Tired of being this way

ErikuhhNicole

Hello everyone,

My name is Erika and I'm 18 years old. I struggle from severe break downs concerning my weight. I hate my mid section, and although you might think I'm too young to have these issues, I do.

My weight issued started when I was in 8th grade. I started dating this guy who would always put me down. He'd compare me to my twig friends and would call me fat every chance he got. After him, I would starve myself, spend most of my time after eating over a toilet, and line my arms with scars.

When we broke up, I got better, no more starving, no more throwing up, no more cutting... but that thought of being fat, and not being skinny stuck with me. When I got to ninth grade, a met a guy who seemed to like me for who I was, body and all, but when I ate certain things, he'd frown and stare, when I huffed up stairs, he's groan and curse, not taking in consideration that I had major ashma. It wasn't until he would hit me and leave marks on me when I didn't lose weight or when I broke me 'eating rules' did I kick him to the curb.

Now I'm a senior, graduating in a couple months, and although I'm not as bad as I once was, with a boyfriend that supports me in everything I do, and truly doesn't care that I'm 5'3 and weight 132 pounds with a slight stomach, I do. I have looking in the mirror and not liking what I see, and I hate hate hate not being comfortable when I sit down because of my pouch, or pulling up my shirt and seeing a red line from where my fat rolls rest, or discovering that the skin under my bra is started to pudge.

I need help. I want to be happy.

Sorry for the depressing post, just needed to get that off my chest.

nkfxo

Dont let anybody tell you anything different - you are GORGEOUS! Do this for you & no one else... Screw that guy who ever told you that because it's not true.


Im here for you if you ever wanna talk & add me if you like!!

fasi7861

I feel for you, too bad you had to go those painful experiences. It's great that you kow have a boyfriend who supports you and not some jerk who hits you and puts you down. A positive support system is always a big plus. I am happy that you are using this app. to make "you" happy, don't do it for anyone else, true results come from inner motivation. I know you can do it, use the negative energy which was thrown your way as fuel to motivate, people are missing out on the true you, not what they perceived to be you. Several years ago my engagement broke off because the girls mother, I was heart broken and used my anger as motivation to get into shape, I did and married someone who stood up for me. So I understand your pain, now use it to your benefit. Good Luck to you.

Crystal_Pistol

Therapy now will save you a world of hurt later. I'm not being sarcastic or an *kitten*. I am a therapist, and I believe this is something you need help with.

ravengirl1611

Like the others have said - you made a great choice in first - kicking those asshats to the curb - I am truly sorry you had to go through what you did but you have come out the other side and are now making good choices for you. Feel free to add me if you like - there's a huge amount of support here and we're all here to help you reach your goals!!!

northernnative33

wow i wish i can have a waist like yours...try having 56inches on the waist or walk around with a pillow under your clothes and go in the public for a week and notice the nasty comments from ppl...then go walk around without the pillow and see if your still having breakdowns for being so called fat when your not.

northernnative33

btw im 5'3 and weigh 255lb

ErikuhhNicole

uhm, isnt this supposed to be a motivation site?

HurricaneElaine

It's a good thing you're here. Vent all your frustrations on the boards, and I hope it makes you feel better - I know it helps me when I need it. MFP is full of people who share their stories. I'm glad you dumped those losers - karma will get them!! Just stay on course, it's a long road but MFP really works and will help you in the long run! :flowerforyou:

northernnative33

Im obese and happy but i have to loose wieght for my health. Im still pretty and have a nice butt and chest. thats why im happy cause at least im formed. but there are other ppl who has a big roll hanging over thier pubic line ...how big is your roll? sounds like your got self esteem issues compared of fitness issues my dear. Its a darn shame that you cared what ppl thinks about your body...the boyfriend who called you fat ....sheesh i bet he didnt have a nice body full of muscles and have a 12 pack abs, so what makes him think he can put you down? but if your concern of the tiny rolls....save the 10 lb fat on your body and lift wieghts at the gym....muscle needs fat.

jynxxxed

I would highly suggest seeking help from a professional.

yo_andi

uhm, isnt this supposed to be a motivation site?

I struggled with disliking parts of my body too. When I was 18, I was graduating high school, going on to play soccer at a Div. I school. I was fit and healthy and beautiful according to others... and I absolutely hated my body.

Two things helped me fix that: getting into weight training and getting some counseling over my body hate.

Best of luck to you, sweetheart. :flowerforyou:

been285

motivation site?
Lot of different ages here... your gonna get viewpoints you don't encounter in your day to day.
they may not be what you wanted to hear.
bye ........... later

auroranflash

This has very little to do with your weight and more to do with self-worth issues. This is best dealt with through a therapist.

