Help overcoming Perfectionism

sufikitkat

Hello everyone,

This is scary for me to do, but I am in need of support. I have battled my entire life since adolescence with perfectionism. And not just related to weight, looks, exercise, but in all areas of my life. Anytime I work on anything for school or work, I take longer because I have to make sure I do it just right. I also have this insane need to always be busy doing something, and can never say no to people because it makes me feel like a failure if I do.

But the worst part of this is now it is taking over my running. Running is something that has made my life better and has given me a chance to feel successful no matter what. But while training this summer for marathon number 2, I was faced with a hamstring strain that caused me to have to cut back on miles and focus solely on the long run. But for a perfectionist...this was the worst thing to happen to me. Now, I am clouded everyday and run mainly because if I don't, I will beat myself mentally for not doing it. Here is an example: Today I woke up feeling like I may be starting to get a cold or sinus thing. So I slept more and missed my training group for my last 20 miler, telling myself I can do it later or tomorrow morning. But its not just that simple. Now I can't stop thinking about how I should have just sucked it up and ran regardless of how I felt and I am feeling insanely guilty for not doing it until tomorrow.

Is there anyone else on here that battles with this? I just don't want to feel so alone in this anymore. I work in psychology (behavioral support mainly), so I am aware of meds and things like that. I do not wish to resolve it through medication, but through Cognitive behavioral therapy...the issue is affording it right now. So I hope to find any support because right now, I am on the verge of losing running as my therapy and I can't let that happen.

Thank you for reading and please, if you wish to make an assumption, ask the question before placing a comment.

mikmurphy

Unfortunately I can't help you much as I do the same to myself sometimes. I hold myself to rigid standards and rules that I would not apply to other people. I'm harder on myself than anyone else. I have to pull myself out of it by taking myself out of the equation. Ex, would you have expected someone else to run when they were sick?
I feel for me the perfectionism has a lot to do with being in control of things

JenKillough

There's a book that you might already be familiar with, but if not... check out Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.

kimothy38

Its bloody hard trying to be perfect and constantly trying to measure up to such high standards that are sometimes unattainable. I'm so much harder on myself and constantly struggle with negative self talk. I'd be told that I should be kinder to myself but I just didn't know what that really meant and I just kept myself busy trying to control my environment and everyone around me. I'm not sure exactly when exactly something changed but I found a new passion and once I managed to calm down on binge eating I did start being kinder to myself. I battle all the time with negative self talk but through journalling, affirmations, doing things I love doing, and appreciating people exactly as they are, is when things improved. Perfectionism can be so debilitating. Best of luck with your journey.

onesmallcupcake

Yep, also a perfectionist and also beat myself up a lot!! The funny thing is, I am very forgiving of other people's imperfections just not my own. I do long distance sports. The way I manage it is to have my program for the week stuck on the kitchen bench. I cross off each session as it is completed. If I choose not to do it, I have to look at that every day and see it is not crossed off.......I don't like It!!

I try very hard to think of how lucky I am that I can choose whether or not I exercise. There are so many people who are very sick or incapacitated who don't get to choose.

I think for those of us who are perfectionists, it will always be difficult. The only suggestion I have is to try and change the self talk. So you missed a session. Is that the end of the world?? No. Just keep telling yourself that.

Good luck with everything. You are definitely not alone!!

sufikitkat

Thanks everyone! I definitely can relate to being my own worst critic, holding myself to higher standards than others and higher than others hold me up to. It is very good to know I am not alone and I will continue to find ways to decrease the negative self talk!