the worst thing ever said.

saudade87

i'm sorry but to completely understand the situation, you have to hear a story.
my boyfriend is great. he has been supportive of me trying to get into school, going for my BSN as a nurse, working nightshift as a nurse, etc. during my weight gain, i still felt loved by him even though i've never felt so horrible. he has helped me pay for my school loans when i had trouble. he's cried next to me, laughed at the best of times.
but he said something so hurtful today, that i'm completely blindsided.
i've gained 50 lbs since nursing school, all due to stress and lack of sleep and eating ice cream at 12am. along with the gain, i've tried just about every weight loss tool- medifast, weight watcher, zumba, workout dvds... the list goes on...
i was trying to fill out paperwork for the YMCA financial assistance program, i thought that because it had a lap pool, i could start up my love of swimming. since i had to change my status to pool nurse because of my full time status at school. i got frustrated looking for paperwork because he shredded all of our bills, so i had no evidence of need. he also wouldn't provide his tax return because "its a gym membership! why on earth do they need to know that??" being periody and PMS-y, i yelled and screamed at him in frustration and anger and he said:
what difference does it make? you would never go anyway! you'll just stay this way!

you'll just stay this way.

i cant even put to words how i feel right now.
i would love some comfort, but in a way, i think he is right. when will be my turning point?

allthismusic

yikes. that was a little harsh.

all i can say is PROVE HIM WRONG

Crochetluvr

all i can say is PROVE HIM WRONG

^^^^THIS!!!

basslinewild

PROVE HIM WRONG

This.

chicadejmu

Exactly. Make up your mind that today is your turning point. Then he looks like a jerk and you can secretly appreciate the fact that he gave you the push you needed. Even if it was really mean and hurtful.

MyaPapaya75

walk it off and watch calories u dont need a gym..then leave his butt

amy32lynn

PROVE HIM WRONG

This.

yep this!!!!!!!!! make him eat his words !!!!!!

mom2dms

OUCH! You will make the change when YOU'RE ready to do it for you and no one else. Until then, you will try but give up. You have to discover your WHY and then nothing else matters. I'd say prove him wrong. Nothing says I told you so like a sweet fitting pair of jeans!

jt221990

i'm sorry but to completely understand the situation, you have to hear a story.
my boyfriend is great. he has been supportive of me trying to get into school, going for my BSN as a nurse, working nightshift as a nurse, etc. during my weight gain, i still felt loved by him even though i've never felt so horrible. he has helped me pay for my school loans when i had trouble. he's cried next to me, laughed at the best of times.
but he said something so hurtful today, that i'm completely blindsided.
i've gained 50 lbs since nursing school, all due to stress and lack of sleep and eating ice cream at 12am. along with the gain, i've tried just about every weight loss tool- medifast, weight watcher, zumba, workout dvds... the list goes on...
i was trying to fill out paperwork for the YMCA financial assistance program, i thought that because it had a lap pool, i could start up my love of swimming. since i had to change my status to pool nurse because of my full time status at school. i got frustrated looking for paperwork because he shredded all of our bills, so i had no evidence of need. he also wouldn't provide his tax return because "its a gym membership! why on earth do they need to know that??" being periody and PMS-y, i yelled and screamed at him in frustration and anger and he said:
what difference does it make? you would never go anyway! you'll just stay this way!

you'll just stay this way.

i cant even put to words how i feel right now.
i would love some comfort, but in a way, i think he is right. when will be my turning point?

Are you sure you didn't say something nasty to spur him into that when you being "PMS-Y"? Not a nice comment, but him being frustrated and you attacking him doesn't give you free range to feel victimized and blameless.

On the whole good feelings, nice vibes and the like...

It takes two to argue

"Nobody can make you feel like anything without you permission"- Eleanor Roosevelt

And of course, you could always read the poem "Invictus"...."...I am the captain of my fate/I am the master of my soul"

And yes of course, prove him wrong. But right now maybe just focus on making up? Use this as a way to start a conversation of him supporting you throughout your weight loss experience.

