why do young women overlook nice guys

2

Replies

  • LordBear
    LordBear Posts: 239 Member
    nice guys finish last..as far as i have seen any who... even when i was in shape and working...girls payed no attention to me. no matter how nice i was to them.. . also end up in the friend zone or like a brother..while they run off with the aholes that do drugs and abuse them and get them breeding like rabbits..lol

    girls just like aggressive guys for some reason.... has to do with insticts


    just remembered..watched this show some time back..and they did some studies... girls would get with the aholes..do the breeding and then find some nice guy to pay for the aholes kids to grow up.
  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
    Bad boys ain't no good, good boys ain't no fun!
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
    It's really hard to give a definitive answer. Some thoughts:

    His being shy is making him appear to not have self-confidence and a pushover.

    Some women like bad boys.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    Um, your title asks about "nice" guys, but your post is actually about a painfully shy guy. The reason (or at least one reason) that women overlook shy guys is because shy guys don't put out any signals that they're interested.

    Very much this. He's going to have to get a little bit more confidence and learn how to talk to girls. Or at least, feign interest to some extent...

    It's a turn-off to women when a guy doesn't think enough of her to put himself out there and risk making a fool of himself - not saying he will. But he needs to be willing to do what it takes to engage in some type of interaction.
  • Mceastes
    Mceastes Posts: 303 Member
    You said he is "too shy to talk to them so they dismiss him..." But what are the women supposed to do? Ask him out? Follow him around and talk to him when he doesn't talk back? It doesn't work like that. It's not a woman's fault if a man doesn't make an effort to talk to her. If a guy wants to get to know someone better, he should show an interest by asking her questions about things that she is interested in. If there is someone in particular he likes, he should ask her about her day, how's school going, how's her job, etc. This is 100% NOT because "women overlook nice guys", this is because women are not mind readers and your son has to make some effort to contribute to conversation if he wants a woman to talk to him.

    I am married to the quintessential "nice guy" and I liked him even back in college when I was a wild and crazy young woman, but he is outgoing and friendly. One of the things I always liked about him is that he would ask me how my day was, how class was, etc. and he always remembered what was going on with me and would ask me about it next time I saw him.

    Your son just needs some basic conversational skills and that could change everything. If you don't know what to say, you just ask about the other person and let them talk, but you have to contribute too to keep it going. It starts with him taking responsibility for what he wants instead of blaming the women. Some women like jerks and bad boys, but most girls like a nice guy who shows interest in them.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
    ...is there a recipe for this? :wink:
  • Anaconda62
    Anaconda62 Posts: 181
    My husband and a friend have a saying that answers this, and many other of life's conundrums, perfectly: For every complicated problem, there's a simple solution that doesn't work.
  • malicent
    malicent Posts: 127
    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.

    I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.



    I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.
    Exactly, but his shyness is causing him to appear insecure which will push women away
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    I notice everyone is finding fault in the guy in this equation, but I'd like to offer another consideration.

    Let's look at the young women the questions asks about:

    Young girls don't have the experience to really know what they want, or what's really important (both sexes actually). They will be attracted to the the guys that stand out among the crowd more than the guy who sits in the shadows (squeaky wheel gets the grease). While doing so, they may not foresee the negatives that may come with the Alpha-type (immaturity, unstable temper, selfishness, etc.). Meanwhile, the "nice" guy passively sits by and watches from the sidelines.

    After being in enough crappy relationships, many women start seeing the light into their late 20s and 30s. Suddenly, financial stability, personality, maturity, and good communication become more important than flashy displays of dominance.

    This is just my opinion. I'm not a behaviorist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    Insecure still does not = nice.
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.

    I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.

    I concur. :-)
  • I_wanna_live
    I_wanna_live Posts: 227 Member
    There is the definition of shy, and then there is the definition that he isn't interested. Mom, you don't need grandchildren, now do you?

    It sounds like he is just shy, but he could be not interested in the girls of his age. Not saying, gay, or anything... if your not interested then your not interested. And if he isn't interested, why try?

    Edit:
    Oh, and it is good to find out if it is shyness, or introvertness... One isn't moving because of fear, the other isn't moving because he is deep in personal thought.
  • TonkaDanteFriend
    TonkaDanteFriend Posts: 70 Member
    He'll be fine. The women who overlook shy people aren't the type he ought to be involved with anyway, one will always feel like they're holding the other back. He'll find a nice shy girl for himself and they'll be on equal footing.

