Scared to eat

tdp575

I'm starting to worry about every calorie I take in. I keep thinking that I'm being a pig even though I'm a little under my caloric goal everyday, except for one day. My mom had gotten me a sandwich and I found out that sandwich was over 800 calories alone. I felt so horrible when I learned how much I consumed at one sitting. I'm with my boyfriend and his friends a lot. They're constantly eating fatty foods. We went to the bar Friday night and I didn't drink any alcohol. I just had a can of diet Pepsi, which I barely touched and a piece of sugar-free gum. Then, when we got home, they had pizza and I wouldn't eat any. Yesterday, my boyfriend bought me a bunch of healthy food to help me stay on track. I had my healthy meals, while they ate more pizza and fried mushrooms. Now, my boyfriend's mom just made a huge roast with gravy, butter-drenched veggies, and homemade white bread. My boyfriend and his friend just ordered out from Pizza Hut. I just ate my light soup and a small bag of cracker chips, while they ate that stuff they ordered. I feel kind of guilty from what I've ate today. It's so hard to be around all of this food that I love(ed) so much. I want to eat it, but I don't want to eat it. I hope that makes sense! I have no intentions about giving in to over eating, but I'm just worried about starving myself. I beat myself up too much =[ Please, someone talk me out of this thinking! I really need support right now!

lwagnitz

I get the same way sometimes. It's like I go from one extreme to the other. I wish I could offer more advice.

DenyseMarieL

This is the hardest part of a lifestyle change! Just remember how horrible those high fat, greasy, gross foods are for you body. Once you see them that way, they won't be so hard to give up. You are doing this change for YOU and nobody else.

katevarner

Your diary is closed, so kinda hard to tell you whether what you are doing is right, altho avoiding all of that other food certainly is. Don't starve yourself, but don't give in to your old habits.

SueInAz

I think you are being too hard on yourself. Yes, it's really hard to resist the foods we love that we know aren't good for us. It sounds to me like you really have that part down, though. Your willpower isn't the issue here.

As long as you are eating (mostly) healthy, and keeping within your calorie goals most days (but not too far under) you're doing fine. You really are allowed to slip up once in awhile as long as you get right back onto the right path the next day. If we never gave in to temptation - in moderation! - most of us would go stark, raving mad.

shade0343

It does get better. The tough thing is learning moderation. That includes being able to eat a moderate amount of the fun stuff. Personally I would stay away from the diet soda. Go for a mixed drink with a little bit of fruit juice and drink it.... moderately. There is a book called 'The Perfect Ten Diet'. I urge you to read it. I don't agree with everything in there. That being said there is a lot of very sensible commentary on food and diet. Fat is not the enemy. It's necessary and what lets you know you have eaten enough. I do agree with you that the struggle between what you want and what you need can be tough. Hang in there and do not cut yourself off completely from the foods you love. Just eat less. Good Luck!

tdp575

I just made my diary public. I've actually been losing weight pretty fast. 3lbs in under a week. I started on Monday and weighed myself yesterday. Went from 182 to 179. I pretty much allow myself to eat what I want, but cut the portions and no seconds. I'm slowly adding healthier stuff in there and getting rid of the bad.

wikpix

maybe when you are at your boyfriends place and planning to have a meal there, ask if you can have some veggies without the butter, just a spray of olive oil. Or even offer to prepare a meal and make a nice healthy and tasty dish.

With things like the sandwich your mum got for you - don't stress over it, there is nothing you can do about it if you already ate it. Just learn from the situation and move on and maybe try to get out for a walk or a bit of extra exercise.

