I need help

bonitacubana

Today blew SO bad, ate too much, weighed too much. all my clothes are so tight in just in a horrible place at the end of the day. i dont know how i gained back ALL the weight I lost last year. im obsessed with weighing myself, i stop for a little bit then I come back to doing it once, twice or more a day. I just dont know what to do at this point and im tired of losing faith in myself EVERY single WEEK, every day is like this uphill battle and im not seeing any progress at all. I have been lurking for a while but never posted but im at my rock bottom right now. I had TOM cravings all day today and pretty much ate the entire day until I was up to 2000 calories. I weighed less than 265 when I weighed on Sat, this morning I weighed 271. It just sent me over the edge.
Last year I lost 35 -40 lbs doing the supreme 90 day workout and following the diet, I stopped for whatever reason and have officially gained it all back over a year later. WHY would I do that to myself and even more pressing of a question is WHY can't I seem to get back on track. I hired a trainer in May of this year and that hasn't even helped - I've picked up 12 lbs since then which is even more crushing. I have no health issues, its not my body, its ME - I have no willpower, no ability to just stick to it for some reason. I seriously begin and end every single day obsessing over my weight. Its one of the worst feelings I've experiences, I never felt this bad when I originally weighed this much...
I always hear ppl say you need to hit rock bottom before a true change can come but I feel like I hit rock bottom all the time and nothing's working. I KNOW what to do, I'm just not doing it and I dont understand why.

suribruise

A lot of us have been in the same position- resolving to change, failing, hating ourselves, making new resolutions. It's a really terrible cycle to be in and a lot of the time it feels like you'll be there forever,

I think the best thing to remember is that you are not a failure just because you failed at this one thing. You are being hard on yourselves. Habits are not easy to change, or everyone would be thin and healthy and study all the time and never drink or gamble.

You will probably fail again in the future. But that doesn't mean you will never succeed- look at all the people who have failed 1000 times then reached their goal.

One day, you will be one of those people. Don't give up on yourself.

bettybo0pxox

Hi Bonitacubana

I know how you feel, i was soo on track two years ago, and im starting agin. everytime i look at the scales and see either no change or a gain, i crash and get so demotivated i wonder what the point of restricting my calories was in the first place!!

However, now that i log eveything i eat, and am determined not to go over my 1200, im starting to feel better. i mean i know i havent lost anything yet, but we are all in this together and i know eventually ill see a change.

Feel free to add me and ill do my best to help keep you motivated! i mean as they say, rome wasnt built in a day, and like everyone else, you will have setbacks, small or large. I know how you feel.
Just remember there are sooo many wonderful people on here that want to help you succeed!!

Stay strong!

brenda4life

Stop thinking of it as hitting rock bottom. You are at the starting line. Nothing you did in the past matters. Today is day 1. I REALLY believe that logging all your food helps. It gives you visual accountability. I am following Body For Life which has me eating 6 meals a day - each with a carbohydrate the size of a fist and a protein the size of a palm and just as thick as a hand. Couple 2 meals with a vegetable and you have my daily plan. I work out 6 days a week - 3 days of cardio and 3 days of weight training. Start moving and start planning - that is the beginning. You got this - today is the day.

mandy5135

I know how you feel, i do the same thing.. Everytime I start again i say this is going to be the time. I have made it farther this time than ever before, and I think logging in everyday and reading what others post keeps me going. Having friends that will keep you in check are a big help. Just hang in there and remember to tell yourself everyday that you are worth it, and you can do this!!

Jobe72

Hey there Bonitacubana,
I too, know exactly how you feel. I have just had a 3 day binge myself. The one day that I did track I ate 3000 calories. I feel terrible, guilty, tired, bloated, disgusted with myself.
But today is a new day and I'm back on track so far.
I guess the important thing is that we keep picking ourselves back up and trying again. I'm hoping that after time the set backs will come less and less often and our new,healthy habits will take over our old ones.

Add me if you like and we can support each other through this journey:)

Gallowmere1984

Different people require different forms of inspiration to remain motivated. What the other posters have said my work as well as what I am about to suggest, which is what worked for me.

Basically, what I needed was someone to tell what a worthless piece of **** I had allowed myself to become. I needed to hear that I looked like a pile of laundry soaked in mayonnaise, and that I should completely hate myself for it. In fact, hatred has fueled everything about my routines since then. My lifts have gotten relatively high in short order, because I hate weakness. I hate the barbell and plates for defying my efforts to move them. I hate gravity for enabling the plates to defy me. Once I am good and raging pissed, I am able to force myself to do things that I never could before.

