Divorce and emotional eating
Alexstrasza
Posts: 619 Member
I feel so devastated right now.
I'm going through a divorce (it was my choice) and it's causing my emotions and stress to go crazy. These mixed up emotions are causing me to eat emotionally.
I just can't seem to stop shoving things in my mouth. I don't know how to make it stop. *cries*
I'm going through a divorce (it was my choice) and it's causing my emotions and stress to go crazy. These mixed up emotions are causing me to eat emotionally.
I just can't seem to stop shoving things in my mouth. I don't know how to make it stop. *cries*
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Replies
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Not going through a divorce, but did lose someone I thought was someone else (that makes sense in my head) and I chose to use the emotion to get back in the gym.
I was already doing better with the eating and all that and was losing weight, but when this happened I let the emotion push me into the gym instead of the fridge.
I know it's rough and probably hurts, but use that pain, or hate, or whatever it is to your advantage.0 -
i agree, use this as a way to better yourself...if you have to be mad...to get you to get motivated then do so. think of your baby and that should motivated you...you need to be healthy for you both now.
((hugs))
you so can do this!0 -
I'm the same boat, I'm actually taking a break from packing since I'm the one moving out. In my head I know ending it is the right thing, but taking your life apart is miserable regardless. I seem to have come out of the mad as hell stage & now seem to be crying all the time which is not what I want to be doing.
I'm trying to stay away from having acess to food as much as I can. I know there are going to be days where I give in to try and deal with the pain, I just have to make sure they are not the norm.0 -
I know what that experience is like and I had to stop believing that somehow feeling better by eating senselessly was going to make me feel better. I ate because of the emotional trauma and for a few minutes or an hour I did feel better but then like a drug addict, I would get another fix (food). I had to decide that to love myself, and more importantly, the circumstance isn't who I am, it is just an experience that will pass. Focus elsewhere on good thoughts, virtuous subjects and things, on whatever is good. Secondly, go do something, don't be idle, maybe volunteer your time whenever you are feeling bad, go help someone that is needing support and care.0
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Sorry to hear that. When I went through my divorce several years ago I was quite the opposite. I didn't want to eat and only wanted to go run cause I needed to think and kill stress.0
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The only way to stop is to - wait for it - stop. There will never be an end of things to eat about.
For me, it was recently finding out that son was using meth in our home. We asked him to leave and now I'm worried sick. I could be stuffing my face, but I'm not. I deserve better than that. And so do you.
Hugs; I know how stressful divorce can be, having gone through it with parents.0 -
Hmmm. When I am impacted emotionally like that, I'm the opposite. I don't eat hardly at all. So, I don't relate to that aspect. Food does not appeal at all because it's so tasteless and I don't care if I eat or not. So, i choose not to. But, I can relate to the divorce part. I hope you are able to hold it together and stay the course. When I went through my divorce, the only thing that kept me sane was the gym. I went everyday, and just killed it. Got all my emotions out there. It worked well.
If something really bad happened, even though I have a gym in my house, I'd probably join again and do it all over again. There was something great about having a place to go and release all my pent up emotions.0 -
I went through a divorce (his doing) a few years ago, and the only thing to keep me from overeating was the thought that maybe he'd see what he was missing out on when I lost weight. Stupid idea, the divorce happened, but at least I didn't gain! Now I've made it to goal the healthy way-eating right and exercising. This time I did it for myself too.
Keep your head up.0 -
I was on the other side of the divorce. Didn't want it AT ALL. But he was "in love" with someone else, more wonderful, younger, more fun. . . .until she dumped him.
In any event, I couldn't eat any thing. I survived on under 1,000 calories daily, easily. Somedays were probably under 500. My hair fell out. I looked like a walking skeleton.
