Is it so much to ask

AmyFett

that my husband supports me instead of constantly mocks and ridicules me for my changed habits? I can't freaking stand it anymore. I get no support from him at all. Even the doctors have told him to watch what he eats and lose weight. He's not even 30 yet and is just not in good shape at all. I was hoping that by my changes, he might become better too, if not for himself or me, but for his kids. I reached my breaking point today and he mocked me because I refused to eat box mac and cheese I made for the kids for lunch. Because I don't want to eat this, "everything" is bad for me... Really sucks getting no support or help from anyone.

allifantastical

I know where you are coming from. My ex husband did the same thing to me. I tried so hard to get healthy but it is terrible trying to eat a salad when you look over and your significant other is stuffing them self with a whole pizza.

If you cook the food in the house, I told my ex that I was only cooking healthy meals and if he doesn't want to eat what I was cooking, then he can go find something else to eat. Have your kids eat what you eat....make it a healthy lifestyle change for all of you. You can do that to your kids, but you can't make him change.

I support you! You have to do this for yourself!

AmyFett

My girls are still really little, but they don't always eat junk. They eat a lot of fruit and don't so much like sweets. My situation has just sucked for a long time. I don't know what the hell else to do anymore.

justlistening

I am sorry your husband is not supporting you. It is ashamed that when you try to do something good for yourself that it somehow intimidates him or makes him feel inferior so that he has to mock you. I agree with the above poster. Make it a lifestyle change for the whole family and if he does not want to eat what you cook then too bad. Your kids need to learn about what is healthy and eating in moderation too.

Friend me. I'll support you.

AmyFett

I already told him I'm not cooking for him anymore and he can keep blowing money on junk food instead of paying bills like we should. I don't really care what he does anymore so long as he pays rent.

stephanie1133

If your husband mocks and ridicules you, there are bigger problems going on than just him being unsupportive of you diet! I think a sit down, serious talk, is in order.

SarahAFerguson

No wonder you are upset. I would be for sure. I don't really have any constructive advice, but I'm sending you a BIG HUG! I hope you have some friends or other family that can be supportive.

kelseyhere

I already told him I'm not cooking for him anymore and he can keep blowing money on junk food instead of paying bills like we should. I don't really care what he does anymore so long as he pays rent.

You sound unhappy. Make yourself happy. Don't subject yourself to a jerk everyday.

awolf2011

I agree with what Stephanie1133 said about the fact that maybe there is another underlying issue within your relationship and this is the way that he can "get one it" to make you feel bad. You can only do what is right for you and your children since they are young yet. You cannot make your husband lose weight and get healthy. You are setting a good example for your kids and that is awesome. I am glad that you stood up to him and said that you were not going to make a separate meal for him, he is a big boy and can cook for himself then. It is so hard to say that I know where you are coming from because my husband is one of my biggest supporters. He always makes sure that I have at least 20 min a day to devote to myself for workouts or just to relax. He also understands that I want to get healthy and so when I buy new foods to try that are better for our family, he tries them too and doesn't piss and moan. So, again, sorry that you have to put up with his BS. I hope that you can figure something out with your relationship. We are here to listen and give you the support that you need!!

ericalyn73

Leave him and find someone who will support you.

GeekGirl23

Girl, like I said... You get hot and sexy then dump his *kitten*. If he isn't going to support you on this he's not supporting you in life. I went thru one marriage like this (luckily no kids) and he ended up cheating on me with 2 of my friends... I got hot after the divorce and he started stalking me, was the best revenge of my life!

Now I am married to a man who treats me very well, is very supportive, and is even obeying my "no treats in the house" rule. If we want a treat we walk to go get it.

juliec33

If your husband mocks and ridicules you, there are bigger problems going on than just him being unsupportive of you diet! I think a sit down, serious talk, is in order.

I agree with this. You guys have bigger issues than just what to eat at mealtime. I've been through a verbally abusive marriage and after considerable thought I decided that in order for me to be happy I had to make a tough choice and file for divorce. To every one who says "just leave him", really, you think that is supportive? It's not that easy, especially since children are involved.

