I'm Sick and Tired of Being 291lbs

SarahsJourney7

Hello everyone,

My name is Sarah and this is my 3rd profile on MFP. I know.. sounds a bit crazy but I've been struggling with my weight for years and years. Right now I'm at 291lbs. My highest weight was 300lbs. When I hit 300lbs I had a sudden reality check. I looked at my scale and said no way can an intelligent, 22yr old be this overweight. As far back as I can remember my life was all about food. My first thought in the morning was "WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST!!??" and throughout the day I'd think of what I wanted to binge for dinner. Binge eating has been a part of my life since I was about 13 or 14 years old. For those of you who don't know there are different types of binge eating. My binge eating consisted of extremely large amounts of food that were spread out through large amounts of time. I never threw up food. I LOVE food, perhaps you can say I'm addicted! Going back to my weight when I hit 300 I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I always knew that I was overweight but I never took control. I just kept thinking about what I wanted to eat and how good it was going to taste. I can honestly say that I'm not happy where my life is right now. I can't wear a bathing suit without feeling insecure. I can't ride on my favorite rides at the amusement parks because I don't fit in the seats. I don't date guys because I'm afraid that they won't accept or judge my appearance. I mean the list can go on and on. That shouldn't be the life of a 22 yr old woman. It is now fall of 2012 and I want to make a COMPLETE TRANSFORMATION! I don't want to walk into any of my college classes anymore feeling sorry for myself and feeling like everyone is staring at me. I'm tired of constantly being worried if my clothes look decent and always pulling my shirt down to try and hide widely visible fat rolls on my stomach. I want to do so many things with my life and the weight is holding me back. I'm sick and tired of the countless retail visits and sitting in the dressing rooms crying my eyes out because nothing fit. I'm sick and tired of watching all of my good looking friends have boyfriends and live the life that I want to live. Most importantly I'm sick and tired of failing myself. I've failed at so many attempt to loose weight. Even through this journey I know I'm going to make some mistakes, I'm human. But I want those mistakes to push me harder and harder every time and not become some sad girl sitting in her room scarfing down a whole bag of double stuffed Oreo's because she is depressed about her sixth failed attempt. I'm so ready for a change, a change that is going to shake my every core inside to where I will NEVER look back. I want to shut that door and seal it shut with metal blocks. But first comes first I need to come to terms with the fact that it won't just happen over night. This lifestyle change is going to be a LIFE JOURNEY. As the saying goes, "Success Isn't a door way it is a Stair Case". I'm going to have to take lots of flights with little stairs up to where i want to be in life. I know I can do this because I want it more than I've wanted anything else in my entire life. I've wanted to change my whole life but I never had the guts to do it, but now I do. I have the guts because I know that NO ONE is going to come knocking at my door and say, "Step into this machine and in 1 day you will have the rocking body of your dreams!!". Reality is that I have to change EVERY THING I knew in my old lifestyle and learn step by step, like a baby, how to live this new life. I'm going to be born again and this time It's not going to be Wonder Woman, but Wonder Sarah! I'm going to fight each and every one of my battles as best as I can one by one. I know in the end this will promise me what I want. My old life promised me a death sentence. Life is too short, I want to see a happy ending not a tragic one.

I know there's a lot of woman (College girls, Mothers, and Grandmothers) like me who are going through this process on My Fitness Pal, who have fought and tried and have failed. Now it's time for you to get back up and live the life that you want to live. I am here on this website to change my life and if you want to join me in my journey feel free to message me and friend request me. I need all the support I can get and I'm here to support you as well. Here's a little inspiration for you.. Abraham Lincoln, failed in his life 12 times before he became the President of The United States! Now if he can fail and get back up on his feet, we can too! Good luck to all of you on your journeys!!