This is a journey for all of us and we learn things along the way. You have to be your number 1 fan so don't be too hard on yourself.

lwagnitz

You're not eating enough. You should net MINIMUM 1,200 calories. Seriously, take it from someone who knows, eating under will lead to more problems than just being overweight. I lost hair, my nails broke, I was tired ALL the time, and I'd lose 10lbs and gain 15lbs. Please be careful.

tdp575

I know that some days I'm under by a lot, but I'm not trying to eat that little. My food just adds up that way I guess. I was only eating 3 meals and now I've added a few snacks. I'm going to get some fresh fruit this week and veggies as well. I do drink water with those low-cal flavor packets. I'm trying to wean myself off of the soda. I already plan to quit drinking alcohol. Thanks everyone for the advice/kind words!

lwagnitz

I know it's difficult, and I've had that problem, too. Where I'm just not hungry anymore and I'm way under my cals. I don't eat a lot of meat so that's usually why and I load on veggies usually. Try and get some high calorie healthy foods in if you're not too hungry, like some almonds, or a tablespoon of peanutbutter.

withchaco

I know that some days I'm under by a lot, but I'm not trying to eat that little. My food just adds up that way I guess.

It might help if you plan your day's menu in advance, so you won't find out too late that you went over or too severely under.

Leisalynn84

How many calories are you trying to eat in a day? Are you exercising? And if so, are you eating your calories back? Chances are half of that 800 calorie sandwich, a small salad and tall glass of water would fill you up. Then, if you do an hour of an areobic type workout you have almost burnned the calories of that entire meal. Same with the pizza, have a small slice and work out. For drinking stick w/ vodka, light beer or bacardi and diet soda in moderation. It might take a few weeks but it will all feel normal soon enough. Planning my meals and snacks in advance helps me too, if I know what I'm going to be eating every few hours I'm less likely to eat junk just because its there.

schmenge55

Hey your town is not boring! I agree with what the other posters are saying. I will also add that while this site by design has one counting every calorie in reality things are not that exact. Any given day all kinds of things can bump up what you need or drop it down a bit. It is really all about balance over the long haul. There is nothing wrong with having a slice or pizza or a beer now and then, you just need to balance that out with other choices.

JLD81

Don't view this as a diet. Don't look at this as trying to be skinny. View this as a change to be healthy, for life, and for good. Skinny is no good if you kill yourself to get there. Don't go down the starvation path. It will cost dearly in the end. Just start working out more and view your body like you would your car. You aren't going to put crap in your gas take and expect it to run or last. You aren't going to run your car without enough gas because you will break down on the side of the highway. Just like a car, you body needs food for fuel. Think about the quality of the fuel you are putting into your body, and like your car, our bodies are built for motion. Stay active, fuel your body, and everything else will fall into place.

tdp575

I actually have been starting to plan meals a day ahead lol....I'm trying to consume 1,360 calories per day. According to my diary, I only had 933 calories yesterday. Today, I've only had 920 calories, unless I add more for today. I'll try the peanut butter idea, thanks again everyone!

DrMAvDPhD

Calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE). Look at that number. You have to eat 3500 calories OVER that number to gain a pound of fat. Not 3500 calories over the number MFP is giving you to lose weight.

Don't be afraid to eat. Fear of food says your on the path to an eating disorder. Food is your friend, not your enemy.

tdp575

I've always said this is a lifestyle change. It has to continue after the weight is gone. This is for life. I'll check the TDEE out, thanks! That's what I'm worried about, I don't want an eating disorder. I want to be healthy.

ShyCat

Keep those calories up as you're trying to do! I am not an expert, but have long heard that if you take in too few, your body will go into "starvation mode" and not burn calories as readily as it would otherwise. I'm sure there are people here who could verify if that's the case.

All that to say that if you cut too far back, it may well impede rather than help your progress.

Also -- I am worried that you may be getting too obsessed with the details here, and may end up approaching your diet in a non-healthy way. Have you spoken with your doctor about not only your diet, but some of the details you have written in your posts? S/he may have some help for you.

tdp575

When I talked to my doctor last year, she wanted me to get to 130lbs. She said to eat 5 to 6 small meals per day. She also wanted me to exercise 5 times per week for 30 minutes. She told me to take the weight off slowly. Like 1lbs to 2lbs per week. She even wanted to set me up with a nutritionist. I do have an obsessive personality. I'm worried I'll go to the opposite extreme. I always seem to do one extreme and then go to another extreme. I need to find a healthy balance.

