Partners who "love you no matter what"

rml_16

I don't diet, exercise or make myself pretty for anyone but myself. It doesn't matter if my partner cares because I do. I take pride in my appearance. It's important to me.

yksdoris

I think I can relate. I have a wonderful fiancé, he's loved me through thick and thin, through depression and mood swings... everything. He's amazing. But, at a certain point I'd stop believing him when he said I looked pretty. Because I thought I didn't any more, so it felt like he was trying to make be feel better or whatever. Now, I've lost the weight and he still says I look pretty, just as often.. But I believe him again.

Point being: it's great that he supports you any way you are. But ultimately if you want to lose weight, you should do it for you, not for someone else. You could ask him to support you on your weightloss journey as he does every day anyways, but this will mean he'll have to admire your new bulging muscles (puny at first, but still!) and he'll have to not complain when you don't want to eat out because you can't trust yourself around all that temptation. And instead of chocolate, maybe he can bring you protein bars (the yummy kind)...

Bethie_B

Wait... I'm confused. Is this really a complaint about having a loving and supportive partner? Oh, you poor, poor dear. How could he be such a monster as to love you no matter what you look like. If only he would judge you and make you feel horrible about yourself, because everyone knows, low self-esteem is the key to successful weight loss.

smh.

iamihobo

My husband is the "love you no matter what" partner, and I am really quite thankful for that. I know his love for me isn't contingent on my weight
BUT
because I love myself, my life with him, and I want to be healthy I decided to start losing the weight/be fit for me
And I just told him that I needed him support me and help me do it, not make excuses for me

Now we're being healthy together :]

rotill

Be very careful what you wish for.

Weightloss is such a long and subjective battle, others can not do it for you. If you blame others by saying their love and forgiving attitude is a problem for you, you are basically saying it's not your responsibility to lose weight. You create excuses (if only my mother had cooked better, if only my partner was more judgemental, if only work was closer so I could walk, if only pigs could fly and cakes were made of air) for why you don't lose weight.

The danger with this is that you risk becoming very angry and bitter, and start resenting a man whose only flaw is to love you as you are. And if you try to change him and he actually starts mentioning to you that you should watch your weight, you risk resenting him even more - because then he is judging you and calling you on your errors.

My advice: Leave well enough alone, love your partner for loving you, and aim at being worthy of his love by making yourself as lovable as possible. Maybe that means losing weight - or it may mean taking responsibility for your own actions, and not make excuses for your flaws and faults.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Yes, loving someone unconditionally means exactly that, but it doesn't mean that the partner needs to stick around and be comfortable watching the person they love be self destructive. Sometimes leaving is also an act of love.

Having a partner that loves me unconditionally doesn't give me a hall pass to fail to take care of myself. And allowing me to live in an unhealthy manner isn't necessarily loving unconditionally, but it is complacency and it is enabling. My husband loved me when I smoked, he loved me so much that he told me that I had to make a decision to quit or he would leave because he loved me too much to watch me suffer through the smoking related ailments that we watch my grandparents suffer with. My husband has loved me at my highest unhealthy weight and my lowest unhealthy weight and we had discussions at both ends about his concerns that my eating disorders were returning and that I was taking proper care of myself. Because he loves me so much that he wants to see the best for me, I have come to appreciate myself and find myself deserving of that love and want to take care of myself.
In the same light, I love him so much that while I appreciate the need to mourn loss, when his brother passed I let him sit on the couch eating junk and putting on weight for a month being the crutch holding him up. After a month I told him that if he didn't get his *kitten* back in the gym at least 3 days a week to get his seratonin and dopamine back in balance I was going to drag him to the doctor to have it chemically done. Is he still struggling? Yes. Will he for a long time? Defintely. But we're going into this battle together and I'd rather that we're both well armed. Would I still love him if he said no? Yes. Would I be able to raise family with a man who went completely off his rocker? No.

