You couldnt make it up !!!!

chunkyjeff

Listed below are excerpts from a book called "Disorder in the Court."
>Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
>now
>published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm and
>keeping
>a straight face while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July fifteenth.
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year
>___________________________________________________
>Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>A: I forget.
>Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've
>forgotten?
>___________________________________________________
>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>A: Forty-five years.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
>that
>morning?
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>A: My name is Susan.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>A: Approximately milepost 499.
>Q: And where is milepost 499?
>A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
>A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
>A: After the accident?
>Q: Before the accident.
>A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
>___________________________________________________
>Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
>lights
>flashing?
>A: Yes.
>Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
>A: Yes, sir.
>Q: What did she say?
>A: What disco am I at?
>___________________________________________________
>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
>doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>___________________________________________________
>Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
>___________________________________________________
>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>__________________________________________________
>Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>________________________________________________
>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?
>_________________________________________________
>Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>_____________________________________________
>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>__________________________________________________
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male or a female?
>_________________________________________________
>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
>notice
>that
>I sent to your attorney?
>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>_______________________________________________
>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>________________________________________________
>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>A: Oral.
>_________________________________________________
>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>autopsy.
>_________________________________________________
>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>_________________________________________________
>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
>pulse?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>A: No.
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
>the
>autopsy?
>A: No.
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
>somewhere.
>_________________________________________________
>Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give
>your
>wife $775 a week".
>Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
>myself."

SVCat

My, my, my...some people just shouldnt be allowed outside.

JustLindaLou

:laugh: great way to start my day!!!! As Larry Winget says, "People are idiots and I can prove it!"

sz8soon

Those that walk among us..scary

wildflower0872

Thank you for this... been having a crappy week and this has got me with tears of laughter running down my face! Brilliant!

:flowerforyou:

Dead_Darling

>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>autopsy.

:laugh:

cblevitron

going to admit I did not see what was wrong with this one:

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

:laugh:

katamus

>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>A: Oral.

Hahahahaha. Oral School!

Either this stuff is fake or I need to be really scared.

xxnellie146xx

:laugh:

sh4690

I LOVE this!! haha! x

Shell_7609

Thanks. I really needed this one today

pepsi666

Hahaha, love it! Especially the "brain in the jar" one.... I SO have to order this book now Thanks for posting this

AlichiaMJohnson73

WOW!!! And this proves that LAWYERS are the BIGGEST idiots in the COURT ROOMS...and we hire them to respresent uS???:laugh:

Nik0417

Haha, this is great! Some people just have no common sense what so ever!

marthas3110

bump - these are great!

BillyC96

>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male or a female?

In fairness you can never be too sure. :laugh:

jaimeteague

That's brilliants - really did make me lol!

imchicbad

>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>A: Oral.

i was laughing on the inside until i read that one ^....then LOL:laugh:

karawRN

Funny!!

I went to court recently to terminate my ex's right for my daughter (he was a horrible person). he choose to try to fight against me so we ended up in a court room battle.

I forget exactly how he asked the question, but it was about me logging into my ex's facebook. He asked the question in a way my answer would sound like i was a bad person. I answered with the way i wanted to. His lawyer told me it was a "yes or no" question.

I responded with "Sorry, but I will answer the way I want to. I refuse to sit up here while you try and make me look bad. "
The judge never said anything. I was surprised. I figure he would have told me to just answer it. I think the judge was sick of his lawyer talking about stupid irrelevant topics.

karawRN

Oh and by the way: I won that court case

DawnVanSlim

:laugh: :drinker:

tennisbabe94

Hahahahaha well this made my morning!

Spanntastic12

Hilarious!!!

Awkward30

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

te he he... I like this doctor!

boomboom011

these are great!
i have the privilege of working for lawyers and I get to read depo transcripts and trial transcripts. Lets just say they are quite comical!

KrazyAsianNic

haha. thanks for sharing