2anagha

You should use this as your rock-bottom. It hurt that he said it, but for it to hurt so much that means that there was a part of you that thinks the same thing (you're stuck this way). If you thought it was just temporary and you'd be motivated to get yourself out of it, it would be easier to shrug it off. Gaining some weight during a stressful time is natural for some people (for some people, stress turns into losing too much weight. not a problem I'll ever have, but I know it exists for some). However, 50 pounds is really a lot. It sounds like you guys have a really good relationship, but if there are very drastic changes from one partner, it is somewhat unreasonable to expect the other partner to simply accept them wholeheartedly, look the other way, and not harbor any sort of worry/resentment/diminished attraction for it. The fact that he's such a support to you makes me think that he thinks that you're worth staying around for, but I suspect he might fear that he'll stick around and you will let this stuation turn permanent.

Let this be your turning point. If you guys have so much going for yourselves in so many other realms, it is not worth letting this wilt due to your weight gain. It is also not realistic for somebody to be as attracted to another person who has drastically changed from the person that they initially found attractive. Over time, loss of attraction will lead to resentment and chip away at some of the good things you have in your relationship.

Please take this as a wake-up call. Start small. Don't try to do EVERYTHING. Just do two things. Don't buy any ice cream and don't have any food after a certain cut-off time at night. Start with that, and then bit by bit add an extra five minutes or so to your physical activity. Even if you don't make huge drastic strides at once, giving yourself even a small calorie debt every day will help lessen the weight. The key is to commit yourself to doing something very small, BUT STAYING COMMITTED. We are all here to support you, so draw upon your MFP friends for continued encouragement!

GenesisandEden

Today can be your day this is for you.

Jde56

Maybe he loves you just as you are and doesn't want you to lose weight!

Arexxx

I'm sure he didn't mean to sound like such an *kitten*. And it's not that bad. Sometimes people just say the wrong thing. Just prove him wrong

pastryari

Talk to him. You said that you have a great relationship and he's always been there for you. People say things they may not mean when frustrated/upset/angry. That sounds like this was the case.

Also, like everyone else has said, prove him wrong. Take a negative and turn it into a positive by using it as motivation.

chatipati1

When you decided to do this for you, and no one else, you will do it. You don't need a gym, in my opinion. Just determination. Good luck to you.

charelg

Motivation to lose the weight! Then you can say repeat what u said a while back.

Songbird1104

I agree with the other posters that this could be your "turning point." Time to prove him wrong and get back into that body you want.

Regarding his hurtful comment, you said that you screamed and yelled in anger and frustration. Perhaps he was responding in the same way. I'm not saying it's right, but we all - at times - say things that we don't REALLY mean, because we ourselves are frustrated or hurt. Perhaps your boyfriend let slip such an awful comment because he'd had a rough day and you were yelling and you were both stressed. Maybe he's frustrated alongside of you, watching you WANT to change but not having the gumption to. It's stressful to watch someone you love struggle with something.

I think he should have been more supportive and understanding, but if this is his first rotten comment during your whole journey, I would attribute it to the heat of the discussion and nothing more. Unless he keeps it up, I wouldn't dump his butt. However, I think that you should definitely talk to him and tell him how much that comment stung. Maybe he's silently regretting it. You could suggest that you work out together! Involve him in your weight loss; a workout buddy is fun and supportive!

MHO

honey_bee_keysha

yikes. that was a little harsh.

all i can say is PROVE HIM WRONG

Agreed!

Sarah0866

Maybe he doesnt understand how serious you are about losing weight...make your point by eating clean and coming up with a workout regimen you can enjoy and stick with..you got this

kimosabe1

Nothing feels better than proving someone wrong...when you do it though, tell him you did!

chinakat72

My husband has been so supportive of me, while I've yo-yo'd up and down 60-100 lbs several times during our 15 years together. But no matter how supportive he is, I can tell that he just has no clue about my struggles. He has no problem with his weight, and no issues with food. He listens when I cry on his shoulder, and he pays for my gym memberships and in the past, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc. But he kind of has this blank look on his face that tells me that he just doesn't "get" it. Sounds like your guy might have a similar issue. He probably doesn't understand that this is so much more than just going to the gym or eating better food. I would cut him some slack if that's true, but don't ignore the comment. You'll resent him for this, even after you prove him wrong. I personally say, talk to him. Tell him you understand that in the past you haven't been successful in your weight loss, but that you learn something from every attempt and you need him to support your positive efforts to continue. His comment seems to have been said in the heat of the moment, in which you were both angry. Keep that in mind. How he responds to your conversation after you've both calmed down would give you a much more realistic view of how he really feels.

That being said, go out there and prove him wrong! But don't do it for him, do it for you. Like other posters have said, make small changes. Do little things that are healthier and don't worry about changing your entire lifestyle overnight. It's easier to stick with in the long haul and you're less likely to give up. Good luck!

