Family stress

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breezy81
breezy81 Posts: 186
in Motivation and Support
Ok, here's the thing...my family(my mother, sister and her kids) causes a lot of stress in my house when they come to town, my hubby and I fight the whole time ( we both get frustrated by them and snap @ each other)and we don't want them to come here anymore. I understand as my nephews live by different r\ rules then our kids. We have worked hard to make a nice home and take very good care of it, they don't!!!! SO we have made it through two visits this month already, and now they are coming back to town for New Years, and I have told my self this will be the time that I tell them to back off. Any ideas how, I always turn to eating terrible comfort foods when they come around. This month has been so busy and we need this weekend to unwind together as family so I want to tell tehm that we will spend the day together Friday but other then that I am busy. The stress is getting to me how do others deal???

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  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    This sounds like a question in a Dear Abby column. You poor thing!

    Why do they have to visit you? Are you able to visit them? Why do they have to visit so often? I know that question sounds bad, but if they cause you so much stress, their visits may be too frequent or too long in duration.

    I think you need to have a calm conversation with your mother and sister, letting them know that your house rules are your house rules. While you love them and would like them to visit, you cannot allow their rules to invade your orderly home and cause so much disruption. I know this will be a difficult conversation, but they need to know that you and your husband don't usually argue like you do when they are around, and they add a lot of stress due to differing house rules. Keep the conversation as low key as possible, and if it starts to turn ugly or argumentative, stop the conversation, picking it back up later if possible, and if not, chalk it up to having tried and invite them less.

    Best wishes in your tough spot!
  • AnneElise
    AnneElise Posts: 4,221 Member
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    Its the holidays! When my husband and I get frustrated at the holidays we do something for others. This christmas we made shoe boxes to send to third world countries. We got to go shopping, pick out gifts, pack them up, it was a nice reminder of what we DO have. Is there something your whole family could do?

    If you get stressed, get out and go for a walk!
  • ourgang
    ourgang Posts: 229
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    I agree, you have to be able to maintain your own house rules. Actually my husband and I deal with this and his children, as they have very relaxed rules at their mothers and our home is much different.

    You have to stick to your gun and insist that your house rules are followed. You and your husband need to sit down as well and decide that you are not going to let their disruptive visit interfer so much with your relationship. They are family and you still need to spend some time with them, but your house is more important and you guys need to just try and let some of the crazy roll off your back.

    I agree with having less visits and maybe at their home..

    good luck to you, I will be praying for your
  • breezy81
    breezy81 Posts: 186
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    This sounds like a question in a Dear Abby column. You poor thing!

    Why do they have to visit you? Are you able to visit them? Why do they have to visit so often? I know that question sounds bad, but if they cause you so much stress, their visits may be too frequent or too long in duration.



    Best wishes in your tough spot!

    LOL, I know but we have NEVER invited them, I know it sounds bad but we haven't they just come!!!!! They are very dramatic so it will not be low key but I will be calling them later. I have decided that they can have FRiday(day ) out and about in town and probably a dinner but other then that I have things to do and they never consulted me on the timing of the trip so they can entertain themselves the rest of the time :tongue: I am keeping them out of my house and we just spent the weekend before Christmas at their house so they will have to deal with it. I am going to be strong this time, I am so weak when it comes to my family.
  • breezy81
    breezy81 Posts: 186
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    I stood strong, told her that they couldn't come to the house, it was too much stress. She said they wouldn't be coming at all. I figured that it would go like that. It hurts but I am a big girl and can't be bullied into this. I'm sure that she will get over it in time, she has a hard time realizing that MY family comes first, not his and not them, but the ones in my house. o-well, I got through it with out eating :)
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    I stood strong, told her that they couldn't come to the house, it was too much stress. She said they wouldn't be coming at all. I figured that it would go like that. It hurts but I am a big girl and can't be bullied into this. I'm sure that she will get over it in time, she has a hard time realizing that MY family comes first, not his and not them, but the ones in my house. o-well, I got through it with out eating :)

    Sometimes it is hard to stand your ground, but from what you've described, I think you did the right thing. :flowerforyou:

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