Being careful with how I present my weight loss. (Kids)

SelenityJ

A little while ago my heart broke as I discovered that the two girls I am a nanny for were weighing themselves and worrying that they were overweight. Now these girls are by no means overweight. They are slender and petite and only 8 and 10 years old. This happened when their mother and I had moved the scale into the bathroom that she and the girls both used and I am in periodically to help them with hair and make sure they're brushing their teeth and the like. Immediately we moved the scale into 'my bathroom' which was an already established no entry zone for them.

I don't want these girls to have an image issue so I started talking to their mom about my weight loss only after they were in bed. If I had something really great I was excited about and I couldn't wait to tell their mom I'd give her a hug and go I'm getting healthier and fitter! Then run around with the girls and tell their mom what I was really excited about while they ran outside with the dogs.

Not to say I'm not happy about getting fitter because I am but the reason I'm posting this topic is for advice on how others deal with their successes with kids around. I don't want the girls to think that they're worth is a number on the scale or their clothing size. Any Advice?

caseythirteen

I think the two things you already mentioned were excellent. Referring to any changes as being more fit and healthier put the right spin on it. You can talk about a healthy weight if you want to talk numbers but if topics focus on fitness, nutrition, healthy lifestyles than I think it's fine to talk about. I have a 7 year old daughter and we talk about being active and fit a lot. They talk to them at school about it and she knows I exercise so it's common place. I've been changing our eating habits a bit too so it all works together. We talk about how fruits and vegetables give our bodies what they need more than candy and junk - but that stuff is ok too in moderation. I think it's a great thing to talk to kids at that age about healthy choices. If they learn now than it will become a part of who they are. Keep it up!

Side story: Just the other day I was measuring my food and my daughter asked me if I was on a diet to which my very quick answer was no! I went on to explain that I measure because I am learning about healthy portions of food, what's good for us, etc. When I asked her why she asked she said that she didn't want to have to get rid of all the candy.

ZenInTexas

I have three daughters, I understand your concern here. I do not make a focus out of my weight loss, I make the focus on being healthy. We discuss eating healthy foods and exercise and how it benefits us by making us strong and able to run fast etc.

mjj79

I too have had to be careful. My oldest son has a slight tummy, (really not bad, just not flat) and has had some teasing and self-image issues. In the past several months, I've changed my "language". We talk about eating healthy, not losing weight or trying not to be "fat". It has actually helped him some. He gets excited when I congratulate him for making HEALTHY food choices.

My daughter, who is thin (not too thin, just perfectly thin) and 7, has EXTREME body image issues already. I'm sure she got some of that from me, but she also had 2 cousins, who are EXTREMELY skinny, tell her she was fat. Now, EVERY DAY she obsesses over what she eats. THankfully, she still eats, she just always asks, "Is this healthy? Is it fat free? AM I fat". Very sad. I constantly remind her that some fat is good in food and that she is beautiful and healthy.

ANyway, sorry for the lengthy reply, but yes, I have really had to modify my behavior and words around my children. I was never super negative about myself in front of them, but I wasn't SUPER careful either. Now I am

SelenityJ

I do remember one of them making a comment that they thought they should eat less and I reminded them that they are growing and in order to grow they need to eat. Her reply was I don't want to get fat. And I replied well not eating when your hungry is a sure way to do so. She asked me how. I had recently read an article somewhere, (I'll try to find it I think I bookmarked it) about how when you don't eat when you're hungry your body goes into starvation mood and creates more fat cells and slows your metabolism. So when you do eat it takes more to loose the weight and your body has more space to put food and will stock up on more of your food that you are now eating.

Talking to her more frankly like that helped.

danafoxx

I too have had to be careful. My oldest son has a slight tummy, (really not bad, just not flat) and has had some teasing and self-image issues. In the past several months, I've changed my "language". We talk about eating healthy, not losing weight or trying not to be "fat". It has actually helped him some. He gets excited when I congratulate him for making HEALTHY food choices.

My daughter, who is thin (not too thin, just perfectly thin) and 7, has EXTREME body image issues already. I'm sure she got some of that from me, but she also had 2 cousins, who are EXTREMELY skinny, tell her she was fat. Now, EVERY DAY she obsesses over what she eats. THankfully, she still eats, she just always asks, "Is this healthy? Is it fat free? AM I fat". Very sad. I constantly remind her that some fat is good in food and that she is beautiful and healthy.

ANyway, sorry for the lengthy reply, but yes, I have really had to modify my behavior and words around my children. I was never super negative about myself in front of them, but I wasn't SUPER careful either. Now I am

when i was younger i sounded a lot like your daughter i'm sure. i wasn't thin, but a normal weight. my parents never did anything like that, they only dismissed me as seeking attention, though i was truly concerned about my appearance. what you are doing is wonderful and productive. keep it up

bushidowoman

With my own daughters, I also saw that they were picking up on my negative view of my weight a few years ago. That's when I shifted my focus from numbers to health.
We eat healthy foods because we want to take good care of our bodies. We exercise because we want to take good care of our bodies. We also do these things because they make us feel better, and we enjoy our lives more when we feel better.
I made a vow that my kids will never see me in front of the mirror obsessing over how big my butt is or worrying about what size jeans I will fit into or putting myself down for not looking like the media's version of perfect. Instead, they will see me setting goals and working toward them--like trying to reach 100 consecutive pushups, working towards my black belt, trying to make this the healthiest, happiest pregnancy I've ever had. They also see their daddy training for races--last year he started with a 5K, this year, he will run a 10K, after that he will work on half marathons and marathons.
And they follow this lead. My 11yo is running her first 5K this fall. They compete against each other doing pushups and planks. They ask how many grams of protein are in their snacks. I can live with that.

JohnMessmer

I think having somewhat honest and open conversations with children is healthy, so including nutrition and exercise into those conversations only makes sense. If your child is overweight or out of shape and they are of school age, they are going to hear about how "fat" they are once they get to school. The great part about being the parent who is choosing to live healthier is that, you decide what your child eats (for the most part) and you can drag your child with you on walks, hikes, excursions, all under the guise of keeping you company.

tabbykat6802

my hubby and I are trying to be "healthy". Our 2 older boys(almost 7 & almost 9) have seen commercials about which food has no calories or is low fat and have overheard us talk about lower calorie foods. They have been known to fret about what food is better b/c it has no calories, etc. We are beyond worried b/c they are both skinny butts. We continue to say that they need as much nutrition as they can eat, but I don't know if it's sinking in or not.

nxd10

I've thought about this too. My son is very sensitive to what people say about his eating/body. He has a good attitude - 'I can eat anything I want as long as I watch my portions' and 'I need to eat lots of different things to stay healthy'. And he eats everything and LOVES food.

But I know that as his father and I have become more calorie conscious, he has become more conscious of his as well. His older brother has always been SKINNY (BMI below 5th percentile) and he is at 50%ile.

But I do have to watch what I say because he actually listens to and absorbs every word.

mom2bnc

My children are still little (5 and 3). My daughter is 3 and has Down Syndrome. They are known to possibly be overweight. She doesn't understand it yet, but, I already talk about "Eating Healthy" and I offer her healthy foods.
They do get an occassional cookie, but, I get so happy when they choose fruit over french fries (esp. my son).
I don't talk about numbers or pant sizes. Just try to talk about "It's good for you. It will make you big and strong and healthy".

I believe it was a a WW meeting where I heard, you have to eat in order to lose, so, there is truth to that statement.

sarahbrown1015

I think shifting the focus is so important. I grew up with a skinny mom who was a little weight obsessed, and as a result I grew up thinking I was fat long before I actually was. By the time I had reached my 20's I had a huge resentment against her that has taken me many years to overcome. The problem was she not only obsessed about her weight, but she also set a bad example. Kids want to be like their parents/role models. If you are showing these kids an active healthy lifestyle, you are giving them an awesome gift.

MyOwnSunshine

I have a 6-year-old daughter who is at a perfect body weight and who is fairly active.

I have never been one to obsess out loud to others about being "too fat." Generally, people who ARE too fat don't want to bring attention to themselves by asking others about it. Negative self-talk about weight is much more likely to come from thin, insecure people who constantly seek positive affirmations from others about whether they are "thin enough," or from thin people who make judgemental remarks about other people's bodies. The best thing you can do to help young girls have a positive body image is to not judge or criticize the shape and size of others' bodies.

With that being said, my daughter and I talk a lot about the health aspects of eating healthy, being active and avoiding weight gain. We have had conversations about how and why your body stores fat, and why having too much fat isn't healthy. I never, ever, ever condemn myself or others for being fat. We talk about what foods are healthy and why they are healthy. Having no calories does not make a food healthy. We also discuss that there are no "bad" foods, but there are foods that are high in calories and have little nutritional value, so we need to eat these in moderation and not as staples of our diet.

We discuss activity the same way. I would never encourage her to "work out" so she can be skinny. I do sign her up for activities (pom & cheer, swim lessons, basketball), so she can be active. We also try to do fun activities like riding her bike or swimming at the Y on weekends. I teach her that it is more about having a healthy lifestyle that includes activities, and that things like video games and computer time are to be done in moderation like some of the foods we eat less often.

Teach your kids about how their bodies work, why our bodies store fat, how we need food for fuel, growth and energy, why we need ample sleep, and help them find activities that are fun and make them feel proud. Stop obsessing about the appearance of your body and the size and shape of others' bodies.