Sending you a big hug :flowerforyou: . Please talk to your husband about this and if he is still resistant suggest that you go to counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself!!! You deserve to be happy, whatever that entails!

JohnMessmer

Man, what ever happen to the sanctity of marriage? Perhaps a counselor could assist the two of you.

howens1027

He should support you, for better or for worse. I am sorry you are encountering such a situation.

Slove009

I am so sorry about him being so unsupportive. Support from people we are close to, especially our spouse, is very important and can have huge impacts on our success.

Just know you have a whole community here to support you even if he doesn't! :flowerforyou:

joshsmama05

I read an article on this very thing the other day. It was talking about how if you're in a relationship and one person changes their habits the other person can (not always, but often) become so insecure that they try to belittle the person who is making the changes. I know my son's dad (we don't live together) gets very jealous and upset with my changes and the amount I go to the gym. I told him just to deal with it. I fix healthy foods for dinner and if he wants to come over he can eat it....or not. No skin off my nose! The other night he brought pizza over for him and the kiddo so I had my dinner before he came over. Oooooh was he mad. You just have to do what is good for you. You go and fix your healthy meals for you and the kids and if he doesn't want to eat it, fine. He can fix his own meal. He needs to support you, he made a vow to do so and he's not holding up his end of the deal. We're all here to support you!!!!! Hang in there! Hopefully he'll start to understand that this is for the health of you AND your family and maybe he'll get on board.

melsmith612

My hubby had no choice but to go along with my style of eating because he doesn't like to do the groceries and he can't cook anything but Ramen so he has lost as much weight as I have without ever trying. :laugh:

If your husband isn't supporting you the way you need him to then turn to a friend or counselor for support. He'll likely be jealous of the time you spend getting support elsewhere and fall into line.

laserturkey

Sounds like your husband is a real keeper. :-/

If you want to friend me I will be glad to support you in your efforts. Might want to see a therapist, too, on your own, so you can think through things and decide what changes need to be made so you and your kids can be happy and healthy.

ohmariposa

wow, that sounds terrible. I am sorry you have to deal with such craptastic behavior. He probably is acting like that because he KNOWS he should be joining you in your health habots...but doesn't want to. You just keep doing your thing and maybe he will come around??? If not, you and him are going to have to have a serious talk. This is important for your marriage and you guys need to be positive role models for your children.

erickirb

Ask yourself if this is really the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Crochetluvr

Would serve him right if you get thin and hot and dump his sorry butt for a guy who appreciates you. Sorry but that's the way I feel.

holli_walker

I have had a talk with my husband about stuff like this. He thinks me losing weight will make me stop loving him. Which isnt true. Maybe have a sit down heart to heart. How it hurts your feelings when he does this. Tell him why you trying to get health. To live longer for him and the kids. I told my husband I love him anf that is why he needs to join the journey with me. But wish the best of luck relationships have there ups and downs. It just know if you love each other enough to work through it.

nettersaurus

I don't want to take sides but maybe he's feeling insecure about himself and is lashing out at you. I've been in a similar situation before and looking back, it seems that the only flaws my ex pointed out about me were things he was dealing with himself. People who don't like things about themselves will focus on those things in others. I definitely do agree with number of things already said though like couselling or letting him fend for himself. I know it's hard, I can definitely relate but you need to think about you and being the best, healhiest you for your children.

RedHeadDevotchka

Not too much to ask. That is difficult! I don't have an answer, but that does suck.

StinkyWinkies

I don't know you or your husband, perhaps what he meant (because sometimes we all say things that mean something different that the actual words) is "why is that good enough to feed your kids but not good enough for you to eat?" Or maybe it's his way of saying "don't me and the kids deserve to eat healthy, too?"

Try having a conversation (as many others have written) with him, find out, if you can, what his thoughts *really* are about your lifestyle change.

emcdonie

Yes, he should be supporting you that would certainly be ideal. I am so sorry you feel he is not. However, I passionately disagree with all of the advice on just leaving him. Marriage is FAR FAR too precious.

