Can't get over an Ex-boyfriend=weight

kellygirl5538

Okay I know this is not exactally weight related but i does effect my loosing weight. Basically since end of October I haven't lost any weight although I have maintain my exercise. I am back on track tho. I didn't gain more than 3 pounds , so that was good.

I seem to be sad about my break-up with my boyfriend. I know there are other things that are worse, but for me this has been a trigger again. I really didn't realize it until now. I'm having a hard time with the closure part and the fact that I will never see him again.

Has anyone exprienced this and what did they do to get over it? I thought in 2 months I would feel better, but i feel worse.

P.S I made him my life along with my own kids so maybe that is the problem. He didn't do that, said he had no time for me.
OH i may be lonely but not desprite. I do get asked out on dates but really not interested and for some reason my x boyfriends were trying to come back but i ended that quick.

songbyrdsweet

I was with my ex for 3 1/2 years...we lived together, he met my whole family, he planned to ask me to marry him at my graduation this past May (he told me after we separated). So I went from a live-in relationship nearing an engagement...to living by myself in our old apartment after he moved out. I didn't have a big group of friends, and of course my best friend lives about an hour away. It was miserable. I can't count how many times I cried myself to sleep the first couple of weeks.

Around that same time I got bronchitis, tonsillitis, and a sinus infection. I was too depressed to eat. I tried to work out to make myself feel better mentally, but that just made my illness worse. Finally after 2 weeks I spiked a 102 degree fever and my doctor told me to rest or end up in the hospital. So for a few miserable days I sat around the apartment. One of my best friends who lived in the area brought me food and spent a lot of time with me. I don't know what I would've done without the support of what few friends I had at the time. I also really dealt with the pain...cried a lot, journaled a lot, slept a lot.

I'm still not totally where I want to be, and it's been 7 months since he moved out. Three months after that I found out he had a new girlfriend and I cried at WORK of all places. Ugh, I was ashamed, but it's part of the healing process. I'm still single and feel a little lonely, especially since this is my first holiday season in years that I've been alone. Exercise and eating right are my ways of...fixing things. Of making me feel stronger and more self confident. I want to treat my body well so it looks good, and then I feel good, and then I radiate confidence. That attracts the right kind of attention.

In the future, maintain your independence and sense of self. You should never live solely for another person. They should love YOU because you are your own person with individual interests and needs.

Oh, and according to a book I read, it's supposed to be 1 month per year of relationship. I guess I'm moving at half that pace LOL

ivykivy

What helped me. Voodoo dolls. Playing darts where his face is the target. Girlfriend whine sessions.

But in all honesty it is time and realizing people are with you for a reason ,a season or a lifetime. He was there to help you see something or experience something. When you realize what that is you will have closure. When 1 door closes another opens. Discontinuing a relationship where you are the only one committed, frees you so the real ONE can come into your life. :flowerforyou:

Has anyone exprienced this and what did they do to get over it? I thought in 2 months I would feel better, but i feel worse.

amymeenieminymo

Wow, I so feel for you both, break ups are so awful....in some ways I really think they can rank right up there to a death. My boyfriend and I went through a really rough time some months back and I really thought it would be over. Somehow we pulled through but we still have to work at it day after day. Relationships are hard hard work, and the end of one can really take a toll.

I say take care of yourself in any way you can that doesn't involve food....unless you're rewarding yourself with a huge yummy salad! Take any sadness and anger you're feeling and turn it into power to motivate yourself. Get that adrenaline pumping and work out harder, stronger and longer. If you're feeling really awful, grant yourself a cheat meal and curl up with a favorite movie, but tell yourself that that's all it is. It's not a solution, it's not a way of life, it's one meal and when you're done you're going to get back on track. And hey, at least your maintaining and not gaining....I've been yo-yoing the same 4 pounds for months now, so sometimes we just get stuck.

Just remember that the pain won't last forever and you will feel very different someday. Until then you've just got to keep on trucking, and you'll get there before you know it. I lost my mom 5 years ago, and I look at myself today compared to who I was that first year she was gone. I still miss her with all my heart, but pain gets easier to deal with and it slowly dulls over time. You'll be just fine, and this experience will only make you stronger, because as much as I hate that my mom is gone, in some ways there are positive traits about me now that wouldn't exist if I hadn't gone through this.

Oh, and as far as that book that says it takes one month for every year you were with someone to get over them, that author needs to be shot. How on earth can you put a time limit on your emotions? I've dated people for two years that I was over within a month, and I've dated people for two months that took me a year or two to get over. Feelings don't have expiration dates, so don't worry about how long it's taking, just take one day at a time.

Iceprincessk25

Break ups just plain SUCK. Especially if it wasn't your idea in the first place. My SO and I broke up for 3 months almost 3 years ago and it was by far the most painful thing EVER! I did lose 15 pounds in like 2 weeks so there was an upside. he he he.

