"Big Girl", & how other people see me.

katenyc112 · January 2010

I was just on the train after seeing my boyfriend. I hung up my cellphone and this guy starts to ask me a few things "are you from this neighborhood?" "whats you nationality?" etc. He wasn't creepy but it felt awkward. He then said "it's good you are a big girl. you have opportunities. and you can protect yourself. I mean, you're beautiful but you are a big girl." I wanted to smack him, and even though I wouldn't refer to myself as small or thin because i am a "big girl" I felt so angered by the fact that a stranger felt he had the right to comment on my body, and think because Im chubby I can somehow protect myself with my fat or something? Can i build a gun out of my fat and shoot a rapist? noo. So how exactly would that work?
I just hated feeling like that, hated that a stranger could make me so emotional, then additionally I cried (when walking home alone) and started hating myself more. I want support but I feel that it's so hard to act insecure in front of friends/family so I thought I'd share here.

munchkingirl · January 2010

That's horrible. I'm sorry that you had to encounter someone that rude.

gnme4243 · January 2010

Ugh...that is awful, and I am just so sorry you had to deal with that. Please don't let that man's obvious ignorance, and lack of tact make you feel bad a moment longer. It's so hard to do, but try to remember, you are not necessarily what someone else labels you to be. Clearly he has his own issues if he felt it was ok to say something to you like that. You know who you are, and you do not need to believe or give time to what that man said. He was wrong to say it, or even think it. Shame on him.

I also have to chuckle at this section of your post "and think because Im chubby I can somehow protect myself with my fat or something? Can i build a gun out of my fat and shoot a rapist? noo. So how exactly would that work?" that's sooooo true!!!!

Hope you don't let this get to you, feel sorry for the guy, and pray for him, he clearly needs it!!!!

Take care, and hang in there!!

guidosgal · January 2010

Oh you know what I will share my favorite saying with you and that is " That you cant fix stupid" and thats what that man was STUPID You are a beautiful person and no matter what size you are now or what size you become you should never let someone make you feel substandard. Besides look at it this way you can shed weight he can never shed his stupid ((((((HUGS))))))

Notenispal · January 2010

I'm a "Big Girl" too and I totally know how you feel. I have been called out on my weight a few times in the 10-15 years of being overweight. I think you need to put it into perspective and move on. This guy probably wanted to make you feel awkward and ashamed about yourself because some people are rude like that. I also understand the "your fat but at least your pretty" remark that used to upset me as well. But, despite all those harsh words you may come across, no one can make you feel bad about yourself except you yourself. When I was dating my husband I was overweight and his roommate (who I thought was my friend) commented to me that he "doesn't date fat chicks and he doesn't understand why Chuck wants to" (referring to my husband Chuck). This was when Chuck was at work and I was cooking dinner for both him and his roommate. It is emotionally scarring but I learned he cannot hurt me unless I let him.

It's really funny to think back now because my husband used to tell him all the time that I didn't like him. He would never believe my husband and I would avoid him at all costs. He was a smart guy but definately not people smart.

Anyways, long story short don't worry about what others think. People can be so mean and hurtful. I know people who get picked on because they are too skinny, unattractive..etc. Be proud of yourself and the journey you have started on. Love yourself now and even when you lose the weight because thats all that matters. My husband fell in love with me when I was fat because he loved me for who I am.He will love me no matter what size I am. I have always loved myself whether fat or skinny. Love yourself "as is" and appreciate all your wonderful qualities. Never let someone dictate who you are and stay true to yourself....who cares what everyone else thinks!

katenyc112 · January 2010

aw thanks

i think the worst part was that he was somehow trying to compliment me. I just feel bad because I haven't gotten to the gym this week and I have been eating a few calories over my goals. I just never expected that to come from a complete stranger, and have it affect me.
Usually if strangers say something it's a creepy comment about me being sexy or something and I get minorly flattered and majorly grossed out. This one just got to me because I've been sensitive about it this week.

Rugbychick16 · January 2010

First of all, *HUGS*, and you are beautiful!! I've been called a big girl. In grade 4 they paired me with the smallest kid in the class for the square dancing portion or gym class. I spun my partner round and round....so much infact his feet came off the floor and he went flying. I was mortified. But it was nothing compared to the feeling I got when my teacher said the next day that "sometimes husky girls like Lisa get too excited and accidents happen".

20 years later I started work at a new job at a sporting good store, at which time I had a co-worker tell me that I would have a hard time finding fishing waders cos I was "Stalky". The feeling I felt when I was in grade 4 came rushing back. And it friggin sucked. Later that year a few guys were playing with a Bull Elk Call, and I walked by and one said "Oh I guess it works!"