Ruthe8

If your only reason for losing weight is so that your partner will find you more attractive, then don't bother. If you have no desire to do this for yourself, no concern with how you look or how you feel or how your health is, then stay the way you are.

lnd2011

Be thankful you have a loving and supportive boyfriend no matter what you look like. My fiance is always telling me how beautiful I am and he did this before I lost weight, he is very supportive and he motivates me to want to be healthier so I can spend more of my lifetime with him. We lost weight together and we both are more active now than ever before. Don't be upset because he loves you as you are that is an unconditional love that you can not get from just everybody. That is true love, he does not want you for what you are on the outside, he wants you for what you are on the inside.

miracole

my husband has loved me at my best and at my worst, and a big part of that is supporting my decisions whatever they may be. He is an active guy himself and has always encouraged activity, and when I committed to losing all the weight that I had put on in the years we've been together he was pleased to hear it, though he has never once told me that I was fat.

I think what it really comes down to is this, if your partner loves you unconditionally then that means supporting your decisions. and respecting your choices. There is a big difference between someone telling you they love you no matter your size/shape and someone who, through word or deed, sabotages your efforts. In the first case they are just being supportive of you as a person, not as a size, and whether you succeed is entirely on you. In the second case you need to evaluate whether your relationship is healthy.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I was quite lucky, my husband had been dating someone who was a lot bigger than me previously and he left due to her cheating on him. So I knew that he would have no trouble with my size, I am a little smaller than when we first met but I wouldn't want to get bigger for my own health reasons. If someone I was with couldn't accept me due to my size, I would tell them where to go.

My boyfriend's ex-wife was also extremely heavy, and she is also a cheater. So when he and I met, we appreciated each other for so much more than appearance: trust, loyalty, and friendship, for starters.

My boyfriend has been with me at my heaviest weight and near my goal weight, and he has loved me unconditionally through it all. I know what you mean about feeling like there are no consequences for gaining weight, since he will still love you. I have felt that way for a long time. I want to lose the weight, though, and I need to find motivation within myself, not base it upon other people. I am grateful I have found someone so supportive and loving. Now I want to be sure we are together a long time, healthy, and able to fully enjoy our lives together, and we can't do that when I am overweight. That is my new motivation.

grandmakaye44

The greatest gift of life is to be loved unconditionally by someone. Don't throw it away by blaming him for your problems! My husband has loved me through thick and thin and all the yoyoing ( and a lot of other stuff, too) for 47 years. I can't ask for more.

BogQueen1

my current ex was the "I'd love you more if you weighed less type", constantly telling me how fine this girl was and how fine that girl was while telling me how imperfect I was. It didn't make me want to lose weight to please him, It made me want to punch him in the face. I decided to lose weight for me. If your partner loves you no matter what, that's a good thing, a great thing in fact, but I've learned that when it comes down to changing something that you want changed about yourself, it has to come from within YOU. If you want it, go for it, and know that he'll be there with you through your journey and cheering for you the whole way.

This. Especially the part about wanting to punch him in the face. But until you want to do it for yourself, all the wanting to punch him in the face won't matter. If you have a supportive partner, consider yourself blessed and take advantage of it, as long as YOU want to make the change. I have a SO who would continually sabotage me when I said "I don't want to eat that", there were literally times he would force me to eat or drink something, shredding my diet. I think I finally managed to get it through his head though, because now when I stand back in the pantry 'visiting' the food, he'll ask me what I'm doing and tell me I don't need any of that and give me a big hug.

Sorry that's a little off your topic. But when you want to do it for yourself having that supportive partner can be that extra little nudge you need sometimes to stay the course, as long as you tell him why it's important to you, then he should see it for what it is and be there to give you that boost when needed. Good luck!

Lisah8969

It didn't make me want to lose weight to please him, It made me want to punch him in the face.

I know it wasn't funny when it was said, but this made me laugh out loud! Glad he is your ex and that you have found motivation from within. Do it for you!

Oh, but it is funny! It made me LOL as well!

