why do young women overlook nice guys

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  • aph1234
    aph1234 Posts: 25
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    i know a guy that was the same way and when i finnally asked him why didnt have approach me sooner he said he didnt think he had a chance with a girl as pretty as me so i married him he will find the right girl that will make him make the 1st move
  • TropicalFlowerz
    TropicalFlowerz Posts: 1,990 Member
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    I'm not going to make this recipe. :wink:

    .....:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ...u & me both!! :wink:
  • MikesterAZ
    MikesterAZ Posts: 67 Member
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    Bad boys are sexier than nice guys. Just a fact of life!! This is part of my struggle too. I'm nice by nature but have a naughty streak. When I am being bad I get a LOT more attention and it's good quality "freaky" attention but it's a self-inflicted trap because the bad boy lifestyle is not a healthy one. Sure it's great being treated like a piece of meat but it's not emotionally fulfilling. Yet getting used as a doormat and emotionally abused and always coming in last is not healthy for the nice guy side of me, either. I am learning to find a balance but it's very hard. You have to remember that men and women are sexy for different reasons and it's OK for men to be sexual in a virile, confident way because women do like that. Hence, the bad boys getting the attention. But it doesn't take away from the "nice guy" effect if they are a bad boy with good manners. Not truly "bad" but just confident in being masculine. If he respects women then he can embrace his manhood without turning into a prick. This is something Dad should help with; my Dad didn't help much and of course, we gay boys are lost when it comes to advice from Dad!! But I have learned a lot about sexuality on my own so for what it's worth, that's my two cents. :-)
  • MikesterAZ
    MikesterAZ Posts: 67 Member
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    Nice=beta

    You just said exactly what I said in two words. Great comment!!
  • MikesterAZ
    MikesterAZ Posts: 67 Member
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    Women have lots of responsibilities nowadays. I find when a person asks a question like this about how "nice " guys finish last or similar warmed over bs excuse like that, "nice" really means "uncertain incapable of making a decision doesn't know who he is much less who he is in relation to others passive aggressive manipulator looking for someone else to be responsible for his own basic needs/responsibilities sad sack that will guilt you into going out with him (or her in some versions) because they're so NICE you're just an *kitten* if you do anything that might hurted their feelings even if that's as simple as having a legitimate desire that might be at odds with the unexpressed desire of the manipulative "nice " person" but maybe that's just me. Or maybe women have enough on their plate to deal with THAT too.

    As far as having lived life expecting others to be responsible for ones own basic needs, might that be evident if his mom or dad asks strangers on the Internet what he needs to do diifferently to get a girl?

    And sometimes guys who disappoint their mothers so are gay or asexual or dated someone mom wouldn't approve of and are practically emasculated under the crushing weight that is the unending expectation and demand their parent has for how they live their life regardless of their own desires.

    Or maybe the answer is that a whole demographic group is just mean and superficial. That does seem like the easier answer.

    Wow ... just, wow ....
  • paul7799
    paul7799 Posts: 98 Member
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    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    I was about to say this but he did it for me. Probably because he is an Alpha. so he will get to sire and my weak genetic and emotional makeup will eventually die off.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    No one wants a mama's boy. If your parents are asking around why no one will date you, that sums it up!
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    I was about to say this but he did it for me. Probably because he is an Alpha. so he will get to sire and my weak genetic and emotional makeup will eventually die off.

    Looked at your pics...I beg to differ...no weak genetics there. :wink:
  • megleo818
    megleo818 Posts: 595 Member
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    Um, your title asks about "nice" guys, but your post is actually about a painfully shy guy. The reason (or at least one reason) that women overlook shy guys is because shy guys don't put out any signals that they're interested. It's been a while since I've dated, but back in the day if I gave out a signal to a guy and it wasn't returned, I figured he wasn't interested and moved on. I'm all about the nice guy -- married the nicest guy I've ever known -- but if a guy was too shy to talk to me, how would I know if he were nice or not? And what's a girl supposed to do? -- Corner your poor son and "force" him out of his shell? Based on no indication of interest from him? Tough situation. Maybe some therapy would help?

    Good luck to him.
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
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    when i was in my 20's i dated men who were very confident. Those were the bad guys. VERY fun to be around..but.sooooo bad for me.Also not very mature...but then neither was I.

    There were several guys in my class in college, who i thought were super nice...but SO SHY!!! They were helpful though and really nice, but somehow, there was no spark....i guess at that time, i was more attracted to the ones who made me laugh, acted goofy, weren't afraid of talking to me...etc etc....

    These days im more attracted to the older, strong, silent types:laugh:


    This topic sounds like a recipe for disaster!!
  • LordBear
    LordBear Posts: 239 Member
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    nice guys finish last..as far as i have seen any who... even when i was in shape and working...girls payed no attention to me. no matter how nice i was to them.. . also end up in the friend zone or like a brother..while they run off with the aholes that do drugs and abuse them and get them breeding like rabbits..lol

    girls just like aggressive guys for some reason.... has to do with insticts


    just remembered..watched this show some time back..and they did some studies... girls would get with the aholes..do the breeding and then find some nice guy to pay for the aholes kids to grow up.
  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
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    Bad boys ain't no good, good boys ain't no fun!
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
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    It's really hard to give a definitive answer. Some thoughts:

    His being shy is making him appear to not have self-confidence and a pushover.

    Some women like bad boys.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
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    Um, your title asks about "nice" guys, but your post is actually about a painfully shy guy. The reason (or at least one reason) that women overlook shy guys is because shy guys don't put out any signals that they're interested.

    Very much this. He's going to have to get a little bit more confidence and learn how to talk to girls. Or at least, feign interest to some extent...

    It's a turn-off to women when a guy doesn't think enough of her to put himself out there and risk making a fool of himself - not saying he will. But he needs to be willing to do what it takes to engage in some type of interaction.
  • Mceastes
    Mceastes Posts: 303 Member
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    You said he is "too shy to talk to them so they dismiss him..." But what are the women supposed to do? Ask him out? Follow him around and talk to him when he doesn't talk back? It doesn't work like that. It's not a woman's fault if a man doesn't make an effort to talk to her. If a guy wants to get to know someone better, he should show an interest by asking her questions about things that she is interested in. If there is someone in particular he likes, he should ask her about her day, how's school going, how's her job, etc. This is 100% NOT because "women overlook nice guys", this is because women are not mind readers and your son has to make some effort to contribute to conversation if he wants a woman to talk to him.

    I am married to the quintessential "nice guy" and I liked him even back in college when I was a wild and crazy young woman, but he is outgoing and friendly. One of the things I always liked about him is that he would ask me how my day was, how class was, etc. and he always remembered what was going on with me and would ask me about it next time I saw him.

    Your son just needs some basic conversational skills and that could change everything. If you don't know what to say, you just ask about the other person and let them talk, but you have to contribute too to keep it going. It starts with him taking responsibility for what he wants instead of blaming the women. Some women like jerks and bad boys, but most girls like a nice guy who shows interest in them.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
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    ...is there a recipe for this? :wink:
  • Anaconda62
    Anaconda62 Posts: 181
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    My husband and a friend have a saying that answers this, and many other of life's conundrums, perfectly: For every complicated problem, there's a simple solution that doesn't work.
  • malicent
    malicent Posts: 127
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    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
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    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.

    I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
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    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.



    I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.
    Exactly, but his shyness is causing him to appear insecure which will push women away

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