I've tried to change my mindset now, and realize that people who love me, love me for who I am. Your boyfriend is with you because he thinks your beautiful and a wonderful person. Who gives a crap what a stranger thinks? Who is he to you now, or in your life at all?

That's how I keep myself in check. My husband thinks I'm hot. My friends and Family think I'm beautiful. That's who is important to me.

Just keep doing your thing, keep you chin up, you'll be alright!! :flowerforyou:

cassbabe · January 2010

So, I just signed up today to run a half marathon next month. I thought it would help me jump start my weight loss and physical endurance. Ends up I qualify for the "Big person" category. Made me stinking mad that a half marathon would insult its participants like that! I certainly wouldn't want to get a 1st place medal around my neck because I was the first "big person" to cross the finish line.

By the way, my mind set is that I am NOT a big person. I grew up as an athlete that worked out 5 hours a day, 5 times a week. I've been in top physical shape for many years of my life. Now I'm in my 30's and I've had some babies (including twins recently) and my body has done some crazy stuff. I'm now feeling back in control with what I can do to my body (no more bedrest, nursing, etc.) and am ready to do something about it.

Watch out for us "big girls."

Notenispal · January 2010

First of all, *HUGS*, and you are beautiful!! I've been called a big girl. In grade 4 they paired me with the smallest kid in the class for the square dancing portion or gym class. I spun my partner round and round....so much infact his feet came off the floor and he went flying. I was mortified. But it was nothing compared to the feeling I got when my teacher said the next day that "sometimes husky girls like Lisa get too excited and accidents happen".

20 years later I started work at a new job at a sporting good store, at which time I had a co-worker tell me that I would have a hard time finding fishing waders cos I was "Stalky". The feeling I felt when I was in grade 4 came rushing back. And it friggin sucked. Later that year a few guys were playing with a Bull Elk Call, and I walked by and one said "Oh I guess it works!"

:

It's funny how we all have our stories. I wasn't fat until I got into college. I wasn't picked on much during grade school but I could only imagine the emotional scars etched into a child when that happens and how it lasts a lifetime....it sickens me

shanli · January 2010

aw thanks
i think the worst part was that he was somehow trying to compliment me. I just feel bad because I haven't gotten to the gym this week and I have been eating a few calories over my goals. I just never expected that to come from a complete stranger, and have it affect me.
Usually if strangers say something it's a creepy comment about me being sexy or something and I get minorly flattered and majorly grossed out. This one just got to me because I've been sensitive about it this week.

I think your right about the compliment thing. Maybe what he meant by strong was more like Queen LaTifa(sp) you know, in the 'I know I'm all woman' empowered kind of way...
BUT no matter how he meant itand no matter what he said, if your feeling guilty you would have taken that as a slap in the face. Because it's one thing to know for yourself that your not as on track as you know you should be, and it's a whole other thing to hear(at least what you thought you heard) from someone you don't even know. Hang in there, cause the hardest things in life are the ones worth fighting for.

katenyc112 · January 2010

"sometimes husky girls like Lisa get too excited and accidents happen". I laughed at that, but teachers and people tend to say things before they think them through. I would've definitely defended myself.

In this case the man was actually trying to be nice. He said I have a nice shape but the "big girl" reference was something I never want to hear. I can call myself that but unless I ask someone to comment on my weight I don't want to hear it. I should just tell them my ear-fat is preventing me from hearing them or something.

Also, I really hate the terms "big girl", "big person", "chunky" (like honestly, I have fat but it's not in chunk form! I'm not cottage cheese.), etc. I use "chubby" because I have extra weight but I really just am a tall girl with a medium-large frame and a chubby stomach and thighs.

italiangirl81 · January 2010

Some people have no tact at all. I'm amazed everyday.....not usually in a good way either! You keep your chin up honey-don't let one person's ignorance and disregard for you break your spirit!!!:flowerforyou:

katenyc112 · January 2010

So, I just signed up today to run a half marathon next month. I thought it would help me jump start my weight loss and physical endurance. Ends up I qualify for the "Big person" category. Made me stinking mad that a half marathon would insult its participants like that! I certainly wouldn't want to get a 1st place medal around my neck because I was the first "big person" to cross the finish line.

By the way, my mind set is that I am NOT a big person. I grew up as an athlete that worked out 5 hours a day, 5 times a week. I've been in top physical shape for many years of my life. Now I'm in my 30's and I've had some babies (including twins recently) and my body has done some crazy stuff. I'm now feeling back in control with what I can do to my body (no more bedrest, nursing, etc.) and am ready to do something about it.

Watch out for us "big girls."