This may not be the thing for you, but if you think it could help, let me know and I will direct you to the site belonging to the man who inspired me to get the **** up and stop being pathetic.

Tall_E

Hermana,

I've been there and have had to fight my way out of depression over how bad I looked, how much I ate, what I ate, etc. etc. You are being very, very hard on yourself. It's time to stop, take a step back, and reconnect with how much of a worthwhile human being you are, no matter what. You need to start praising yourself for staying in the struggle and continuing to seek answers when things are at their most difficult. I suggest you throw out your scale for a good long while and, instead, measure yourself once a week to gauge how you're doing. Think about why you're trying to get more fit and how you can start feeding your soul. Then it'll get easier to feed your body. Remember that you're working towards changing your life, not just your body. And Life changes are a big deal and take time. If it was easy you would have already done it.

Surround yourself with some positive friends who know how precious you are. And DON'T GIVE UP. You can do this! I know what I'm talking about. I've lost 30 pounds since January and, even better, I've learned to love myself better and to change my whole relationship to food and my body. You can do it too.

Best wishes!

mollz007

Hi! I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling so down about your weight. I am in a similar boat as you and I weigh about the same. I have tried other diets before like WW and I have been successful but then just gained weight back. I have lots of cravings too especially around that time of the month and it sucks. I am so disgusted with myself after the binges. On Friday night I had 3 slices of pizza and a whole order of bread sticks from Papa Johns. It is so hard I know! All I can tell you is that you just have to chuck it up as a bump in the road- everyone has them!- and just start over the next day. Just take baby steps, meal by meal. Don't beat yourself up if you mess up- nobody is perfect. You can do this! I am going to add you if you dont mind so we can help eachother!

missymuffet

I TOTALLY understand what you're saying. I gained back the 10 pounds of 20 that I lost so here I am again trying to get going again. I think today was day 7 for me. A little bit of advice....along with everything everyone else has said, ....get a book either at the store or the library called: Think yourself thin. Basically it's a self hypnosis program with a CD and it's all about what we say in our heads when we talk to ourselves. AS IN: I CAN DO THIS. I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY I'M JUST GOING INTO OCD MODE. (binge eating--when you really aren't even hungry) I am taking control of my life. I am eating more and more healthy each day. There is only this precious moment I need to focus on........etc. etc. etc. It has really helped me to see and feel what I was doing and change my thoughts which takes practice. I have found it can change me on a dime! From thinking oh man I want ice cream, I want chocolate, I want I want..............etc. to: I had lunch. I had a healthy snack. There is no logical way my body could be hungry. Chocolate would just be heavy and make me thirsty anyway....whatever does it for you to change your pattern of thoughts from I CAN'T to I CAN. I know you can. We all fall down..........just get yourself up again. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

cory17

hi there bonitacubana!
You don't have to be perfect. Let go of whatever happened before NOW.. Someone else had a quote about how we trade our main GOAL for a want of the moment. It hit home for me (I am trying to cut back on my pm binge emotional destress eating. ) I know it is within you to win :happy:

meshashesha2012

first of all calm down.. deep breaths..

- how tall are you? at your weight 2000 calories shouldnt be a lot and is still less than your TDEE. for instance i'm 5'5 195 pounds and i'd have to eat 2500 calories a day to maintain my weight on a sedentary day so that's not even counting exercise calories

- next why are you relying on willpower? that's not how you should approach weight loss especially when if you want to keep it off. you should be developing lifestyle modifications and new habits rather than looking at this as some kind of deprivation to suffer through. that isn't going to last long and even if it does last long enough for you to lose the weight, what happens afterwards when you think it's OK to relax and you go back to the bad habits that you were always planning to go back to?

- stop weighing yourself so much. measurements are a better way of tracking progress because that will tell you more about what you're losing than the scale will

- stop buying stuff that you binge on. that's what i had to do in the beginning. if you have an unhealthy relationship with food then at least make the effort to NOT buy. it's hard to binge eat something that you dont have in the first place

bonitacubana

A lot of us have been in the same position- resolving to change, failing, hating ourselves, making new resolutions. It's a really terrible cycle to be in and a lot of the time it feels like you'll be there forever,

I think the best thing to remember is that you are not a failure just because you failed at this one thing. You are being hard on yourselves. Habits are not easy to change, or everyone would be thin and healthy and study all the time and never drink or gamble.

