Broke up
lostinureyes17
Posts: 112 Member
in Chit-Chat
I know this isn't fitness related but I needed somewhere to air this out. So my fiance of 4-1/2 years just told me he's unsure if he wants to be with me anymore. Just like that no warning. He swears there isn't anyone else but I don't know what to believe right now. I guess people just change...? Now while I'm finishing up nursing school (I graduate in December) I have to find somewhere new to live and separate all of our finances. Any words of encouragement are much appreciated!
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Replies
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First, I wanna say I'm so very sorry for yur heart right now.Please stop,take a deep breath and try to look at this as a possiable blessing ,painful ..yes...but better to hurt now than look back 10 yrs from an unhappy marriage. Pick up yur broken heart and move forward,...you maybe crying but soon you will be filled w/ anger ,..and the best thing to do is move forward,complete school,hold ya head up mama!,..deep down you know u are strong & can get through this.It will be tuff at first,in 3wks it'll be alot better,keep up the good wrk om MFP,....dont drown yur sorrows in a chocolate cake,do an angry wrk out(running or kick boxing)~hang in there best wishes0
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This happened to me as well, except that I was pregnant with his child at the time. It felt like the most awful thing ever, took me a long time to get over it. But it truly was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have a wonderful husband now and am a thousand times happier than I would have been had I got what I wanted at the time. I'm sure the same is true for you
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I'm sorry that you're going through this.
If it were me I'd need a little more explanation as to why he feels this way. That would be the only way I could work through the breakup and not let it linger. If he opens and talks to you about what is going on maybe that would open some other alternatives than just breaking up. My boyfriend and I fight over some silly stuff and he is not the best communicator. Often times I don't know what is happening until it's too late to avoid a fight. Then the feelings come out and it's like triage to patch things up. I'm not sure if I'm giving the best advice, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that communication is key. 4 1/2 years is substantial and it would be a shame for him to walk away without talking to you more about the issue or issues he may have. I wish you the best and good luck. You'll get through this. 0 -
It's certainly better that you broke up than got married if he wasn't 100% sure of it. Deep down you must have had reservations as well, right? I can't imagine anyone not having any, though, at least a little bit.
Anyway, it doesn't sound like it was venomous in any way, which is nice.
But don't try to be friends, get a new place as soon as possible and ... probably don't keep anything that reminds you of him.
Inb4allthegirlssayhe'sobviouslyaloserjustbecausehemadeasmartdecision(becausehedidn'ttrapyouinsomethinghewasn'tsureof)0 -
First off....say whatever you want on this section of the forums! I hate when people say "it's not fitness related!" Hey moron, it's "games chit chat and fun".........
I am so sorry. How hurtful. And even if he changes his stance, I imagine you will be plagued with wondering if he really wants this, ya know? I am so very sorry. :flowerforyou: 0 -
Cheer up buttercup. NEXT!!!! consider it a blessing from God. When one door closes, another will open...your prince charming will be around to swoop you off your feet. Keep your head up chickie, count your lucky stars you didnt marry this man.0
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I am so sorry. I think I, too would want a further explanation, but, in all actuality, he may not yet be able to really pinpoint his issues until he matures and grows on his own. I'm sorry you have invested 4.5 years with this guy, but like another poster said, I'm glad you won't be having this happen 10 years from now when you have kids and other battles to fight other than just a place to live and a bank account.
If it were me, this would be fuel to my fire to get healthy and in shape and look and FEEL my best. Kind of a "Look what you are missing out on!" kind of thing.
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))0 -
Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate them. I am glad it is happening now rather then when we are married. I'm still kind of in shock. I didn't see it coming and it's some added stress I don't really need. I will be getting out of here as soon as possible. Even if I have to move home until school is done. I just can't stay here as friends. It really hurts and I'm upset at what I feel like has been wasted time but I'm going to "let go and let God"0
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I've very sorry that you are going through this right now. Hang in there - it sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you, with or without this guy.0
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Sorry to hear this. But better now than in 5 years with 2 kids. You are young and there is so much good out there for you!0
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Wow! I know how devastating that is because it happened to me. Concentrate only on yourself for a bit. This happened for a reason and one things for sure....there is way better out there for you! Just realize how important you are, finish school and make something wonderful happen for yourself......0
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Agreed....so much better now than later!0
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I'm so sorry.
Something similar happened to me as well.
One day buying stuff for our new place... Next day he's moving out.
Never expected, not even a little.0 -
First of all, I am very sorry for the hurt and sorrow you are going through. Everything happens for a reason, and it is better to know now than later. I am going through a divorce after 25 yrs of marriage, and it is very difficult. I started on this website after we seperated and I have lost 85 lbs and feel great, have my self esteem back. Lean on me for support anytime. Joann0
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Yes I thank God no kids have to be involved. I know that brings on so many more hardships. Breakups are great for weight loss so here's to the bright side!0
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awww I'm sorry for your broken heart 0
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I am going thru the same exact situation. Except that my wedding was supposed to be this month. And of course I am a guy and got dumped! Lol. Anyway, cheer up, it's tough at first and it will get better. Sort things out and let him decide if he's really ready or not. If he's not, then move on. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you!
