Weight and Relationships

six1908

Has anyone ever had problems in their relationships because of their weight? I feel like I cannot meet anyone because of mine so it's set me on a very specific path to lose alot of weight. I just am attracted to a certain type of girl (as I'm sure many people have a 'type') and I know to even get in the same ballpark I have to lose. (At least I think I do). Anyways, just tired of people "looking" at me differently. Thoughts?

gottaworkout

Sir,

Just a quick comment and it may come across mean, but I only mean the best for you..

If she doesn't like you for you then she ain't worth it, period!

six1908

I don't think that's mean at all... blunt... but maybe I needed to hear it. Thank you good sir.

lovingmymuscles

Hello...i'm a woman, and here's my opinion: People do fit into categories, and people do search for people in a certain category---but the categories can contain many variables. For instance, i like men who are dark haired, and strong jawed, well built, and strong looking. I like a thick head of hair, and men who look like they like to spend time hiking up mountains. I also am generally more attracted to a thick man (not fat, but chubby is ok), rather than a man who is thin.

I have been with balding, blonde, tiny men and found them incredibly sexy, even though they may not turn my head on the street.

I have been attracted to men who are 300+pounds, simply because i like their dark complexions or awesome attitudes. Even one that had a dark complexion, but who was super overweight, and also balding. Something about him made me think i'd give him a chance.

I have a friend who has always been very over weight (well over 250lbs), and she has no problem meeting men and having meaningful relationships (and marriages).

People fit certain archetypes. Most people seek a certain 'type', and usually people seek someone who is 'their type'. In terms of general attractiveness (basic people watching on the street), most people would oogle someone who dresses well, who's in good shape, and who seems healthy. Smiling and feeling confident go a long way, if you're someone who isn't at first glance eye catching. Your smile, the intensity in your eyes, the way you carry yourself...all these things will help make a good first impression, even if you do need to lose 100 lbs.

If you're attracted to people who work out and keep themselves well groomed, than more than likely that person who works out and is well groomed, is going to be looking for someone who is equally into health, fitness, and appearance. People who keep themeselves in good shape are usually motivated people, who are not interested in and do not understand unmotivated people.

If that's your photo in the avatar, i think you are a good looking guy, with a great smile. You're attractive, and you're on this site- so you want to improve yourself, and that's really attractive. Every day you get better and better. If there's a type of person you want to be, work towards that...but remember, you are your basic self and people can take you or leave you...and if they want to leave you, then you're probably better off. Even if the only reason you're better off from rejection, is because it motivates you to see where you need improvement.

You're talking relationships. Confidence, personality, personal growth and development, common interests and values, inner happiness...these things are important when developing a relationship.

Stay confident, and keep working towards your personal best. Keep meeting people, and being friendly, and don't beat yourself up in public (nor in private!), and it's true. If they don't like you, then they're not worth it. You can't force anyone to be interested in you. These things happen naturally...but just because people have 'types' that they are automatically drawn too-especially a physical type, doesn't mean they only date people within their type. That would be way too limiting.

elizak87

What's your 'type'? What girl is it you are after that you have to look a certain way?

six1908

Good, no no no... GREAT stuff! Thank you so so much.

jennibee70

If you asked me my "type", I'd say roughly my age, dark hair, green eyes, not too thin, no facial hair. I'm currently unrequitedly in love with a man 20 years older than me, grey hair, beard. He's kind, he makes me laugh, he has a similar "energy" to me, and we have a shared hobby. I know how you feel though, I tend to assume nice guys would never be interested in me because of my weight - I think I need to give myself a good talking to too!!!!

(Oh, and you do have a nice smile - maybe you need to flash that at the ladies you like more!)

rml_16

Attitude and personality have always meant more to me than looks. I mean, obviously, physical attraction is important and necessary, but I've never needed a man to be in perfect or even near-perfect shape to be attracted to him.

Most of my life, I was in very good shape myself, too. I gained all my weight AFTER getting together with my current boyfriend nearly eight years ago. My weight (up or down) has never been an issue for him, though I personally don't feel good about myself when I'm heavier.

quiltingducky

Has anyone ever had problems in their relationships because of their weight? I feel like I cannot meet anyone because of mine so it's set me on a very specific path to lose alot of weight. I just am attracted to a certain type of girl (as I'm sure many people have a 'type') and I know to even get in the same ballpark I have to lose. (At least I think I do). Anyways, just tired of people "looking" at me differently. Thoughts?

