Relationship Suggestions?

Summerful

This is pretty embarrassing for me to admit but I would really like some feedback and suggestion of how to deal with it.

I have been dating my boyfriend since high school (about 4 years). I am madly in love with him and I know he is my soul mate (he feels the same). He lives far away and we visit each other as often as possible. The last few times I was visiting him he we hung out with his friend and his friends brother a lot. His friend just got out of a relationship, has no job, no car, not a stable home.

This leads me to my my main point I have been dreading. I keep having a crush feeling on him, only him. I in no way would want to be in a relationship with him and I love my boyfriend with all my heart. Can anyone please explain this because it has been in my head for months, even when I'm not visiting him. Maybe it is just my feelings of feeling sorry for him getting mixed up?

I would like to just add, his friend has mentioned to me a couple times how much he liked me and hanging out with me. Nothing too big but very friendly it seems to me compared to others..

Any help or support appreciated, please don't judge me.. I feel bad enough and would never do anything to hurt my partner.

magj0y

It will pass
think of all the annoying things he does and next few times you guys hang out, suggest you and your boyfriend have some alone time, and he can have some alone time with his buddies.

Also, contemplate your relationship with your bf. Are you sure you're ok with going through life with -just- him, ever?
some people have a hard time with that.

skinnyinnotime

You fancy someone other than your boyfriend, it happens.

Summerful

It will pass
think of all the annoying things he does and next few times you guys hang out, suggest you and your boyfriend have some alone time, and he can have some alone time with his buddies.

Also, contemplate your relationship with your bf. Are you sure you're ok with going through life with -just- him, ever?
some people have a hard time with that.

Yeah, him and I have been through a ton haha.. I really do love him and his personality, in any situation, I have learned.

AlotOfSweatAndPain

SOunds to me you're bored with your boyfriend and looking for some excitement somewhere else....

tmanfromtexas

You have a guy that you know is a loser and your instincts are to "help him" to get on a good track. Let the loser figure out his way in life and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend. Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain. You have to work on it twice as hard as one where you are together all the time. Trust me, I have been in one off and on for 18 years.

theCarlton

It's ok to have a crush on someone other than your boyfriend. You're clearly not going to act on it. I equate it to when we like a celebrity or some other unattainable man out there. It pleases your brain for a little while, but you know your boyfriend is the one you want.

georgie_lou

I've been with my bf for 8 years and have HEAPS of crushes...from celebrities to non celebrities...so does he. We talk about it openly. We would never action the feelings but I love hearing what he finds attractive about others. We might be weird but being open about our feelings keeps us honest.

There's nothing wrong with crushing when you have a bf! It's natural to be attacted to other people.

ShmoozyQ

I think you're awfully young to have your forever guy, you know? Yes, yes, sometimes high school sweethearts work out. That being said, it's not an awful thing to have a bit of a crush on someone else as long as you don't act on it. The comments he makes about liking hanging out with you are...concerning. Does he say that to YOU or to your boyfriend who relays that back to you? If the two of you are having those conversations I think you're on a slipperly slope.

I'm sure you have a very nice boyfriend - but sometimes people don't realize, especially when you're young, that being with a person who is just nice and perfect doesn't always mean that they are perfect for YOU and as you grow you may see that. You may not and you really are perfect for eachother. But if you start to notice other guys grabbing your attention over time, it's OK to break up with a perfectly nice boyfriend to go in search of someone else.

Summerful

Thanks everyone for the support, it is just awkward for me to be around his friend. Taking time just my boyfriend and I together would be a good idea, although we already do that lots.

bongygs

I need to read posting more clearly...

Summerful

I think you're awfully young to have your forever guy, you know? Yes, yes, sometimes high school sweethearts work out. That being said, it's not an awful thing to have a bit of a crush on someone else as long as you don't act on it. The comments he makes about liking hanging out with you are...concerning. Does he say that to YOU or to your boyfriend who relays that back to you? If the two of you are having those conversations I think you're on a slipperly slope.

I'm sure you have a very nice boyfriend - but sometimes people don't realize, especially when you're young, that being with a person who is just nice and perfect doesn't always mean that they are perfect for YOU and as you grow you may see that. You may not and you really are perfect for eachother. But if you start to notice other guys grabbing your attention over time, it's OK to break up with a perfectly nice boyfriend to go in search of someone else.