fiercekindness

I, too, struggle sometimes with the fear of food. I think I eat an overall balance diet. I do plan my meals in advance and log on the computer or in my notebook what I eat everyday. And I exercise on average 6x a week. I am at a healthy weight, and I actually can eat a little more according to my nutritionist and still maintain a healthy weight. But sometimes I fear food. I fear if I eat something unplanned I'll gain like a 5 pounds. I know thats unrealistic. I am sure the problem is much deeper which I am still working through. After all I've spent all of my life being (335lbs) heavy and being an complusive and emotional eater. I guess in many ways, I find myself still fighting to remain in control of my eating and choices of food. My nutritionist tells me that I need to live a little and not be so strict. And I do sometimes indulge, but I guess there is that lurking fear of....I am going to lose control. I don't know. I know food is not my enemy, and its there to nourish and fuel our bodies. But sometimes I feel like it taunts me. Does anyone else feels that way? And then I have people in my life who can eat whatever they want and whenever they want without even the slightest hesitation, and its unnerving. And then there are people who are always trying to throw food at me and and accusing me of not eating enough, being too thin, or starving or etc. I know that I am at a healthy weight 5'5, 131 pounds, and I know I eat plenty 1500-1800 calories a daily. And sometimes when I see foods that I would love to just indulge in, it's a struggle inside. I don't feel deprived. I just feel scared of it. And one my say, oh go ahead and have it, you could eat a few of them. The truth is, I could, but the problem is the aftermath... I will obsess about it and then think that maybe I need to go and exercise or something. I don't like thinking that way. It's crazy. Can anyone else relate as to where I coming from.

stuntpilot51

I started this journey the same way you are and paid the price for the first 2 months.

Please read Dan's post and try to take a more conservative approach. 3 lb's a week is way to aggressive.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

AZKristi

I think its OK to be scared of returning to a lifestyle where you eat pizza, bar food, and 800 calorie sandwiches on a daily basis. Having those things on an infrequent basis is fine. You don't want to put yourself in a position where you are not eating anything because the only food around you is junk. So, make sure you have plenty of healthy things to eat at home. If you are going out to a bar, its fine to skip the drinks (someone's got to be the DD anyway, right?) but make sure you have something to nurish yourself. I keep a single serving of nuts and trail mix in my car in case I'm ever in need of a healthy snack.

If you are afraid of eating even healthy foods and are not hitting your calorie goals, you may want to speak to a professional. Its very easy in this society to develop an unhealthy relationship with food. Best to address this before it gets out of control.

jenlouise4

Sometimes the best way, as people have said, is to view it as a lifestyle change. Don't deprive yourself of the odd treat but balance it out. Also, it's amazing how many wonderful healthy recipes there are online- you could find some might almost rival pizza, i promise!
Here are a couple of my favourites-
http://www.vegetarian-and-low-calorie-recipes.com/broccoli-stuffed-pancakes.html (broccoli isn't everyone's cup of tea, I know, but these are so good!)
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/hawaiian-chicken-50400000109631/ so good served with fresh roasted veg - for the veg I tend to use courgette, aubergine, tomatoes and mushrooms but you can mix it up and it requires so little preparation if you bag up the chicken fillets with the marinade in advance and then chill/freeze them for when needed.
hope that helps! I'm a terrible cook myself but trying out new healthy recipes has helped my motivation, especially when my flatmates get a takeout!
Make sure as well that you surround yourself with healthier food in your own cupboard and dont build up a stock of junk food if you can. That's why I love doing my own shopping now as when I lived at home my mum had a homebaking business- it was tough on the old self control. But if the temptation isn't there for you personally, you wont be tempted.

pkw58

9 and a half months into my lifestyle change, I can tell you I am amazed at all the benefits beyond what I set out to get. Working with a nutritionist is an excellent idea, and I hope you allow your Doctor to set that up for you.

Remember, it's your lifestyle change - not your mom's or friends. I eat differently now and love it. I went from 174 to 131 and didn't think I could get to 140.