I have to tell you that my son has the same problem, but he doesn't have weight issues at all. He's 26 years old and has not found the right girl yet either, and it may be because of the way he looks (i.e. tattoos and ear gauges) I know he's frustrated, but he will not come out and say so. It could be that you are maybe looking for the wrong type of girl for you or looking in the wrong places. I just tell him that if it is meant to be, it will happen one day when you are not looking so hard.

When I met my husband and started dating him, I was on the thin side and he was a heavier guy, between 225 and 250 lbs. I can honestly say I was hesitant to date him, but once we got through the first date, we knew we had something and a month later were were engaged and a year later married. Maybe once you lose a little weight, your confidence will get stronger too. I know mine will, as I feel inferior to the other soccer moms around me at sporting events.

martintanz

It isn't about weight, it is about confidence. Really. It isn't about who has the most money or the best body. If you project confidence, you will have no trouble with women.

One more thing. At 27, your best years dating are ahead of you. Women who wouldn't give you the time of day when you were 21 or 22 will be seeking you out in the next couple of years. Just as the window closes slightly for women as they pass from their teens and early 20s to their 30s, it opens considerably for men. At least, that was my experience when I was single.

Now, all of this applies to average to attractive women. Now, if you are only looking for movie stars and supermodels, maybe none of this advice applies.

head_in_rainbows

I think that with "types" there are two issues. I think it would be superficial if someone did not want to date someone else because they are for example blond or short or have freckles or dark complection et cetera. But i don't find it mean or shallow or artifical if someone who is fit and very active wants the same from their partner. I think that it is reather understandable taht for example amatour marathon runner would wnat to date someone who also runs. You want to be able to do stuff together. One can have briliant personality and I can imagine that said marathon runner would find that person nice and funny but if this person spends most of their free time indoors I don't see it working out.

kooltray87

As a gal I will say that I like a smaller guy. But lots of awesome looking girls have dated big guys before. Its all about personality. Also, a girl who will love you fat as well as skinny is PRICELESS! Don't let weight hold you back.

K_Smith86

Hello...i'm a woman, and here's my opinion: People do fit into categories, and people do search for people in a certain category---but the categories can contain many variables. For instance, i like men who are dark haired, and strong jawed, well built, and strong looking. I like a thick head of hair, and men who look like they like to spend time hiking up mountains. I also am generally more attracted to a thick man (not fat, but chubby is ok), rather than a man who is thin.

I have been with balding, blonde, tiny men and found them incredibly sexy, even though they may not turn my head on the street.

I have been attracted to men who are 300+pounds, simply because i like their dark complexions or awesome attitudes. Even one that had a dark complexion, but who was super overweight, and also balding. Something about him made me think i'd give him a chance.

I have a friend who has always been very over weight (well over 250lbs), and she has no problem meeting men and having meaningful relationships (and marriages).

People fit certain archetypes. Most people seek a certain 'type', and usually people seek someone who is 'their type'. In terms of general attractiveness (basic people watching on the street), most people would oogle someone who dresses well, who's in good shape, and who seems healthy. Smiling and feeling confident go a long way, if you're someone who isn't at first glance eye catching. Your smile, the intensity in your eyes, the way you carry yourself...all these things will help make a good first impression, even if you do need to lose 100 lbs.

If you're attracted to people who work out and keep themselves well groomed, than more than likely that person who works out and is well groomed, is going to be looking for someone who is equally into health, fitness, and appearance. People who keep themeselves in good shape are usually motivated people, who are not interested in and do not understand unmotivated people.

If that's your photo in the avatar, i think you are a good looking guy, with a great smile. You're attractive, and you're on this site- so you want to improve yourself, and that's really attractive. Every day you get better and better. If there's a type of person you want to be, work towards that...but remember, you are your basic self and people can take you or leave you...and if they want to leave you, then you're probably better off. Even if the only reason you're better off from rejection, is because it motivates you to see where you need improvement.

You're talking relationships. Confidence, personality, personal growth and development, common interests and values, inner happiness...these things are important when developing a relationship.

