Reaching out- I really need some motivation or help or an "a

mablesyrup

I've been on this site for a few years. There are months where I log in and keep track of calories etc... and lose weight.. and then I stop for whatever reasons- and gain weight- and then I reach 300lbs and go "wtf" and lose weight again. I've been on a roller coaster between 300 and 250lbs for the past 4 years.. prior to that I topped 350lbs- when I was at the lowest point in my life. I managed to just cut-out fast food and got my weight down to 250. But then for whatever reasons- ever since then.. I fluctuate between 300 and 250lbs. Right now I'm at 298 and having one of those "oh crap" moments.

I feel discouraged though- because I think of all the times I've lost those 50lbs to get back down to 250lbs... and think if I'd never gained it back- I'd be at my goal weight like 5 times. lol.

I'm a total emotional eater. I've figured out that my problems are snacking, soda and no exercise. Growing up, I got into a bad habit of not eating breakfast.. and as my weight increased and my self-consiousness grew, I stopped eating lunch at school (I was ashamed to eat in front of others-- and to a great extent I am now- i HATE going out to eat). SO I would come home from school STARVING.. and both of my parents were at work- so I'd made meals and eat them.. I'd eat a bowl a spaghettie and then eat a chicken sandwhich etc.. and then eat dinner later when they were home.

Now I have 3 children. My 9 year old's weight has fluctuated. She was fine- actually on the thin side- up until she was in 2nd grade and we moved in with my grandparents. While I was gone at work- they would allow her to eat non-stop and when I got home they would brag that she is such a good eater because she ate 3 containers of Ravioli. So for a long time it's been easy for me to blame them- but the bottom line is- I'm her mother- it's my responsibility. Her weight progressively got higher- (she is a very tall girl too).. but this past summer, I worked with her (I really struggled with what to do because I didnt want to scare her or anything- because she never seemed to be concerned with her weight) and she was really starting to slim down.. and then she broke her leg. She was in a cast for months and she couldn't exercise or play etc... and her weight skyrocketed. I blamed it on that (which a great portion of it was).. but now her cast has been off for a few months and her weight is slowly creeping up.. She is 9 years old.. in 4th grade and she weighs 160lbs. She is constantly making comments about how she is "fat" and how kids tease her at school. It's almost more than I can take- having gone through the same thing growing up- I always swore I would NEVER EVER make any of my children ever have to endure that.

Anyways, I've finally realized that I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES- not only for myself, but for my children as well. I'm 30 years old- and I never realized how lazy I was. I would rather sit than get up to get a glass of water if i'm thirsty etc.. My two youngest daughters are 3 and 1 and I have zero energy most of the time.

The addition of Facebook has also - well I don't know. There are3 girls I went to high school with and knew- who are now friends with me on Facebook. In High School and middle school etc.. we were the "fat girls" in the school- and they ALL have lost the weight and look great now and are married and ahve kids. It makes me feel like an enormous failure-- why am I the only one who couldn't do it?

My biggest problem is the exercise. I've done it 50 times in the past- I can drink plenty of water and eat healthy etc... but the exercise is what gets me. Sure I feel great afterwards- but I have a hard time getting motivated... especially with 3 children! I cannot afford a gym membership right now and we don't have any exercise equipment. We do have a Wii, and I've even bought My Fitness Coach- I used it for 2 weeks after I got it- and then for whatever reasons stopped.

How do I motivate myself to get off my *kitten* and just do it everyday?

Also- another monkey in the wrench- we live with my grandparents and take care of them. However, they are ADDICTED to sweets and carbs and mayo and sugar and salt. haha. I don't care for sweets (carbs are a different story) mayo or sugar and salt (YUCK)... but my kids have picked up their habits (my 9 year old salts and peppers everything... i NEVER and pepper anything)... They are in their 80's- and are "thin".. there isn't anyway I'm going to curb their sweets (i swear they eat Pie every morning for breakfast and they have ice cream every night before bed.. not to mention the cookies and cakes in between meals etc..)