I have to eat out a lot of business. I can readily by pass mindless eating now of such things as the bread basket that the waiter brings or the chips at mexican restaurants. I no longer crave sweets and only have had them at a few celebration meals with family, (October is my birthday month)... but I did record those and I am within my goal range of 129-135. I believe the activity I add contributes. I make meals within my plan, and have extras for my family (healthy extras)

I have added more walking and standing, yoga and barre 3 to my activity. I use a Nike Fuel Band and my husband uses a fitbit. I have a desk job, so it is a sedentary life style so I have to push for more activity in my day. I don't have an hour to work out all at once, so I take in activity in 10- 30 minute times.

tdp575

Thanks again to all that took time to comment! The thing with me is, I gain weight super easily, but I lose it super easily as well. One time, I calculated what I was eating everyday and I didn't exercise at all. I was taking in around 6,000 calories or more. I'd eat until I felt like throwing up and would do it every hour or so for the whole day, everyday. I remember this one time I made these pizza bagel bites, I took one bite and didn't want anymore. Do you know what I did? I forced myself to eat the whole box. I didn't even enjoy eating it, want it, and I wasn't hungry. It was almost like I was punishing myself. I was always thin as a child/preteen. In my teens up until my early 20's, I was skinny/curvy. I stayed around a 7/8 pants size and weighed between120lbs-125lbs. I'm just shy of 5'2. Then, around 21-22 I started slowing gaining weight. I went up to 145lbs and thought I was huge! So, I put myself on a diet, that was a mistake right there. I did take it slowly and lost 27lbs in about 6 months. Well, I started a bad relationship with someone who's now an ex and went downhill from there. I gained all the weight back in 2 months and packed on an additional 37lbs. I've been yo-yoing since. I've added more calories today to my intake. I want to do this the right way and make a lifestyle change....No more dieting for me!

hathor1943

Those low-cal flavor paks aren't good for you and I think they just make you thirsty. I found this "spa" water recipe on Just a Pinch recipe site and it is really great. I have a Zero water pitcher to filter our tap water. Our water is horrible and has a lot of lime and other minerals in it, so I got this filter and it works great. All you do is core an apple and cut it up in thick slices and put it in a gallon (which is how much I make as I drink this in a day) or quart pitcher add 1 cinnamon stick and refrigerate overnight. This is a very refreshing drink and you won't believe how good it is. If you can't take cinnamon or have an allergy to it, just replace the cinnamon with some fresh mint. This is not heavily flavored but has a hint of flavor and is really refreshing. They have other flavored "spa" water recipes but I like this the best.

ubermensch13

Do you exercise? If you don't, you should. Even if it is only walking a mile a day 3x a week, that is a great start. That will do 2 things: 1. It will give you extra calories to work with and you can eat more of the foods you love and 2. It will get you used to being more active, so you can eventually amp it up. I would also recommend getting your TDEE figured out and then eating 20% below that instead of the numbers MFP give you(especially if you start exercising). Think of this as a way of changing your lifestyle and relationship with food, not as a short term diet.

MemphisKitten

I hear ya! I get paranoid too, and take in most of my calories in liquid form. If your thoughts become really obsessive and you can't concentrate on anything else, and this food issue begins to consume your life, that is a warning sign. Please seek help if this is happening so you can avoid the dark abyss of an eating disorder. EDs can creep up on you unsuspectingly; and they ruin your life!!! :sad:

Ge0rgiana

If your diary's any indicator, you're seriously depriving yourself of food. EAT. If you can't do that, go see a doctor.

HypersonicFitNess

As long as you are around folks who are eating junk all the time, it's going to be a temptation, but as long as you are at LEAST eating 1200 calories per day and making sure you eat the color of the rainbow weekly (lots of fruits & vegetables)...you will be losing weight in a healthy way.

You could ask you bfs mother to make vegetables without the butter for you. My MIL always makes things special for some of the DILs b/c they are very picky eaters. When we go, I just eat a lot of salad (even though she makes it with ice berg lettuce and tomato....that's a very lame salad)...I also try to fill up on any vegetables she makes and only take a tablespoon of the "dressing" (stuffing) and things I shouldn't be eating...thereby not appearing to be picky while being picky