Love Triangle: Do YOU think it is possible??

KRaemondH

My friend, lets call her Jen for the sake of saving face, has recently told me of this dilema. Not looking for judgement on this topic, just wondering what everyone else thinks. After we talked I did some internet research and read quite a few articles and now, I wanna know what the MFP family thinks.

Jen has had three great loves in her life. The first, when she was 17 and he was the first. Broke her heart in two, he loved her too poor thing. Things just didn't pan out as relationships do at that age. The second was a guy named Paul. Funny, smart, cocky, beautiful man that every woman would want to be with. He chose her. He had some baggage to deal with and felt he needed to get away from where they lived to work them out. They kept in contact but eventually lost most of it.
He was the one that got away.
Eventually years later she met the third, John. A hallarious, sexy, protective, providing wonderful man. They dated for 3 years and decided they would get married. They were perfect for one another. Jen still thought about Paul every once in a while and they would Facebook message once in a while. Nothing scandleless, just friendly hellos and check ups.
Eventually Paul wanted to chat on the phone. Jen said sure. They laughed and chatted, things were settled, feelings were expressed and all in all this was the problem...
Paul still cared for Jen. He was so happy she was going to be married and that she found someone who loves her so much. He wanted to be in her life... AND she is the one that got away (basically confessed his love saying she was his dream girl).
Here in lies Jen's inner dilema; she is in love with two men.
She loves her fiancee with her body and soul but, her heart belongs to two people.

Have YOU ever been through this? Have you had the feelings for two people? How did YOU handle it?

Jen will not be having any affairs, she will be getting married in November as planned and she is keeping Paul in her life as well.

What would you do??

harvo

In my opinion, she needs to decide who she wants for a life partner and cut the other one out. If not he will say that he can be friends but will poke and prod his way into making trouble to be there to pick up the pieces. I hope your friend makes her decision and finds peace within herself.

Ph4lanx

If she has any moral conviction, she will tell her fiancee. It's unfair to enter into a relationship with someone with something this big hanging over it. If he's OK with it, then fine. But he deserves to know.

RVfrog

She needs to get rid of Paul...........and get married and forget the past. Keeping a ex boyfriend in the picture is like saying if this doesn't work out.....my 2 cents worth is no I would not keep friends with the ex. Somewhere down the road that will bite her in the rear. What works for her but she needs to think it out. Yes, it nice to think oh we are just friends, but he already told her he cared for her so.........red light!!! If I was the future husband I wouldn't like it. Just saying but I'm 60 yrs old.

ktndj82104

I'm not saying a person can't be in love with more then one person, but if she chooses to keep Paul in her life knowing the amount of feelings that are still there it is cheating. Its emotional cheating and will create problems in her marriage. JMO

chrishgt4

The gist I get is that the 2nd dude, she really liked. The 3rd dude has plenty of money.

She should sack the current dude off and go after the old one. If it works out she will be happy she made the decision and if it doesn't, well even if she stays with the fiancée she will always resent him because it prevented her from seeing the other guy.

Basically - current relationship is pretty much doomed so she might as well go for it with the other guy.

Amberonamission

An ex is an ex for a reason. Time makes us forget. He walked out on her once and if they were to be together, it would most likely happen again. Just my opinion.

oregonzoo

Not trying to judge.
But in my opinion if you love somebody body and soul, there isn't room to love another person romantically.

sevsmom

Paul already showed her exactly what he's capable of. She should remember THIS part of his character well. She has a man who didn't need to go off and leave to "deal with things". She'd be wise to treasure what's right in front of her and let her fond memories be exactly that. Been there. Done that.

placeboaddiction

An option is to be polyamorous.

There are a few forms of this. The one that seems to fit this situation most is a polyamorous V, not triangle. Triangle would be saying they'd all love each other. Thats not the case. She'd be the part of the V that reaches 2. It can work. It depends on maturity and what not. I have a few friends who are in similar situations. The issues they have is that they have double the drama. Not in a bad way, but its like having to deal with 2 relationships... (duh right?).

It just depends on maturity, open mindedness, and everything. She has to be upfront about everything though if shes going to do this. I personally couldn't do this, but again.. I've seen it work..