    Also, shyness =/= insecurity
  • Trallaurrum
    Trallaurrum Posts: 25 Member
    I go for nice guys. Currently happily seeing one of the nicest guys I've ever met. BUT... most guys that ***** about "nice guys finish last" are BORING. They can't say anything about themselves except, "I'm a really nice guy." ...And??? "I like to... uhhh... watch movies... and.... stuff..." If you have no hobbies, no passions and no dreams, ie. nothing you're willing to talk about, I'm bored 20 minutes into the 'conversation' and already moving on. If you're a well-rounded person who's put in the effort to develop basic social/conversational skills, being a "nice guy" won't hold you back at all. It will be an asset for anyone who's not a shallow twit that would treat you badly, anyway.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    Also, shyness =/= insecurity

    Exactly. I appeared to be shy as a child and was not at all insecure. If anything, I was quietly confident.
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
    Why do guys overlook nice girls? I just bet on appearance as being the issue.
    Anyway.... conversation starters are ALWAYS awkward, but there are so many things to bring up to find common interests or life activities.....
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    Why do guys overlook nice girls? I just bet on appearance as being the issue.
    Anyway.... conversation starters are ALWAYS awkward, but there are so many things to bring up to find common interests or life activities.....

    I've ONLY dated nice girls. I enjoy not having drama in my life. :wink:
  • jus_in_bello
    jus_in_bello Posts: 326 Member
    i started taking care of myself and was getting a compliment from a friend when we got on the subject of our kids and i was asking her how come my son has had a hard time finding a young woman he is very shy and sometimes he doesnt always know how to start up a conversation when i told her i joined myfitness she said i should put the question up to get a female answer for him he meets women but because he too shy to really talk to them they dismiss him and i dont know how to get him out of that since im doing my own improvements i started wandering what i can do to help him any advice would be helpfull

    If he's not approaching them it is unlikely that he'll get a date. I have dated a lot of jerks, I've also broken up with them when they're jerk bahavior became evident. I have a lot of "nice guy" friends and I've noticed they often don't want to date the "nice" girls they know, and they don't approach women. That's the issue, they don't approach women, they don't build relationships and friendships and allow them to grow into something more, they make friends with nice girls and then never ever date them, or ask them out, or tell them they like them.
  • Nataliaho
    Nataliaho Posts: 878 Member
    Being shy doesn't automatically make someone nice and being outgoing and confident doesn't make someone a 'badboy'. I knew a really shy guy growing up, he never said much and I always assumed he was this lovely sweet guy. Then he got a FB account where he had the confidence to show that he was actually a mean-sprited, racist *kitten*....

    Also, FYI young women like some punctuation in their forum posts...
  • bub_snig
    bub_snig Posts: 56

    there is nothing worse than seeing a nice guy getting used though :( some girls are horrible :(
    x

    this happens to one of my mates all the bloody time.

    So true
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
    I have only dated the nice guy and they turned out to belying cheating jerks anyways.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    Nobody likes a doormat.
  • 1Kristine1
    1Kristine1 Posts: 697 Member
    I guess this is just my advice but I used to be really into the shy and quiet and nice types BUT its soo difficult to carry on a conversation sometimes. If I feel that I am not being met 50% of the way, I take that as disinterest on the guys part.
    And dont get me wrong, I have nothing against persueing if I am interested but after that I expect some sort of response.
  • timmymon
    timmymon Posts: 304 Member
    The niceness is not what is being overlooked. You can't meet girls if you are too shy to say hello! You could be the nicest guy in the world but nobody will even know you exist if you don't make it known. Things will work out with time, your son will learn how to make it happen.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    besides what others have posted i'll also add
    - some nice guys arent so nice, they can have have a sense of entitlement as the more obvious jerks

    - some nice guys think the way to a woman's vagina is through the friend zone. that might work in movies but IRL, once a guy is seen as one of the girls then that's what he becomes.
  • 8Spokes
    8Spokes Posts: 35
    Nice doesn't have to mean "doormat." Nice, in my opinion, equates to a man that is respectful. Too many men treat women like a play-thing (not that women aren't guilty of this) and these mind games...no thanks! Mind games are not sexy. Sincerity is sexy. Confidence is sexy. Respect is SEXY. I never had the patience for "bad boys" - I recognized them as a waste of my time.

    I married a nice guy. Been married over 4 yrs now and he still opens doors for me, pulls out chairs, etc. He's a gentleman- and just so happens to be the tall, dark, muscular and handsome type. To me, he defines nice (and sexy, but hey!).