MikeDaMotivator

Hello everyone,

My name is Sarah and this is my 3rd profile on MFP. I know.. sounds a bit crazy but I've been struggling with my weight for years and years. Right now I'm at 291lbs. My highest weight was 300lbs. When I hit 300lbs I had a sudden reality check. I looked at my scale and said no way can an intelligent, 22yr old be this overweight. As far back as I can remember my life was all about food. My first thought in the morning was "WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST!!??" and throughout the day I'd think of what I wanted to binge for dinner. Binge eating has been a part of my life since I was about 13 or 14 years old. For those of you who don't know there are different types of binge eating. My binge eating consisted of extremely large amounts of food that were spread out through large amounts of time. I never threw up food. I LOVE food, perhaps you can say I'm addicted! Going back to my weight when I hit 300 I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I always knew that I was overweight but I never took control. I just kept thinking about what I wanted to eat and how good it was going to taste. I can honestly say that I'm not happy where my life is right now. I can't wear a bathing suit without feeling insecure. I can't ride on my favorite rides at the amusement parks because I don't fit in the seats. I don't date guys because I'm afraid that they won't accept or judge my appearance. I mean the list can go on and on. That shouldn't be the life of a 22 yr old woman. It is now fall of 2012 and I want to make a COMPLETE TRANSFORMATION! I don't want to walk into any of my college classes anymore feeling sorry for myself and feeling like everyone is staring at me. I'm tired of constantly being worried if my clothes look decent and always pulling my shirt down to try and hide widely visible fat rolls on my stomach. I want to do so many things with my life and the weight is holding me back. I'm sick and tired of the countless retail visits and sitting in the dressing rooms crying my eyes out because nothing fit. I'm sick and tired of watching all of my good looking friends have boyfriends and live the life that I want to live. Most importantly I'm sick and tired of failing myself. I've failed at so many attempt to loose weight. Even through this journey I know I'm going to make some mistakes, I'm human. But I want those mistakes to push me harder and harder every time and not become some sad girl sitting in her room scarfing down a whole bag of double stuffed Oreo's because she is depressed about her sixth failed attempt. I'm so ready for a change, a change that is going to shake my every core inside to where I will NEVER look back. I want to shut that door and seal it shut with metal blocks. But first comes first I need to come to terms with the fact that it won't just happen over night. This lifestyle change is going to be a LIFE JOURNEY. As the saying goes, "Success Isn't a door way it is a Stair Case". I'm going to have to take lots of flights with little stairs up to where i want to be in life. I know I can do this because I want it more than I've wanted anything else in my entire life. I've wanted to change my whole life but I never had the guts to do it, but now I do. I have the guts because I know that NO ONE is going to come knocking at my door and say, "Step into this machine and in 1 day you will have the rocking body of your dreams!!". Reality is that I have to change EVERY THING I knew in my old lifestyle and learn step by step, like a baby, how to live this new life. I'm going to be born again and this time It's not going to be Wonder Woman, but Wonder Sarah! I'm going to fight each and every one of my battles as best as I can one by one. I know in the end this will promise me what I want. My old life promised me a death sentence. Life is too short, I want to see a happy ending not a tragic one.

I know there's a lot of woman (College girls, Mothers, and Grandmothers) like me who are going through this process on My Fitness Pal, who have fought and tried and have failed. Now it's time for you to get back up and live the life that you want to live. I am here on this website to change my life and if you want to join me in my journey feel free to message me and friend request me. I need all the support I can get and I'm here to support you as well. Here's a little inspiration for you.. Abraham Lincoln, failed in his life 12 times before he became the President of The United States! Now if he can fail and get back up on his feet, we can too! Good luck to all of you on your journeys!!

Wow you wrote a lot. You can do this. Lets hope that you succeed before 12 tries. Welcome back and stick with it!

