Diary of a Fat Man

FORKDOWN

Yes, my 80's rocker is showing through on this title.

I am trying something new b/c nothing has worked for me, so here goes.

In watching this seasons Biggest Loser I really kinda of indentified with the winner Danny (except the losing weight part). I was an active person until I got married and got an office job. But somewhere I quit on me. I have struggled to find that spark since then.

I have also noticed that there is always a reason for someone who has gained all the weight from a physical or emotional reason. I am currently searching for that reason. Maybe doing this will help.

I dont want to look like or feel like I am anymore but it seems like I dont want to do the work. I would suspect I am not alone. I feel I have all the tools but not the drive to accomplish this task. Of course I have set a goal for 2010 but I am already fearing failure, not the way to start.

I am not doing this diary to draw attention to myself, I am hoping for some therapy (maybe I do need therapy :laugh: ). This might also make me more accountable or allow someone else who is dealing or feeling the same way to just say yep I know what you mean Bro.

Well gotta go and fill the water bottle.

Later
:bigsmile:

tayner

Kudos for starting somewhere! I spent many, many, many years being the "fat friend", knowing I was fat, knowing I needed to lose weight, but not wanting to do it. I hear ya.

Last March I decided enough was enough, and I started exercising and eating better. I dont deprive myself of anything, I just try to stay "mostly" healthy and eat correct portions and calories.

The hardest part was getting moving. I work at home, at my desk, about 12 hours a day, sometimes more. I did, however, decide that I would not let work get in the way of my progress this time. I WILL take 1-2 hours a day, even if very early, to get some exercise... and I disliked exercise alot.

I think the turning point for me was finding a form of exercise I could embrace. I tried the regular stationary bike... boooring. I tried the elliptical machine... monontonous (sp?). I tried the treadmill... hard on my already bad knees. I tried the rowing machine... fun but hard for a fat girl to do. I was beginning to think i was destined to be fat for the rest of my life. Then, I found spinning class! It didnt hurt my knees or my back, it wasn't as boring since there were alot of people who are friendly, an instructor who motivates you when you dont really want to be there, and music to distract you from the thought of exercise. I still didnt *like* going to the gym and exercising, but finding spinning made it tolerable.

I get up in the morning, early... first class at my gym is 5:45 a.m. As I continued to make myself go it got easier and easier. The more conditioned my lungs got, the easier I could breathe, and the better I felt. The more weight I was losing the easier it was for me to keep going back. Now, 9.5 months and 90 pounds later I look forward to going, and quite often i go early and get in an extra 30 minutes before class. It gets me going and makes me feel great early in the day. On days I have to miss class I feel worse, and that motivates me to get back at it as soon as possible.

So, find something you can like... and over time it is quite likely you will learn to love it. Your body will love it, and your body will convince your mind! It wont happen overnight.. for me it took months.. but dont give up on yourself, you are worth it!

FORKDOWN

Thanks Tayner.

katielouhoo

I too spent years being active in high school, but was never thin. In college I had a knee injury and quickly became less active. Once I started having children, I started having real weight issues and yo-yoed for a while. Finally threw up my hands and said to heck with it.

I spent years being a mom and ignoring my weight. Well the youngest went to college in August. Also in August a visit to the doctor where I was told I was headed into diabetes and was told it was time to go to the diabetic clinic.

It was the good hard shake I needed, cause I don't want to live like that. So, I took my daughter to school, came home and took a hold of myself and started making changes.

I started dieting Aug. 26 (a bit more severe by doctor recommend- so 1000 calories a day). Two weeks later I added a water areobics class 3 days a week- MWF (still have a bad knee) And at the end on Sept. I added weight & strength training routine on the other days TThS.

I am not fond of exercise, but dieting alone won't get me where I want to go. I weigh on Wednesdays every week and I think I'll make the 60 lb. mark this week. I can do it one choice at a time- (i will get up and go exercise, I will not eat a piece of chocolate, or have seconds). You can do it to, grit your teeth and dig in, this is for the long haul. Plenty of us know and understand how you feel and how hard it can be to stay focused. But this is for you and only you can make it happen (by the way, you can make it happen. But you not only have to want it, you have to do it.)