My 9 year old hates fruit. Even as an infant she wouldn't eat it. I've been trying so hard- I still to this day make her try fruit at least once a week- she doesn't like lettuce- but I at least have been able to get her to eat shredded lettuce on tacos (so I feel a small victory there. lol) She LOVES green beans (and believe me- we eat them almost everynight for dinner... ) So take that- on top of the bad eating habits she picks up from my grandparents (adding salt- and eating sweets with them).

But how can I say crap to them- when my weight speaks VOLUMES about my "healthy" lifestyle?

I got off on some tangents here...

so why not one more?

A relative in my family recently had WLS. Part of me feels jealous, because if I had insurance to cover it, I'm sure I would have had it done already. She is starting to lose weight and is giving me all of her clothes that don't fit anymore. I'm happy for her- but deep inside almost feel like it's a slap in the face, especially when she keeps giving me her clothes that no longer fit. I know in my heart- I don't need surgery, nor want it. I want to lose it a healthy way- and make a lifestyle change... not just put one more band-aid over things.

How can I motivate myself? I always read stories of significant weight loss for inspiration- and everyone always has these "a-ha" moments- and I've never had one- and I always have felt like I'd never really lose weight until I had an a-ha moment. But I'm getting scared. I'm 30- I don't want to have a heart attack and/or die. I don't want to put my kids through that- and I dont want my kids to grow up with obesity like I did. My knees make a horrible cracking/squeeking noice when I walk upstairs... I'm sick of feeling lazy. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and seeing myself thin- and then seeing pictures of myself and thinking, "omg is that really what I look like?"

Maybe my a-ha moment was yesterday. We dug out an old video that had me in it when I was in high school- and tonight my husband made the comment how throughout the entire video I was eating something.. =( So depressing to see a movie of myself from 15 years ago- and realizing that I really hadn't changed- other than just gained more weight.

Maybe my other a-ha moment was overhearing a conversation my husband had with a close friend a few weeks ago when we were having some problems and hearing him tell him that he just isn't attracted to me. =(

Help? please.

Zara11

"and then for whatever reasons stopped. " --- you keep saying this. "whatever reason." are you aware of what these reasons are?

figure out the reasons, and bulldoze past it. you have the ability to work out at home, be it running around, youtube videos, etc. if your daughter feel s bad, go walking/running with her. get a workout partner who also wants to lose weight. or tell your parents that they can eat crap food in their room, but to keep it out of the kitchen or something.

you know what's wrong, and you know how to fix it. all you need is willpower. we can't do that for you... but hopefully reinforcing that you have the tools will help.

bonitabeca

I can relate to a lot you said in your post.

One of the most important things I've ever learned is that if the dream is big enough, the facts will change. It sounds like you have a big dream: to be healthy, to be there for your kids, to set a great example, to live a long life. Those are great motivators. The most important thing you can do is think about those things all the time.

There's a great book out there called "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter. It's a hokey title and sounds silly, but the stuff in there works! He recommends making self-talk cards and reading them to yourself, out loud, at least 3 times per day. I can attest to the fact that it works.

So...you CAN lose the weight. If you can discipline yourself to think about your motivators, then you will naturally be motivated to follow through on your commitments.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you want to stay in touch!

barbiecat

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: the longest journey starts with a single step.

change something, even if it's something small like going for a fifteen minute walk or saying "no" to some food that you know isn't good for you, or drinking more water..........keep on doing that one small thing each day and then think about adding something new.

take it one day at a time
take baby steps
stay open minded to new ideas

you can do this :bigsmile: :drinker:

LJCannon

You can do this---one baby step at a time. Don't try to change things all at once. Just make small changes and give yourself--and your daughter--rewards when you succeed. It could be as simple as 'Walk for 10 minutes every day' After a week or whatever time period you set, reward yourselves with a manicure or pedicure. Other goals could be drinking 8 glasses of water every day, or having a certain # of veggies every day with a new blouse at the end of the time you set. Also maybe try new kinds of veggies or new ways of cooking them? Have you tried Spaghetti Squash? I love it with a little spray butter or marinara sauce.
Please be kind to yourself. You made some bad decisions maybe, but you made a GREAT decision by coming on here and asking for help.
:flowerforyou: We can do this. 2010 will be a GREAT year if we just stick together.

cuppy81

Wow. I read your entire post. Don't lose heart. Changing your eating habits can be sooo difficult. I am struggling with it myself. But I take it day by day. Make small goals for yourself, and perhaps for your children too. Then you can achieve them together. Achieving your daily goals turns into you achieving your weekly goals, monthly goals, and before you know it your ultimate goal.

Yeah I know...easy to say rather than do. When you don't feel like exercising or eating right, think about your daily goal, or perhaps of a person who really inspires you to get moving. Make your goal simple and realistic for yourself and your children.
I am lucky because I have my sister to motivate me. She weighs less than me, but we still motivate each other to exercise, and eat healthy. We think of an event (birthday, holiday, gathering, etc.) that we want to look good for and work hard to achieve the goal.

I am an emotional eater too. I recently came across some advice from Jillian Michaels to make a list of things you can do when you feel down that have nothing to do with food. Sort of a "Rescue List" when times are bad and you want to reach for the bag of cookies (that's me). Well I hope that helps you out. :flowerforyou:

Tamishumate

You can do this!! YOU just need to realize you are WORTH IT!! and , that it is not going to be a quick fix, it will take time!

This is my NEW Favorite Quote" This is no time for ease and comfort. It is time to dare and endure." Winston Churchill . its time to get uncomfortable with yourself, every single day, do something that is out of your comfort zone, that is the only way you will get past what keeps you trapped in.
Best of luck!
See my pics. Hope they help!

kiffypooh

I hear so much of what you are saying. I grew up over weight and had my daughter swearing I wouldn't raise her to be over weight. I've been going on and off Weight Watchers since I had her (2 1/2 years ago) and started a serious weight loss journey the beginning of 2009, but didn't have my ahha moment until a few months ago when it all clicked and became a lifestyle change and a reality that my daughter deserves better then I have been giving her. You can read my profile for the ahha moment, however, with a lot of the motivation I've had to listen to Nike and Just Do It! Didn't really understand that slogan and thought it was kind of stupid until I would get up and not want to work out and 20 minutes later I finished it and thought, "wow, that was good for my body and good that my daughter knows I just did that for ME!" I started training for to walk a 1/2 marathon last May and there were many days I didn't want to walk, but at that point I had to just do. Thanks to these just making myself do them, I lost 40 lbs this past year. I'm currently unemployed and we are on a tight budget right now so I work out to the free OnDemand workouts on TV. I've been doing the 30 Day Shreds and my friend and I are doing 30DS for 30 days (one day off a week to rest). For the first few months I used soup cans as weights until my sister loaned me some 1lbs weights. My husband just gave me 3 lbs ones for Christmas. That's when I knew I had made some concrete chnges, weights, workout mat and an ear warmer for walking was what Santa brought me this year.
A great way to get and stay motivated is join a group on here. Tell them that you tend to fall off and start gaining and ask them to email you and make you come back if you disappear. Being able to talk, joke and ask about yours and other people journeys may be very helpful. Plus, if you feel like others are watching or depending on you you may be more likely to come back.
If you want to friend me I would be happy to pal up with you. Remember it's not just for you, its for your kids!!! You can't tell them it's not a healthy way to eat as you are chowin down on something not very healthy. Kids learn by example and you want to be the example, not your grandparents. You can make a point to walk every day as a time to reconnect as your family, not including your grandparents. A family meeting while you stroll around the neighborhood.
Best of luck!!
Catherine

