It makes me very uncomfortable when...

slepygrl
slepygrl Posts: 249 Member
in Chit-Chat
People ask me everyday "how did I do it?" I feel like they are looking for a magical weight loss secret. The entire conversation makes me sooo uncomfortable. I don't feel like my apprentice has changed that much. I still have the mindset of a fat girl. It all feels so strange. I am very proud of myself. I work really hard! All the questions and attention are throwing me a bit...

Replies

  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    What you experience is part of the physcological make up of people.

    Folks want a few things. They want validation almost more than air.

    By asking you 'what is your secret' or 'how did you do it' they are attempting to help themselves feel better about their condition. By you giving them 'the key' they walk away thinking "I could do that if I wanted to!" They validate their state by the fact they can change whenever they want now they know the secret or have the plan.

    By and large people do not want to change their condition whether we're talking life or love. Few people reach the place where they begin to WANT to change their condition. Fewer people still are WILLING to do so.

    To avoid awkward conversations?

    Try something like "Thank you! In a nutshell, I ate less and worked-out more."
  • legs_n_bacon
    legs_n_bacon Posts: 478 Member
    What you experience is part of the physcological make up of people.

    Folks want a few things. They want validation almost more than air.

    By asking you 'what is your secret' or 'how did you do it' they are attempting to help themselves feel better about their condition. By you giving them 'the key' they walk away thinking "I could do that if I wanted to!" They validate their state by the fact they can change whenever they want now they know the secret or have the plan.

    By and large people do not want to change their condition whether we're talking life or love. Few people reach the place where they begin to WANT to change their condition. Fewer people still are WILLING to do so.

    To avoid awkward conversations?

    Try something like "Thank you! In a nutshell, I ate less and worked-out more."

    I was going to say exactly this. Get out of my head Darin!
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
    I just dealt with this question myself. I had a friend who I work near tell me that I've been looking really good lately, what's my secret? I was straight up honest with her. I'm not going to beat around the proverbial bush. I said, "I worked my *kitten* off and counted every calorie I ate." She didn't even respond. It's obviously not the answer she was seeking, so I did not validate her needs or wants whatsoever :tongue:
  • tismyhardbody
    tismyhardbody Posts: 100 Member
    It takes lots of dedication to lose weight and be fit. Most folks dont have it, but they want it!
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    i actually tell people that the "secret" is to switch to water. i tell them that with the exception of my morning coffee, i drink nothing but water all day.

    surprisingly, a few weeks later a lot of people will tell me something like "oh i followed your advice and i lost X pounds!!" at least it's pointing them in the right direction.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I just smile because they are giving you a huge compliment.

    Then, I just tell them, there is no secret, it's all sweat and watching what I eat.

    Occasionally, someone will be truly interested and ask more detailed questions and I will happily tell them about MFP and about my experiences and what I actually do. Most people though, once you just say "exercise and watch what you eat" will be outta there. Lol. That's not what they are looking for. Most people know that. They want a pill, or they want you to say SlimFast or something like that. Diet and exercise scares most people. Lol.
  • missjennifer1966
    missjennifer1966 Posts: 143 Member
    What you experience is part of the physcological make up of people.

    Folks want a few things. They want validation almost more than air.

    By asking you 'what is your secret' or 'how did you do it' they are attempting to help themselves feel better about their condition. By you giving them 'the key' they walk away thinking "I could do that if I wanted to!" They validate their state by the fact they can change whenever they want now they know the secret or have the plan.

    By and large people do not want to change their condition whether we're talking life or love. Few people reach the place where they begin to WANT to change their condition. Fewer people still are WILLING to do so.

    To avoid awkward conversations?

    Try something like "Thank you! In a nutshell, I ate less and worked-out more."

    Excellent response!!
  • laurasimmons
    laurasimmons Posts: 575 Member
    I have been asked that a lot and I don't mind sharing what I have done but there is no big secret or miracle drug. So that's what i try to explain, you just have to watch what you eat and move your body more.
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
    What you experience is part of the physcological make up of people.

    Folks want a few things. They want validation almost more than air.

    By asking you 'what is your secret' or 'how did you do it' they are attempting to help themselves feel better about their condition. By you giving them 'the key' they walk away thinking "I could do that if I wanted to!" They validate their state by the fact they can change whenever they want now they know the secret or have the plan.

    By and large people do not want to change their condition whether we're talking life or love. Few people reach the place where they begin to WANT to change their condition. Fewer people still are WILLING to do so.

    To avoid awkward conversations?

    Try something like "Thank you! In a nutshell, I ate less and worked-out more."


