When your family is insane... need help.
Options
Keltinator
Posts: 265
Hi there. I just started here, hello, howdy, etc. But I din't post this in the intro forum because I need some help here.
What inspired me to start this journey was my family. They're obese. I'm not, just a tad overweight, but I want to start living healthier before I end up like them.
Example. Today I was making a hot chocolate and my cousin (14yrs old, 180+lb) came into the kitchen. She decided to make one, too. Now, I make mine with boiled water and instant powder. Instead of water, or even milk, she used...
Whipping cream, unwhipped. God help me. She made herself an extra-double-gigantic mug of it, topped it with... more whipped cream... and proceded to drink it in around fifteen minutes.
I want to help them! I'm sure someone here has dealt with family issues like this! How do I politely ask my family to change their eating habits, without hurting their feelings?
--EEK.
What inspired me to start this journey was my family. They're obese. I'm not, just a tad overweight, but I want to start living healthier before I end up like them.
Example. Today I was making a hot chocolate and my cousin (14yrs old, 180+lb) came into the kitchen. She decided to make one, too. Now, I make mine with boiled water and instant powder. Instead of water, or even milk, she used...
Whipping cream, unwhipped. God help me. She made herself an extra-double-gigantic mug of it, topped it with... more whipped cream... and proceded to drink it in around fifteen minutes.
I want to help them! I'm sure someone here has dealt with family issues like this! How do I politely ask my family to change their eating habits, without hurting their feelings?
--EEK.
0
Replies
-
Wow. You've got a challenge on your hands. But, unfortunately there is not much you can do. A person must WANT to change for THEMSELVES before they will change for anyone else. It is going to be very difficult to get others to see they have a problem if they believe they are just fine. The more pressure you place on someone, the further away it will drive them. I am a recovering alcoholic and for over 6 years was convinced I was just fine. I REFUSED to listen to ANYONE that tried to help me, guide me, or teach me. Rock bottom came upon me fast and hard with the help of a few hours behind bars and a huge drain on my bank account.
Food is the same. A person must hit rock bottom and truly see themselves (inside and outside) before they are willing to change eating habits, diet, exercise habits, etc. My best advice is to keep healthy foods around you and your home. Encourage your family to join you for a walk around the block or ask your teenage cousin to spend a day with you "window shopping". That is an excellent way to get some exercise without really thinking that it's exercise. Also, persuade them to try "new" foods or ways to prepare food. You could say "hey, I heard about this recipe, wanna try it out?". After preparing it and eating it (and they are wowed with the taste and ask what is in it), you can explain to them just how simple the recipe was and it was made from all fresh ingredients, etc. You get the idea.
Just don't push your family. It will drive them away and further hinder the good that you want to do.0 -
Firerox21 great reply. I have a similar problem with my wife. She is diabetic AND obese and refuses to deal with the issue. The more I push the more bull-headed she gets. I love her but there is only so much you can do. I may try some of your more covert suggestions.0
-
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P0
-
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Wishing to help ignorance isn't being rude. You, however, are. So help your own rudeness and be an example, hmm?0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Maybe if someone told you at 14 to stop stuffing your face with cupcakes you wouldn't be where you're at now.0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
lol bitter much? Grow up0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Hey, what's up with the attitude, dude? I read your profile and I can see you have had some challenges in your life, so you certainly ought to be able to understand when someone is asking for help.
Your profile says you profess to be a Christian. While that may be true, the tone of your reply to the original poster does not demonstrate much understanding. It sounds more like someone copping a 'tude. Maybe that was not your intention, but that is how it came across.0 -
I'm not being rude, i'm telling the truth. they have to want to help themselves. If SHE wants to change HERSELF all the power to her. but she CANT control others. only be an example.0
-
I'm not being rude, i'm telling the truth. they have to want to help themselves. If SHE wants to change HERSELF all the power to her. but she CANT control others. only be an example.
True. You cannot control others, it'll just push them away. They have to want to do it0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Maybe if someone told you at 14 to stop stuffing your face with cupcakes you wouldn't be where you're at now.
Seriously? Do you jus' want to put somone down that bad?
But maybe your right. i've been fat my whole life.
so another judgemental person saying that probably wouldn't have helped.
Maybe they would've jus pushed me that one more inch towards suicide i was going to at that age.
Or maybe the wouldve helped.
Too late to know now.0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Hey, what's up with the attitude, dude? I read your profile and I can see you have had some challenges in your life, so you certainly ought to be able to understand when someone is asking for help.
Your profile says you profess to be a Christian. While that may be true, the tone of your reply to the original poster does not demonstrate much understanding. It sounds more like someone copping a 'tude. Maybe that was not your intention, but that is how it came across.
Sorry, but its frustrating. maybe i am having an attitude. maybe she sincerly wants to help them. but it sounds like she jus wants to talk...
And theres nothing worst than a family member gossiping about how freaking fat you are...0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Hey, what's up with the attitude, dude? I read your profile and I can see you have had some challenges in your life, so you certainly ought to be able to understand when someone is asking for help.
Your profile says you profess to be a Christian. While that may be true, the tone of your reply to the original poster does not demonstrate much understanding. It sounds more like someone copping a 'tude. Maybe that was not your intention, but that is how it came across.
Sorry, but its frustrating. maybe i am having an attitude. maybe she sincerly wants to help them. but it sounds like she jus wants to talk...
And theres nothing worst than a family member gossiping about how freaking fat you are...
She doesn't appear to be gossiping. She's asking for help about what she can do to help other people.