If a marriage is going to surive, there needs to be a lot more selflessness and a lot less of self. (not saying you personally are selfish, but it is a general thing most people struggle with on some level) Also, I am not saying a person doesn't ever have to consider their own well being. Of course they do.

However, just as ANY person would hope the one they love would forgive their shortcomings....forgive his. We have ALL acted like total stinkerpots at one point in our life, and fortunately some folks are kind enough to forgive it.

Talk to him. Sincerely go to him, not in anger, but in truth and simply tell him how he is making you feel. Likely as not he might be feeling insecure from the changes. Often when one spouse begins changing to healthy habits and eating the other is suddenly feeling guilty of their own lack of change or various other emotions.

Have patience and forgiveness with him. Finally keep up the good changes, they are certainly an awesome thing. Don't be discouraged at all, you can totally do it. Hopefully he will come around in time.

BeckySue1977

If your husband mocks and ridicules you, there are bigger problems going on than just him being unsupportive of you diet! I think a sit down, serious talk, is in order.

I agree with this. You guys have bigger issues than just what to eat at mealtime. I've been through a verbally abusive marriage and after considerable thought I decided that in order for me to be happy I had to make a tough choice and file for divorce. To every one who says "just leave him", really, you think that is supportive? It's not that easy, especially since children are involved.

Sending you a big hug :flowerforyou: . Please talk to your husband about this and if he is still resistant suggest that you go to counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself!!! You deserve to be happy, whatever that entails!

This!
Marriage is work. For everyone involved. It isn't always roses, but if both are willing to put in the work, it can be wonderful!
You mentioned hubby is blowing money on junk food instead of paying bills, so I'm not sure if counseling is financially viable for you. But if it is available through insurance or maybe through your church, then please please pursue it!
You cannot change anyone but yourself, but you can adjust how you react to others and the example you set for your kids.
If hubby isn't willing to go with you, please find time for you to go for yourself and your kids.

NavyKnightAh13

I kinda have that with my husband, but he knows that i am not going back as far as eating out and not buying fresh stuff, so he buys his own junk, and while there is some junk food in our house, i actually measure out and weigh out everything to make sure its one serving. With that being said, he should be more supportive, and my husband and i we talk about why he does what he does and why i am doing what i am doing, and it has worked out well so far.

sarahisme18

It is so NOT okay that he isn't being supportive.... but just thought, maybe it is coming from his own insecurities about where he is at? People who are struggling themselves sometimes hide behind being cruel to those they are jealous of—you are having more willpower, strength, courage, and seeing many changes that maybe he wants to see too. My bro-in-law went through the same thing with his parents when he was trying to get healthy and lose weight—but he was gentle and tried to be understanding with them, even though they were being really nasty about it, and eventually they got on the bandwagon with him. Who knows, maybe that will help your husband?

If it doesn't, nothing you can do. But, worth a try maybe! Everyone is going through something, even if they try not to show it and become a bully instead.

renatte68

I don't think it is right or helpful for people to tell someone they don't know to leave a spouse. A marriage should not be disposable.

It is not right that he is not supportive of you. If you asked him why he isn't supportive of you what might he say? He might be intimidated by you changing and therefore attempting to sabbotage you. Or he might just be a jerk. Was he always a jerk or did things change at some point?

I have noticed since I have been married that men absolutely hate being told what to do. He may see your positive changes as conviction of his own lifestyle and even if you're not pointing a finger at him he may feel it nonetheless.

I always remind people that you can't change others, you can only change yourself. Figure out your part of this situation (every relationship is 50/50) and make the positive changes for your marriage that you can. If you are being a blessing to him then maybe he'll come along more quickly. One way to do that is to ask him how you might be supportive of something in his life. He might not know, but put it out there.

God bless you! I pray things improve soon, but stay the course and do your best. You're already improving your life.

126siany

I'm sorry that your husband is not only failing to support you, he's actually trying to mock you and get in the way of your goals. You're right, he should be supportive at best and neutral at worst. There's a level of contempt in his behavior that's very toxic to a marriage.

Is there any chance that you can speak to him about whatever is driving his behavior and possibly sort this out?