He says it directly to me up-close and personal (in front of my boyfriend who is usually next to me).. I am 20 years old, I know that is still very young so I can see where your coming from haha. Thank you for the help, its very appreciated and good to keep in mind

Nix143

I like to think about it like this - ok, so you met your guy and he's super amazing and you love him and you want to be with him forever, yes? But forever is a mighty long time and it's just......I dunno.......highly unlikely that in all that forever time together that neither one of you aren't going to meet people you are attracted to on some level or other. To expect otherwise is to subscribe to the notion that there is ONE person in the whole entire world that we could possibly ever fall in love with - which when you consider how many people there are in the world is pretty durn unlikely. So yeah, you will occasionally see people, meet people, who make you go well hello there........;)

Now if you accept that this is just natural then it kinda takes the threat away from the situation if that makes sense. Finding someone attractive is a country mile away from actually acting on it. But when you believe that once you love one person that should shut you off from ever appreciating, being attracted to anyone else, then when you do find yourself looking at someone with more than a passing interest it can fry your brain. After all you're not SUPPOSED to ever find anyone else attractive ever? Isn't that how it goes?

Nope. You will see people and so will he and so will I and so will most everybody I reckon. Accept it, don't bang your brains about it, it will pass. Living a life together is a series of decisions where you say YES to the place you have chosen to be and NO to certain other possibilities.

I've been long distance for over 4 years now

kimosabe1

this happens a lot. Wait till you actually know him better and he probably won't be as cute! lol...

Tapemymouthshutplease

You will find in your lifetime that you are attracted to many different men. You might even be suprised by who you are attracted to. I honestly don't believe in soul mates, I think there are lots of people you could marry and be really happy with. How you deal with this is very important though. If you love your boyfriend don't act on this crush. It sounds like what you have with him is special and something that will last. Don't let this crush turn your head. Treat the guy like you would any of his other friends, and keep the crush to yourself otherwise you will end up hurting your boyfriend really bad. The fact that the guy has flirted with you a little is not a good thing, he isn't really a true friend to your boyfriend if he would flirt with you! He seems of poor character, so watch out! Good luck, I hope you make the right decision for you! : )

supertracylynn

I'm in a semi-long distance "relationship". The days we spend apart suck since I VERY much enjoy him - and only him.

That being said, when I am unsure of him, or me, or where he stands, or where I stand, it's easy to get caught up in a mini-crush. I know the little crush will fade so don't act on it. It causes me to pause and figure out why I'm feeling whatever I'm feeling. Usually it ends with me crying for a bit while I war within myself about whether or not I'm okay with the way we've designed out "relationship". Always, the answer has been yes.
Yes, I'm very happy with him. Yes, I'd rather miss him than be without him completely. Yes, I only want him.

If you pursued your feelings with this other man, how will you feel about your relationship with your current man? Would you be okay setting him aside while you sow your wild oats? Risk losing him altogether to another woman?
OR
Would you rather see where this is going with your boyfriend?
OR....
Are you feeling this way because you're wanting your boyfriend to ask you to marry him? Just so you know, dating this other man isn't going to cause that to happen.

Summerful

You will find in your lifetime that you are attracted to many different men. You might even be suprised by who you are attracted to. I honestly don't believe in soul mates, I think there are lots of people you could marry and be really happy with. How you deal with this is very important though. If you love your boyfriend don't act on this crush. It sounds like what you have with him is special and something that will last. Don't let this crush turn your head. Treat the guy like you would any of his other friends, and keep the crush to yourself otherwise you will end up hurting your boyfriend really bad. The fact that the guy has flirted with you a little is not a good thing, he isn't really a true friend to your boyfriend if he would flirt with you! He seems of poor character, so watch out! Good luck, I hope you make the right decision for you! : )

You are totally right, him sending me mixed messages is not a very good friend like thing to do. I have heard in the past he has cheated on girls and he doesn't seem like the "ideal" friend. I have been around him quite a few times and have only seen a nice side of him, but there is probably another side I probably don't want to see. Maybe it is just seeing someone so different than my boyfriend (negative ways) that got my curiosity going.

Summerful

I want to be with my boyfriend forever, I really don't know why I am attracted to someone so opposite of him and who I would never want to be in a relationship with because of their character.. lol

ShmoozyQ

Don't get too down on yourself about it. Like someone else said, you'll learn to accept that sometimes being attracted to someone else is just part of life. We can't turn off that part of our brain when we're in a relationship or marriage. It's human.

kimothy38

Maybe it's your nurturing side coming out. Sounds like your partner's friend in a tough situation and maybe you want him to be as happy you guys are. It's normal, don't worry about too much. The grass usually greener though but I guess you know that already. Good luck.

Summerful

Maybe it's your nurturing side coming out. Sounds like your partner's friend in a tough situation and maybe you want him to be as happy you guys are. It's normal, don't worry about too much. The grass usually greener though but I guess you know that already. Good luck.

You are probably right. I am naturally a very very loving person and like to help others and care for them lol.