Let us all step back and breathe. It's hard to want to help people who aren't willing to chance no matter how unhealthy and self-destructive they're being. It's also hard being in the situation when the only person who can help you is yourself and you've a long journey ahead of you.
But, see, the best cure is to have prevented something in the first place. And, if done right, intervention saves lives, or at least, many years of misery.0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Hey, what's up with the attitude, dude? I read your profile and I can see you have had some challenges in your life, so you certainly ought to be able to understand when someone is asking for help.
Your profile says you profess to be a Christian. While that may be true, the tone of your reply to the original poster does not demonstrate much understanding. It sounds more like someone copping a 'tude. Maybe that was not your intention, but that is how it came across.
Sorry, but its frustrating. maybe i am having an attitude. maybe she sincerly wants to help them. but it sounds like she jus wants to talk...
And theres nothing worst than a family member gossiping about how freaking fat you are...
I agree with your last statement. I am glad you responded, because you sound a lot more thoughtful now than you did the first time:flowerforyou: I wish you peace and success in 2010.0 -
Your just rude. Help yourself and be a freaking example. Dont join the site just to come talk about how fat your family is. Who are you to judge? That kid is only 14 and 180. I was 14 and 250. He's probably jus ignorant like i was. Now get off your giant food throne and be an example and run a freaking mile...if you can that is :P
Hey, what's up with the attitude, dude? I read your profile and I can see you have had some challenges in your life, so you certainly ought to be able to understand when someone is asking for help.
Your profile says you profess to be a Christian. While that may be true, the tone of your reply to the original poster does not demonstrate much understanding. It sounds more like someone copping a 'tude. Maybe that was not your intention, but that is how it came across.
Sorry, but its frustrating. maybe i am having an attitude. maybe she sincerly wants to help them. but it sounds like she jus wants to talk...
And theres nothing worst than a family member gossiping about how freaking fat you are...
Honestly, sounds more like you are taking her comments personally, btdt much? I understand your points but the OP sounded more like a lightbulb has gone off for her (I don't want to be obese) so she now is trying to figure out how to spread the word without offending.
I think the replies posted give great advice, and you are right, setting a good example is ALWAYS the best road. So, giving someone advice on how to not post "gossipish" posts or come off as rude, without actually using the words gossip and rude, would be setting a great example, wouldn't it??? If you want your advice to be taken seriously, it might be good to take some of it yourself
You have obviously btdt with family members talking about you, so a plea for compassion and sound advice on what might have helped you would be a much higher, and more helpful, road to take.0 -
i wasn't asking for pity..0
-
Lead by example. Share what you've learned, but try not to be too pushy...you can't shove health down someone's throat. It's hard enough to do this when you want it more than anything...it would be impossible if it wasn't something you were ready for. You can't change anyone else, you can only lead the way, and hope they follow, but don't count on it.
With the hot chocolate incident...did you say anything? I might have told her how crazy fattening the whipping cream is, and suggest she try a hot chocolate your way- maybe with a dollop of whipped cream on top. She probably would have still had the hot chocolate her way, but at the very least you may plant a seed of awareness.0 -
Honestly, I don't think there is much you can do aside from giving encouragement... especially with your young cousin. In my experience, weight loss just does NOT work if the person does not want it and also cannot fully commit to a lifestyle change. Of course, none of us want to be overweight, but there's a difference between not wanting to be fat and truly wanting to better your life and your body. Your cousin, and each individual member of your family, will have to make that decision for themselves. All you can do is hope to inspire through your own success, and encourage and support those who show an interest in joining you. Good luck 0
-
Markie, breathe. Everyone, do the same. We are all here for a reason. All of us have a story. Many people will share, while others will only read on the sidelines until they are ready. (See "What Caused Your Weight Gain by Pannelkat"). The original poster was not being rude by any means. She was posting out of concern and frustration. Markie, I don't know if you read my post earlier in this thread, but I stated "a person MUST WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY CAN HELP ANYONE ELSE. Now, I have not read the original poster's profile, but she must be here to help herself. She posted out of frustration. The sense of helplessness can be so overwhelming.
On another note, it does not matter if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc., the want to help another is something that should be revered in this day and age as the world seems to be lacking (I watch WAY TOO much of the nightly news).
It is only out of LOVE and RESPECT did the original poster bring to light her concerns for her family. She is frustrated and exasperated.
As to the original poster being an example herself; maybe she is trying. I try EVERYDAY from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep to be a better example to MY FORMER SELF (drunk, slovenly, just plain crappy). I am not ashamed to admit it either. So please Markie, ease up. We are all here to feel better for ourselves, about ourselves, and our families. AND, if we can bring them along for the ride (for the better) so be it!!!!0 -
I don't think there is much you can do other than live by example. Its hard enough to change people that you live with (spouse, parents, ect) let alone extended family. No one can change until they are ready to do it themselves. Control what you can -- say when they're at your home or your at theirs bring healthy options don't allow junk into the house, ect. After they start seeing how much thinner, healthy, and more full of life your becoming I'm willing to bet they might be more willing to try to join your lifestyle with you. I know that I would feel depressed & extremely sad if one of my family members said put down the whip cream and start jogging. (Even if it was in a loving way -- I wouldn't have been ready to hear that until I was ready to change myself.) Just offer your support and offer if anyone wants to go rollerblading, jogging, ect with you. Work on what YOU can change. 0
-
All that is easy to say unless your watching a diabetic wife of twenty years kill herself slowly by refusing to come terms with the fact she is ill!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 934 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions