before & after photo- but can't believe what he said!

mablesyrup

Last night I dug out a picture of me when I was at my heaviest (353lbs).. which was before my dh new me. I was 250lbs when we started dating. (don't get me wrong.. i'm still 290lbs.. so it's not like i'm 150 now). Anyways- he has been so supportive and helpful with my weightloss- and I wasn't feeling like I looked any different- so I decided to dig out a picture and compare side to side... and his reaction was NOT what I expected... he said,

"Whoa- you were fat. I mean sorry, no offense but wow"

That just brought up 23894832923 million emotions from being younger in school and being called "fat" (I hate that word).
I just want to go cry... I already feel like he isn't attracted to me as it is and have issues enough-


So here- I might as well post the photos...

SatelliteCrush80

Last night I dug out a picture of me when I was at my heaviest (353lbs).. which was before my dh new me. I was 250lbs when we started dating. (don't get me wrong.. i'm still 290lbs.. so it's not like i'm 150 now). Anyways- he has been so supportive and helpful with my weightloss- and I wasn't feeling like I looked any different- so I decided to dig out a picture and compare side to side... and his reaction was NOT what I expected... he said,

"Whoa- you were fat. I mean sorry, no offense but wow"

That just brought up 23894832923 million emotions from being younger in school and being called "fat" (I hate that word).
I just want to go cry... I already feel like he isn't attracted to me as it is and have issues enough-


So here- I might as well post the photos...






First off, congrats on your loss...that is awesome! You look much happier in the second photo as well. :flowerforyou:

I'm so sorry for what your hubs said to you and how much it hurt. It seems like he really sees the difference, just didn't think before he spoke. Either way, I know how much that must have hurt. Don't let it stop you, though. You're a woman on a mission. Congrats again! *hugs*

Kati_Marie

I don't think that you should be looking at this as a bad thing but yet as an inspiration.

To be honest, so what if he said you "USED" to be fat.
You aren't anymore!!!

You have lost a LOT of weight and have an amazing goal to lose so much more.
Make sure that you are doing this for you though.

Men don't have emotions quite as girls do. My advice is tell him how that upset you, what your past was like and how much it affected you. He'll never know unless you tell him.

I'm extremely proud of you and all the weight you've lost thus far.

Keep up the AWESOME work!! And PLEASE stay strong! You only live once and why not make this life everything you've wanted from here on out!!!

My inspiration for the day!

(Sorry if that was harsh...)

pixiech1ck

Sorry that your dh was such a jerk. I don't think the majority of men think before they speak. My husband has said things like that to me about other aspects of myself (not my weight thankfully) and I literally sit there in awe like dang, did you really just say that?

I also don't think that they realize women have certain "triggers" that makes them upset. Your trigger was the word "fat", my trigger is the *b* word. If a man calls me a *b*, I get all sorts of upset (was in a cruddy relationship in the past, where that's all I was called). I think your best bet is to tell him how upset you were by his remarks, and that you're doing what you can about your weight, and all that should matter is the present, not the past. He should be proud of you for taking the matter into your own hands, and he should support you 100% in your weight loss efforts.

EKarma

Congrats on the weight loss! Keep up the good work.. and stay positive. You're only as happy as you make your mind up to be.

AnneElise

Just think of it this way. What he meant to say was WOW you look great now, but the other side of that is you didn't look great then (he said the wrong side of it). Don't let that hurt your feelings. He must like you and be attracted to you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Just remember he is being supportive of your weightloss, he was being blunt and honest (not always a horrible thing) you just have to take that and put it to motivation to look even better!

YOU LOOK AWESOME! Keep up the good work!

Livi_Loves_Pink

Is it possible that he really didn't mean it to be hurtful? I know that sometimes guys just don't get how things can sound. Maybe he meant it more like "Wow! You're so much smaller than you were then!" Did you let him know that the way he said it hurt your feelings?

Congrats on your progress!

jennbarrette

I am sorry that he was so inconsiderate But, I think the difference between men and women is that women think to much and men think too little. For him, that comment was forgotten seconds after it came out of his mouth, and you are stuck dwelling on it and letting it get you down. I suggest telling him how it made you feel (just it get if off your chest, not to make him feel bad) and then moving on. Be proud of how far you came, and that you will never be that 353 pound woman ever again!

drvvork

First of all, you are doing a wonderful job and look GREAT! You will have to forgive dh... he responded out of verbal - reflex - not always a good thing, obviously. When people see a video of me, at my heaviest, they gasp and expel verbiage they later apologize for but it was a first response. I can say that it honestly does hurt but knowing I am where I am now (definitely not where I was then!) makes it a bit better. It doesn't excuse the situation nor make it a benign act to our self-esteem but we have to try to overcome. I hope an apology will be forthcoming for you.

You’re doing a GREAT JOB! Hang in there and HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH and be PROUD!!