Congrats on the twins! and if you are participating in a marathon that's pretty kick-*kitten* and "big person" is ridiculous because even if someone weighed more and had a lot of muscle they'd be considered that too but they could be in decent shape. Also, muscle weights more than fat. But yeah, I'm getting off-topic.

I like how I look for the most part and I count my calories everyday. I really dislike that i put in effort and yet people act as though I make myself fat. If anything I put in more effort than most thin people I know because I am told that I "have to". I'm conscious of it and of how I look and I didn't need to hear him giving his opinion on my body which was covered by a puffy jacket. I am chubby, I'm not denying it anyone but he couldnt judge my figure for better or worse anyhow. I guess I just need to put it out of my mind. I've been teased in the past but now I'm just more concerned about confidence and looking good for my bf and for myself. That guy probably had a fat girl fettish or something.

bambi5014 · January 2010

Katenyc - from the looks of your picture, I cannot believe someone would refer to you as a "big girl" unless they thought of you as being tall. You are almost a 1/2 foot taller than me at 5'7," so he may have been referring to your height! Maybe he also meant, that you are a 'big girl' and can take care of yourself in the sense that you seem mature. Who knows?!

I noticed that on your profile you stated that you have big boobs. LOL I do too! Boobs always make you look chubbier than you are. I am very busty and only 5'2." One time, another female had the nerve to tell me that women only have big, natural breasts if they are fat. She was very flat-chested and fairly thin, but I know she was just plain JEALOUS! Even when I weighed 125, I wore a DD cup and I swear that my breasts alone weighed nearly 25 of that. Don't let that creepy guy get to you. He is probably some lonesome, introverted nerd that has never seen beauty or curves like yours!

katenyc112 · January 2010

Katenyc - from the looks of your picture, I cannot believe someone would refer to you as a "big girl" unless they thought of you as being tall. You are almost a 1/2 foot taller than me at 5'7," so he may have been referring to your height! Maybe he also meant, that you are a 'big girl' and can take care of yourself in the sense that you seem mature. Who knows?!

I noticed that on your profile you stated that you have big boobs. LOL I do too! Boobs always make you look chubbier than you are. I am very busty and only 5'2." One time, another female had the nerve to tell me that women only have big, natural breasts if they are fat. She was very flat-chested and fairly thin, but I know she was just plain JEALOUS! Even when I weighed 125, I wore a DD cup and I swear that my breasts alone weighed nearly 25 of that. Don't let that creepy guy get to you. He is probably some lonesome, introverted nerd that has never seen beauty or curves like yours!

LOL yeah i think he meant tall and chubby because I am, but it's still not his concern. Neither of those has anything to do with "opportunities" though unless its a. something creepy involving him or b. plus-size modeling? I don't even know. Regardless I'm not plus-sized (even if i were he wouldnt have a right to say anything), and I definitely don't want to do anything concerning him.

Thanks for checking out my pictures

I feel confident being a little chubby but I do want to tone up and cut back. I feel a lot better now that i've thought it through and heard from people because what he said makes no sense and even if I have extra fat he's just an idiot making a stranger feel insecure.. cool guy, eh? whatever. I'm in a better mood and really happy I joined MFP.

tiffanygil · January 2010

You know what? People are ignorant no matter what size you are. I have always been "the big girl" and still at 5'7 and 162 could be considered huskey. the thing that kills me is that now I am smaller than I have EVER been in my life and people around me are still not happy. I get your getting too thin or too obsessed or I think you would look funny if you lost any more weight. They just replaced "your such a pretty girl" or the infamous "At least you know your boyfriend likes you for you and not your body". Def. not good on the old self esteem.

I guess my point is until we (me included) learn not to care what others are saying about us we will not be able to build self love the right way therefore leading to the happiness we are seeking.

So for now I will say in my sweetest voice....Screw him and the others who say these mean things.

pandakitti · January 2010

I absolutely cannot believe how inconsiderate some people are!! I had a lady (very slim lady)tell me once that I was too fat...I promptly told her that I might be fat but she was ugly and at least I could change the way I look......might not have been very nice but sure felt good! You are a gorgeous young lady...and you should never let anybody bring you down....

ActSingMom · January 2010

How awful. What's creepy is, from reading your story, he's "into" big girls but what a pickup line! I'm so sorry.

BamaRose0107 · January 2010

I used to feel bad about my size and people could hurt me very easily but I realized there is no reason someone I don't even know should have any effect on how I feel about myself. I know that the people who care about me and love me will understand my emotional problems with my size and be careful how they approach the subject and anyone else who has anything negative to say can kiss my foot! Just let it go and don't let a stangers comment bother you its not worth it all that will do is cause more harm than good.