friends with your ex?

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Replies

  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
    OK, thank you everybody. I was just curious what everyone's school of thought was on this, since everyone seems to have an opinion on it.
  • kms1104
    kms1104 Posts: 110 Member
    Personally, I feel TIME is the thing here. If it's too soon, I agree with others who said you'll start acting like a couple... there may be alcohol and sex, and a big messy explanation after that...OR one gets drunk and comes onto the other and there's a whole awkward thing...BASICALLY it's dragging out the break up. If you decide to be friends little by little, great, but doing a big couple event after a break up, eh, I've been there, done that... it wasn't pretty for either of us. It's asking for drama.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    Def don't go. I know you've never been to an AF Ball before, but I don't think this will create the memory or experience you're looking for, lol. :)
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
    I have never ever ever been stayed friends with an ex. If I were you I wouldn't go.....this scene she might cause when drinking is not something you should have to deal with.
  • MsNewBooty83
    MsNewBooty83 Posts: 985 Member
    for the small amt of time u were together and the freshness of the break up id pass on the ball. her comment would be enough to scare me off of it. lol
  • ritoosh
    ritoosh Posts: 190
    it depends, im still friends with a few of my exes, one of them is actually my best friend. but if you think shes going to cause a scene or anything dont bother.
  • aj11016
    aj11016 Posts: 65
    Think of the ball kind of like prom, that is if it is anything like the army ones (and I am sure that they are probably pretty close). Personally, I have several friends that used to be exes. Some of us hangout and our children have play dates. It depends on if you are sure that you do not want to be with her and if she has the same feeling, if not, she could think that your going to the ball means something more. Good luck :drinker:
  • Haylz_ish
    Haylz_ish Posts: 80
    Bad idea is bad.
    Run

    :tongue:
  • Serenstar75
    Serenstar75 Posts: 258 Member
    You could just be direct and discuss it with her. Find out how she's feeling, if she's badly hurt, if she's feeling overly jilted and if she was KIDDING or not. Talking is the best. If you were only together 4.5 months (which is diddly short) there may not be a huge issue with being friends. The only way you're going to know is by talking.
  • BioShocked89
    BioShocked89 Posts: 330 Member
    The only one of my ex's I am even slightly friends with is the one that I never formed a real relationship with. I dated him 2 months, and we were each others back ups. (I was on the rebound and had a crush on him , not ready for anything real/settling. He had another girl he was in love with, and he was settling. We both knew it when we started dating.)

    Point being, if you had an emotional attachment with her, you really really really do not need to be taking her to a ball. Take another friend. Maybe she can help you meet someone at the ball?

    But, considering that your ex plans on drinking, I could see her using it to get revenge on you. Then later claiming it wasn't her fault, she was drunk. It's a big mistake waiting to happen. Dodge the bullet, my friend.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    Pfffft. Why would you want to go with if you stopped "having fun" with her, thus the alleged reason for the breakup?

    Aside from that part that's still a little confusing to me, I still wouldn't go. I've tried being friends with one of my exes before, but all these emotions started getting involved. Not a great idea. The only ex I'm friendly with now, is married, with 3 kids, and I am married with 2 kids, and I do not talk to him without my hubby around.
  • Everythin2Lose
    Everythin2Lose Posts: 110
    I just tried to "be friends" with my ex (we were together about the same time)... And it seemed a great idea because I didn't want to lose him out of my life BUT that all came crashing down when I realised by not severing the ties to him completely (for at least a mourning period) it made me hella confused! After all we were hanging out, joking, (we may of crossed the "friend" line a lot in this time also), it felt that the only thing that had changed was our facebook status.....THEN i got angry, confused and drunk. I know you can be friends with an ex, I have quite a few BUT you need to allow both of yourselves to heal and move on without the confusion of going out together. Alcohol makes this so much worse... she will get angry at you, she will try and make you jealous OR throw herself at you... I do not see this ending well.

    She needs the separation- even though she will fight you on that the whole way- you have to be cruel to be kind! I wish my ex would of been tougher because now I blame him and kind of despise him for the actions after the breakup and won't ever be friends with him again.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    I am not friends with my ex-boyfriends because either I find them appalling or because they have feelings for me and they hold onto hope if they're around me.

    However... I am friends with one ex because we have the same circle of friends. We don't hang alone though. It's difficult because he still loves me and wants to be with me. And when we start dating other people it will be awkward to be around each other w/ new SOs.

    In sum, I think most of the time it doesn't work... but there are exceptions.

    P.S. Her "joke" is probably just a justification... blame the alcohol for trying to mount you.
  • EastCoast_Girl
    EastCoast_Girl Posts: 67
    If I wouldnt have kids with the guy.....I'd never want to talk to him again...
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    Thank you everyone, editing because I've decided everyone's got their opinion on this and it's not going to get me anywhere, just need to think about it myself.

    Next time, make it easier on everyone and just straight up say the answer that you want us to give. Then you wont have to rescind the question.
  • RyanWilson1993
    RyanWilson1993 Posts: 409 Member
    If you keep hanging out with your ex it will more than likely lead to a bunch of fights
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member


    She told me she will still go, but she can't be held accountable for any sort of scene she would cause once she starts drinking. I think she's kidding, but I'm not 100% on that. I told her we should think about it for a couple of days, then decide.





    OMG go go go. Please make sure someone has a camera phone and videos the complete and utter fool she makes of herself, and you, and posts it on youtube, I totally want to see that.

    Trust me when I say, she is NOT kidding but I am more than willing to bet she tries to lay some break up sex on you and blames it on the booze. Video that too. :bigsmile:
  • RyanWilson1993
    RyanWilson1993 Posts: 409 Member


    She told me she will still go, but she can't be held accountable for any sort of scene she would cause once she starts drinking. I think she's kidding, but I'm not 100% on that. I told her we should think about it for a couple of days, then decide.

    LMFAO



    OMG go go go. Please make sure someone has a camera phone and videos the complete and utter fool she makes of herself, and you, and posts it on youtube, I totally want to see that.

    Trust me when I say, she is NOT kidding but I am more than willing to bet she tries to lay some break up sex on you and blames it on the booze. Video that too. :bigsmile:
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    So...I just realized that you only broke up with her LAST NIGHT. DO NOT GO!!! It's way too soon. Even if you do still want to be friends with her (and she with you), you still need a mourning period. Remaining friends cannot work so long as one of you (or perhaps both of you) still have feelings for one another. Even though you told her it would be just as friends, she may still be holding out hope for the two of you, and it sounds like she's only going to get hurt. If you truly do care about her and want to maintain some sort of friendly relationship, you will tell her to take the tickets and go with someone else.
  • jazee11
    jazee11 Posts: 321
    Booze + current break up + date with fresh ex = no good = nasty scene

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