Carleybby

"I already feel like he isn't attracted to me as it is and have issues enough"

I always feel this way with my boyfriend, I just feel like... I'm around 80 lbs more then him.
So he's normal sized and well, I'm obese around 260.

YOU CAN'T THINK LIKE THAT.

Just think, if he wasn't attracted to you...
He probably wouldn't have started dating you in the first place, not to mention stick with you.

Good job on 50 lbs ! Keep going, boys are dumb... I think EVERY girl should know that.

mablesyrup

Thanks all for the great words! He could tell it upset me- and not 15 minutes after I posted this- he apologized and said he didn't mean to offend me or anything but that he was just in shock of how large I was.

I know you need honest feedback If I would have had more honest/blunt feedback earlier in life, I don't think I would be where I was then....

I cannot wait to show my next "after" picture when I hit 250lbs.. and then 200lbs and then when i hit my goal of 150!!!!!!!!

mablesyrup

Yeah same here!!!!!!!! Mine is 6'2" and about 235....

wwinston

Congrats on the weight loss. You have already lost a lot of weight and you're closer to your goal weight !!!! Stay strong and stay motivated.

Heather_b1986

hey just wanted to say i dont even know u but... im proud of u , u look great and are definately an insperation, by the sound of it ur other half spoke bfre he thought (think its a guy thing lol) dont let it get u down its only how u use to be and nuthin to do with the person u are now x


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angelwings2000

People don't always think before they speak. You have made amazing progress....wow.... 66 pounds!! I started coming on here after the holidays because my prther asked me if I was pregnant on Christmas Day. That really hurt, but maybe his words motivated me to get on mfp and get my weight back under control. I looked great three years ago in my profiule picture and my goal is to get back there before my wedding in June!
Keep up the good work!:flowerforyou:

BrendaLee

He probably thought he was giving you a compliment. Men. Actually...people. That's the kind of thing my family would say. :ohwell:

Don't take it too hard.

arewethereyet

Last night I dug out a picture of me when I was at my heaviest (353lbs).. which was before my dh new me. I was 250lbs when we started dating. (don't get me wrong.. i'm still 290lbs.. so it's not like i'm 150 now). Anyways- he has been so supportive and helpful with my weightloss- and I wasn't feeling like I looked any different- so I decided to dig out a picture and compare side to side... and his reaction was NOT what I expected... he said,

"Whoa- you were fat. I mean sorry, no offense but wow"

That just brought up 23894832923 million emotions from being younger in school and being called "fat" (I hate that word).
I just want to go cry... I already feel like he isn't attracted to me as it is and have issues enough-


So here- I might as well post the photos...

arewethereyet

I think you are beautiful! You just look healthier in the 2nd picture.

When I hit the 20 pound mark I celebrated by buying some new clothes. My DH had never mentioned my weight loss or even the change in the food he was eating (:grumble: he lost 20 without trying)

So he asks me how much I lost? I yell TWENTY POUNDS WOOT!!!

His response:

That's all???

He is lucky to be alive

:laugh:

After crying for 2 hours I asked him why he would say such a hurtful thing. He said :noway: what??? I was saying how easy for you to lose 20 pounds and it seems like you lost so much more because you look so good!!

Why couldn't you just say that?????

There is a reason why all those sitcoms make fun of male vs female communication..........it is in every household.

Look to yourself for reinforcement. You KNOW you have done a wonderful job.

:flowerforyou:

fooja

hi, well 1st of all.... u are brave to post photos, cuz idk if i woulda done that!! lol, and 2nd...what matters is that you've lost 50+ lbs!! and last but not least.....guys dont think before they speak!!! lol, thats y he said that! they dont realize that stuff like that hurts us!! congrats on the loss and good luck in the future!

1Sweets

Wow Weee You can really see the difference in your face...This is fantastic. You look heathly & happier too....this is the first place people said I lost also.

I told my hubby when/if I start loosing weight to remember it still hurts if he says wow you use to be fat. I said if you want to compliment then that's great ..but it really hurts when people say that...they're trying to give you a compliment but they forget that we are that same person:noway:

Guys really don't think like we do. The other day a guy at work told his wife who was ready to go into labor with their 2nd child...she was upset & he couldn't figure out why well my husband told me what he said & me if there was anything wrong with it:

He says to his pregnant wife "Hey you sexy beast". He thought he was being romantic & cute...well he should've stopped at the word sexy especially her being pregnant & now being called a beast. Words are powerful arent they?

I read today an amazing fact: Women speak about 7,000 words a day & men speak about 2,000. Hmmmmm. It's just not their thing I guess. :ohwell: I guess this is why it comes out wrong? Anyway I trying to tell you don't let this stop you from getting healthy.

Keep with it & he'll really be saying WOW:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Saken

whoa, who's the hottie on the right?
eheheh

congratulations