Mean and Spiteful People

gc_tweety

Make sure your kids are not being abused mentally or physically by that side of the family. They have had too much to deal with in life already that you haven't been able to control - you have control now. Take control. They are your kids and you are only responsible to them and their health and well-being.

kenazfehu

Lucky, grandparent rights vary from state to state. Here in Washington, grandparents have zero rights. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

secretlobster

Lucky, grandparent rights vary from state to state. Here in Washington, grandparents have zero rights. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

And it sounds feasible that even if there were "grandparents' rights" in your state, with any decent legal counsel, you could make the convincing argument that this woman is toxic to her grandkids. Because it's the truth.

tomomatic

The Holidays are meant to be a joyful time spent with the ones you love. There should be no baggage brought to the dinner table about fault and blame. These are things that should be set aside. blah blah blah...

That's a bunch of sugar coated utopian BS. I know how I am about drama: If you're the source of it, then you're not going to be in my life very long. Life has enough drama without people manufacturing more. Ask yourself this: who taught their son to be abusive in the first place? Limit your kids exposure to those toxic people.

And establish your dominance over their "authority." The fact that you let them anywhere near your kids is a courtesy allowed by your grace and kindness. You don't owe them anything. Until they learn to respect you, there's no need to allow them any courtesies.

AnneC77

I would cease contact until this woman and her family treat you with the respect you deserve!

m0ll3pprz

I'm sorry to hear of your distress. You have had to endure so much. I believe you did the best thing for you and your children. If I were you, I would put all of the guilt away for good. You are a good Mom and I'm sure you were a good wife too. Your husband's death is only attributable to him. My guess is that he was simply miserable in his own skin. I mean, maybe he didn't like what he had become and in his own way, he probably understood why you left him. I find that when ever I am upset to the extent that I'm crabby or unpleasant in any regard... I retreat, because I don't like the feeling and I don't wish to put that on the people that I love and care about. If that makes sense. Luckily, I am good about coming around quickly because I realize that I have the power to change how I feel! I make the conscious choice to get over "my mad" and be happy. I am an advocate of counting my blessings daily, often multiple times and everything falls back into place. Count your blessings and continue to make happy/ beneficial choices for you and your children. You are a people pleaser and that is fine and good but one day you may find that the ability to say "no" will be the most wonderful thing you can do for yourself and family. Just say no and free yourself of some guilt :flowerforyou:

Don't feel obligated to please people that are not content with their own lives. I am lucky in that my children love to be at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to wait for Santa then play with toys and enjoy a quiet time at home. We have our own family traditions now. We bake, read Christmas stories, make crafts, wrap and watch Christmas classics etc. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world :-) Our families live at a distance now but in the past, I simply told everyone about how my kids felt and we planned our holiday around the children. I also grew up this way so it made sense to me when my kids said they didn't want to leave our house on those days. They are only young once, enjoy them! If these people love your kids, they will consider the children's feelings first.

Lastly, I agree with the sentiment of most of the other folks on this thread. A.) Counseling can be a wonderful, powerful positive experience. If you have access, take full advantage of it. If not, just talk to someone you can trust that has your best interest at heart. B.) Don't put your kids in a position where they would have questionable logic and ethics to guide them. That family doesn't sound like there are any good influences or mentors. You are their Mom, I bet you know in your heart what needs to be done. Just go with you motherly instincts and I think you will be just fine. If you continue to have problems, maybe it would be a good idea to relocate for the good of your family and self.

Good luck, I wish you the best. You and your children deserve it :-)

DresdenMN

Wow. It seems like you have a lot to deal with.
My suggestion is to speak with a professional. There are some serious issues that you need to deal with. Even if you call Dr. Joy Browne and talk to her, it's better than nothing. I know advice of telling you to call in to a therapist call in show is a little strange, but she may be able to give you some very good advice on how to deal with these issues. I know it seems like I am promoting her, and I am, but she helps me just by listening to her. You can call from Noon-3pm EST (she is in NYC) 1-800-544-7070.
If you don't call her that is fine. But please speak to a professional, they can help you with your problem on how to deal with the grandparent issue along with the other issues of abuse and your emotional eating. Getting to the root of problems is better than putting a band-aid on something.

Foie_gras

Family law is different in most states, but most states also follow a "best interests of the child" so it's very, very difficult for non-parent (including other blood relatives) to take away parental rights. So don't worry about that. If she tries to bully you, remind her that you're the mom here and hang up if she starts in on it.

The best interests of your children are a happy, healthy mom. And if your ex's family don't contribute to a happy, healthy mindset for you (and your kids), then cut them out until they can. Remind yourself that you are acting in your kids' best interests. I don't know how old they are, but if they ask about seeing grandma on Christmas, give them an age-appropriate explanation like "There's been a change of plans".

Remember, the best way to take care of your kids is to take care of yourself. If you can't stick up for yourself because of the guilt, stick up for yourself for your kids. Their grandmother is clearly toxic.

zacksnana

You have no legal or moral obligation for your kids to be involved in your ex-MIL's life at all.

this is not factual.

Grandparents have rights. If she sues you for visitation, she will get more than just a single Christmas visit.

I wish you the best, OP. I hope things improve.

I must add that not EVERY state has grandparents rights by law. And if the grandparents sue for visitation they must show they have already established a relationship and it would damage the children to discontinue the relationship at this stage.

I would let them visit the children at YOUR home on YOUR schedule so the visits are supervised.

Good luck and please give us an update!

klacount77

look ... I may not come off as nice and helpful right now ... BUT

Knock it off! You didn't kill anyone. You cannot be blamed for someone taking thier own life.
Did you leaving send to suicide? Maybe ... but seriously not your f#cking problem.

Your kids, your family and your mental are more important. If the MIL is not making time for the children during the year ...
well, it's her loss. Move on, change your number. Stop talknig to her. IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

I know that sounds harsh and mean, but in my opinion suicide is for chicken sh!ts that dont have the balls to face thier own decisions or mistakes. I mourn losing them from my life ... but I never, ever try to blame someone else for their decision to check out.

Keep your kids close. This woman and her family sound toxic to me.

Simone_King

STOP! Take a step back from the situation.

1. You where emotional and mentally abused by your husband.

2. You did what you had to. You had to protect your kids.

3. He passed away by his own hand.

HOW is any of that your fault? It's not.

Girl it's time to move on. Stop letting your ex husband emotional and mentally abuse you. He has no power over you. He never did and never will.

His mother needs to back off. Either she thinks the world of him or she is the nut case. I don't care if it is a small tone. The family knew what happened. They did nothing to help you.

Shame. on. them.

How could she even LET him hurt you? I have no clue. Yet, it's time to heal yourself from the deep wounds he left you.

Personally, I wouldn't bother to talk to any of the family. They are still trying to hurt you


His mother needs to back off. Either she thinks the world of him or she is the nut case. I don't care if it is a small tone. The family knew what happened. They did nothing to help you.

Shame. on. them.

How could she even LET him hurt you? I have no clue. Yet, it's time to heal yourself from the deep wounds he left you.

Personally, I wouldn't bother to talk to any of the family. They are still trying to hurt you. So get away from them. They sound mental and not in the good way.

If they won't take the kids to spend time than its their loss. Don't worry about it.

You are more important. Work on you.