workplace parties

basschick

I wanted to get everyone's opinion on something that happened at work. I am starting my fourth year as a teacher at a private school. There are 19 teachers in my division (lower school), plus our division head. There's another teacher at my school that is going through a separation from her husband and is moving out and getting her own place. She, understandably, has been very upset about this and has only told a few friends. We're cordial and chat during breaks, but not close, so I found out about this through the grapevine.

Last week, another teacher decided that it would be nice to have a housewarming shower for her to cheer her up where everyone would get her something for her new place, including food and wine, and it was to be held in that teacher's classroom right after school. Everyone in my division was invited, by email, to this shower except me and man who just started there this school year. No mention was made of the separation on the invite, just her getting a new place. I figured the man wasn't invited because he's so new and barely knows this teacher and it was kind of a girly thing, but I'm not sure why I wasn't invited. The only reason I can think of is that I work in a different building than most of the other teachers, and I am still relatively new compared to most of the rest of the staff. I realize that everyone in a workplace can't be all be close friends. I do stuff with a small, select group of teachers outside of school that I'm friends with and I know that other teachers do stuff together without me and I'm totally OK with that. However, I feel that when you're going to do a mass invite and have a shower on school grounds, everyone should be invited. If you don't want to invite everyone, have it at someone's house or at a bar or restaurant near school. What do you all think? I, quite frankly, felt excluded.

corn63

I can see how you'd feel left out. But I can see how you were left out. You've said it yourself... you work in a different building so you're separated from the herd. Under your premise though, the man teacher should've been invited too. I find it bad form on their side to not invite both you. However, it's possible to be overlooked when you don't make an effort either.

How about coordinating an outing with EVERYBODY so everybody can get to know each other?

basschick

I can see how you'd feel left out. But I can see how you were left out. You've said it yourself... you work in a different building so you're separated from the herd. Under your premise though, the man teacher should've been invited too. I find it bad form on their side to not invite both you. However, it's possible to be overlooked when you don't make an effort either.

How about coordinating an outing with EVERYBODY so everybody can get to know each other?

Yes, I am separated from the herd, but there were other people from my building that were invited (they have been there much longer than I have). I try to make an effort to get to know the teachers in the main building by eating lunch in their break room most days, and I feel like we all get along pretty well, but I guess it's not the same as working around them all the time.

semeyer

I agree, I would feel a little sad too.

But I also agree with ^ the above poster. I would use this as an opportunity to express interest in the 'group'. Maybe have a chat with whoever set up the party and say "Hey, the housewarming party you guys had sounded like a lot of fun. Next time I would love to be included to get to know some more people" Speak up. They may not know you feel excluded.

basschick

I agree, I would feel a little sad too.

But I also agree with ^ the above poster. I would use this as an opportunity to express interest in the 'group'. Maybe have a chat with whoever set up the party and say "Hey, the housewarming party you guys had sounded like a lot of fun. Next time I would love to be included to get to know some more people" Speak up. They may not know you feel excluded.

Good suggestions.