How/When, if ever to tell someone he/she is obese.

psuskifan

Most people are pretty aware that they are overweight or obese. I don't think it's helpful to point it out to them; rather it is very hurtful and embarrassing. They are ony going to change when they are ready to change for the,selves. Just my opinion....

Again same thing I have been saying. What if they are using a lot of cocaine or alcohol. Same thing?

ndfaninaz

Now, this is only my opinion, but I think the only time to tell someone they are obese is if you are their doctor, and they're your patient. Then it's relevant.

So it's not relevant if your spouse, child, mother, father, best friend, etc. has at serious medical problem? I must say I disagree.

That is fine that you disagree, because this is MY opinion.

erd1954

I think commenting the weight of someone you don't know is the height of rudeness and insensitivity. People that are overweight know that they are overweight. There are many underlying factors that can affect your weight and if she was slender she wouldn't necessarily be a better role model for health. She could have an eating disorder or smoke or any number of other poor lifestyle choices that would be more detrimental to her health than obesity.

diazwoman

The only time it is ever ok to discuss weight is if you are sleeping with the person, gave birth to them, or they are paying for your advice as a professional.

Of course if they ask for help, insight etc..then it is different.

edited to add; I might need to restrict the sleeping with and gave birth to categories

bcattoes

Now, this is only my opinion, but I think the only time to tell someone they are obese is if you are their doctor, and they're your patient. Then it's relevant.

So it's not relevant if your spouse, child, mother, father, best friend, etc. has at serious medical problem? I must say I disagree.

That is fine that you disagree, because this is MY opinion.

Um, yeah you said that already. But thanks for the permission to disagree.

bcattoes

The only time it is ever ok to discuss weight is if you are sleeping with the person, gave birth to them, or they are paying for your advice as a professional.

What?! You mean I have to sleep with my brother if I want to tell him I don't want him to kill himself with food anymore. I love my brother but, um ... :noway:

ndfaninaz

Now, this is only my opinion, but I think the only time to tell someone they are obese is if you are their doctor, and they're your patient. Then it's relevant.

So it's not relevant if your spouse, child, mother, father, best friend, etc. has at serious medical problem? I must say I disagree.

That is fine that you disagree, because this is MY opinion.

Um, yeah you said that already. But thanks for the permission to disagree.

Hey, you're welcome!

DamnImASexyBitch

NEVER. People need to mind their own business when it doesn't concern them. Do you honestly think that these people don't know they are over weight? How would you have felt if someone would have approached you and told you that you were obese and needed to do something about it? This is just common courtesy and tact. Just like you wouldn't ever ask anyone what they weigh, how old they are exactly, ect. Have some manners.

And the whole "when it comes to a loved one" you can encourage them by example. Invite them on a walk with you. Cook them a healthy meal. But you still don't have any right to say hey look you're obese and you need to do something about it, even if you try to soften that blow with " I love you".

rustyguy

I hate it when people bring up my weight. I mean, I know I'm big. The giant pants were a clue.

I reached out to people who were successful at losing weight and got help from a nutritionist when I felt like I needed a change. If anyone else brought it up I shut them down. There were times when I would leave the place I was at if a relative thought they were being helpful and kept talking about it after I clearly didn't want to. Then I was marked as being "sensitive" about my weight.

I can't stand it when people think they can solve the problem by talking to me about it. As if the switch would flip if just one more person would mention my weight problem.

KiraBg

There are three things that I avoid discussing with people:

- their weight - skinny or obese, nobody likes to be criticized,
- their religion - we are all grown ups and make our own choices,
- their political affiliation - same reason as above.

All of the above are unnecessary conflict and allienation creating discussions, so I try to avoid them as much as possible.

What the hell do you talk about then? :laugh:

Politics and religion are my favorite discussions with my friends. But then, I'm a political activist and a Christian.

In the midwest city I live in, it is much easier to make and keep friends if they do not know I am a "liberal socialist atheist" LMAO.

thelaurameister

Generally speaking, I agree with almost everyone.