I agree with other posters...this all has to be for you and about you! That said, having him on board with your goals is also important. Keeping you focused on your goal and supporting you is what you need as opposed to knowing that he doesn't care one way or the other.

zoe1945

Some of you ladies are very lucky to have such supportive significant others. Mine hasnt come near me in years, I do realise this is his problem not mine, but if he thinks he''s going to get some when Im thinner he''s got another thing coming lol. Anyway just do everything in life including losing weight for you and nobody else.

andilion

For me, it's actually important to know that my husband still loves me and is attracted to me at my current weight which is my highest since we got married. Low self esteem is not a good motivator for me. It just makes me feel worthless and like it's not worth putting in any effort to get better. Because I know he loves me "no matter what," I can still feel good about sticking to my goals and putting in the effort whether or not I see a decrease in the scale that week.

wickednitsch

I recently started going to the gym regularly about a month ago. We do not have full length mirrors in our home so when I looked in one at the gym and saw what my butt and thighs looked like from behind I was outright angry that my sweet and kind husband had been telling me how good I look all this time. :noway:

But here's the truth - my size and my husband's love for me are completely unrelated. He's not the cause of my gain and he certainly wouldn't love me any more or less based on my dress size.

Think about it, how often are you really analyzing your partner's body? I rarely look at my husband's body parts separately. As long as that body is connected to his incredible heart and loving eyes, it doesn't matter. Sure I want him to be healthy (and have awesome stamina ), but his physical body doesn't affect how I feel about him as a person. Your partner probably feels the same about you. I hope he is lucky enough for you to feel that way about him.

hmweis1

I have a husband who is the exact same way. He doesn't look at me any different now than when we met and I was 60 lbs thinner. I just had two babies in the past two years, so I think he knows some weight gain comes with the territory. I am so, so thankful that he's just as attracted to me now, but I understand where you're coming from "hey, my husband loves me, so why not quit?" So, I've just come up with other reasons to lose weight. #1. Being able to keep up with a rambunctious 2 year old and needy infant. #2. I have a *kitten* ton of clothes in my closet I can't wear and would love to. #3. My wedding ring no longer fits, and I refuse to size it up, so I'm going to lose weight so it will fit again.

13inchestogo

My boyfriend loves me no matter what too and we are lucky!! So love him for that !!

Here's my point of view. Me and him both know our sex lives depend on our fitness levels. So I am just not willing to give that up, I stay healthy for that when it comes to our relationship also I do it for my own reasons. I find if your sole purpose is to please another person it is never as fuflling as when you do it for yourself. When it comes to your own health/weight loss at least. Of course doing things for your partner is important, but I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to start nagging me if I felt I was getting overweight or unhealthy. Good luck and I hope you can start focusing on other things and begin working out and feeling great! For you and your boyfriend !

vytamindi

Some of you ladies are very lucky to have such supportive significant others. Mine hasnt come near me in years, I do realise this is his problem not mine, but if he thinks he''s going to get some when Im thinner he''s got another thing coming lol. Anyway just do everything in life including losing weight for you and nobody else.

If he doesn't want you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best! Not saying you look bad, but that's a quote I've seen around "the pinterests" lol

Koldnomore

Be very careful what you wish for.

Weightloss is such a long and subjective battle, others can not do it for you. If you blame others by saying their love and forgiving attitude is a problem for you, you are basically saying it's not your responsibility to lose weight. You create excuses (if only my mother had cooked better, if only my partner was more judgemental, if only work was closer so I could walk, if only pigs could fly and cakes were made of air) for why you don't lose weight.

The danger with this is that you risk becoming very angry and bitter, and start resenting a man whose only flaw is to love you as you are. And if you try to change him and he actually starts mentioning to you that you should watch your weight, you risk resenting him even more - because then he is judging you and calling you on your errors.

My advice: Leave well enough alone, love your partner for loving you, and aim at being worthy of his love by making yourself as lovable as possible. Maybe that means losing weight - or it may mean taking responsibility for your own actions, and not make excuses for your flaws and faults.

THIS^^

Think about it, how often are you really analyzing your partner's body? I rarely look at my husband's body parts separately. As long as that body is connected to his incredible heart and loving eyes, it doesn't matter. Sure I want him to be healthy (and have awesome stamina ), but his physical body doesn't affect how I feel about him as a person. Your partner probably feels the same about you. I hope he is lucky enough for you to feel that way about him.

And this

My partner has never once said anything about my weight. He tells me he loves me everyday. I am losing weight for myself but he will obviously benefit as well!