How 2 Handle Negative Friend?

Southern_Belle89

Okay so I have this friend who I'll call Jenny & she goes to Zumba with me every so often & even though I've dropped 35lbs she acts as if I gained the weight. I'm not a judgmental person never have been but it's hard to keep my mouth shut when she knows i'm working hard & asked if i'm preggo or after Zumba she'll head over to Taco Bell with me in the car & get mad when I don't want to eat it. Our husbands deployed together & are the very best of friends & when other then weight loss issues we have no problems at all! She puts down that I eat red meat every so often & that I don't want to do her Juicing for a week straight diet...mind you she takes ex-lax when she over eats or water pills. I'm just wondering how to talk to her & address it without drama?? I'm not judging the way she works out or how she goes about trying to lose weight but it just feels like i'm getting tons of advice/ insults half the time from her. Anyone have this happen to them? I think you'd call her remarks to me passive aggressive? She smiles and acts sweet while saying them.

ElyseL1

Honestly I would have her come over for coffee, and just ask (somewhat bluntly) what the problem is. Explain what your program is and explain why you eat what you do if she's knocking it. Sometimes its better just to have it out, real friendships can take it. If she gets insulted and wont have anything to do with you, well then you were never real friends to begin with.

pinkyleigh83

She is obviously very threatened by your success. Not to mention jealous. Honestly, I'd hold my head high & tell her to F off & that just because she won't get her own act together to get healthy doesn't mean she needs to try to put you down. It's obvious she doesn't want you to succeed.

But if you want to be nicer about it, as. Ice as you should be while putting your foot down, tell her that you are incredibly proud of yourself for losing the weight & changing your eating habits & you wish she could be happy for you (instead of feeling jealous & threatened).

However you do it, she needs a good verbal slap because she sucks as a "friend." Real friends are genuinely happy for us when we accomplish something major in our lives, they don't try to tear us down.

strikeout

I had a friend with some of those traits. He was my "gorge buddy" we would do the all you can eat and big feeds together. I see him every weds night as I am in a bowling league with him. The first few weeks he got a bit ****ty because I wouldnt eat BK whoppers with him at 10:30pm lol. He has now come around and supports me pretty well, I look at the weds as a challenge now, I watch him eat all this food in front of me and I use my will power to say no, not even 1 fry.

RunMyOregonBunsOff

Next time she does that then say something like "I know your joking and all but I still feel bad when you say those things. I know that we have different weightloss approaches and it would be great if we can just congratulate each other on our hard work, even if we're going about it different ways."

kimberlyhaddix

It's possible that she maybe jealous. I'm not real sure how to tell you to go about saying something to her without starting drama. My sister does the same thing to me. I have actually lost 40 pounds since January (didn't start counting it till I got serious on here) and she says all the time that she can't tell that I've lost anything. Or hey have you gained weight. It's annoying but I know she is just jealous. She has always been stick thin till she turned 40 and now she has gained 100 pounds or so and she is mad that I am loosing and she is gaining. So maybe that is what is going on with your friend as well? Kinda sounds that way since she is using ex-lax and water pills when she eats.

cyberskirt

I'd tell you to drop her as a friend but you can't really do that with her being the wife of your husbands best friend.

I say talk to her directly about it. flat out telling her that her 'suggestions' are like back-handed insults and that she needs to keep her comments to herself. Or, tell her that anything else you guys can talk about, be together for, but the weight-loss section of your lives are separate.

She does sound passive aggressive from your description. Hopefully she just hasn't realised that it was hurting your feelings or making you feel bad and if you say something then she'll stop. Maybe she feels that way about something regarding you as well? who knows... I always say 'talk it out', hopefully it resolves the issue, or at least makes steps towards a resolution.

stormsusmc

she clearly doesnt have the maturity, intelligence, or discipline as of now...how can you get her to see..just keep doing what youre doing, and tell her straight up that I'm doing what works for me I'm sorry you don't like it...passively send her some links on macros and fitness "asking" her opinion...see if she will get the hint or maybe read more into it, change her ways and then start to try to educate you on things you know....sounds like she just has the need to feel better because she is insecure

Southern_Belle89

Thank you all for y'alls responses! I've just been thinking about this alot lately & my husband knows it's bothers me cause I'm a very caring person who goes out of her way for people. My husband is actually pretty upset with her about her preggo remarks because she knows about a horrible miscarriage I had & she knows that we've decided to not try again till i'm healthier so her to ask that just burns my hubby up. Sorry if that is TMI for some just feels nice knowing I'm not the only one seeing error in her ways.

crazyvermont

Just from your details, it sounds to me like she's threatened by you; perhaps, your success. Realize you ladies are different than us guys, but I just don't associate or hang with negative people as i find they drag me down

misty0413

you should tell her what she says is hurtful, then just say hey lets support each other. If you can I would drive to zumba separetely that way if she wants taco bell you can just say no thanks I really need a shower.

leesehm

She's just jealous that you've succeeded.

If she wants to go to taco bell - why not suggest a healthier place. We don't have taco bell here so not sure if it's better or worse than subway, but maybe you could invite her for dinner or go somewhere healthier. I can see her side where she just wants to hang with her friend and eat taco bell but the eating healthy is getting in the way. Not your fault, but she just wants to hang out I think.

If she says something passive aggressive again, let her know AT THE TIME. Like if she asks if you're preggo - say " I can't believe you just said that - I would never say that to you"... or something like that.

rcalvert1

Next time she does that then say something like "I know your joking and all but I still feel bad when you say those things. I know that we have different weightloss approaches and it would be great if we can just congratulate each other on our hard work, even if we're going about it different ways."

love this ^^^^

Southern_Belle89

Thank y'all for all the replies! I think i'm going to have a sit down with her & let her know how i'm feeling & why.