What Do You Do When Your Motivation Source Is Gone?

reneeileen

For about a year I've been using MFP, preparing for my wedding and getting my body prepped to start a family. Since the wedding, life has been busy and commitments have not waned. I gained a little bit of weight but I wasn't discouraged. Then came my 30th birthday and I sunk into a bit of a depression. Right before my birthday, my husband lost his job as I was registering to go back to school.

A week ago, my husband and I had a conversation about going back on birth control. It is the right thing to do right now. We would not be able to support a family in our current situation. Prior to going back on birth control we were having trouble getting pregnant- it had been two years with zero results. I'm feeling like maybe a pregnancy isn't in the cards for us and I need to buckle down with school to make a better financial future for my husband and I.

As time has been going on, I am feeling less and less motivation. I realized that my two sources of motivation are gone. I feel so lost without a focal point and I don't know how to find a new point of motivation that will ring true to me. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has had a similar loss of a motivator and how they refocused.

sarabissa

Kind of in the same spot. I got within 10 pounds of goal. Showed off my progress and summer got busy. I had tried to just maintain. School is back in session now having to retrain my brain. Basically I got arrogant, thought I could do it without thinking about but need to get focused!

whitesocks1

Lodestar Lost.

Reneelleen,
I lost my job a year ago and still unemployed. I have a wife and 2 boys as well. I have lost motivation to stay fit more times than you have checked your email. About a month ago i realized that all the reason i had for loosing weight were all external (job, friends, sons, and so on). A few days ago i said screw it. I'm not going back into combat for anyone else, i'm going back in for me. If I were to give you advise, it would be this.

Don't loose weight for your wedding. The wedding may get called off.
Don't loose weight because of a b-day party. The party may be a bust.
Don't loose weight because there is no job. It will only make you depressed.

Reneelleen,
Base your motivation on you.

Loose weight so you don't become diabetic.
Loose weight so you can fit into old clothes.
Loose weight so you can do physical sports and enjoy swimming
Loose weight because its murder on your heart to be heavy.
Loose weight so you can go shopping for "skinny people" clothes.

DO IT FOR YOU, NO ONE ELSE.

Stay focused because you deserve to be happy and healthy. When you get on your treadmill or walk your next mile i want you to think of this simple idea:

"After I loose my next 25 pounds, what store should I go to and reward myself with a new shirt or pants?"

Make it all about you,,, and all the other stuff,,, will just run off your back.

good luck, friend

1Clueless1

White socks is right. Work out and be healthy for yourself. As for the birth controll, it has to be right for u. I was crabby and gained weight on birth control. Stopped it after a year of marriage. Took me 7 years to get pregnant but part of what the docs told me was I needed to get my weight down. Just something to think about. Hang in there. I think we all go through a low period. Good luck!

brainfreeze72

I'm sorry that you and your husband are going through a rough patch right now but I'm confident that you will make it through this and be stronger when you come out on the other side. You're still young, don't give up on the idea of children yet. Maybe, just maybe God knew this wasn't the right time for you.

Plus, I vote with whitesocks. Do it for yourself. Do it because you want to be healthy and fit. Do it because you want to feel good about yourself. Do it for the cute outfits we get to wear when we're skinny....and look good in them. Do it because YOU want to do it for YOU. The health benefits are worth the time it takes to get in an hour or so of exercise each day.

mrs_joshica

A lot of people tend to focus on a date, person, or other reasons to desire weight loss that pass & fade. If you aren't really in this for you, for the right reasons, you will become easily motivated. Yes, a wedding is a great reason to need to lose a few pounds, but it is not indicative of a "life style change". You now need to figure out the real reason to lose weight inside of you. Do you worry about diabetes, stroke, heart attack, gaining more weight than you already need to lose now and it becoming more difficult to lose it? What do you want from this? You have to search inside of you and put your goals in front of you.

As I said to someone on here yesterday, you need to make sure that your goals are internally based and not externally based b/c external things fade, and when they do, so does your motivation, but if your focus is you, and what you need to do for you, no one can control it or take it away, but you.

And as far as the baby & your marriage: I've been there too, my husband lost his job out of no where, and that is stress. Stress can also lead to your ups and downs in your body. Just the same as stress can cause delays in your menstrual cycle it can cause delays of trying for a baby. Relax, allow yourselves to stabilize financially, and allow it to come naturally.

HMToomey

Be your own motivation. Life will always get in the way if you let it. When you are down don't veg out in front of the TV or turn to food get out and do something. I do Zumba, others take a kickboxing class and kick some @ss, whatever you need to do to burn off that energy! Does your university have a gym? Drag your nursing class mates down there and take classes! You can't do this just to look good in white, you can't do this just for some guy, you have to do this so that you stay healthy, you have to do this so that you save money on health care fees, you have to do this so your future patients can look up to you when you tell them your story!

FINISH NURSING SCHOOL! No exceptions. Even if you get preggers and have a baby to support. Babies are far less costly than toddlers and children and teenagers! Finish school now so that you have the income to support your family!!

(Personal rant) I would not recommend birth control to anyone. I was on Yaz and ended up with gallbladder and kidney issues. Birth control meds are designed to mess with your hormones and the shot messes with your sex drive. Trojans work and they don't mess with your body. (Getting off soap box now)

YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WORK FOR, YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK! DO NOT *EVER* SAY "I CAN'T" ALLOWING THOSE TWO WORDS TO LEAVE YOUR LIPS IS A TOXIC NIGHTMARE! "I CAN" NEEDS TO BE YOUR NEW MANTRA!

slrrese

I also agree with whitesocks!!

...and remember that motivation comes from within. Only You can motivate you. This has to be what you want. Support comes from other, and it can keep you going when things get rough, but you still have to want it.

Stressful times are very difficult times to make good decisions, so that is why it is important to get into healthy habits that carry us through. Best of luck to you. Stay healthy for you, you deserve it!!

MGarcia0504

I agree as well. My husband and I had been trying to have a baby as well but my weight may be the issue and now with this huge move we have coming up, I have also gotten back on BC. The motivation that I'm using is that I want to lose the weight so that I can have a chance at getting pregnant and being healthy during the pregnancy. I also have two kids already and I use them as support because I'm really out of shape so I tell myself, I need to lose the weight so that I don't feel like I'm going to pass out whenever I want to chase them around. I want to look good naked for my husband and be healthy enough that I can be around a longer than I would be able to if I stayed in this lifestyle. That might be one way to look at it. Do it for you in the end though.

reneeileen

Thank you for all of the words of encouragement. Hearing your stories is so helpful. It can be easy to think the I am doing all of this in a vacuum.

@Whitesocks1 - You are very wise. Diabetes and Cardiovascular Disease run in my family and the way that it destroys a person's quality of life scares the crap out of me.

Nothing is really guaranteed and it is way to easy to feel sorry for myself about it. I think this is just reinforcement that I need to keep coming back here.

bahacca

I wanted to add as far as starting a family is concerned: If you stop NOW and a year or 2 years from now is your time, you are then going to have a year or 2 worth of added weight to attempt to lose. Take that "loss" and use it to your advantage. You are no longer under pressure to conceive, so you can take TIME to lose weight and change your LIFESTYLE before bringing a child into the world.
I'm sorry there has been so much stress in your life lately. I hope it simmers down and you are able to find new motivation-perhaps it is long term and seems so distant, but, like the saying goes "Tomorrow you will wish you had started today."

reneeileen

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied to this message. I was feeling particularly low and I needed a swift kick in the rear. The things around me aren't changing yet but the things inside of me are changing. Thank you for all of your kind and honest words.