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MyFitnessPal Community

Backhanded Compliments

baker150

So I know there are a bunch of threads about this, like weird/stupid things people say to you when commenting on weight loss, but I couldn't find one so I will just start a new one! :P

I was at my cousins wedding today, and saw a bunch of family I haven't seen in years. Everyone was coming up to me and telling me how great I was looking which was just lovely - (I've lost 60 something pounds so far), my grandpa who I haven't seen in 5 years comes up to me, first thing out of his mouth was "I heard you were huge" while he holds his arms out to gesture at how "huge" he thought I was. Rather than walking away crying like I really wanted to, I said proudly "well, I was bigger yes, but I have recently lost a lot of weight". He then continues, "well you look good now, you better not lose anymore!" I just said "well ok then", and continued walking around.

Some people are silly!

Replies

oregonzoo

Congrats on your weight loss so far!
I think... well weight loss is such a foreign thing to some. And they don't know, they can't of a polite way to compliment.
Because quite simply we aren't that polite a society.

I try to always tell people they look wonderful, and if they chose to mention their weight loss on their own I will tell them it's a job well done.
But I try not to just mention it on my own.

fraser112

So I know there are a bunch of threads about this, like weird/stupid things people say to you when commenting on weight loss, but I couldn't find one so I will just start a new one! :P

I was at my cousins wedding today, and saw a bunch of family I haven't seen in years. Everyone was coming up to me and telling me how great I was looking which was just lovely - (I've lost 60 something pounds so far), my grandpa who I haven't seen in 5 years comes up to me, first thing out of his mouth was "I heard you were huge" while he holds his arms out to gesture at how "huge" he thought I was. Rather than walking away crying like I really wanted to, I said proudly "well, I was bigger yes, but I have recently lost a lot of weight". He then continues, "well you look good now, you better not lose anymore!" I just said "well ok then", and continued walking around.

Some people are silly!

good work but thats not a back handed compliment he was just being honest. How the heck can you be upset he called the old you fat it makes no sense :laugh: old people are honest its why i like them so much.

DamnImASexyBitch

I agree he was just being honest. Backhanded compliments are given with the intent to insult. Like saying you're pretty smart for a dumb girl.

heatherloveslifting

Congratulations, you're doing great!

The worst for me is a *****y woman who said "Wow, you've lost a TON!" in front of a room full of people. Who probably all were then picturing me with an extra 2000 lbs.:huh:

trophywife24

People just don't think. Especially older men. There's such little tact there when it comes to weight and talking about it. Congrats on your loss.

I recently met someone for the first time that's a work associate of my husbands. She looked at me and said "Well, aren't you pretty?"...... I said "Yes?" and turned to talk to someone else. What is that supposed to mean, exactly? I actually get at a lot from people that my husband works with. He's a good looking guy (very!), I'm not sure who they think he's married to? ha.

cthon98

"Wow, your face is really rectangular now!"
I'm still not sure if that's a good thing.

pigeonhugger

"Wow, your face is really rectangular now!"
I'm still not sure if that's a good thing.

hahaha love this. I would take it as a compliment. Dont men love an angular jawline haha

zrmac804

Congrats on your weight loss so far!
I think... well weight loss is such a foreign thing to some. And they don't know, they can't of a polite way to compliment.
Because quite simply we aren't that polite a society.

I try to always tell people they look wonderful, and if they chose to mention their weight loss on their own I will tell them it's a job well done.
But I try not to just mention it on my own.

I agree with you. It makes me very uncomfortable when people mention my weight. The best compliment is to simply say that someone looks great.

Even if people do compliment a weight loss, they make me feel lousy. Why? Because on past occasions I've usually gained the weight back. To me that kind of praise feels fleeting and very hollow.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, so I'll do my best to politely steer the conversation away from the scale and toward something more positive. The last time somebody compared my weight to my sister's, I responded, "Sister and I are just became gym buddies and we're having a fabulous time!"

Invictus195

True story: Last week a female coworker asked me if I was losing weight? I said yes, about 17 pounds now. She said, "Yea, I can really see it in your face". To which I replied, "How big was my head"? o.O

BR3ANDA

Great job on your loss thus far!
My husband and I went to his Grandmothers last year while I was at my heaviest, first thing out of her mouth, I mean as soon as I stepped out of the car, she said, "Well I'm glad a made a big dinner, you look like you're eating a lot now days." UGH! So when we saw her a couple months ago, after losing about 15 lbs at the time, she said "Well look at you, you're gettin rid of some of that fat!" Gotta love her.

Purplelynny

Am I weird?? I love it when someone compliments me on how Im looking now. I am a teacher and I regularly get approached by parents at school telling me that Im looking fab and asking me how Ive managed to lose the weight. It gives me a spring in my step for the rest of the day!
I have taken my time and lost 74lbs so far and, hell, I didnt do it for people not to notice!!! And I have absolutely no intenetion of ever slipping back to the old me, the whole lifestyle change really is a lifelong on for me, so bring on the comments!

horseplaypen

I don't think it was a compliment at all (I don't know what it was), but I remember I was at my bf's sister's wedding, and talking to an older man who is a friend of their family. At the time my bf had just graduated from his BA while I was partway through my BSc, and the man remarked on the graduation and how proud I must be of my bf. Then he said, "my niece and her boyfriend are like that too, he's much smarter than she is." I just blinked, like... what? He didn't even say it in a mean tone, just matter-of-factly, but I'm not sure how he derived our relative intelligence by the fact of my bf finishing his degree before I did...!

MiSo_SeXy

I get alot of this crap "youre still really hot/pretty.. But you'd
Even hotter/prettier when you're skinny again"

Or old Asian ladies say this ****

"oh you're not married yet? Its ok... As soon as you get skinny
You'll find a husband" ... -_-

dancingat49

Try to take every compliment as it was intended, as a compliment
My husband and I have been married for 25 years and both our kids are in college.
We have friends that are younger and just getting married. We had a great time at the wedding - dancing and getting crazy.
One of the younger ladies comes up to me and says "it is so great that you are out here dancing with us!' I asked her why.
She said 'you know, you have two full grown kids and you are still out here"
Wow, I forgot that I was suppose to stay in the corner where the other old folks are. I'm only 48/49 not dead!
The funny thing is I knew she didn't mean it in a bad way - she just thought it was great that I was dancing with the rest of them
The good thing is it kicked me in the butt to get back in shape so the next 'compliment ' won't be about dancing at my age but how good I look at any age!

Keep up the good work and just keep smiling through those compliments.