You will probably fail again in the future. But that doesn't mean you will never succeed- look at all the people who have failed 1000 times then reached their goal.

One day, you will be one of those people. Don't give up on yourself.

I REALLY appreciate you replying to my post - it means so much to me that someone saw my cry for help and wanted to extend a virtual hug :-) I won't give up, I just need to go through the emotions and keep on going I guess.

bonitacubana

first of all calm down.. deep breaths..

- how tall are you? at your weight 2000 calories shouldnt be a lot and is still less than your TDEE. for instance i'm 5'5 195 pounds and i'd have to eat 2500 calories a day to maintain my weight on a sedentary day so that's not even counting exercise calories

- next why are you relying on willpower? that's not how you should approach weight loss especially when if you want to keep it off. you should be developing lifestyle modifications and new habits rather than looking at this as some kind of deprivation to suffer through. that isn't going to last long and even if it does last long enough for you to lose the weight, what happens afterwards when you think it's OK to relax and you go back to the bad habits that you were always planning to go back to?

- stop weighing yourself so much. measurements are a better way of tracking progress because that will tell you more about what you're losing than the scale will

- stop buying stuff that you binge on. that's what i had to do in the beginning. if you have an unhealthy relationship with food then at least make the effort to NOT buy. it's hard to binge eat something that you dont have in the first place

Ok I'm breathing...

I'm 5'4, I did exercise yesterday which I know helped but Ive been just trying to set a pattern of eating right and working out 4x a week for a long period of time, not falling off after a week because I lost a few lbs. Its like I get happy and just run off and start eating.

Well its willpower for me when I have cut out fast food (except for maybe once a week) but before I literally would eat it EVERY SINGLE day and its literally right by my job. Im making changes such as doing a reasonable workout 4 times a week minimum instead of doiing some insane program that requires me to workout 6 days a week for 50 bajillion hours. I did that before - lost a bunch of weight and I almost feel like thats a fad too because I gained it all back as SOON as I decided to not workout like a fiend and eat like a rabbit.

I like the fact that you just plainly said "stop weighing yourself so much." - nobody says it to me like that. I need some straightforward "you're being stupid" talk sometimes and from someone I don't know is even better. Love it!

Now that I'm looking over my food yesterday it was all better for me - yes a lean pocket isn't perfect but I ate one with a ton of broccoli..I ate a TON of broc yesterday just trying to get fulll lol.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it :-)

bonitacubana

hi there bonitacubana!
You don't have to be perfect. Let go of whatever happened before NOW.. Someone else had a quote about how we trade our main GOAL for a want of the moment. It hit home for me (I am trying to cut back on my pm binge emotional destress eating. ) I know it is within you to win :happy:

Ah yes that is my MOST weakest time. I'm an absolute emotional eater and the end of the day is when I tend to just let loose. I can relate.
I like the gist of the quote too, thats very true. I'm friend requesting you :-)

It took me months of sitting around on the site, never going on the forums because I was scared of it not being healthy for me but I started looking around reading and seeing that this place is very supportive - thank you so much for replying to me

bonitacubana

Different people require different forms of inspiration to remain motivated. What the other posters have said my work as well as what I am about to suggest, which is what worked for me.

Basically, what I needed was someone to tell what a worthless piece of **** I had allowed myself to become. I needed to hear that I looked like a pile of laundry soaked in mayonnaise, and that I should completely hate myself for it. In fact, hatred has fueled everything about my routines since then. My lifts have gotten relatively high in short order, because I hate weakness. I hate the barbell and plates for defying my efforts to move them. I hate gravity for enabling the plates to defy me. Once I am good and raging pissed, I am able to force myself to do things that I never could before.

This may not be the thing for you, but if you think it could help, let me know and I will direct you to the site belonging to the man who inspired me to get the **** up and stop being pathetic.

lol whoa. I like the pile of laundry soaked in mayo comment and yes you're right sometimes you do need somebody to "keep it real" with you. I do a LOT of that with myself - i'd like to check him out, send the info over! I don't want to necessarily be "mad" all the time but Im a FIRM believer in that we create our our situations and in my case, seeing that I've lost a substantial amount of weight before, its nobdys fault but my own that 1. I stopped losing and 2. that I cowered under stress, depression, whatever the h#ll is going on with me and gained it all back.

