whats keeping you going

BamsieEkhaya

Hi, I had this post all nicely prepared from the heart etc about my weight...but I lost it, and after that emotional revelation gone, I can't bring myself to go back there again, so instead it'll be a quick briefing.

I'm born into an abnormally large family (amount of family members), however I only considered few of those to be truly family, and out of those few I am by far one of the largest. See looking back I can almost always recall how my weight also effected me, this is the largest I've ever been, and after I post these pictures they will be going down...

In recent time this is me..well I've lost some since but this was my starting poing at the beginning of August

http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u500/amerykahn-promise/the old one/?action=view&current=859ec602.jpg

(please note I'm actually feeling fragile) if anything my body disgusts me and all I truly want to do is burn this photo, but its here and I can't learn to love this body I have to do something about me. The old me was confident, happy and felt sexy (in a non-sexualised way...more confident etc)

but it's crazy because in this next picture I told myself I wasn't going to get any bigger and looking back I really miss THIS me, I was comfortable enough to party, dress and all sorts

http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u500/amerykahn-promise/the old one/?action=view&current=2c8766b7.jpg

http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u500/amerykahn-promise/the old one/?action=view&current=7913f968.jpg

and this was me near enough my ideal weight

http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u500/amerykahn-promise/the old one/?action=view&current=a00b8ca6.jpg

Looking back I realise how much of myself I've actually lost, camera's have become my worst enemy, clothes shopping is my hell. Letting go of size and weight, the thing I miss most about the old me is actually being able to love my body, looking in the mirror and thinking my hips aren't actually that bad or my skins actually pretty smooth and flawless.

When I was younger I lived in a street where I'd see this lady (must be in her 70s) go for a jog EVERY single morning and think damn thats going to be me.
this post is mainly inspired by the fact that it's exactly two weeks since I joined MFP and after todays weigh in I felt close to giving up (yeah lost week I lost 4Ibs and today only 0.2Ibs)
I'm Changing because I want to be comfortable in my own skin, I want to be the girl who dared to do anything and go out there not feeling so chubby instead confident...

what I want to know is why do you want to change ?whats really motivating you ?

Mistila

I have a different problem I did it strictly for my husband now I resent him for me not being able to eat what I want. Ya I'll get over it but there you have it.

kali31337

I keep going because I really don't like failing at something that I put my mind to. I used to be skinny (wish I knew that then tho) in high school so I do know I can get there again. I have a SO that truly loves me no matter the size I am but I want to do this for him and ultimately for us because there will be pictures taken at a wedding/honeymoon..etc and I want to be proud of how I look in those pictures. If I don't do this now, when am I going to get serious? Tomorrow might be too late.

chayrie27

First of all, I really appreciate it that you're so honest about yourself!
So I want to be honest with you as well. I've always been a bit too chubby, because in my family you don't talk if there's a problem (no matter how huge it is), you eat until you feel better. As I'm a pretty sensitive person I ate a lot... and got used to it. So now, after realizing what's my personal reason to eat, I want to loose weight. Not only because I want to know how it feels to be thin... it's also an indicator for me growing mentally.