    I appreciate the effort he goes to just to show he respects me, and I make sure to reciprocate it.
  • 8Spokes
    8Spokes Posts: 35
    The niceness is not what is being overlooked. You can't meet girls if you are too shy to say hello! You could be the nicest guy in the world but nobody will even know you exist if you don't make it known. Things will work out with time, your son will learn how to make it happen.

    ^ This. Maybe all he needs is something to help boost his confidence. Either that or some girl will pursue him- it happens. :)
  • WeekndOVOXO
    WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
    Posted this in another thread, might as well post it here...

    I can't stand this.

    It upsets me, because I used to be THAT type of guy and at times I still fight with that guy(looking at a girl I'm attracted to, automatically assuming I'm no good.)

    I remember being awkward, shy, nervous, worried, sweaty when being approached or approaching a girl.

    It took practice, but I managed to change myself(primarily after getting dumped by my ex.) Although I was always assured of myself and had some sense of humor.

    Few notes for kiddos out there:



    Be confident. When I say this I mean don't have your head down when she looks at you, have something to say if she talks to you. Do you see a girl that you like? THEN APPROACH HER. Woman want the best, so be the best you can be. Showcase your swagger. You have value, why does she deserve you?

    Dress proper. Looks don't really matter, but if you're wearing something like it came out of your parents class of 79' photo then chances are you crapped the bed. Doesn't mean to wear prada, gucci and $200 cologne. I like vnecks, skinny jeans, toms for casual. Button down/cardigan for clubbing. Still trimming down to get into blazers.

    No girl is special. LEARN TO GET REJECTED. Deal with it. Ask yourself what happened, how I can do better and MOVE ON.

    Don't put her on a pedestal. She's not the end all be all. Your life doesn't revolve around her.

    Practice. Talk to girls. This isn't something that we are born with. It takes time, trial and error. When I mean talk to a girl, I don't mean talk to some girl that you want - right away. I mean talk to the cashier, bank teller, movie attendant, barista, classmate. Build yourself up so you don't get as nervous and transform yourself to a more seductive, charming man. It DOESN'T happen overnight just like a healthy life style. Elevate your social skills. Go somewhere where your attributes can be noticed and feel more comfortable at first. Smart? Library. Buff? Beach. Dancer? Club. Musician? Concerts/Live bands.

    Body Language. Look at her directly, not like a criminal, but with some suave, don't put your hands in your pockets, smile, have good posture(straight, elbows back)

    Talking to her: Be cool. Now I don't mean having the latest apple product. I mean be assertive of yourself, be calm, relaxed, nice, fun, open to new things. This is where confidence really comes into play. This is where your mindset should be saying you're the man, and she's lucky to be talking to you NOT the opposite. Get her to talk. Lead on conversations(making sure you're in control), don't let her stop, unless she asks you a question then you answer it and follow up with another question. A good opener is always helpful. Make her laugh. Backhand compliments are great if you know how to use them. Being an *kitten* helps. Woman enjoy an *kitten* opinion and thoughts because they don't always correspond to theirs and it creates sparks. I don't mean be a ****, I mean be playful. Listen to what she has to say. LISTEN. LISTEN. That's how you have a conversation and follow up on things. Store something she has said and keep it with you. Mention it later on. Woman love that. Stop talking about yourself. Stop bragging. Have flow in your conversation. If she's talking about dogs, don't mention your friends dog died. NO. STOP. I like to mention my name in the end, adds mystery.

    Make sure she's interested. Eye contact. Eye contact. EYE CONTACT. Chances are if she's looked at you a couple times, she's looking for you to talk to her. Girls don't show interest like men. They're subtle. If she's playing with her hair. If she's smiled, a comment, etc. Okay you've now talked to her for a while and it's going well? Don't know if she's willing to give you her number/ interested in you? Few things to look out for... Leaning towards you, starts asking you tons of questions, blushing, tone of voice, posture. You can go for the kill by getting close saying something, if she doesn't reject what you said go for a kiss. If she does reject you. Chin up. Sometimes even with all of these hints she could just be an attention *kitten* or a tease. There's more out there.

    Again don't be desperate, kiss *kitten*, try too hard, and being scared of who you're naturally supposed to be - a man.

    Most importantly be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. Do some soul searching. Don't live someone else's life. Don't make it all about someone that can hurt you, mistreat, you and eventually break you. Have self-respect. Love yourself because you are so ****ing worth it.

    Also:

    Stuck in the friend zone? It's your fault. You need to be direct and show her your motive from the get go. Implying and giving 50% of an effort is failure waiting to happen. Be straight forward with her. If she rejects you move on. It is not healthy to do nothing and torment yourself.

    Sorry for the spelling, and grammar mistakes.

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