Neither way of handling the stress is good for our bodies. Older and wiser now, I strongly encourage you to take those emotions for a walk. . .a nice long walk.0 -
Emotional eating is something that many, many people struggle with. Try mind distraction techniques: calling someone, reading, cleaning...whatever you can find that will work for you. Taking walks in a pretty place often does wonders for me. The endorphins released during exercise will help tremendously.0
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1. Log everything you've eaten.
2. Own it.
3. Go work it off.0 -
Sorry to hear this - unfortunately, this is also how I am...my husband and I are going through some "things" and the "D" word has come up more then once. I immediately go to food as my comfort. As easy as it seems for some people to put your attention to better things (working out, walking, keeping busy), I know for "us" it's NOT easy. It's an ugly, emotional, binge-eating battle.
Good luck to you and if you need another friends support, please add me :flowerforyou:0 -
I divorced in 2008, like you, it was my choice, That didn't make it easier though. I gained about 25 poounds during that time, and am just now getting to where I am really committed to losing it. I regret letting him have that control over me. He did not force the food into my mouth, but he caused those emotions and the weight was a result. I will never, ever let a man have that type of control or effect on me again. I am my own woman. I am choosing to be beautiful, healthy and active. Not only for me, but for my daughter. I let him impact my life long enough, it's my life now.0
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Use it as motivation!
Youre newly single, you want to look hot!0 -
I just did the same thing, let the stress take over and I now have to go work off the pepsi and m&m's I consumed...this is a never ending battle...we just take it one step at a time....0
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My husband actually stopped eating during his divorce from his ex wife and lost weight.
BUT, I have know a LOT of people that have dealt with this...my mother being one of them. Long story short, my dad cheated on her and caused a LOT of emotional issues and such!! I was able to get her to stop her emotional eating by getting her out walking instead. She started slowly but surely feeling better with that and going to see a Therapist once a week.
You are going to have your down times and know that is normal for everyone. In my depression (right after my parents split) I turned to ice cream but, I also spent a good amount of time walking from class to class at University.
Dig down deep and know that YOU are better then this and that YOU can manage. It will be rough and it will take some time but, try to remember after you eat that food, do you REALLY feel better? Does that food REALLY comfort you into feeling better? My mom realized that food was a "right now" feeling of relief but as soon as it was gone, the feelngs came back. After a walk, she felt better for a longer period of time and the more she walked, the better overall she felt. Food cant have the kind of affect.
Again, good luck going through this rough situation and know that this is normal for everyone! The affects from even just a walk can last much longer after the walk is done (especially when youc an get a good cry in at the same time!!!!). Food is temporary...hence the reason you keep going back.0 -
My divorce is about to finalize in the upcoming months (been separated a year and 3 months now) and in that year, I put on 30lbs.
I had also started a full-time job (was a SAHM prior to) & began raising my children alone with VERY little help from him. It took me an entire year to figure out a routine, but i'm now set in my new ways, and i'm making it happen.
My divorce was also "my-doing" but obviously not because I "wanted to".....nobody goes into a marriage WANTING to divorce, but I had to save my children, and myself from it all. Anyways, do what works for you. Give yourself a SLIGHT break. If you need to take 2 weeks to not log, not think, not exercise and just let yourself feel the emotions and pull through to the other side...DO THAT.
Yeah, I took almost an entire year off, and I gained weight back, but it was the healing that I needed. Now, i'm in a much better place and I'm READY to pull myself together and i'm able to do it in a healthy way. I'm not over eating & i'm not under eating....i'm just...eating. I'm exercising and I'm losing again.
I had to take the time for me. I had to figure myself out. I had to figure out a new routine & how to do it ALL on my own now (with 2 kids) while working full time. It took me a long while to figure it out, but I don't regret it. Here I am now, better than ever.