When you're obese, you KNOW you're obese. And you know that everybody else knows you're obese, even if nobody says anything directly to you about it. Saying anything at all could completely change the dynamic of your relationship with that person, so I'd typically say it's best to keep your mouth shut. It's rude to rub salt in a wound that already hurts so much.

All the same, I think it's all in the delivery and how you phrase your confrontation. Obviously, you won't want to walk up to somebody and say "Hey, you're fat. You need to lose weight". But, with the proper conversation starter, it could be a great opportunity to HELP someone. I remember a day where I thought chicken wings were good for you. I thought, "It's chicken. Chicken is good for you!". I was in denial. I would justify eating a fast food meal by saying beef is the protein, french fries (potatoes) are my vegetables, and the bun is my carb. I convinced myself that I was eating okay because "It was balanced". I thought potatoes were vegetables (which they are "technically", but your body treats it like a carb). I didn't know any better until I got really big. I self educated myself, but I wonder how much different my life would be now if somebody had given me a taste of reality and told me, up front, how bad my eating habits were.

krisiepoo

Who do YOU think you are to tell people this? Becuase you're better than them? Do you think THEY don't freaking know? I would likely punch you if you said it to me, I know I'm fat. I don't need some do-gooder idiot to come along and tell me again!

gr8pillock

Discussions about the Wisconsin newscaster got me thinking about this. Most discussions of that story have focused on whether the guy who wrote her is a bully.

If the guy in Wisconsin was rude when, if ever, is it appropriate to tell someone he or she needs to lose weight? And how should the topic be brought up? Most of us have had our struggles and have, no doubt, gotten our share of unsoliicited advice. Last year, my mother gave me a hard tiime about gaining weight. Now, that strikes me as fair as I consider it a given that my mother has my best iinterests at heart. On the other hand, a guy I slightly know professionally said something sort of rude to me last spring. (and he hiimself is overweight so go figure) So, how and when to bring things up?

If I take as a given that close friends and (immediate) family are fair game as the relationships are clear, who else to discuss it with. Here are a couple of examples where I have thought about it but, so far, have thought better of bringing it up.

A guy I know who is a professional colleague, even shared office space with him for a year. And, I see him and his family from time to time at social occasions. When I first met him some 15 years ago, he was a normal weight, and even somewhat good looking. But, I would say that over the years, he has gained over 100 lbs, maybe 150 lbs and is now morbiidly obese. In a nutshell, this guy looks terrible. And, he has two young children so one would think that he at least owes it to them to take better care of himself. I don't think he has an illness. I have seen the guy eat (remember we shared office space), so I know why he is so biig. Having been through the exact same thing myself, I think I know what this guy's problem is, but do I dare bring iit up?

Second example. At my gym, there is a woman who works in membership who has gone from slightly overweight to obese in the last few years. IMO, the gym is one of the few jobs where I think the employees need to walk the walk and look at least somewhat fit. (maybe unfair but if I am thinking about joining a gym, want the employees to at least pretend they care about working out.) On the other hand, she is a total stranger to me so my inclination is to just keep my mouth shut.

Any thoughts?

If someone is heavy, they know. It's not really anyone's business to "tell" someone they are heavy. If you love them, and you are worried about their health and potentially losing them, then you can bring up the subject of your concern and perhaps offer support and sidekick status to help them in the pursuit of a healthier weight, but if you're just looking to call someone 'fat,' however politely you might think you're going to say it, it's none of your business. Not yours personally, I assume this is hypothetical, but still.

GibblesandBits8064

I'd say something to my friends/family. I think it's out of line to call someone out if you are merely an acquiantence at best.

I agree. Or especially if you only know the person as your local news anchor:grumble:. Keep your mouth shut!!

BeingAwesome247

It's funny after my sister and I both had lost weight, we were looking at old pictures and she says, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS FAT?!" I laughed and asked her the same.