Pinkigloopyxie

You can prove him wrong, and do so, but I'm pretty sure you hurt his feelings just as much by yelling and screaming at him. PMS isn't permission nor is it an excuse.

I'm not meaning to harp on you specifically, sorry, I just know that women often use it to get away with hurtful behavior and don't even realize what it really does to other people at times.

Now what you can do to help with the weight loss and food thing is sit down and identify the things causing you stress in your life. Try a stream of consciousness method and just write whatever comes to mind without looking back at what you are reading. If you can identify the things that are causing you problems you can then identify strategies to help you cope, whether that be meditation or just taking some time every day to organize your overwhelming thoughts or something else. And as for ice cream, just don't buy it. When you really want some, fork out the extra money to get some from a shop, in the long run it will be cheaper than weekly ice cream shopping. Try some frozen grapes instead, they're sweet and cold and you can suck on them for a while. Besides that, by the time you're halfway through that bowl of ice cream I bet you can't even really taste it properly, which is a sad waste of delicious ice cream.

xxbookwormbabexx

Guys say awful things when faced with an argument... Any trace of a filter flies out the window! Haha.
My boyfriend has made some bad comments too...
All I can say is prove him wrong!! One of the best feelings is doing what others say you cannot do.
Good luck!

AZKristi

Sounds like he was just mad you were fighting and just scored a cheap shot to end the conversation. They are his tax returns and if he doesn't want to share them he shouldn't have to.

Wouldn't the YMCA want your tax returns anyway? As you aren't married, HIS earnings should not be considered when determining YOUR financial need. Therefore, you should be providing your own tax returns not his. If you didn't file taxes, perhaps the YMCA will consider information you provided in your FAFSA that you filled out when you went back to school.

VanessaHeartsMasr

PROVE HIM WRONG GIRL!! When I started on MFP, my husband said some pretty hurtful things to me too, such as, "Just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing," and "I'm not taking this whole thing seriously. You've said you were going to lose weight before and never have. Just go to McDonald's." Oh, and this one, "That girl at the gym is even bigger than you are!!" Wow, thanks honey. What a compliment! 45 days and 14 pounds down. I'm proving him wrong. It feels good. AND he has apologized for the hurtful things he said to me. Whatever you do, don't crawl into a corner and give up! Fight for yourself!! It feels super amazing!

leeanneowens

It seems that up until you got into the argument he was supportive. He probably didn't mean what he said. We all say things we regret in the heat of an argument. Talk to him about it. As for losing the weight, if you are determined, you most certainly can do it.

EnchantedEvening

You were yelling and screaming at him for shredding bills, something most people do (shred bills, that is). He had no way of knowing you might need them for an application today, so I don't blame him for getting defensive and yelling right back. I probably would have thought you were completely psycho if you'd come at me like that.

Was what he said mean? Yes, of course, but I can understand why he said it. He probably felt attacked and hurt, the same way you do now. People say stupid crap when they argue. You should hear some of the nonsense my boyfriend and I hurl at each other sometimes, only to wake up and say, "OMG, did I really say that to you? I'm so sorry."

Have you made a resolution to lose weight, many times, that he's probably heard over and over? I know I told my boyfriend I was "trying" for two solid years, even walking and such now and again, and he probably had a mental "okay... yeah... sure..." response every time I talked about it. I wouldn't have blamed him for hurling that at me if I came at him like a banshee one night.

It was a comment like your boyfriend's that helped me reach my turning point, though, so maybe it will work that way for you. My boyfriend was telling me a story about some big guy at work, and when he described him, he said, "He's like this big Santa guy. He's bigger than YOU." I was shocked, hurt, and sad. He realized what he'd said right away and apologized, but it had already been said. That's when I started losing weight.

Do it for you, first and foremost, but also think about how smug you'll get to be when you hit your goal weight and prove him wrong.

I hope you feel better soon. I really do think it was just a stupid argument. Give him time to cool down, give YOURSELF time to cool down, and talk about it. Don't pass blame or judgment. Just talk about how you feel. Use a lot of "I" statements instead of "you" statements.

ReyneDrop

You were yelling and screaming at him for shredding bills, something most people do (shred bills, that is). He had no way of knowing you might need them for an application today, so I don't blame him for getting defensive and yelling right back. I probably would have thought you were completely psycho if you'd come at me like that.

