Confronting Someones Weight Issue

psuskifan

Based on the topic of another thread:

Lets use your best friend as an example.

In case ONE, you notice they have been drinking 6-10 drinks a night, seem depressed and clearly have a drinking problem.

In case TWO, you notice they are doing a lot of things that are bad for their health, smoking a pack a day, doing coke, and clearly not eating properly, if at all. Your best guess is that they are 10 pounds under weight and losing weight quickly.

In case THREE you notice your best friend has gotten to be 5'7" 320 pound.

The purpose of this thread is to discuss the difference between these three scenarios and why people act differently when confronted with them. In my experience, and based on what people said here it is "OK" "Right" or even "Proper" to do something in the first two cases. There are serious health risks linked to those two situation and clearly your friend is in a terrible place.

The third case the opinion of most is to say nothing, a lot of people on other threads have cited "they know they are fat."

In all three cases the person knows what they are doing and there is no argument that what they are doing is terrible for their physical health and in more cases than not shows there mental health, or happiness is likely not where it should be.

So, MFP, why is there a difference between the three?

tabatanut

I think the main difference is that the person you are confronting can easily interpret your actions as an observation of their physical appearance. Even if you are only concerned about their health.

This could potentially take any depression or low self esteem and multiply it X 10. I think you should tread very, very carefully.

Lisah8969

I know the thread you are referring to and in those examples, the OP was referring to a person he worked with and a person who worked at the gym who were both overweight. Neither of these two people were his best friends. That makes what people posted on that message board different than what you are asking.

I do talk about this stuff to my best friend. She and I were probably very close in weight and height when I started this. She asks me what I am doing and how I am doing so well and I tell her. I also text her (we don't live in the same state) and harass her if she decides not to go to the gym. I remind her to log everything she eats on here. It doesn't always work. You can't change someone's mind for them, but I can be that voice in her head telling her what she knows is right (she has told me that when she skips she can "hear" me scolding her). She's not doing as well as I am, but she is losing weight which is the right direction. I honestly believe if I were still 50 pounds heavier and not doing what I am now, she wouldn't be trying at all either.

ETA: She has complained about being overweight and not being able to enjoy a lot of activities b/c of it. I believe this, when talking to someone who really is your best friend, is a request for help. I wasn't critical...she knows I've been there, too. I am only concerned about her.

rainbowbow

I don't really think there is...

Captain_Tightpants

I rarely see the three scenarios treated differently. Sensible adults just lead by example and judgmental ****s tend to say something about it.

rainbowbow

I rarely see the three scenarios treated differently. Sensible adults just lead by example and judgmental ****s tend to say something about it.

yeah. pretty much this. ^

stines72

i dont think there is a difference... as drug abuse and "food abuse" are both very detrimental to your health... and in all 3 cases change must come from within the person when they are ready. i dont believe any amount of confronting can change it.

PamelaKuz

I think it is a cultural thing. In North America it's not considered polite to comment on weight. Maybe because there's a lot of overweight people? I don't know. In Asia they don't usually have a problem pointing it out. And I know from personal experience that Italian's don't either. A few Christmas' ago when one of my uncles (Hans, who is 300+ poinds easy) was saying goodbye to everyone (they lived in another province and we only saw them once every couple of years), my Sicilian grandpa who's English is not great shook his hand and said "Hansie, eat-a less-ie" and walked away. Lol! I think those were the only words he spoke to him the whole week.