Thanks for replying too!

bonitacubana

I TOTALLY understand what you're saying. I gained back the 10 pounds of 20 that I lost so here I am again trying to get going again. I think today was day 7 for me. A little bit of advice....along with everything everyone else has said, ....get a book either at the store or the library called: Think yourself thin. Basically it's a self hypnosis program with a CD and it's all about what we say in our heads when we talk to ourselves. AS IN: I CAN DO THIS. I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY I'M JUST GOING INTO OCD MODE. (binge eating--when you really aren't even hungry) I am taking control of my life. I am eating more and more healthy each day. There is only this precious moment I need to focus on........etc. etc. etc. It has really helped me to see and feel what I was doing and change my thoughts which takes practice. I have found it can change me on a dime! From thinking oh man I want ice cream, I want chocolate, I want I want..............etc. to: I had lunch. I had a healthy snack. There is no logical way my body could be hungry. Chocolate would just be heavy and make me thirsty anyway....whatever does it for you to change your pattern of thoughts from I CAN'T to I CAN. I know you can. We all fall down..........just get yourself up again. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Oh thank you so much for the recommendation - I've heard of that program I think! That is exactly what I have to strengthen within myself - to fight off the "i want, i want...." Im normally pretty good but boy when I get my pity party going!

Thanks for replying and I'll be sure to check that out :-)
Oh and good luck on your 10 lbs, I know YOU can do it too :-)

gjulie

Stop right there!No more beating yourself up whats past is done tomorrow is another day! let this couple of days go and then think ahead,little goals are so much easier than big ones 1 lb a week is healthy and realistic I think you need to figure what is sustainable long term for you if you have a certain food or drink that you cant live without then dont live without it . Dont put diet mode on in your head I finds if I do that then it means an end to the diet at some point and then Im back to square one and thats no good! I eat 6 times a day and I must have at least 1500 cals or I would be too hungry I religiously log all my food intake and a half hour to 40 minutes exercise with 2 days in the week off,if I go out for a meal I go and enjoy it and start again the next day,this works for me find what works for you in the long term,you can and you will do it!

bonitacubana

Stop right there!No more beating yourself up whats past is done tomorrow is another day! let this couple of days go and then think ahead,little goals are so much easier than big ones 1 lb a week is healthy and realistic I think you need to figure what is sustainable long term for you if you have a certain food or drink that you cant live without then dont live without it . Dont put diet mode on in your head I finds if I do that then it means an end to the diet at some point and then Im back to square one and thats no good! I eat 6 times a day and I must have at least 1500 cals or I would be too hungry I religiously log all my food intake and a half hour to 40 minutes exercise with 2 days in the week off,if I go out for a meal I go and enjoy it and start again the next day,this works for me find what works for you in the long term,you can and you will do it!

Gosh you guys are just great! **gushes**
Gjulie - thank you!
You're right and I woke up this morning knowing yesterday is done PLUS it just wasnt as bad as I thought it was. 6 times a day is what I used to do when I lost my weight last year, I see that logging has been good for me, if you keep it real in your log, you can (like I did today) go back and review patterns. Yesterday in the midst of stuffing broccoli and apples in my mouth I kept feeling so TERRIBLE - yes I ate 2000 calories but the quality of the food wasn't THAT bad, heck I ate a LOT, I used to religiously eat at LEAST 800 - 1000 calories at breakfast alone. I guess thats a breakthru right there huh? :-)

See I'm turning it around :-)

I really really appreciate you replying.

bonitacubana

Honestly Im surprised that everyone has said such nice things and been so supportive. I posted thinking oh well, what do I have to do lose, I already feel like absolute crap anyway. I thought everybody would say "oh my gosh why is she so weak" and just let the thread go unanswered. I used to post a LOT on another fitness board and it was such a mean spirited place at times. I remember I had someone tell me "how dare I try to give advice when I had fast food for lunch" :-(
So thanks for being supportive :-)

bcattoes

You may need to seek some type of help. Maybe see a therapist or join a group for support. But I will offer what advice I can based on my experiences.

Stop looking outside yourself for the solution. A trainer is fine, but s/he will not solve the problem for you. Following a strict or specific diet plan is fine, but don't expect that to solve the problem for you. Ultimately you are the only one that can solve your problem. TOM is hard and most women overeat during that time occasionally. Once it's done, it's done. Let it go and try harder next time. Beating yourself up and wallowing in self pity is just an excuse to give and eat more. Stop doing that. Either you want to lose weight or you want to eat and feel bad. It all really comes down to a choice, and that choice is yours to make.