Self esteem is in the gutter... what can I do to fix it?

mrsgigandet

Hi guys. In the month or so I've been a member here, I can't put into words how many kind, helpful people have lifted me up in support and really got me motivated to keep on this track. I've been going back and forth all day, wondering if I should post about this on such a public forum, because it really does hurt and it really does make me nervous.

To put it bluntly, I have never felt sexy or beautiful in my life. I want to change that. I don't know how.

It's not all necessarily weight-related. At my heaviest as a teenager I weighed around 350 pounds. When I joined MFP I was at about 202, and right now I've been sitting at 196. I know I've made a lot of progress. I know I should feel proud of myself. But I don't, because my thoughts about myself never cease to bring me down.

I'm terrified to even post a picture here because I'm afraid everyone will think I am so ugly. I think I have a horrible face. What brings me down the most, though, is my chest. I apologize in advance if this is inappropriate speech but I have deformed breasts. They are asymmetrical to an extreme (left breast is a AA, right is a C) and they bring me down more than words can say. In a society where large, full, symmetrical breasts are worshipped, I feel like I will never amount to anything, no matter how fit I am. I'm 22 years old and I've never so much as kissed a boy. I don't know how one could ever find me beautiful or sexy with a chest like mine, I feel like a boy would just leave me. I've tried putting inserts in my bra to even them out, but at the end of the day when I take them out, I just feel fake and it makes me feel worse.

I don't want to live this way anymore. I'm sick of feeling this way. These thoughts about myself haunt my mind every minute of every day. I have nightmares about my appearance, especially my chest. I want to feel sexy and beautiful, but I don't know how or how to even start.

Do you have any advice? Any help at all would be amazing. Thanks so much.

LizL217

I strongly suggest seeking the help of a professional therapist. Losing weight will not give you the self-acceptance you seek, and in fact having such low self-esteem could really hinder your prorgess. You have to feel like YOU are worth investing time and energy, or you will easily get discouraged. And until you love and accept yourself for who you are, no one else will. Every person and every body is unique, flawed, and beautiful, and you are no exception. But you need to love your uniqueness, not curse yourself for it.

There are parts of my body that I do not always embrace and love, and that's something that I need to work on as well. But one thing that has helped me reach acceptance is exercise. Every time I pick up some weights or jump into a pool or climb a mountain I am so amazed at the wonderful things that my body can do. If you invest time and energy into your health and your strength, your body will reward you by showing you all of the amazing things it can achieve.

Focus on being the best person that you can be, inside and out, and you will learn to love yourself and you will start to feel strong and beautiful. Others will quickly notice that energy in you.

emilymonnig

This probably sounds random, but do you have a pet? Sometimes having something that loves you unconditionally (ok, well you have thumbs and it probably doesn't, but still!) can create an opportunity for you to start feeling better about yourself. While no one is perfect, your critter will think you hung the moon, even if you hung it upside down

porscheparcher

Hey!

I totally know how you feel! Depression may be the pit of all of your weight issues. It's important to find the love for yourself somewhere deep inside so that when change comes you are ready for it and not just seeking something to make you happy and feel good. I'm no therapist, but I would love to talk to you and help you through this! We are all works in progress. I can definitely help you lose the weight, it's what I live for!

You may be in a rut now, but I promise we can get through this together! Add me and we can talk more and I can give you suggestions. YOU CAN DO THIS!

KipDrordy

Honestly, I think you should consider getting some counseling. There's nothing to be ashamed of in doing so. I'm no expert by any means, but perhaps your weight was a result of how you feel about yourself rather than it being the cause of your low self opinion. I do believe that talking about it is the best thing in the world for you to do, I'm just not sure that you're going to find the answers here.

I wish you the best of luck in both your weight loss and in improving your self view. I think you're wrong to look at yourself as ugly. Ugliness doesn't come from the outside.

mrsgigandet

Hi everybody... thanks so much for all the quick replies. Talking to a therapist is something I have considered, but I've been very apprehensive to go through with it because I was afraid low self esteem wasn't a good enough reason. There are counselors at my college and I might try to muster up the courage to talk to one.

Emily, I do in fact have many pets Three dogs, three cats, a leopard gecko, three hermit crabs, an axolotl, and many fish! They are all my world, and they do make me feel unconditionally loved by them, it's just that I don't think another human ever will because our furry/scaled/feathered babies don't look at the outside, but people do.

avir8

Hi everybody... thanks so much for all the quick replies. Talking to a therapist is something I have considered, but I've been very apprehensive to go through with it because I was afraid low self esteem wasn't a good enough reason. There are counselors at my college and I might try to muster up the courage to talk to one.

Low self esteem is definitely enough a reason to seek help. But there is also nothing wrong with corrective surgery. Just try to find one thing a day that you find that you are proud of yourself
Ex: I'm sure you're nice, and loving (you have animals that you care for)
You are working hard to improve yourself
I don't know you and already I know there is so much more to you than the way you look.

Look past the negative, you are human so not everything will be the way you like it. Focus on good things about your life, but really talk to someone about how you feel

opus649

... but I've been very apprehensive to go through with it because I was afraid low self esteem wasn't a good enough reason.

It was a good enough reason for me.

AZKristi

It is my experience that if you want to improve your self esteem you have to take esteemable actions. Go out into the world and do good things for yourself and others. Working out, preparing healthy meals, taking care of yourself. Take the time to find out what makes you unique and special - we all have something to offer the world. Then, find some way to share your gift either helping people you know and love or volunteering to help people you may not already know. As you make connections and build friendships you will see that you are appreciated and you will begin to appreciate yourself.

Also, make a list where one day you write down one good thing about yourself. It doesn't necessarily have to be something you are always good at or always is true. If you have a really good hair day, that could be your good thing about yourself for the day. Another day, if you maintain a positive attitude in the face of a challenging situation, that could be your thing for the day. When you write these things down, be specific about the situation so that when you feel crappy about yourself, you can go back and read about more positive moments in your life.

I also like to do gratitude lists... Starting with A and ending at Z, I try to think of 26 things I am grateful for. Helps me get out of my head and focus on the little things in life

thethingirlinside

We are proud of you for telling your story .keep talking. To people it has always got to through the tough times .please keep up your awesome work .

mrsgigandet

Thank you guys. I really do want to get past this. I want to get past this feeling that I will never be married or have a family because my looks make me unlovable. I'm afraid with this attitude, if someone DID come along, I would write them off because I feel like I am "The Beast" who will never find her "Beauty."

AZKristi, I will try doing some lists. Those sound very uplifting Thank you all.