Keep your head up. Keep moving forward.0 -
I too am going through a divorce...I find myself not eating enough...but I have issues even on the best of days! Feel free to add me all u people going through the same thing...support and motivation from friends is really important to kick our butts in gear
Take care though! I hear "things will get better/easier" Im waiting!0 -
Recognize that behavior for what it is: Pain control! Now choose a different method. Schedule your grieving and do it at that time whether you feel like it or not at that moment. If you want to cry or scream or *kitten*, make sure you're undisturbed and keep doing it for the allotted time until you feel some relief and want to stop. I would say it isn't necessary to keep up appearances, either. If you are distraught at work, express that. Sob at your desk if you need to. Call in sick if you need to and do the first suggestion listed here. Schedule an appointment with a crisis counselor ASAP if you haven't already done that. You are in crisis and you need help, so take care of yourself and get it. This discomfort WILL get better and you have the opportunity to learn from this, change your behavior, better yourself and be stronger. Take the opportunity. Eventually, if you do all that, you will be able to look at how far you've come, feel fantastic about it, take pride in yourself and your accomplishments and go forward with confidence. How do I know all this? I went through it, too (my husband left me for another woman,) did everything I've suggested and was lent a hand by a number of people who recognized the crisis I was in and helped me see that so I could take care of it. I won't say it's easy or comfortable, but it can be done, and it can be done without stuffing your face to assuage your pain.I feel so devastated right now.
I'm going through a divorce (it was my choice) and it's causing my emotions and stress to go crazy. These mixed up emotions are causing me to eat emotionally.
I just can't seem to stop shoving things in my mouth. I don't know how to make it stop. *cries*0 -
My divorce (my choice) has left me wanting to emotional eat... instead I choose to emotional run and emotional box.
The heavy bag and boxing gloves downstairs have helped me more than I can ever express.0 -
I know how you feel. When I was going through my divorce, I gained 40 lbs due to emotional eating (that 40 was only the beginning). It was like I went insane for two years of my life. I went from being obsessively fit and active to being a couch potato. My pretty muscles were gone, I had swelled out of my clothes and I ate some more. I finally got control of myself at 220 lbs. That was when I realized that my divorce didn't have to be an ending. It could be the beginning of the amazing, dramatic, adventurous life I've always wanted. I could still have the life I had been preparing for when I guarded my diet so fiercely, and went to my dojo the way other people go to church. When I awoke to that, I realized that I had to rebuild my body to enjoy the thrilling life that was still there waiting for me.
I managed to lose 30 lbs before coming here. I have 45 lbs to go. And I celebrate each mile stone with a new adventure. At 30 lbs, I began flying lessons. At 35 - 40 lbs, I'm going ice climbing. At 50 lbs, I'm going skydiving.
But before any of the magic could happen, I had to take control of my eating. You can do this. Let go of what used to be, and prepare yourself for the beauty of what still can be.0 -
When my wife and I split earlier this year, I went into a deep depression and did the opposite, I stopped eating.
But I took out my frustration by starting to run, and I was not a runner - hated it.
I couldn't run to the end of the 200 ft driveway without coughing up a lung. But I kept at it, not to kill myself, I just did what I could. And I kept doing it. Now I run for fun, I stop running because I am out of time, not out of breath. I eat much better now (not perfect by any means) and MFP has been a huge help.
Now I run every second day and work the weights on the opposite days.
I feel great - I haven't felt this good in decades - literally.
It's tough to get over the emotional hurt, but finding something to do that is good for you could really help.
Tim0 -
When my husband left me, I took to drinking a glass or two of wine every evening. My weight has yoyoed so much over the years I actually can't remember now if I lost or gained at that time. I know I emotionally ate several times last year when my then boyfriend, the first really since the break-up, started jerking me around. It took me a couple of years after my husband left to suddenly look at myself and think "when did my life stop being fun?". I took up aikido and belly-dancing the very next week. I lost three stone and gained about 10 good friends. I feel less hungry when I've exercised too. It doesn't have to be exercise though, I would recommend finding something that you enjoy, that's for you as an individual. Hugs though - sounds like a lot of us have been through it, we know how you feel.0
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1. Log everything you've eaten.