Go on a trip! I did. I was out of the USA for 17 days. I was solo and it was awesome! Take on a new hobby and whatever you do, don't start eating because of this. It's common for some people to let themselves go. And remember, above all, you have to love yourself. Even if he doesn't love you back! Send me a message, we can talk some more. Use exercise to keep yourself busy.0 -
First of all, I am very sorry for the hurt and sorrow you are going through. Everything happens for a reason, and it is better to know now than later. I am going through a divorce after 25 yrs of marriage, and it is very difficult. I started on this website after we seperated and I have lost 85 lbs and feel great, have my self esteem back. Lean on me for support anytime. Joann
OMG I cannot even begin to imagine losing someone after 25 years. Whatever happened to marriage being forever? To me when he proposed to me that meant he wanted to spend his life with me and we could work out any problems that arose...guess not0 -
Go after strikerjb (above) he looks HOT!!!
*drool* 0 -
You are a smart one to leave and not hang on as a 'friend' hoping he'll change his mind. I commend you for showing that you know you are worth more than that.0
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At least it's sooner rather than later. It'll be hard financially but be strong and just show him he's missing out on something really great :]0
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Go after strikerjb (above) he looks HOT!!! *drool*
Haha agreed!0 -
This might be long....
This happen to me about 2 years ago, except we was not engage and it was my decision but we was together for 3 years and we lived and DID EVERYTHING together. You know when the vibe between two people change and you know you should not be together anymore but you just either praying that things will get back to the way there were or either he will have the balls to do the breaking up. Well he cheated and that was my last straw so I broke up with him (I didn't really want to)..but I did and we try to be "friends" which gave me hopes thinking he changed and we would get back together, I found myself asking him should we get back together and he kept avoiding the question. Then I asked him was there someone else he flat out said no, then one week later his things was completely gone and I was stuck like chuck.
advise 1) don't buy into that we should be friend crap...cut any ties (trust me)!
2) Surround yourself with friends AT ALL TIME or keep busy so you won't have time to feel weak and call him
3) DO NOT CALL HIM!!
4) do not seek no answer (TRUST ME THERE IS NO ANSWER THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER)
5) When everybody tell you that you will be ok and things will get better BELIEVE IT!!
After my little situation happen and I kind of sort of moved on, I decided to not jump into in a relation I Focus in school (Bio major)
and time flew by, a year of the single life, I met a guy that I cannot even compare to my ex..HE IS TRULY AMAZING!! I had to believe that God has something better plan for me and wait for it...WAIT PATIENTLY for it during that time work on yourself. Also my ex tried to come back to me and I always had the mentality hurt me once shame on you hurt me twice shame on me. I refuse to let anyone get a 2nd chance at hurting me. Hope that wasn't too long....TRUST me after you become a nurse and you working its going be like a wait have lifted off your shoulder....
Oh I also worked out and watched a lot of Netflix movies...:) *chin-up girly***0 -
Don't settle just cause it is hard, there is something out there that you deserve. My daughter just broke up after 1 1/2 years with her BF. Deep down she knew it wasn't going forward but at least she did not have to look for a place cause they both have their own places.
Take your time, talk to friends and family, accept help when offered.
NEW PIC!!! SOON!0 -
I am so sorry
Chin up...there is something better out there for u and even though it doesn't seem it now..you will get thru this.0 -
Go after strikerjb (above) he looks HOT!!! *drool* 0
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Truly sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you.0
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If there was no warning then he was a liar and a cheater and you're better off without him. An honest man couldn't keep a lie for long without it showing, good riddance !0
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6 years ago, I broke up with my fiance. We'd been together for 4 years and owned a home. It came out of nowhere and shocked and hurt a lot of people, most of all my fiance, who was and still is completely awesome. I wasn't cheating and found the entire thing extremely difficult and sad. I loved him so much, but I wasn't in love with him and on some level, while I knew our like together would be happy, it wouldn't be everything he or I deserved. I thought that sorta of nagging feeling would go away because so many things about us was perfect -- as our wedding approached and it didn't. I knew as much as it would hurt, it was right.
I know this is a weird consolation, but please believe me when I tell you that things like this happen because there is a greater happiness that you haven't even imagined coming.
I met my husband 2 years after our break up, we have this deep sort of soulful connection that I never really knew existed until I met him. My ex met a wonderful girl and they are getting married in December. I'm their wedding photographer and really, seeing him marry the actual woman of his dreams is one of the greatest blessings of my life.
And what I can tell you about wasted time is this: I would have never, ever known how right my husband was for me and I my ex would have know how right his finance is for him if we hadn't been together. It took us years to become friends again, but eventually it did happen and we both agree what happened helped us become the people we were meant to be.0 -
Do yourself a favor and remove him from your profile pic! YUCK!!! not you though....0
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