SarahsJourney7

Haha Sorry, I love to write! I was pouring my heart out . But thanks for your support. Congrats on your 200lb weight loss. What an inspiration!

ang364

Good luck! You can do anything you put your mind to. Sounds like you are in a really good place right now and ready to make the changes you need to.

mrs_joshica

Hi! Welcome back to MFP. I totally identify with the falling, the key here is to determine in yourself that no matter how many times you fall, you WILL get back up again! Keep the reasons in front of you that are before you now, and keep it full steam ahead, and remember, full steam ahead may not be equal each day, but simply means giving it all you have every single day no matter what. This is a journey, a lifestyle change, and as you call it, a transformation, and that takes time. Don't give up, no matter what, get a group of people around you that know what you are going through that will be supportive, rather than destructive, and determine right now what you want from this, and I wish you many blessings on your journey.

SarahsJourney7

Thanks for your support girls!

sheep_dog

More power to you! A cycling friend of mind, decided at 300+ lbs he was going to do something about it. He started myfitnesspal, and started riding his bike, that was April of 2011, and over 100 lbs for him! Now he's averaging 10+ miles a day on his bike, eating healthy with myfitness pal and still losing. Keep it up, plenty of people in this community have done it , so it's possible!

SarahsJourney7

That's amazing that your friend did that! Kudos to him! Thanks for your support

MikeDaMotivator

Haha Sorry, I love to write! I was pouring my heart out . But thanks for your support. Congrats on your 200lb weight loss. What an inspiration!

LOL Its cool. I read it all. Thanks for sharing your story. Thanks. I hear that "I" word a lot. Im starting to believe it a little.

Shrinking_Xtina

I started at 273 pounds when I was 20 so I know how you feel, this site really does help. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like.

SheriBethB

You can SO do this! Im a mom of 2 and at my highest weighed 320lbs, I'm now at 265. It's an everyday battle, and some days are better than others. The great thing is though that tomorrow is a brand new day!

SarahsJourney7

Thanks girls!

jerrylee113

Hang in there Sarah! Having a good support system is vital. It seems by your post that you are dedicated to losing that weight, it will come for you.

woodsygirl

Good job making your way back, if you keep on trying you are never a failure.

Listen, i'll tell you a secret. I LOVE food too.

mbk830

Hi, and welcome back! I love that you were able to clearly share your thoughts. I understand many of your fears. I have started and quit many times since I was in college. For some reason, maybe pure stubbornness, this time I seem to be sticking to it. I still have a long way to go, but this site has been so good for me. Feel free to friend me and join me on the road to better health.

traceybarbour

You can do this one day a time, one step at a time, one meal at a time. If you can keep your mind straight your body will follow. I wish you the best of luck you seem to be ready, just dont let a set back throw you off track. We all have slip-ups and bad days,just leave at that and start back on your staircase.. feel free to add me if you like..

jhall1255

im proud of you for getting back at it! that means a lot!
you can do anything you put your mind to!

you should join our group we just started, its lose 20 lbs by christmas:)

Lobster1987

You sound just like me! I started at 292 when I was 22 and then I had the duodenal switch surgery and now I am 24 and bounce between 150-155.

Good luck with your journey!

crystalbluewolf13

you can def do this hun, with some support i think you'll reach your goal cause you certainly have the mindset for it. I've been in your shoes after so many failed weight loss attempts i've lost count. And i've also cried in shops when nothing fits me. Its a truelly awful feeling, especially when you have skinny friends who don't/can't understand. Keep your chin up, and don't worry if you have a small slip once in a while, like you said your only human. And making a lifestyle change it very hard. I've been there i had to go from eating normal yummy foods to eating free from foods overnight, not something i would recommend to anyone. Good luck on your journey *fingers crossed* that you reach your goal x

nancyaaa

Don't feel so bad, you are only 22! Its a great thing you are starting now!

Reinventing_Me

You can do it. Good luck and check in often. Feel free to send me a friend request. I consider myself to be pretty motivating and encouraging.

Robin_Bin

For a college student a love of writing is a good thing. (And I'm about to break a MFP rule...) Try a few paragraph returns to make things easier for your readers. You have many good things to say. And writing down your goals and reasons is a great way to start.

