a lot of medications. I had a fight with my psychiatric, because she blamed it on my age and admission tests for college, even though I had a serious accident when I was younger and I was a year and a half away from the tests (and NEVER, EVER became worried about it).

I got my second boyfriend, and he also didn't care about my weight. And he couldn't anyway, because he also gained a lot of weight himself. I started to worry about my weight and joined MFP. I would lose some weight, then forgot about MFP and gain it back, and then again blame it on the meds I was still on. It's true that they messed with my hormones and everything, but no cortisol, so not a big deal, I could've lost weight if I had made a few better choices. Besides, I only counted my calories, and I know it's not precise, it's not a perfect counting. That means I was eating poorly and unhealthy.

The problem started when I was with my next boyfriend, who was my best friend and met me when I was skinny. Everybody knew he liked me, but he was incredibly shy, and wouldn't make a move. My friends started asking me if that was because I gained weight. In fact, he also didn't care, he liked me when I was 110lb, and liked me when I was 160lb. But it started to hurt me. People started to hurt me. I was back on MFP again. He knew and was very supportive about it. But it was easy for him to stay fit. He ate lots of unhealty food, but he's a Tae Kwon Do fighter and really tall. We broke up when I got into college and he didn't (yes, we managed to still be friends after that) and I thought: "my life is going to change". But it didn't. I mean, it did, with college and everything, but my weight was STILL going up. I got about 10lb this year. (Classes starts in February here.)

In college I met an amazing guy, and we're going out for a little more than two months. We see each other every day. I was off my meds (actually, I quit them. I decided it was enough.) when I gained those 10lb, so it proved me it was no excuse. I went to a nutricionist in the end of 2011, and she gave me a healthier menu, but with my schedule it became a lot harder to follow. So I quitted too. Like I've done so many times with MFP. Everything was an excuse. This week I got back on MFP. I started running on the stair treadmill, and did pretty good on it, given my history on that, hahaha. I was below my goal (which is 800, but I dont feel bad getting over it, as long as its below 1200, I realize it motivates me a lot more) every day, until I fell when I was walking and got hurt (still am. lol, cant run or move my legs).

This year, with him, I'm happier then I've been for a long time. And I got more motivation. But he's incredibly skinny, and he obviously doesn't care about my weight. But he met me like this. He doesn't know how good looking I can be and I used to be. I don't mean to brag, but I liked my old me A WHOLE LOT. I'm pretty much my own goal. And he also doesn't know I'm on diet and trying to lose weight. I don't wanna tell him. But he eats a lot, and Ive noticed that when Im around him I eat a lot more than I usually do. And all sorts of unhealthy foods. Tonight I'm embarrased to log what I ate. I dont know what to do, because I see him every single day, and in weekends he's in my house most of the time. I also want to look good for him, which is a great motivation too, but I dont think he needs to know that. I'm afraid to fail again. I noticed is not enough to eat less, I have to eat healthier. I know he would support me, but if I fail again, I dont want him to to know it. I DO know I failed because I quit all the time.

What should I do?
Telling him is not an option, and I dont feel confortable asking him to change his eating habits because of me. We met only 3 months ago.

Thank you, and I'm sorry for the useless life story lol

XoxKellyxox

I'm not great at advice but here it goes........................... firstly you put yourself down way to much, at least your trying!!! I have the same problem in the way that my partner can/does eat what the hell he likes an it doesn't affect him he's still lean an super skinny an it drives me crazy,
when we are together I always over eat because I see him doing it an I want some.................... this is where we fail!!!
if you don't want to tell him, then all I can suggest is self control, keep the image of what your goal is in your head when your with him an remember the food wont affect him the same why it affects you "is it really worth it"
hope you get there in the end,
good luck xx

EvgeniZyntx

Tu objetivo de 800 calorías cada día no es una buena idea. Si no te molesta, sugiero que leas un poco sobre el mínimo aquí :

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/686963-large-collection-of-info-for-beginners

Si sigues con calorías tan bajas no vas a tener éxito (es demasiado duro) y siempre vas a tener hambre...

Buena suerte!