Was what he said mean? Yes, of course, but I can understand why he said it. He probably felt attacked and hurt, the same way you do now. People say stupid crap when they argue. You should hear some of the nonsense my boyfriend and I hurl at each other sometimes, only to wake up and say, "OMG, did I really say that to you? I'm so sorry."

Have you made a resolution to lose weight, many times, that he's probably heard over and over? I know I told my boyfriend I was "trying" for two solid years, even walking and such now and again, and he probably had a mental "okay... yeah... sure..." response every time I talked about it. I wouldn't have blamed him for hurling that at me if I came at him like a banshee one night.

It was a comment like your boyfriend's that helped me reach my turning point, though, so maybe it will work that way for you. My boyfriend was telling me a story about some big guy at work, and when he described him, he said, "He's like this big Santa guy. He's bigger than YOU." I was shocked, hurt, and sad. He realized what he'd said right away and apologized, but it had already been said. That's when I started losing weight.

Do it for you, first and foremost, but also think about how smug you'll get to be when you hit your goal weight and prove him wrong.

I hope you feel better soon. I really do think it was just a stupid argument. Give him time to cool down, give YOURSELF time to cool down, and talk about it. Don't pass blame or judgment. Just talk about how you feel. Use a lot of "I" statements instead of "you" statements.

This.

People stay stuff when they're angry, and people tend to get angry when they feel attacked. Let him know how you feel once you booth are calmed down and ask for his support. People say "prove him wrong!" but it's not about him being wrong and you being right... it's about you realizing he has a point, he was hurt, and then moving on in both aspects of your life

BogQueen1

I'm guessing that he regretted those words the instant they left his mouth. He might not say it, but I guarantee watching you completely deflate in front of him he probably felt about two inches tall.

So take all that pain and hurt and frustration and channel it into the belief that you CAN do this and you CAN make yourself better. Don't do this to prove him wrong, because that's the wrong motivation. Revenge and anger are not fabulous jumping off points because eventually the hurt fades, and you may not remember why you wanted to make the change anymore. It's so hard to do, but you have to believe you are worth it and find the time to put yourself first. I struggle with this daily. But you CAN do it. Best of luck to you!

Leeannboswell

My husband has been so supportive of me, while I've yo-yo'd up and down 60-100 lbs several times during our 15 years together. But no matter how supportive he is, I can tell that he just has no clue about my struggles. He has no problem with his weight, and no issues with food. He listens when I cry on his shoulder, and he pays for my gym memberships and in the past, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc. But he kind of has this blank look on his face that tells me that he just doesn't "get" it. Sounds like your guy might have a similar issue. He probably doesn't understand that this is so much more than just going to the gym or eating better food. I would cut him some slack if that's true, but don't ignore the comment. You'll resent him for this, even after you prove him wrong. I personally say, talk to him. Tell him you understand that in the past you haven't been successful in your weight loss, but that you learn something from every attempt and you need him to support your positive efforts to continue. His comment seems to have been said in the heat of the moment, in which you were both angry. Keep that in mind. How he responds to your conversation after you've both calmed down would give you a much more realistic view of how he really feels.

That being said, go out there and prove him wrong! But don't do it for him, do it for you. Like other posters have said, make small changes. Do little things that are healthier and don't worry about changing your entire lifestyle overnight. It's easier to stick with in the long haul and you're less likely to give up. Good luck!

saudade87

I cannot even put to words how amazing everyine here is- so supprotive and yet telling the truth.

I think a lot of you were right when you said that in the heat of the arguement people say bad things, and wasn't a angel at the time. i did say some bad things as well. i can understand he felt attacked about something he never knew i would need in the future.

furthermore, i do believe that it becomes harder for a person to be attracted to someone who has changed so much from the time they met them, and i have. i do believe he has that frustration, even though he hides it well.

and this, ladies and gents, was the first things he has said concerning my weight issues.

we gave each other space, mostly because i think he didn't want to say any more hurtful things. we did have a brief talk before he left for work this morning. he kept saying 'i'm so sorry' but what got me was 'i'm afraid i'm going to stay this way too. i think i was just saying how i felt about myself' (he's 50 pounds overweight as well) he promised to talk to me as soon as he was done work.

i want this to be my turning point, but i also have this fear that i'll just fail again, just like all of my other "turning points"
i'm so over this overweight nonsense. i'm so much more that this.
thank you everyone for this, you have no idea how much this means to me.