    Best answer ever.
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,978 Member
    i actually tell people that the "secret" is to switch to water. i tell them that with the exception of my morning coffee, i drink nothing but water all day.

    surprisingly, a few weeks later a lot of people will tell me something like "oh i followed your advice and i lost X pounds!!" at least it's pointing them in the right direction.

    I'm guessing you also point them towards your "how to drink more water" post, so they have the visual aids as well, right? cause that was super-helpful to me. :flowerforyou:

    I actually hate it when people say "Wow, you must have worked SO HARD!" I usually end up saying, "No, not really. It was pretty easy once I made the decision to just do it." people don't like that much...
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I don't know why it would make you uncomfortable. Say what you did. Which was probably diet and exercise. And hard work.
  • nonafit
    nonafit Posts: 582 Member
    Exactly.....when I am tell them the truth....they give that look that says "Yeah right...taking me for fool!! If you don't want to share the secret...FINE!!!"

    Anyway after sometime you will get use to it...it does not matter anymore anyway. Until then hold it and congrats. :flowerforyou:
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    I just say that I have been exercising more and eating less... That usually shuts them up.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
    I just dealt with this question myself. I had a friend who I work near tell me that I've been looking really good lately, what's my secret? I was straight up honest with her. I'm not going to beat around the proverbial bush. I said, "I worked my *kitten* off and counted every calorie I ate." She didn't even respond. It's obviously not the answer she was seeking, so I did not validate her needs or wants whatsoever :tongue:


    THIS! and the looks I get are priceless:tongue:
  • 75Juniper
    75Juniper Posts: 376
    I just smile because they are giving you a huge compliment.

    Then, I just tell them, there is no secret, it's all sweat and watching what I eat.

    Occasionally, someone will be truly interested and ask more detailed questions and I will happily tell them about MFP and about my experiences and what I actually do. Most people though, once you just say "exercise and watch what you eat" will be outta there. Lol. That's not what they are looking for. Most people know that. They want a pill, or they want you to say SlimFast or something like that. Diet and exercise scares most people. Lol.

    This has been my experience as well. Once it registers that there is no easy fix, you can tell they lose interest. I used to be the desperate girl looking for a magic solution, so I feel for people who aren't ready yet.
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Secret fact: I am envious of you - those who get those kinds of conversations. I'm still in the 'before' stage. But - you folks motivate me in many ways.
  • lavieboheme1229
    lavieboheme1229 Posts: 448 Member


    I actually hate it when people say "Wow, you must have worked SO HARD!" I usually end up saying, "No, not really. It was pretty easy once I made the decision to just do it." people don't like that much...

    I always say "Actually, it was a lot harder being fat". When the initially ask I say "less calories in than calories out" And people seems to just not get that.
  • slepygrl
    slepygrl Posts: 249 Member
    It's nice to have people notice. But I don't hold any secrets. I tell them Eat less, move more.
    I think a lot of the uncomfortableness comes from being fat my entire life. 6 months ago I didn't want people to notice me. I wanted to blend in with the back ground. Now I'm being called out and it's freaks me out a little. In Pilates last night. the instructor stopped me to tell me how good I looked. It made me feel good. :-)

    I guess there are far worse problems to have, right. :-)
  • missjewl
    missjewl Posts: 214 Member
    I have been asked that a lot and I don't mind sharing what I have done but there is no big secret or miracle drug. So that's what i try to explain, you just have to watch what you eat and move your body more.

    exactly what i do! :) i have even been asked to make meal plan booklets specialized for specific people. I have done so many i should start charging for them lol then i tell them the only way it'll work though is if they actually put in the effort... it doesnt happen over night ... hard work really does pay off!
  • angeltg
    angeltg Posts: 97 Member
    I had this over the weekend! One asked which shakes I used :grumble: I'm sorry but I eat real food and I run 5k everyday! That's when the eyes glass over and I lose them lol. Another one asked me and I told her the same thing then she asked me to create a meal plan for her :huh: I told her to join MFP and check my food diary! People are looking for the easy way out and its sad. Nothing replaces hard work and determination!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Only a few people have asked me that so far, since I haven't lost very much yet. But, if they ask, then I say, "Hard work and a well-balanced diet."

    You're right. They are looking for a magic pill or super-secret-special diet. It is simple, to be sure, but it's HARD WORK!
  • PayneAS
    PayneAS Posts: 669 Member
    People ask me everyday "how did I do it?"

    Just reply "Eat less (crap) and move more".
  • BrienJD
    BrienJD Posts: 541 Member
    I tell them it's not a diet, I eat what I want but I exercise and stay within my calorie allotment (at least most of the time:embarassed: )

    Then I direct them here to MFP. Sent a few people I know over here and they have had success once they got into it.

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