You may not be physically self-harming any more, but it sounds like you still don't respect yourself or your body. You can work through these issues, but you probably need assistance.

Also, never, ever, ever allow someone to treat you the way your past boyfriends have treated you. You deserve more than that.

auroranflash

I'm glad you have a boyfriend who supports you. I have no doubt you are beautiful.

I'm 5'3 and weight 132 pounds

^^ This is right in the healthy range for your height. All you need to do is add some weight training 3 times a week. Check out what weight lifting did for me. Now, I'm 5'1" and I had to eat less because I was obese, you are NOT obese and in fact you are not even over weight, but I wanted you to be inspired by the weight lifting part of my story. You just keep on eating at maintenance. I think all you need is 3 days a week of weight training and a little cardio on the other days and you would start to feel a lot better about your shape. --> http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/740340-i-lost-60-lbs-at-age-51-anyone-can-any-workout

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/752246-i-m-afraid-to-try-an-new-weight-lifting-program-now

Best of luck to you sweetheart. -Bobbie

I seriously cannot believe you use every possible post to promote your crap. Did you not read a word of the OP? This is about far more than lifting a few weights. It disgusts me that you only saw this as an opportunity to snipe your products and workout scheme. I seriously hope the moderators catch on to your game and ban your account. This self-promotion is sickening.

longingforcontrol

You did not deserve all of this. This did not happen to you because of what you eat, who you are or how you look like. the blame is not yours. I am glad that you broke free of those relationships. I am so proud of you that you saved yourself from them. (even so you loved them). Its time for a new start now. let it go, see it how it is. they are horrible people that did horrible things to you but in no kind of way have they been right.

You are beautiful, inside and out. you are loved and appreciated. please never forget this.
You do not need to hurt yourself, starve or purge to be someone that can be loved.

I don´t think that you need to seriously work on your body (lose much weight). I think what you need is to see your own body different, to feel better in it. to see it for what it is, something gorgeous. what helps me to feel better about my body is sport. just moving. no matter what kind of sport. try to be more active, maybe it will help you. I really hope so.

Wishing you only the best for the rest of your life (you have had already enough of the horrible things).

LovelyLifter

I'm glad you have a boyfriend who supports you. I have no doubt you are beautiful.

I'm 5'3 and weight 132 pounds

^^ This is right in the healthy range for your height. All you need to do is add some weight training 3 times a week. Check out what weight lifting did for me. Now, I'm 5'1" and I had to eat less because I was obese, you are NOT obese and in fact you are not even over weight, but I wanted you to be inspired by the weight lifting part of my story. You just keep on eating at maintenance. I think all you need is 3 days a week of weight training and a little cardio on the other days and you would start to feel a lot better about your shape. --> http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/740340-i-lost-60-lbs-at-age-51-anyone-can-any-workout

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/752246-i-m-afraid-to-try-an-new-weight-lifting-program-now

Best of luck to you sweetheart. -Bobbie

Perhaps you should try actually reading more than what her weight and height are before you press your bullcrap on her. Its sad you use this as a chance to advertise yourself it really is very sad

PittShkr

I'm glad you have a boyfriend who supports you. I have no doubt you are beautiful.

I'm 5'3 and weight 132 pounds

^^ This is right in the healthy range for your height. All you need to do is add some weight training 3 times a week. Check out what weight lifting did for me. Now, I'm 5'1" and I had to eat less because I was obese, you are NOT obese and in fact you are not even over weight, but I wanted you to be inspired by the weight lifting part of my story. You just keep on eating at maintenance. I think all you need is 3 days a week of weight training and a little cardio on the other days and you would start to feel a lot better about your shape. --> http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/740340-i-lost-60-lbs-at-age-51-anyone-can-any-workout

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/752246-i-m-afraid-to-try-an-new-weight-lifting-program-now

Best of luck to you sweetheart. -Bobbie

rml_16

I agree with the people who said you need some professional help. Good luck to you. Your weight and height are perfectly healthy and I'm sure you don't have the physical imperfections you think you do.

floridagirl7264

I'm glad you have a boyfriend who supports you. I have no doubt you are beautiful.

