Who else has an unintentional saboteur ?

mgreenham

Like many, I have started and failed many times to lead a better and more active lifestyle. Each time I start with my wife and we head down the path. The difference is she is a diet ONLY type person. I am more of a lifestyle, workout change the mindset kind of person. As we start the path together, weight loss is reasonable for both... (1 - 2lbs a week) but within 2 months she finds she isn't losing weight any longer. I on the other hand continue to drop steadily.

This is when I notice the. no longer is the verbal support so forthcoming.. Nothing negative, just not the same positive, "just do it".. The family meals have much less thought or effort in them (sliding back to old habits) Helping me with excuses such as... "You have been traveling for 3 straight weeks, you deserve some time to rest"

All this starts to push me towards the "screw this" way of thinking again....

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this is your relationships and how did you overcome them.

SarahAFerguson

This is unfortunate. It seems easier to loose focus and motivation when you are dieting vs. lifestyle change or maybe your wife feels that she has the results she wants and is done. I'm thinking a heart to heart talk may be in order. Tell her you need her help with this. You may have to get more involved with meal planning and preparation. That could be tricky since she might be very happy to have you more involved in teh kitchen, but you might also be treading in her "territory" (I can get super annoyed if Dear Husband tries to take over in my kitchen).

I have had some similar issues stemming from the fact that Dear Husband was always in better shape than I am. For a long time he could eat whatever with no consequenses while I was trying to cut stuff out. He didn't necessarily like to eat the healthier foods and would sometimes just refuse and go get himself something different. He would bring me treats, trying to be nice. Sometimes he would bring out snacks at 11:00pm and offer some and I would end up nibbling an extra 500 cal right before bed. Eventually I learned to have various options for dinner side dishes and also to say, "no thanks, I appreciate the gesture but that food is not for me right now". My point is, you must be prepared to take responsibility for your own health. You have to do what it takes to get yourself healthy and in shape, which is hard to do. Your wife can help and make it easier and it would be nice if she would, but that doesn't mean she will.

Stenobun

Well, I can honestly say that, in the past, I have been a little bit of a saboteur myself. My husband was always trying to get us to be more active, and I just didn't want to do it. I had to turn that corner mentally where I finally said to myself, "No more excuses, I can do this." Now we're both doing the eating better/exercise thing, and I feel like I'm committed. I'm actually making really good progress, and my husband is super supportive and complimentary. Unfortunately, your wife just needs to get to that place in her head where she knows that, if she's seriously going to do this, she needs to do it 100% and not just halfway. It's difficult because if you shove at her too much, she might just get depressed and dig in her heels more. I think something that helped me get there is that my husband told me he loved me and wanted me around for a long time, and I really couldn't come up with a way to argue around that. I feel for you, though. It's a difficult position to be in.