lucas_donna

Hi! I read your entire blog as well as everyone else's. There is a LOT of great advice. I am new to this site, but not new to dieting. I know where you are coming from as far as yo-yo dieting and 'If I had only stuck to my earlier diets, I would have been at my goal weight a long time ago', but you can't change the past, so stop looking at it. Just look forward because the future is one thing you can change. When you have a lot to lose, it can get overwhelming, so what I have found to be helpful to me is just take one day at at time. If I think about all the exercise and dieting I need to do for the month, I get depressed. (I'm not used to it yet). I almost start to panic, thinking "I can't do this". But when I get like that, I just stop and calm myself down and say "just think about today, you can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow!" Believe it or not, that helps tremendously. Another thing I can sympathize with you about is not eating for a long time and then binging at night. So one thing I have recently started doing which really helps is I bought 100 calorie snacks like they were going out of style, and then every 2 hours, I eat one. Since they are only 100 calories, you can eat them pretty often without going over your calories and since I am eating something every 2 hours, (even though it's a small snack), I am less likely to binge or eat "emotionally". That has honestly been one of the best helps for me. I also agree with a lot of other people's posts to try to do some kind of exercise every day. I also have the Wii and I love it. I can do an actual "workout" with the Wii Fit Plus, but if I don't feel like doing that, I can do just a few "games" that really work you out and the time flies and I don't even realize I am working out. When I don't feel like exercising, that's usually what I do. But if you are in the mood to get up and do something, I personally recommend walking. For me personally, walking doesn't feel as hard as other exercises. In fact, I'm up to 6 miles at a time! Not long ago, I would have said you were lying if you told me I could do that. But I'm doing it. You don't need to do 6 miles, but maybe just start with 15 minutes. But do it every day and your body will get used to it. When you think it's not too hard anymore, up it to 20 minutes, then 25, etc. Don't push yourself too much or you won't want to do it. You need to learn your limit. Keep up the hard work. You CAN do it! Keep us posted! Good luck.

judy2010

oops post in error

weaklink109

Hello bruiseviolet,

I read your post and all the others. There are some good tips that have already been given. In your case, it sounds like you know what you NEED to do, it is a matter of keeping the MOTIVATION to make consistent progress.

Since you are living with your grandparents, as opposed to the other way around, there is probably a limit to how much you can expect of them. One poster suggested having them eat their unhealthy food in their room and keep it out of the kitchen, but under the circumstances, that probably isn't realistic--if it is THEIR house. You could, however, rearrange the kitchen in such a way that your food is separate from theirs, so you don't have to encounter constantly looking at unhealthy temptations. The fridge might be a bit of a minefield, but you will always face temptations, so you will have to develop some coping strategies to ignore them.

I am living proof that it CAN be done. Tonight, as an example, I visited my elderly parents and made them dinner because my mom is recovering from a fall and I am trying to keep her off her feet as much as I can. My dad can't live without dessert, so I came up with blueberries, on top of a slice of sugar free lemon loaf, with a dollop of whipped cream. My dad wanted his doctored up with ice cream and chocolate sauce, so that is what I did, but I had a half slice of the loaf, with 1/2 cup of blueberries and a small amount of whipped cream, and that was enough. My dad also likes potatoes first parboiled, then fried in butter, so I made them the way he liked them, but kept out a portion for myself, boiled but not fried, and had a small serving with a dash of butter.

It can be daunting to completely makeover your habits in one shot, so I agree with others who have said take smaller steps. And I agree, WALKING is wonderful. That is my cardio exercise of choice.

I hope you will stay connected to others on this site by posting on the threads. I call seeing one for people who are 300+, 200+ and another for those with over 100 lbs. to lose. There are threads for women who have kids. If you can't find just the right group for you, start your own just by creating a post.

You CAN do this. Tamishumate is a GREAT example of what perserverance can do. So is Barbiecat. She started in January '09 and will reach her goal weight by her one year anniversary date. 70 lbs in a year is quite an accomplishment. In your case, look at the bright side, you are getting back on track BEFORE you got back to your highest weight, so you have already accomplished something!!!

Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:

musclebuilder

You have to want to change more then anything else on earth. It has to be the single most important thing in your life. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes. That most likely means a combination of changing your eating habits, adding exercise and going to talk to a therapist who can help you. You have to be willing to face all the fears you have been running from for so long. And be willing to undo all the damage caused by living a self destructive life. You can take a step closer to winning that battle each day by taking positive steps.. or continue taking steps further away. Only digging yourself a deeper hole to fight out of (IF) that day comes.

You are waiting around for motivation to slap you in the face, for an ah ha moment. From reading your post you have alot of reasons to get up and start fighting for your life and for your kids lives and for those who love you..Change only happens when you decide to make it happen. Best of luck!:)

nakrya

bruiseviolet, everyone has given great advice. You have to feel that you are worthy of what you want and you have to believe that you can do it. Progress is one step forward and sometimes, one step back. It's going to take some time and don't set overly high expectations. Small changes will add up

Good luck and you can do it! And do keep us posted!

lreed

Congratulations on being able to lose 50 lbs. That is great, it means that you do have it in there. So I guess the question is why do you stop there? The best thing you can do is get healthy for yourself! By doing that you can also be a good role model for your daughter. Get that Wii out and start doing it with your daughter. Yesterday my daughter and I took turns, on the wii fit, she did 3 games, then I did 3 games, we jogged together. Good luck, I am starting over again too, Get some accountability to help if you start to slip again. What are you going to do today to get going? I am going to walk for an hour, I logged it in my exercise, so I have to get off my butt and do it! You can too!

arewethereyet

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: the longest journey starts with a single step.

change something, even if it's something small like going for a fifteen minute walk or saying "no" to some food that you know isn't good for you, or drinking more water..........keep on doing that one small thing each day and then think about adding something new.

take it one day at a time
take baby steps
stay open minded to new ideas

you can do this :bigsmile: :drinker:

Barbi...........I love you

mablesyrup

Thank you so much to EVERYONE for the encouragement and advice. Having a supportive husband and family (my sisters/mom etc) Helps a ton. They challenge me (and I'm big on competition) and that is really driving me. I realize past failures are usually because it's been so many things changed at once. This time I am taking it slowly. For this week my goal is just simply to keep logging in and recording my food diary. I had a great baby-step yesterday and came 20 calories away from my target calories for the day Today- as tempting as eating some crap has been- I have been sticking to it and working hard. It's like stopping smoking- the first few days are the hardest and then it's pretty easy.

I've lost 100lbs before- so I know I can handle eating healthy and watching what I'm eating etc... I just need to get on track and re-adjust my body to it. It's so amazing how when you cut out crap and fast food - your body craves healthy good food. I remember the first time i ate fast food again after I hadn't eaten it for months and it made me literally sick- I puked.

(why i still kept eating it- i dont know. lol)

The other night I was craving a snack wrap from McDonalds- but instead of going to McDonalds- I just made my own version at home. It tasted 100x better and I'm sure was MUCH MUCH better for me Plus it's not laden with all the crap that makes you addicted to their fast food in the first place.

I am slowly making baby steps.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement and support. I am so excited to be able to take the tape measure out and take my measurements to see how I've done

I always am looking at photos online (before and after) photos- and they give me motivation. I try and find younger women around my age and my weight and I am so stunned at how AMAZING they look- most of them you cannot even tell it's the same person. And I have always ALWAYS struggled with eating right/exercise vs. having surgery. The pictures keep reinforcing that I do not want surgery. I need to make the changes and work hard and BE HEALTHY. There was such a difference in how the women looked post surgery- vs. the women who had excersized and eaten right. (not to mention i know some ppl who have had it done- and they havent changed eating habits- they still eat HORRIBLE and they look malnurished and sickly almost).. SO anyways ...

Sorry going off on tangents. lol

Thanks again everyone you are all wonderful and true inspirations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!