Advice needed, still fat in my head

sarahbethbeauty

I hope this all comes to make sense, and I hope that someone else can relate so I don't feel alone.

Over the past 2 years I have lost 60 lbs. I went from 210 to 150, pant size 14/16 to 6/8. The last 30lbs have been in the last lets say 6 months. I am proud of myself. For so long I dreamed of being a smaller size and all of a sudden I am. I know it took 2 years but it feels like a week. Here is what I am struggling with. I can't seem to buy clothes the right size. Its like I'm still the fat girl in my head thinking there is no way those size 8s are fitting, I must be crazy, they probably don't fit, I'm still the fat girl but trying to smash in to smaller jeans. Which I know is not true. They do fit! But there is some sort of emotional hurtle holding me back from really appreciating my new body. I'm afraid that I will wake up tomorrow morning and I will be that fat girl again so what is the point of buying smaller clothes.

I think one of the problems is that I've lost a lot of my curves, I'm sure a completely different shape now, and I don't know how to confidential dress myself. Another issue I am having is that because the weight lose was so gradual no one seems to notice. Yeah you look at a picture of me 2 years ago and you can see it. But no one in my day to day life seems to have noticed. My husband yes but I am constantly talking about it. But no one in my social circle or at my church. Yet my best friend who has always been overweight has dropped 30 lbs in the last 3 months (yay!!!!) and no one will stop talking about it. We go to weddings and stuff and people are constantly complementing her (which I think she absolutely deserves!). With no one noticing it doesn't help the thinking its all in my head thing.

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that I don't know how to not be the fat girl. And I want my friends/family to notice more. And I don't know how to handle that.

GrAlVt

It doesn't seem unnatural to me. After all, weight loss isn't significant in and of itself. If you do the same things after you lose weight that you did before losing weight, what was the point? You will see the difference in your clothing choices, but others don't pay attention to the dimensions of your attire. If you suddenly change from being sedentary to participating in some hardcore physical activity, then some people are bound to notice.

Also consider that they may not notice because you still feel 'fat in your head.' If your mentality hasn't changed, your changes in behavior probably won't be as significant, so people won't notice a change either, unless they were paying attention previously.

Let's also consider that 60 pounds is a fantastic loss, but over 2 years it's not always easy to notice. Your friend lost 10 pounds a month for three months; your average over two years would be 2.5 lbs/month. That doubled to 5 lbs/month for the last 3 months, but still only half the rate your friend went. The rate, more than the overall loss, is probably what made people catch on.

So what would the fit you like to do that the fat you wouldn't? Once those behavioral changes start to come through, and when people contrast it with how you used to be, the physical changes will also become obvious.

Or you could go the short route and just show them the before pictures to remind them of what was.

EnchantedEvening

This is actually a common issue. I have a few friends who've lost anywhere from 100 - 200 pounds, and they still feel like "the fat girl" even though they're all 130 - 160 pounds. I've seen countless episodes of style shows where people who've lost weight keep buying clothes that are too big for them because they're so used to hiding their bodies. Once they buy stuff in their size, stuff that *fits* but isn't tight, they look 20 pounds lighter.

For me, it helped to take pictures for comparison, and I try to look in the mirror as often as possible. The more I see myself in the mirror or a store window as I walk by, the more my brain adjusts to my new image.

I'm not sure if it will be the same when I get back to 150-ish, though. I haven't been that weight since college. I'm so used to being around 300 pounds that I'm sure I'll have trouble adjusting too.

joannathechef

About 17 years ago I did lose all of the weight and spent about 2 years at my goal weight before it all started to get away from me and I ended up back where I started. I feel that in some strange way this inability to 'see' the new you is partially to blame for my weight re-gain so I feel it is important to address it correctly.

This time my husband has seen my progress but very few other people have said anything (I have no way lost as much as you) I am losing very slowly too but I think being in the US does not help people at work are very shy to say anything in case it gets misconstrued....'what do you mean - did you think I was fat before!!! I am off to HR"

How you accept yourself and find joy in your achievement must come from inside, relying on others to give you that affirmation has to be the wrong way to go (not that I have the answers).

This time I hope I can really 'see' it and perhaps enjoy it too - good luck

yoovie

khelm31

I think the key here is to be that confident person regardless what size you are. Many times it's the confidence that makes people notice. If you are acting and carrying yourself as the "fat" girl, then that is how people are going to react to you even though you are not that anymore.

As for the body shape and clothes, yes after losing weight, especially if you gained a lot of muscle tone, your shape can change. You may need to just try those styles that you used think you never could wear and figure out what works. Maybe take someone that you know will be honest with you shopping with you and give feedback on what styles fit you best now.