Good luck -katie

FORKDOWN

01/04/10

I have determined that planning my meals is the only way it is going to work. I tried winging it last week and failed miserably.

Does anyone else feel like "man I am going to miss the foods i used to eat or how am I every going to break free from them (ie cravings). It wont be easy when spouse does not want to diet with you either.

Later

immacookie

I have also noticed that there is always a reason for someone who has gained all the weight from a physical or emotional reason. I am currently searching for that reason. Maybe doing this will help.

I dont want to look like or feel like I am anymore but it seems like I dont want to do the work. I would suspect I am not alone. I feel I have all the tools but not the drive to accomplish this task. Of course I have set a goal for 2010 but I am already fearing failure, not the way to start.

Thank you for posting this... this is exactly how I feel most of the time. I know it's not right and I know only *I* can change it... but the feeling is still there.

stormieweather

Good luck!!

May I suggest that you need not completely eliminate all the foods you used to eat? The trick is to limit them and plan for them in your daily calorie allotment. If you want to have a fast food burger, you can, but you have to account for the 700 calories and maybe work out an extra hour at the gym. Or, instead of eating quarts of ice cream (like me), change it up and have a Skinny Cow dessert at the end of the day...just one.

It is hard when the spouse doesn't want to eat well with you. Or, in my case, has absolutely no sense of portion control. I buy the healthy foods, but he eats 4-5 portions at a sitting, which in and of itself, isn't healthy (I'm talking about tablespoons of peanut butter straight from the jar or the entire package of sandwich ham on one sandwich). :noway:

Oh well, just look after yourself and let the other grownup do things their way !

FORKDOWN

01/12/10 I had a good week and lost 3 lbs roughly. I was right, I do better when my daily meals are planned ahead. I not sure if it is stress but, I have not been craving foods like I normally do.

I never stepped foot on the treadmill and I am a little dicouraged that I am having so much trouble fitting it in my daily routine. It did feel good to hit the weights last week.

All and all I would have to say this is going smoothly so far.

Later.

FORKDOWN

01/19/10 The reality of the fact that this will be a long journey really sunk in last week. The first week was so easy and last week was a struggle. I am finding it hard with no spousal support, if Wifey was working along side me it would be easier. Not an excuse just a wish.

The thing I question the most are I seem to eat more as the day goes on and just because I am under calories, carb, and fats does that mean I am doing good. I gotta think 1900 calories of health food and junk food are not the same.

later

linzismith

maybe your wife will come around. i started this back in september and never even asked or hoped that my fiance would join me. he doesn't really need to lose much weight, maybe 20 pounds, and he has a pretty healthy relationship with food (doesn't keep eating if he's full, etc.)

but lo and behold, come december he had watched my body start to change and saw how much better i felt about myself and he was the one who came to me and said he wanted to start tracking his calories. too.

now, i'm not saying you should keep hoping she'll decide she wants to do it with you. you have to do this for yourself whether she wants to join in or not. but maybe you could look at this as your chance to be an inspiration to her.

as to feeling like there are foods you'll never get to eat again, that's what i thought at first, but i've realized that's silly. today i had battered fish and chips for dinner at a local pub. i knew it was coming so for breakfast i had popcorn and lunch was oatmeal and broccoli-tomato soup. i still went over by like 300, so i'll have to be under by 300 by tomorrow. but it's not the end of the world.

mindless snacking, on the other hand, is something you definitely have to say goodbye to. i've realized that on this diet i can eat a lot of things, but usually i can only afford the recommended serving size, which is TINY. never again can i sit at a party and eat doritos and oreos and joke about how bad this is for me. because now i KNOW how bad it is for me and i won't let myself do that to me. what i can do, though, is sit at a party and not feel like the fat friend. now that's worth it!

workingitout

Katielouhoo, I cut and pasted part of your Dec 28 entry and printed it out for my desk.

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I can do it one choice at a time- (I will get up and go exercise, I will not eat a piece of chocolate, or have seconds). You can do it too, grit your teeth and dig in, this is for the long haul. Plenty of us know and understand how you feel and how hard it can be to stay focused. But this is for you and only you can make it happen (by the way, you can make it happen. But you not only have to want it, you have to do it.)
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This is just what I needed today. Thanks for your words of inspiration and action. Today is tough. But it will get better!