NoMoreJellyRolls

1st- Stop self-bashing because that can cause you to hate yourself for being over weight.
2nd- at this point, dont focus on the foods you eat while with him. focus on portion control.
3rd- stay motivated by your "old self" pictures, old jeans, etc
4th- EAT MORE! You keep failing because your starving yourself with 800-1200 calories, which will cause you to stray because your body's fuel is on E.
5th- If you need the motivatial support of people other than your BF, the I recommend MFP as your #1 back up.

I too was in the same position as you. When I met my hubby 12 years ago i was roughly 95-110 pounds, when I was 16 I had my life come crashing down and the toll it took on me was 120 lbs. When I got with my hubby 4 years I was 275lbs, and he was/still is 140 lbs. I got pregnant with our 2 year old and boom rough pregnancy, here comes another 75 lbs. March 2010 I was 350 pounds, married to a stick figure who could/would eat EVERYTHING. Before MFP Ive lost 75 pounds, and He knows I am going thru a lifestyle change and he supports it, I dont force it on him. w/out MFP I would probably be up/down like you

good luck *sorry if I sound like a ******
Feel free to add me for support

HappyandToned

I just read some of your diary...

I'm really sorry, but how do you expect yourself to lose weight when you eat so much chocolate, Pringles and cup cakes?

I also noticed you drink a fair bit of Coke. Whether you've made up for it with exercise, or not, you're still consuming a hell of a lot of sugar and sodium and maybe you just need to stop making excuses for yourself and start making some healthier choices..? Don't expect other people to get it. They probably wont. But stick to your guns and you'll be pleased you did, when you get to that goal weight!

Zylahe

maybe just mention that you are trying to eat healthier. (mention that if you eat healthier you feel happier, and possibily hornier- what guy can say no to that?)
You don't need to mention that you're trying to lose weight, if you don't feel comfortable with that.

and if hes a good guy he will realise that if eating better makes you feel better than thats good and he should support that.

and its great that you've met a guy that loves you for whats on the inside not how you look.

chrishgt4

If you don't want to tell the guy you are trying to lose weight then you could just tell him you want to eat healthier because it makes you feel better. Then when he's having his junk, you can have something healthier.

Have to add though, that I don't see how 800 can be the proper number you should be aiming for. You are going to make it a lot harder for yourself in the long run and most likely end up giving up again.

maaalva

@Xoxkellyxox: Self control is everything, and everything I don't have!
How do you manage it?
Thank you!

@zyntx: Gracias! I can understand you, but I can't reply in spanish haha sorry!
I'll read that right now! Thank you so much!

@NoMoreJellyRo: Thank you! Its nice to hear that I'm not the only one...
And WOW, 75lb is an AMAZING loss. Specially by yourself! You really inspired me, thank you again!

@HappyandToned: Yes! Thats exactly what I meant! That was my weekend, he was here all the time. I couldnt control myself. But I'll learn how to do it. Thank you!

@Zylahe: I actually tried that today (just the healthier part haha), and he accepted it very well, in fact, he gave up the Coke with me and drank a fresh cashew juice. Thank you!

@Pu_239: I think that for me, it works a lot better if I eat healthier, because I can eat more with the same amount of calories... And I've realized I'll have saggy skin issues... well, I should've thought about it a few years ago... But I dont really care, as long as I slim down to at least HALF my goal. It'll be worth it! Thank you!!

@chrishgt4: Listened to your advice as well! Thank you!

So I told him I'll start eating like a human being for now on haha, and he was okay with it.
Also, I want to explain why my daily goal is 800 calories. I eat up to 1200, then my goal is to exercise for 400 calories a day, every day. I do that because if I set my goal to 1200 and there are 400 calories remaining, I'll eat them again, 'cause I'll think "it's okay, it doesnt matter", and it does. I have a hard time losing weight, I realized I have to make more effort, because my metabolism is a bit slower than most people, and I'm really short. So, if I see a red number, I'm gonna think "okay, i have to exercise more, so I can eat more". Therefore, my goal is actually 1200 a day. This week I'm not exercising for a few days because I fell and hurt my knees and legs..
Again, THANK YOU EVERYONE!