We discussed it and we both knew we had gained weight but neither of us realized personally HOW MUCH weight and really didn't notice it in each other. I think because we love each other so much we just didn't see it.

So to say, "they know they're overweight/obese" to an extent - yes they do but they may not realize, if they're obese how far they've let themself go.

DeeJayTJ

i knew i was obese, no one bothered to tell me about it, i didnt realize how big i actually was until i was 60lbs lighter.

if i had a gf, and i got gradually gained weight, id want her to tell me something about it if she really cares about my health she'll say something to me.

unfortunately everyone just ignores everyone.

I'd start up 5k runs for Obesity awareness lol, but then everyone would think I'm some sort of bully!

People know obesity is there but are they aware of it themselves? no idea, i know I wasnt completely aware that i had a serious problem.

moseler

I personally never say anything to anyone I don't know... now, I do have friends that have noticed my weight loss and ask what I've been doing. I am always willing to share and help them on their journey... but, it's their journey.

They know they are over weight and really don't need me to tell them anything. I didn't want to hear it from them... so I don't harp on others or try to impose my opinion on them. Each person needs to come to their own conclusion about their health in their own time.

If you start bugging people or making comments about their health, of course they will be embarrassed and it will only dig deeper into their self esteem. That's never the way to encourage others to make a life long change. In fact, it may have the adverse effect. They may resort to the only friend they think they have, food, for comfort.

I stick to the old rule: if they want my opinion... they'll ask for it.

thelaurameister

It's funny after my sister and I both had lost weight, we were looking at old pictures and she says, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS FAT?!" I laughed and asked her the same.

We discussed it and we both knew we had gained weight but neither of us realized personally HOW MUCH weight and really didn't notice it in each other. I think because we love each other so much we just didn't see it.

So to say, "they know they're overweight/obese" to an extent - yes they do but they may not realize, if they're obese how far they've let themself go.

This is actually so true. I've been overweight my whole life and I've always been aware, but it wasn't until I lost a decent amount of weight that I truly knew how MUCH I had gained. I could still fit into my jeans from 7th grade as a 21 year old. They didn't look good AT ALL (although I thought they did at the time) because of how much weight I gained, but I really didn't think I looked that different because I could still zip the zipper!

Mcmilligen

I don't think you say anything. I have trouble believing most people aren't aware they've gained weight.

The only way I could see bringing it up is as a discussion about healthy habits. I wouldn't mention weight though unless they ask you for help.

I do agree with this in part. I believe if you have a family member or close friend whom you think is plummeting down a dangerous path... You need to talk to them about it. For me, my family and I are very close. I would feel horrible if something had happened, when I could have easily said something to at least "plant the seed" to get them going back in the healthier direction.

That being said... I do think you should be careful when speaking to coworkers or acquaintances. I would start bringing up conversations including healthy food or satisfying workouts. I did the same to an obese coworker, and it actually started him talking about buying a bike so he could bike to work. I think if you just 'plant seeds' without being intrusive or overly suggestive- it can do more than bringing a full on conversation on the topic. Of course, this doesn't work all the time and there are always exceptions. Like it has been said before, the only way a change can or will take place is if the person in question comes to a realization on their own. This is why I believe 'planting seeds' is the better route.

My apologies for the novel, and good luck!

MidgetGidget

ok... so here's my question... why is it ok for people to tell you..."oh you've lost so much weight" ... "stop dieting now"... "you've lost too much weight"... "you look great now, don't lose any more weight" ... etc... why is that ok?

In many cases, the person has lost significant weight, but is not at goal or even at a healthy weight. But since they were so much bigger the weight loss is very obvious. I think that for some people, this sabotages their weight loss and their resolve to get to goal. They think, I've lost lots of weight, I feel good, I'm looking so much better, I can afford to slack off a bit from my programme. And before they know it, they've gained most if not all the weight back.

So, why is that ok, but if those same people tell that same person... "ok, now you're gaining back too much weight"... "you're getting too heavy"... "it's time to get back on track"... etc. That is not ok?