Question

JB5349

Hey All,

Just a question for you! My parents have recently separated (March 2012) after 43 years. My dad moved out april 1st and started dating a new woman may 6th He just recently moved her into what used to be our family home and they have started changing everything. I have been trying hard to adjust to her and like her, ironically I was making progress.

We have been told by several people that she has a habit of living with a man draining him financially and moving on. So we have tried to convince my Dad to get a prenup - he still moved her in no paperwork. A couple of weeks ago my mother went to the farm ( completely not cool) and my Dad called me screaming and yelling that I had to control my mother and was completely irrational. So I yelled at him and told him that she was his problem not mine and I did not want to be in the middle anymore and hung up the line. He apologized a few days later and although I am still hurt that sometimes happens in families. The deal was anything that they did not want in the house they were supposed to put it in the garage and we the kids could come to the farm to pick stuff up. So Friday night I called to make sure that it would be ok and since I have a couple of dogs so I asked if it was ok to bring them. He said yes so we made the 2.5 hour trip there. When I got there I left the dogs outside to do their business and they started barking so I asked her if it was ok to bring the dogs in and she said no. I was pretty upset but rather than cause a scene because we had a family party to go to that night, I just went to my brother and sister in law's place. I know it likely does not seem like a big deal to everyone there but the point is that I asked if it was ok to bring them. If it wasn't they should have let me know before I made the trip up there, I would have found someone to look after them for the day. Of course this happened while my dad was gone from the farm so I called him on his cell phone, told him what happened and that I may have misunderstood her (trying to give her the benefit of the doubt) but I left because she said that I could not have the dogs in the house. (It was raining outside and my dogs are inside dogs they bark if they are left alone outside)

So I helped my sister in law set up for the party and then ran to town, when I came back they were there. I slipped in the bathroom and to change my clothes and while I was in the bathroom they left. Now just for the record I was in the bathroom no more than 5 minutes. My sister in laws father said that my dads girlfriend gave him the walking order and he just left. So ..... after that long winded story here is my question.... Do you think that the reason she left is because she fed my Dad a line of khrap and was afraid of getting called out on it or do you think it was just to put a wedge between my Dad and I ? Lastly do you thing I am giving this too much time and energy worrying about it and is this worth cutting off the relationship?

I feel like I should have one with him because he is my Dad however I don't know how much more of the khrap I can put up with.

I have had enough of all this khrap and I honestly don't want to continue having contact with my Dad and this woman. My Dad has always been a khrappy father to all four of us and this just seems to re-inforce things. Worst part was he did not bother staying for my brothers 40th birthday party because he had to tow a friends trailer out of a campground.... I have always put family first and that was what I thought was normal. When we asked him about it he said that he had promised this a long time ago... is it wrong to expect that he would have asked his buddy to change the date?

Advice Please?

cgarand

I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this! Divorce hurts, even when you are adult children. But, I think you are right to not want to be in the middle of your mom and dad's disagreements. That is their stuff to work out. And, I think your dad should have asked his friend to change the date, or to do it earlier in the day so he could be there for your brothers party. Family first. And, he should NEVER let his girlfriend get in between him and his kids. Don't give up on your dad though. This is a tough situation but I have a feeling his girlfriend isn't going to be there forever, and you guys will always be his kids.