Stay confident, and keep working towards your personal best. Keep meeting people, and being friendly, and don't beat yourself up in public (nor in private!), and it's true. If they don't like you, then they're not worth it. You can't force anyone to be interested in you. These things happen naturally...but just because people have 'types' that they are automatically drawn too-especially a physical type, doesn't mean they only date people within their type. That would be way too limiting.

I couldn't have said this any better myself to be honest. She's right. If the person doesn't like you for you, flaws and all, then they aren't worth the time or the effort. We all have types that we are attracted to, and sometimes, we venture outside of what we'd normally seek, and become pleasantly surprised by what we find. Just take care of you, and be happy. The right person will eventually come along that accepts and loves you for YOU, regardless of your weight.

six1908

Ya'll are awesome!!! Thanks so much for the comments about the smile as well.. my MFP friends def have me smiling. :-)

bioheil

I find it kind of ironic that you are tired of being "looked" at a certain way so you are going to lose weight to get the type of girl you are like. I can only assume she is pretty and thin by your comments. It seems you are doing the very thing you say you're tired of. I'm not saying this to be mean just to point out how society has trained us to look for certain qualities.

I feel the best reason for losing weight and the best for helping anyone be successful has to be for yourself. If you aren't happy now just losing weight won't change that.

MuddyEquestrian

Personally, I don't know any woman, myself included, who would turn someone down because of their weight. I personally don't find a super unhealthy lifestyle attractive, but weight doesnt always correlate to a "gross" person like some people think it does. Try to break down that barrier. Be CONFIDENT! I know it's difficult, I struggle with it everyday. Someone will appreciate you and your efforts to better yourself. No need to change for someone. If you lose the weight for YOU then your confidence will go through the roof and women might find you even more attractive because of that confidence! Don't get down on yourself, us women can pick each other apart but that doesn't mean we would turn down a guy because of his weight. Good luck

bradphil87

Losing weight will not help you get girls. I can speak from experience. You need some self confidence, which actually you can obtain from losing a few, so I hope you find that! Not just a shallow girl lol

know_your_worth

You really think losing weight will "put you in the same ball park" as your "type"?

Let me tell you of a little story this reminds me of:
This dude I know was overweight. He thought he had the same problem. just lose the weight and get the hot girls. Well he lost the weight. And he's still single. He isn't any closer to getting "his type". Wanna know why? Because he's boring, has no personality, he has a HUGE nose and he's just not attractive. Yes, that's blunt. But it's the truth.

Weight isn't everything. It's a small piece of a bigger puzzle.

reasnableblonde

The only larger guys I ever had an issue with back when I was dating were the larger ones who had a chip on their shoulder about it.

If you're fun, kind, and have a great sense of humor, the right gal will grab you up. If she rejects you on physical appearance alone, then she's not worth your time. (She also is probably setting herself up to end up with a guy who only cares about HER looks, and we all know how healthy those superficial relationships are!)

jmeyer925

I find it kind of ironic that you are tired of being "looked" at a certain way so you are going to lose weight to get the type of girl you are like. I can only assume she is pretty and thin by your comments. It seems you are doing the very thing you say you're tired of. I'm not saying this to be mean just to point out how society has trained us to look for certain qualities.

I feel the best reason for losing weight and the best for helping anyone be successful has to be for yourself. If you aren't happy now just losing weight won't change that.

^^ I agree. Again, not to be mean by any standards!

And I would also look at what kind of dating arena you're in right now. If you're expecting to go to a bar and try and offer the hottest supemodel a drink and she's going to throw herself in your arms because you've lost weight, it sadly won't happen. Not to be stereotypical but USUALLY the best looking women at bars and places like that, have the worst personalities and are very shallow because they know they can have any man in that bar. Women eat up self confidence, they want something that sets you apart from all of the other guys.

And self condifence doesn't magically come with weight loss. Let. Me. Tell. You.

I would suggest trying to change up your normal meeting women routine. Don't be afraid to hang out with big groups of friends, your friends can talk you up and make you even more desirable.

Hope your weight loss brings happiness for YOU, and not trying to impress that too perfect girl who's not what you think.

(again hope nothing sounded mean )

EndlessSacrifice

In my opinion, looks aren't very important. An attractive personality is what matters most.