thick like me......

Twilightsunflower

recently i went home to visit family...
i had a couple of clothing NSV inculding fitting into my skinny younger sisters clothes something that has never happened before...

anyways i told her one night when i was able to barrow a sweater that i was kinda happy that she was thick like me now.... and she got a little miffed

my whole life her and my mom have told me that im beautiful no matter what i weigh and that it more about what is on the inside not the out and blah blah blah all said with love but you get my drift...

so i was a little annoyed that she got upset... not only did it make the things her and my mom siad for a long time seem like a crock they where trying to sell me but that being big like i currently am was a bad thing... now i know i still have a way to go before im helathy and at my goal weight but its not like i look terrible... its not like i was giving her a hard time about her weight...simply an odd compliment and a happy moment for me...

so i bring it her to the court of public opinion to ask was my comment mean? if it was then i want to say im sorry to her... i dont want her to feel put down by me cause i know how hurtful that can be and i dont want to do the hurting cause i have lost a little weight...

UncleMac

If someone feels self-conscious about having gained weight, any kind of comment might be taken as hurtful, not because it was intended to be malicious but because the person is very sensitive to that subject.

It was an odd kind of compliment, to say the least... and I can see why she would take it badly.

Since you feel your intention was innocent, you might want to have a discussion with her (at the least) and hopefully put things right. Since you've had success at losing weight, you might offer to help your sister if she wants to get fit... turn the negative into a positive bonding experience for both of you.

Good luck with your sister and on your journey to fitness.

gnat45

It was snarky.

How old are you and she?

Is she usually sensitive about her weight, and has she gained recently?

Molly_Maguire

It was snarky.

How old are you and she?

Is she usually sensitive about her weight, and has she gained recently?

I think "snarky" might be an overly-harsh word in this case, since OP didn't MEAN to be rude, and snark almost always implies a hurtful intent.

But I do agree that if you think you hurt her feelings, an apology might be in order. You don't have to make a big deal about it, maybe just say, "Hey, I don't know if what I said the other day hurt your feelings, but if it did, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean for it to come out that way." And then move on. She'll appreciate your tact, I think.

gnat45

Ok, I'll rephrase. It probably would come off as snarky to your sister, even if you didn't mean to be hurtful. An apology is still a good first move.

CarleyLovesPets

If she didn't gain the weight on purpose and isn't happy about gaining weight... I wouldn't have said that.
She's probably insecure and sensitive about gaining weight and you just kinda made it obvious that other people notice it.

I don't think your mothers or her comments weren't truthful when they called you beautiful though.
I just think your sister isn't probably comfortable or feels beautiful in her body.
Maybe you had the confidence that made you beautiful no matter what... and she might not feel confident about it.

Even if it wasn't on purpose, I do think it was hurtful.

wolfehound22

Could also be the use of the word thick. Perhaps saying your thick like me made her feel uncomfortable. Your losing weight, maybe she's gaining some, so to her it may seem like more of a negative. Not saying you shouldn't be proud of where you are, but dependign on perspective, it may have been taken as a negative thing.

Twilightsunflower

i see everones point thus far...

yes she has put on some weight and i dont think she is happy about it... and i should have been more sensitive to that...

i didnt think before i spoke because my weight has alway been something my family has talked about... but not hers less it was to point out that she is thinner then me...

the word thick was the nicest word i could think of to be honest... had i said fat like me she might have come unfeathered or been deeply hurt...

and i wasnt saying she was less then a beautiful person when i said it... size and beauty are not the same thing... but since being "thick" is new to her she might not see it the same way i now do and it took me 25 years to do it.....