KRaemondH

I don't think most people realized I asked what YOU would do and have YOU been in this situation. Not what should she do. She already made her choice on the matter. I would agree with most of you. I see both sides but thank god I don't have to deal with it.

I do have to say, I love all my ex's still. Even the ones I hate. They taught me something. I love them for that. And I shared a part of my heart with them. My husband is my world, but he has done the same with others before me. I wouldn't expect him to say he didn't love them. We've never had this conversation yet though... maybe we will

randomtai

Not trying to judge.
But in my opinion if you love somebody body and soul, there isn't room to love another person romantically.

This.... People always want what they can't have. Smdh

cutie_patootie

If Paul hadn't left her (for whatever reason), she wouldn't have met John. The fact she met John and liked him enough to want to marry him itself means that poor Paul will have to wait to meet his Miss. Right.
This topic also reminded me once again why it is not a good idea to be or get in touch with an Ex irrespective of whether he/she is good or bad person. He/she is an Ex for a reason and when you move on, you move on.

KRaemondH

An option is to be polyamorous.

There are a few forms of this. The one that seems to fit this situation most is a polyamorous V, not triangle. Triangle would be saying they'd all love each other. Thats not the case. She'd be the part of the V that reaches 2. It can work. It depends on maturity and what not. I have a few friends who are in similar situations. The issues they have is that they have double the drama. Not in a bad way, but its like having to deal with 2 relationships... (duh right?).

It just depends on maturity, open mindedness, and everything. She has to be upfront about everything though if shes going to do this. I personally couldn't do this, but again.. I've seen it work..

you are correct. sorry about the wording lol

Nix143

Ok, if this was me.......................

You know, thinking back over all my ex's there isn't a single one now I would touch with a sh*tty stick. If I left them - well I'm obviously not going back. If they left me - then I wasn't what they needed and probably am not now. And

All or nothing, if it's gone it's gone and generally for really good reasons. And I don't think I would keep that person in my life - how comfortable would I be marrying someone who I knew still carried a torch for an ex that left them? Not comfortable at all and if I don't want it done to me then I'm not doing it to anyone else.

leaffan12

Bump - interesting topic and will post comment later

NocturnalGirl

Maybe she loves both of them, but there has to be only one that she is IN love with. Keeping both in her life will cause emotional problems.

SyntonicGarden

An ex is an ex for a reason. Time makes us forget. He walked out on her once and if they were to be together, it would most likely happen again. Just my opinion.

Time makes us forget indeed. Is it possible that this Paul dude is all about "the chase" and that once he has her, he won't want her? Your friend need not be a conquest.

Besides. What the heck is wrong with this second guy that he can't respect the sanctity of this woman's engagement? Sexy? Hilarious? Third guy sounds AMAZING. If she bails on the third guy, she'll be living in the past, regretting and asking "what if" about that guy. If Paul REALLY wants her to be happy, he needs to back the heck off...

Put some distance between Paul and the 3rd guy. Don't even invite this Paul dude to the wedding. Gently put the friendship on the back burner for now, take a few days to respond to his messages, hope he finds someone else, and moves on. Maybe they can have a friendship once your friend's marriage is solid and this Paul guy has moved on.

oregonzoo

An option is to be polyamorous.

There are a few forms of this. The one that seems to fit this situation most is a polyamorous V, not triangle. Triangle would be saying they'd all love each other. Thats not the case. She'd be the part of the V that reaches 2. It can work. It depends on maturity and what not. I have a few friends who are in similar situations. The issues they have is that they have double the drama. Not in a bad way, but its like having to deal with 2 relationships... (duh right?).

It just depends on maturity, open mindedness, and everything. She has to be upfront about everything though if shes going to do this. I personally couldn't do this, but again.. I've seen it work..

I saw a special on this last night. Really really strange to me, but if people can make it work.......

rml_16

It's absolutely possible to be in love with more than one person. Only she can decide what's best, but she may just need to cut off contact with Paul in order to really commit to her marriage.

The feelings won't necessarily go away, but at least she won't be divided in her attention.

(Speaking from experience.)

hamiltonba

Maybe this will help - If Jen's fiancee was in love w/ two women, would she marry him or would she want him to figure out who he wants to be with? I don't want to be with someone who is thinking about someone else. And what happens 2-3-5 years from now when there is a big argument or issues? Is Jen going to run to the other man?