2. Own it.
3. Go work it off.
BEST.. ADVICE... EVAR!!
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My heart goes out to you.
I chose to divorce my husband at 27, due to some of the issues that you talked about in your original thread. It was devastating even to me - while I knew we weren't going to work out, I was still losing a support system (him, his family, our home, everything) that I had spent a decade building up. Just because you were the one who left does not mean that it won't hurt. It does. It hurts A LOT.
The next two years were so painful. I was thrown for a world of confusion and loss. And I had to worry, too, struggle with the constant, looming self-doubt that I had done something wrong. I hadn't, but I was scared I did.
It's been three years now. The pain has eased. The sorrow and loss and confusion has moved into it's proper place and I am no longer actively hurting about it. It takes time. But you will get through this. Time heals. I promise.
Stay the course. Keep in contact with your trusted ones. Don't be afraid of what you are feeling, even if it is crazy and hurtful and depressing. It will get better. It will.0 -
I`m not in favor of divorce, because it the end, it does not really change the fact that he is the father of your children, and you have to have a relationship with him forever because of that.
Divorce is promoted too frequently as a solution when it simply brings its own set of problems. It is the most easily broken contract there is, and that is what is the shame of it. No one tells you about the pain, and the fact that you are going to suffer.
Life is made up of duties and obligations to others. We are never free of them, as much as we want to be. And if we tilt too much in that direction, we create suffering all around us.
But you are young, and life is full of hard knocks. Live and learn. Grow in wisdom, not easily acquired. And do everything you can to re-establish a positive relationship with your hurting ex.0 -
I`m not in favor of divorce, because it the end, it does not really change the fact that he is the father of your children, and you have to have a relationship with him forever because of that.
Divorce is promoted too frequently as a solution when it simply brings its own set of problems. It is the most easily broken contract there is, and that is what is the shame of it. No one tells you about the pain, and the fact that you are going to suffer.
Life is made up of duties and obligations to others. We are never free of them, as much as we want to be. And if we tilt too much in that direction, we create suffering all around us.
But you are young, and life is full of hard knocks. Live and learn. Grow in wisdom, not easily acquired. And do everything you can to re-establish a positive relationship with your hurting ex.
Sometimes divorce is the best solution. I am a product of divorce. My parents divorced when I was at a very young age. I can't remember a happy moment of them together. They were always fighting, and as a kid I did not feel safe. Now that I'm older, I'm glad they had a divorce. They maintain a good relationship now, well, on and off. But ironically, sometimes they get along better than when they were married. I am not saying it's the best solution without any consequences. As a kid, I did feel a void from growing up with family problems and divorce; I still suffer from emotional eating. But I think it was for the best. Little or no hostility between my parents is better than the constant hostility they were in.0 -
You will get through this.... buts its a process. It will take time. Don't beat yourself up on top of the emotional pain you are going through with the divorce. I've been there and it does get better. I joined a single parent's group..... and made friendships that have lasted for 15 years now. Sitting home alone to dwell on things is the worst thing. Get out there and do something new. Join a group, take up a new activity and give yourself some time to heal. Slowly you will feel stronger and begin to get back on track eating right and exercising. Take care. 0
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Sorry to bp this old thread but it seems like the kind of support I was looking for. I have started the process of divorcing my serial cheating emotionally abusive ex (not sure what else grassette would suggest since he won't go to counseling). It was already getting hard to work out with my toddler around. Now all I want to do is lay around and eat carbs. It's terrible. I know I'll feel worse if I continue to gain weight but I feel out of control with no energy to exercise. I know it's from depression cause I wanted my family to stay intact so badly. Just hoping for more advice/support and maybe to meet others in the same position so we can help each other0
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1. Log everything you've eaten.
2. Own it.
3. Go work it off.
BEST.. ADVICE... EVER!!
.....
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