I'm 5'3 and weight 132 pounds

^^ This is right in the healthy range for your height. All you need to do is add some weight training 3 times a week. Check out what weight lifting did for me. Now, I'm 5'1" and I had to eat less because I was obese, you are NOT obese and in fact you are not even over weight, but I wanted you to be inspired by the weight lifting part of my story. You just keep on eating at maintenance. I think all you need is 3 days a week of weight training and a little cardio on the other days and you would start to feel a lot better about your shape. --> http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/740340-i-lost-60-lbs-at-age-51-anyone-can-any-workout

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/752246-i-m-afraid-to-try-an-new-weight-lifting-program-now

Best of luck to you sweetheart. -Bobbie

548 friends Bobbi? How can you motivate each of your friends?

lizziebeth1028

Like a couple of other posters have said - therapy would do you a world of good. Learn to accept and love yourself and screw what everyone else thinks! Also - you are in a health weight range. LIke someone else suggested focus on strength training and body recomposition to achieve the changes in your body that you want!! You should switch to maintenance calories, eat between 85 - 100 grams of protein a day, and lift weights like you mean it. You will build muscle and confidence!! :flowerforyou:

been285

motivation site?
your height weight is good ,,, mind and desired body are what you seem to want to change.

sooo what are you willing to do for the next six months to progress toward this goal ??????.

you and 2-3 friends could exercise together ,,,, chip in ,, buy a dance type exercise dvd rotate houses 2-3 afternoons a week ... make it a party !

join and attend a karate school

try a new ab exercise every two weeks until you find 5 or 6 you like. http://randomabs.com/

you can,,,,, you can.... no buts .... call back in 6 months , put it in your calendar ,,

IzzyBmydog

Yes it is Erika.

Bentley2718

At the risk of sounding very mean, I think you may have issues that go beyond your weight. From what you have said, I suspect that even if you were the "perfect weight" you would not be happy. I would suggest you talk to a mental health professional about self-esteem issues and reliance on men for validation (since your post seems to focus on the role of your boyfriends in your desire to lose weight). Such a professional can do a far better job of evaluating your situation than I can (obviously), but seeing someone a few times can be useful even for very healthy people. I'm sure you are a great young woman, and I wish you a wonderful life--sometimes a little help is necessary along the way.

elenathegreat

Holy cats! 5"3" and 132 lbs?!?! I would kill for those numbers! I can remember hating my teenage body because it didn't compare with my beautiful, skinny sisters who constantly berated me for my boobs and booty---just not in style in my day. I look back at those pictures now and realize I was SLAMMIN'!! It really tics me off that I couldn't appreciate that at the time and love myself more.

I don't know if (almost) 48 can make this meaningful to 18, but please just embrace the youth and beauty that you have and don't let anyone ever tell you that you aren't good enough.

*Hugs and kisses*

lncgurley

First.>BIG HUGS...second, it has helped me to realize that for me, my weight has to do with how I'm managing stess/emotions. You may need to see someone to learn some new ways to think that will support your "new attitude" and approach, excercise to help you rid of negative emotional energy and stay positive (excercise boosts seratonin levels). The behavior you speak of, cutting, bulimia, etc, are indicators that at a core level you believed that jerky guy (and I'm not saying shame on you..I GET IT, trust me), but you need some truth and love spoken to you/over you. I pray you find a counselor (one that compliments your religous preference would be great). Do some good work on your inner self, which will definitely help you in the long run stay at a good weight, along with the excercise which will help you be toned and blow off steam. I wish you so many blessings!

thedreamhazer

Therapy now will save you a world of hurt later. I'm not being sarcastic or an *kitten*. I am a therapist, and I believe this is something you need help with.

Very true. You've dealt with a lot for someone so young. Those are some heavy things to handle during such a formative time. Luckily, you are still very young and I think you still have a lot of emotional and psychological malleability that would make therapy an incredibly helpful path for you to pursue. Physical and emotional abuse are not something that you can necessarily just suck it up and move on from. I believe your post indicates that you have not been able to move on by yourself -- and you aren't expected to.

Find someone to help you. Good luck

ErikuhhNicole

thank you everyone

ShallaLovee

I'mma tell you anybody who puts you down and hurts you isn't worth your time at all. Glad you kicked them to the curve. It takes strength to do that and to make it as far as you have. I'm also 5'3" but I weigh in at 199 atm. <.< >.> Last time I checked LOL. I will be where you are one day. You are far from "fat". That is the healthy weight for us shorter people. You might just need to tone up and what not but you don't necessarily need to lose weight. I want to be 135-140. So I have a ways to go. I think no matter what anybody says you should love yourself. If you don't like something of course change it but don't put yourself down nor let someone else put you down. It comes a time where you have to say "No you will not disrespect me like this" and move on. People are so mean and cruel nowadays. It's like ridiculous how people treat others. As long as your working towards your goals, you should be happy with you and how far you've come and where your trying to go. I wouldn't care about anything else or what someone says. When I first started losing weight I was a wooping 260lbs. Crazy right? Being 5'3" that doesn't look to good but I look at how far I've come from depression, etc. We are strong. If we overcome that we can overcome this and whatever obstacle comes our way because we're growing and becoming strong women. Good luck to you and your beautiful