I would wish there was a fast forward button for life daily so I could fast forward through all the sadness. Time heals all unfortunately so you just have to wait it out.

He wasn't the right one for you. You have to let it go so the right guy gets a chance to come on in.

pickadilly2009

Kelly, I am right there with you even with the time frame. The holidays were misserable and I have gained 13 lbs since October 5th when things started going down hill. November 19th is when it ended and I am still crying myself to sleep on some nights. It hurts and I am so sorry you are going through this. If you ever need an ear to vent to, I would be more than happy to listen and grumble with you! From the reading I have done, the end of a relationship is very much like dealing with a death because you go through the same type of grieving. If you do some research on this, you will see that it is completely true. I also was very involved with his kids and he was involved with mine. He went to church with me, took my son to boy scouts, I took his daughter to get her nails done and shopping, went to her concerts....everything. After all of that and actually playing with the idea of getting married on Thankgiving because we were so thankful for each other, he decided that he just wasn't ready for a relationship. So I had to explain whey he wasn't with me anymore to SO many people which meant I relived the hurt SO many times. Thanksgiving will never be the same! I truely know how you feel and if you ever need somone to listen...I would be more than happy to be your sounding board!

Songbyrd, you hit the nail on the head when you talked about isolating ourselves and making our lives revolve around our mate. It really messes us up when we need our support system because we always thought 'they' would be our support. Stupid girls! lol

Feel better soon to everyone! (((HUGS)))

Phoenix_Rising

Oh, and according to a book I read, it's supposed to be 1 month per year of relationship. I guess I'm moving at half that pace LOL

Ugh. Mine was a 12 year relationship. The good news is that means I should be over mourning him by the time the divorce is finalized. (I mourn because the man I loved died, replaced by a shell of a human being.)

songbyrdsweet

Kelly, I am right there with you even with the time frame. The holidays were misserable and I have gained 13 lbs since October 5th when things started going down hill. November 19th is when it ended and I am still crying myself to sleep on some nights. It hurts and I am so sorry you are going through this. If you ever need an ear to vent to, I would be more than happy to listen and grumble with you! From the reading I have done, the end of a relationship is very much like dealing with a death because you go through the same type of grieving. If you do some research on this, you will see that it is completely true. I also was very involved with his kids and he was involved with mine. He went to church with me, took my son to boy scouts, I took his daughter to get her nails done and shopping, went to her concerts....everything. After all of that and actually playing with the idea of getting married on Thankgiving because we were so thankful for each other, he decided that he just wasn't ready for a relationship. So I had to explain whey he wasn't with me anymore to SO many people which meant I relived the hurt SO many times. Thanksgiving will never be the same! I truely know how you feel and if you ever need somone to listen...I would be more than happy to be your sounding board!

Songbyrd, you hit the nail on the head when you talked about isolating ourselves and making our lives revolve around our mate. It really messes us up when we need our support system because we always thought 'they' would be our support. Stupid girls! lol

Feel better soon to everyone! (((HUGS)))

I am so sorry. It's so painful when you don't see it coming...you're not prepared. At least I watched the slow death of my relationship and knew it was coming to an end. :brokenheart:

Ugh, and family...they mean well but they can never just leave things alone! 'Where is ___? Oh I'm so sorry. What happened? Will you keep in touch? How do you feel?" I FEEL LIKE CRAP; STOP ASKING.

My ex was definitely my support system...at the end of the day coming home to someone was comforting. Toward the end I didn't really want to come home to *him*, but when he left I really felt his absence. No one to give me a big hug at the end of a bad day.

There's a song out there...I think it's by The Eels...but one of the lines goes "You've got to be your own good friend." I have this as the background on my cell phone so I see it multiple times a day.

KendalBeee

I moved out of my house on the 12/14. I got the final blow to my marriage on Christmas Eve. This Christmas Eve. Last week. I've been crazy emotional since I moved out but I know I need to get through this. He brought out my true taurus side though and I have so much crazy aggression that I put it into my workouts. I've been on the elliptical for 1.5 hours twice since last week. Its the only thing I can do to get it out. We've only been married 15 months (since Sept '08). Now he's BEGGING me to let him get therapy and work on our marriage. Thats what he was supposed to do the first week I moved out. Not a week and a half later when he continued his same cheating behavior. Even though I'm the one deciding to get a divorce, this isn't easy at all.

All I keep telling myself is that 6 months from now I will be better. It will be summer, I will be skinnier and I will be much happier.

pickadilly2009

Songbyrd, It is hard no matter. I think everyone knows now so I don't have to say anything. The bad part is that when I would tell people what happened, I sugar coated it just in case he wanted to get back together, that way they wouldn't think badly of him. So dillusional!

Blombie, I am so sorry. Hang in there and don't give in if you don't want to!