Here are a few quotes to think about:

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.
Dale Carnegie

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

and my recent favorite...

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
George Edward Woodberry

Courtesy of http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/failure.html#ws00MGyJPRbplRV1.99

What's your next step?

My recommendation is to keep it simple and take small steps. There are a few good paths to take... search for "roadmap" on MFP. You've taken a great first step -- deciding to change. I'd suggest that the best, next step is to become more aware of what you're eating -- record everything. If as a side effect you decide to eat less or differently, that's fine, but to start with, record things honestly, weigh them, count them. Be aware of everything you eat. If you like, read a bit about "mindful eating".

A few references for mindful eating:
http://www.tcme.org
http://amihungry.com

Good luck!

(edited some formatting and to clarify that the recommended search for roadmap was within MFP, one that many people recommend is http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12 )

tisane42

One day, one meal, one craving at a time. That's all you need.

I started at 225 lbs and I'm only 5 feet tall.

SarahsJourney7

Wow! I did not expect this much feedback. I am honestly grateful for everyone's support!

SarahsJourney7

I'm 5'2 haha!

BrendaMargaret

I'm on the same boat as you. I lost motivation fairly quickly and I dropped the ball this last week. But I got Insanity and am going to try my very hardest to get through. The biggest thing I've learned that I haven't dropped is snacking and portions. I used to be the worst with that but I have yet to eat a huge back of chips in one sitting or drink a soda since I started this a couple months back. I'm guessing it just takes time. I'm going to add you on here I feel like I can relate to you a lot!

SarahsJourney7

I appreciate you and your support girl. You can do this. Take it day by day!

Tsetze

Welcome back, Sarah. My situation is similar to yours. At 286 pounds, I'd had enough of being obese. I realized that I didn't want to be unhealthy anymore and I had no one to blame except myself. I couldn't stand seeing myself in the mirror - I avoided them like the plague. My blood pressure was 160/102 with pills (and that was on a good day) and I'd also developed type II diabetes and my AC1 test was 11% (which is an indication that your blood sugar is over 300mg/dL); I was a heart attack waiting to happen. I'd tried diets before, I'd lose 20 lbs and gain 25 lbs back. It was very discouraging.

However, on the day that I decided that I had enough of being unhealthy, I finally came to the realization that I could do one of two things. Do nothing and continue on the path of destruction that I was on (sort of like a slow self-induced suicide) or I could take responsibility and change my lifestyle and become the healthy person that I want to be. I chose to take control of my life but I also know that it didn't take me one day to get fat and it's not going to take me just one day to get thin.

I've changed my eating habits (which is actually easier than I initially thought it would be) and I joined a gym that is on my way to and from work (so no excuse that I have to drive out of my way to get there). There are times when I'm impatient and I want to lose faster but then I remember I didn't wake up one morning in a state of fatness...I worked my way to it and I'll work my way to a healthy weight as well.

This site only encouraged me to stick to my guns. When people tell me that they've noticed I'm losing weight, I direct them to this website because it's so awesome. I still have a long way to go but I'll get there.

My last doctor's visit? My BP was 116/62 and my AC1 was 7% (which puts me in the 120-140mg/dL range) -- not quite where I want it but I'm still a work in progress.

Best of luck to you!

StephEO

I loved your post ! I'm 235 pounds right now (5'8) and it's driving me CRAZY ! I'm also a college student (junior) and I am seriously one of the biggest in my classes. Feel free to add me ! You would be amazing motivation!!

SarahsJourney7

Tsetze,

Wow! Your story is my inspiration to get to where I want to be. If you can do it I can do it too! Thank GOD your A1C level went down by 4%. That's real determination! and you should be really proud of yourself! Keep up the good work and take it one day at a time! Also make sure your workouts aren't too crazy since your blood pressure tends to get high!

I'm going to friend request you because I want you to keep me informed about your progress!

banks89202

You can do this!!